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jontytheartist

Can anyone help me..im at the end of the road

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Please can people take the time to help me,as know one will believe in what im suffering,im 35 year old married man with little boy & dont know how to handle life anymore.I believe i have aspergers & have always fought it to be successful & to fit in with others-i count everthing,take ages over anything at work & cant move on-if distracted need to check 5 times to see if im right as i need to get it perfect-Cant let people make mistakes in their sentences & correct them whoever they are-It could be the queen i still couldnt keep my mouth shut-I must finish things or get so angry that I shout & bawl at my wife..I could go on for ever-My friends put up with my drinking & getting into fights & trying to put the slightest injustice in the world to rights-but most drift away as Im too deep for them & end up talking about me-People take the p!ss out of my now nervous twitch with my neck & at work how I talk & walk & generally say,Oh Dave your so funny-but why? they wont explain-If someone calls me a name like a queer or weirdoas a joke or something then ill take it literally & get embarrased & have panic attacks instead of sticking up for myself-Im just different.I love art & sports,but must take them all v.seriously & get 100% right otherwise cant accept anything less from me or others which they cant understand.I cant do small talk & feel left out of worklife-I try so hard to join in but its so tiring so when i get home the slightest thing sends me loopy & i want to run & hide.

 

Please help as my wife cant understand this-Is it too late to be diagnosed as I filled a questionnaire in but my doctor just says thats how it is & get on with it-hence ive been on anti depressants for 7 years-I dont know whats right or wrong anymore & I cant mix with her 'normal' friends.i find the most silly things hilariously funny but otherwise am just deadpan whatever people tell me,but ive learnt to pretend im intrerested & move my face to what i think is 'normal'.

 

Im boring u now i can tell-which is my catchphrase...

 

 

David

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Firstly youre not a failure.Youve got a wife,son and a job.More than most people ever have.

 

 

I realy dont know how you go about getting diagnosed when youre older.Im sure someone on here will know though.

 

Perhaps you could contact the National Autistic society and explaine things to them.They might be able to point you in the right direction and stuff.

 

Youre Gp probably hasnt a clue about diagnosisng Aspergers in someone older.Im assumeing theyd need to refere you to someone that can do this.You need to push and insist on this.

 

No wonder youre fed up stuck on anti depresents for 7 years.Ive been on anti depressants and they numb all emotions even the good ones.

 

Ill keep bumbping this topic up to the top so it doesnt get forgotten.Someone will be able to help im sure.

 

Ive spent most of my life fealing i dont fit in,haveing people say im odd and funny.I never know why.I was diagnosed with bi polar at 30 and it all fell into place for me then.It will for you.

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hi jonty,

 

I totally agree with paula, you're not a failure and you should feel so proud of all the achievements you've made, i'm nearly 24 and can't hold down a job as i get depressed when i can't interact with people well which makes me take a lot of time off and i end up losing my job! i'm trying to get a diagnosis for asd too.

 

there was a posting on here where someone said her uncle was in the process of getting diagnosed and i think she said he's 48 so it's never too late!!

 

i emailed the nas and they sent me details of a specialist who diagnoses adults with asd's in my area so i'm sure if you contact them they'll be able to help you.

 

sorry i can't be more helpful but sending you loadsa >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

kinky j

 

ps you don't bore me :D

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David,

 

It's not too late to get a diagnosis, so don't give up: there are many on this forum and elsewhere who have been diagnosed as adults - some even older than you. Your GP can refer you on to a centre specialising in adult diagnosis, it would be worth going back to him/her and asking for this. If your current GP isn't cooperative, can you see someone else in the practice maybe?

 

I've just posted this nas link for someone else - apologies if you've already come across it, but it gives some suggestions on how to approach your doctor for a referral.

 

In the meantime welcome to the forum, and you'll find lots of support on here, and people who will identify with much of what you say.

 

Kathryn.

Edited by Kathryn

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Firstly youre not a failure.Youve got a wife,son and a job.More than most people ever have.

I realy dont know how you go about getting diagnosed when youre older.Im sure someone on here will know though.

 

Perhaps you could contact the National Autistic society and explaine things to them.They might be able to point you in the right direction and stuff.

 

Youre Gp probably hasnt a clue about diagnosisng Aspergers in someone older.Im assumeing theyd need to refere you to someone that can do this.You need to push and insist on this.

 

No wonder youre fed up stuck on anti depresents for 7 years.Ive been on anti depressants and they numb all emotions even the good ones.

 

Ill keep bumbping this topic up to the top so it doesnt get forgotten.Someone will be able to help im sure.

 

Ive spent most of my life fealing i dont fit in,haveing people say im odd and funny.I never know why.I was diagnosed with bi polar at 30 and it all fell into place for me then.It will for you.

 

Hi there..im off work today so called sickness bug!..I ve always questioned everthing it drives my family mad,along with other habits!...How can i be happy again,i dont know whats real or not-life doesnt seem normal for me anymore & i cant sit in front of people & talk or small talk-i virtually ask a question then walk off-younger people in the office think im strange i know-do u find it easier to talk on here?..I thought life would get easier but its get harder at work & i get more bored & frustrated with people & want to shout at them-i want to help people not be a surveyor just earning money,but i have a family to think of & my family say i should just get on with it like my father did.

