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smurf

NEW - school thinks son ( nearly 5) might have AS

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Hi,

 

I have read some of the posts on the forum, and some of it seems familiar but lots of it doesn't. I was wondering if anyone has had similar experiences.

 

My son has just started reception and he struggles in school. Teachers say that if he had 1 on 1 adult attention he wouldn't have problems, but in the school setting he just switches off. He doesn't see himself as part of the class of a group ( his table), and doesn't follow instruction unless they call him by name. Academically his knowledge surpasses his peers, especially at maths. He is now becoming violent at school and hits children, usually ones he wants to play with and doesn't know how. His Mondays and Tuesdays at school are much worse than other days.

 

Now he doesn't want to go to school. I have read lots of posts describing how good their children are at school and they how they take it on the family when they get back. With us it seems quite opposite. Does anyone out there have a happy child at home and unhappy at school?

 

I must add that my son hasn't been diagnosed, but the EP is going to see him in early May ( he has been pushed to the top of the list in his school).

 

Thanks.

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Yup, I have a child who does all he can to get out of school -- at one point they deemed him 'unteachable' -- and is a joy to have around (well, usually) in the holidays. Before school started, we thought of him as a very bright, somewhat anxious, but lively and loving little boy. Then school started describing him as 'the worst problem we've ever had to face', which was a shock, to put it mildly. Sounds like your school is at least a bit more sensitive than that. School, to C, was complete sensory and social overload.

 

I won't ramble on, but your situation sounds just like ours five years back. Best of luck -- and don't let the ed psych tell you, as ours did, that bright children don't qualify for special help. They do!

 

L

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Yup, I have a child who does all he can to get out of school -- at one point they deemed him 'unteachable' -- and is a joy to have around (well, usually) in the holidays. Before school started, we thought of him as a very bright, somewhat anxious, but lively and loving little boy. Then school started describing him as 'the worst problem we've ever had to face', which was a shock, to put it mildly. Sounds like your school is at least a bit more sensitive than that. School, to C, was complete sensory and social overload.

 

I won't ramble on, but your situation sounds just like ours five years back. Best of luck -- and don't let the ed psych tell you, as ours did, that bright children don't qualify for special help. They do!

 

L

 

I'm really relieved that there's somebody out there who has similar experience. Our Head teacher is also SENCO, and we made appointment to see him as we were concerned about him getting violent. Teachers were using normal behaviour rewards/punishments which didn't work and were causing upset to my son, but they said he had to fit in with other kids and not everyone around him.

 

That made me decide to talk to HT and he said he suspects he has AS and will put him at the top of the list for assessment.

 

My worry at the moment ( I know he's still so little). is that he will not be able to learn in the school setting.

Did your son manage to get used to school??

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Hi Smurf, welcome to the forum, :)

 

Yes, the opposite can be true. There are some children who are easy to manage at home and disruptive at school. The following article explains both.

 

Nellie xx

 

 

 

Taken from: Meeting the Needs of Children with Autistic Spectrum Disorders

By Rita Jordan and Glenys Jones

 

When life at school and home is going well for the pupil, and parents and staff are receiving positive reports from each other, it is likely that parent-staff relationships will be easy to develop and maintain. However, both staff and parents need to prepare for times when the child's behaviour or performance might be viewed as a problem either at home or at school. Staff-parent relationships might then be more difficult. It is possible, for example, for each to blame the other for something they are doing or not doing with the pupil. It is important in these instances to gather information on the nature of the problem and on the factors which might be contributing to this at home and school. It can be easy to take the quick route and guess what the cause might be, without making adequate enquiries and getting clear, factual information from all involved. Engaging in speculation is not helpful and is likely to lead to the apportioning of blame and ineffective solutions. This is particularly true when the child's behaviour appears to be very different at home from his or her behaviour at school. Pupils may pose no major behaviour problems to staff and be very undemanding and well behaved in school. When they arrive home, however, they may engage in challenging behaviour towards their brothers, sisters or their parents. It seems as if the pupil manages to contain all the anxieties and difficulties experienced at school and releases these on returning home.

For some children, the reverse scenario is true, particularly when the child first starts attending school. The child may be relatively easy to manage at home, perhaps because the environment is faily constant and familiar and there are few demands to be sociable or to engage in tasks which are not interesting to them. In school, they find themselves in what is to them a noisy, confusing, social environment where people attempt to communicate with them in ways which they often do not understand. In additon, they are encouraged to engage in tasks which may hold little interest or meaning for them. Their reaction is to try to sabotage the activity or to escape or to do nothing, all of which challenge the teaching staff. When parents and staff hear very different accounts about the same child, they may find it hard to believe or they can be quick to blame the other. It is important to acknowledge that very diffferent behaviour at home and school is a phenomenon found in some children with ASD (as it can be in others).

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Hi again Smurf,

Nellie's reply was spot on especially the bit about trying not to blame each other (we certainly felt 'blamed' by the school at first).

I'm a bit dopey today (minor op yesterday) so don't expect too much coherence.

 

C is now 10 and has a lot of suport in place at school -- 20 hours of (more or less) one-to-one support from one of two familiar teaching assistants, specified in a Statement of SEN (don't know how much of the jargon you've had to learn yet?!).

 

Frankly, how well he does each year depends on the attitude of his teacher. Last year he had a male teacher who enjoyed his different learning style and described him as a witty boy and a pleasure to teach. He also voluntarily spent 10-15 minutes of every school day running through what miht happen the following day; and he effortlessly fended off the bullies. This year we have a very young, nervous female teacher who worries about controlling him in order to teach the rest of the class, and says she can't teach him science because he wil keep correcting her mistakes... sigh.

