Partners

[Guest hallyscomet]

We realise we are both in Carer mode, my son with Asd and his daughter with a Terminal Brain Tumour, at times we think equally if we could had looked back at our lives 20 years ago, we would never have imagined that this would be how our lives would be turning out.

 

We try to remain hopeful always and look for the little blessings every day. We all have our bad days, but I say that these are part of accepting what is. It is really hard some days, and I truly believe we have to allow ourselves to feel our feelings when we are feeling sad and low, otherwise we become stuck in these emotions.

 

So we try to be comfortable with our grief.

 

Just the other day I felt frustrated that my partner just keeps expecting my son to behave like a NT child, so I gave him a copy of Tony Attwoods book to read about Autism and Aspergers. I said when you read this I will then discuss B. with you. Tried to explain one book I read said most people when they have children think they are going to the Country Paris, but end up in the Country Poland, I said it is a totally different way of life that we have to learn. He then said yes I understand now and I with my daughter am in the Country Warsaw. stats say she only will live 5 years and she is only 26.

 

So we are very spiritual and this helps us cope, also, having alone time with God, even if it is simply sitting alone in a room with a lit candle saying a prayer then physically letting go and letting God. I find he always answers my prayers in some shape or form, but the difference is, that I never ask for anything, in my prayers I simply thank him for all the people and blessings in my life, for the sunshine and the rain and the flowers. I fear asking for things only causes pain. I maybe wrong. But looking at the above you can understand why I think that.

 

Hope this helps. At the end of the day we are only human. We need to be understanding of each other when we are having a bad day. Then they will be less and less frequent, as love always heals ALL.

 

Regards

Hailey

(sorry about the essay)

Edited February 14, 2006 by hallyscomet

[UltraMum]

Hailey - that's lovely

 

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I a lot too - My grandma used to sing the old hymn "Count your blessings .."

[virtualvisual]

My first marriage ended because of his drinking and violence but it wasn't connected with the boys problems but more with his (he was schizophrenic and homosexual but his family would have killed him if they ever found out). I finally reached the end of my tether new years eve 2000 and announced in a chat room that I used regularly that I was leaving him and I would try to get in touch with my friends on there to let them know what had happened. One of my closest friends online then announced he was driving 350 miles to help me get away and to stick one more night. He arrived the next day and took me and the kids to Scotland for a new start (no lectures about meeting people off the net please I know I was very lucky )

Friendship grew into more and fast forward 6 years and we now are happily married (1st husband died 3 months after I left) DH is on the spectrum without a doubt but isn't going for a diagnosis even though GP thinks it's a certainty. We get through things without arguing because he drives lorries for a living so he goes away Monday to Friday every week and we both get space from each other. When he gets home on Fridays he takes over with the kids and gives me a break. We actually have never had a row, the most heated things get is over where we are going to have tea