 

On balance, yes, he's learning, and does have some remarkably staunch friends (mostly girls), but we feel as if it's always under review.

Happy to answer any questions, but my typng is going all wobbly just now!

L

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Hi Smurf,

That was the same for us a year ago felt like i was reading my own story there. My son started school in reception a year ago and 2 weeks after starting the reception teacher who also was the SENCO took us to one side and said we think your son has aspergers, the reaction we intially had was to ignore what she said and think about pulling him out of this school but then we started thinking about what he was really like at home and watching what he was like at school for the next 3 months. At home he was obsessional over games and always had been but we didnt think anything of it we just thought it was him, then there were the temper tantrums we had always had we him and the screaming when we took him out, because we had our daughter 16 years early we didnt pick up on anything different till the school mentioned it. In November we got the diagnosis of ASD and now it is just so obvious, the only advice i could give you is to listen to what the school have to say, mine are brilliant and i couldnt have got through this without there support and advice :)

jayne xx

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Well it's not like we thought our son was the same as the others. We knew he was different. He learnt his letters at 2.5 and started doing sums at 3.5. We thought he was bright but immature behaviour wise. When he was 3 he moved to the older group in his private nursery and the teacher asked us within a week if his hearing was all right.

 

He would not respond if called while playing outside but was OK indoors during circle time. We took him to ENT consultants who kept saying it's "selective hearing". I insisted they tested him because I didn't know how to parent him, and they did ( his hearing was fine). I went on such a guilt trip at that time, because when I tried to call him and he wouldn't respond, I would call him louder, and louder .... In the end he would respond and ask me to give him a hug ... he was confused.

 

At that time I decided I think to be much easier on him. I think if I want the way I was I would have had a nervous breakdown, and he would have lots of tantrums. We found that counting to 3 works really well with him ( probably numbers). Now he's quite happy, and we have a peaceful household.

 

I think it's very hard when it's your first child because you can't compare it to anything. I don't know what is age appropriate behaviour. I only know that my 2.5 year old can do so many things that his older brother is not able to do.

 

I also found it helpful that school things he might be AS, because I was worried they would label him naughty. Now we need to move towards dx. GP is due to refer him this week to CAMH.

 

Does anyone know how good CAMH dx is, and how long you need to wait to see them?

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Hi camhs were excellent at dx my son , it took about 6mnths of assessments and appointments.The initial referral was very quick as my son was depressed and in a bad way,it depends on your local hosp waiting list.I think the usual wait is 4mnths for an initial consultation.You will find the camhs team good as they have physchs, play therapists, counsellors, ed physchs etc (well ours do I presume this to be the same for others).Good luck with everything Suzex.

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My son has just started reception and he struggles in school. Teachers say that if he had 1 on 1 adult attention he wouldn't have problems, but in the school setting he just switches off. He doesn't see himself as part of the class of a group ( his table), and doesn't follow instruction unless they call him by name. Academically his knowledge surpasses his peers, especially at maths. He is now becoming violent at school and hits children, usually ones he wants to play with and doesn't know how. His Mondays and Tuesdays at school are much worse than other days.

 

Now he doesn't want to go to school. I have read lots of posts describing how good their children are at school and they how they take it on the family when they get back. With us it seems quite opposite. Does anyone out there have a happy child at home and unhappy at school?

 

Hi Smurf

 

I agree with the article posted by Nellie. When my son was in reception and early years in primary school he didn't see himself as part of his group either and was frequently aggressive with other children. His teachers also used to say that his knowledge surpassed his peers. He was never happy at school, he always complained that it was boring. After his dx at the age of 10 and in secondary school he has become more aware that he is different from other kids. He needs to have friends but still doesn't know how to, so he spends an anormous amount of energy and effort trying to conform to the school and the social demands.

 

>:D<<'> Curra

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Thank you all for your kind replies. It's still all new to me and everything seems so confusing. My son still doesn't have dx, but at least we have got things moving. I find it reassuring to read there are other people out there who have similar issues.

 

Thank you once again.

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Hi smurf,

 

My son has ADHD and AS. When he started school he acted in a similar way to your son. He was hard work at home, but i had developed ways of managing him. He was in some kind of trouble every day at school. I'm sure your son is finding school life hard, that's why he is acting like he is. He feels safe at home, and knows what to expect.

 

My son was not diagnosed until he was 6, but we had an extremely unsupportive school. He got so distressed at school he ended up totally refusing. I think it's really in your son's favour that the school are acting now.

 

Now he's 7 and goes to a special school. He is an absolute angel most days in school, but has now started kicking off at home alot. I think it's swings and roundabouts!

 

All the best, and welcome to the forum.

 

Loulou x

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Smurf - your son sounds so much like mine. Mine has just turned 5 and is in Reception, he has high functioning autism but it may turn out to be Aspergers. He knew his alphabet at 18 months (backwards at 20 months), his numbers, consonants, vowels, every flag of the world and every country by 3 years of age. He had the same problems, appearing deaf and aloof etc, although he seems to be coming out of that now. Have you ever looked into Hyperlexia?? I have a great book called Babies that Read available on Amazon - it is fascinating and their are some fab exercises and strategies in the back.

 

Have you had a DX yet? Are the school looking into funding one on one help for your son? Mine gets 2 hours per day, through his SEN and it has really helped .. make sure you push for some though, you don't get anything without a fight unfortunately.

 

PM me if you want to know anymore.

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