 

 

Thanks for your time-hope to keep in touch-keep the advice coming!!

 

David

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I drive my family mad also.I also have never held down a job ever.I just couldnt cope as it always made the bi polar worse.Luckily my husband took on the responsibility of being the wage earner and im the stay at home housewife it works for us.Doesnt for everybody.

 

If only chatting and talking wasnt a problem.I talk and chat too much anyone who has ever met someone who is in the full stages of mania will know how bloomeing nutty they can appear.People run for cover when they see me comeing im not ashamed to admit im the local loony.

 

What im trying to say is there are loads of mental illness out there that present themselves in very similar forms.Theres also allsorts of organisarions that can help,Mind,Sane,Manic Depression fellowship,all will be able to point you in the right direction.

 

But if you feel its AS the pursue that line of enquirey.

 

Good luck with it get things clear in youre mind by opening up on here but you realy realy need to be talking to youre wife gaining her support and then perhaps go together to the drs.

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Hi, you're certainly not a failure....Don't know what else I can add but I would definitely go see your gp and ask for a referal. You might have a fight on your hands but don't give up. I was referred to a psychiatrist but he refused to see me , it seems some don't believe in AS. But, like you, after all these years I feel I need to know (I'm 34). I have a daughter with ASD and I'm still fighting for her, I never had any help and I have been trying to get her some so she doesn't feel like me. I find friendship and socializing painfully difficult . I am socially isolated and taking anti d's but I am studying for my honours degree at home and I finish next year. However, without support I wonder if I'll ever be able to hold down a full time job. I think you are incredible for doing so. So you see, you are not a failure :D Hope you find some answers soon.

Jo

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Think you've done amazingly well to be holding down a job and have a wife and child. Doctors are called GPs for a reason ? they are GENERAL Practitioners. A lot of people, including myself in the past, put a lot of faith in them. However, they don't always get it right and they aren't experts. Your GP is totally unprofessional to be so dismissive. You've came to the right place to get answers! I'm no expert, but there are a couple of routes you could go down. Firstly, you could make contact with NAS (www.nas.org.uk) and/or secondly, you could seek help privately. Best of luck. Might feel like you're going one step forward and two back, but be strong and you'll get there.

 

Best wishes.

 

Caroline.

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david,i agree,you should make an appt to see your doctor to talk things through,you are not a failure and in no way did you bore me,im also on anti depressents,we just need a bit of extra help with things thats all,let us know how you get on,keep posting on here,i find it helps.

 

paula you say people run for cover when they see you,i wouldnt,we would go in a cafe and put the world to rights!!i wouldnt be able to eat much though as the things you say make me laugh :lol: i also talk too much so we would have plenty to talk about :D

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hi david,

im pretty new myself here but like the others say try not to be so hard on yourself hun, you have achieved a lot, just remember to breathe lol.....calm down a bit. you will get there , the ppl on here a bloomin marvelous.

if anyone can advise you they can,

wish you the best of luck,

big hugs,

paula x >:D<<'> :jester:>:D<<'>

0

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Think you've done amazingly well to be holding down a job and have a wife and child. Doctors are called GPs for a reason ? they are GENERAL Practitioners. A lot of people, including myself in the past, put a lot of faith in them. However, they don't always get it right and they aren't experts. Your GP is totally unprofessional to be so dismissive. You've came to the right place to get answers! I'm no expert, but there are a couple of routes you could go down. Firstly, you could make contact with NAS (www.nas.org.uk) and/or secondly, you could seek help privately. Best of luck. Might feel like you're going one step forward and two back, but be strong and you'll get there.

 

Best wishes.

 

Caroline.

 

Hi there..thanks for getting in touch...how are u now??..would like to keep in touch?-I need a lot of support right now & feel very very alone at the point of walking out on everything & everyone..u know??

Pls keep talking to me

 

Thanks

 

David

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David >:D<<'> >:D<<'> I'm sorry you feel so fed up. I think you should fight to get the answers you deserve, hang in there. Paula is right you should talk to your wife or show her what you've posted. If you are together in this quest then so much the better, you will need the support.....in the meantime we are all here for you too. You're doing great coping with work and family life but sometimes it's not enough to just cope and trundle along in life barely scraping by, if you feel the need for a referral go see your GP and shout about it and then shout some more (not literally of coarse!!) untill you are listened to and taken seriously. I wish you all the luck in the world >:D<<'>

And Paula >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> None of us here think you're a loony, you're fab!!

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Hi David. You're not mad, you're not stupid, you're not boring (I certainly wasn't bored reading your post).

 

It's never too late to get a diagnosis David. Especially as it sounds like you're getting tired struggling with coping.

 

Have you tried contanct the National Autistic Society (NAS)?

 

How long ago was it your GP told you that you couldn't be assessed? Could you try again with a different GP? Maybe after you've talked to the NAS, taking some information along?

 

Many people on this forum consider themselves to have undiagnosed ASD. The need to have this confirmed depends on how a person copes with their every day life. You shouldn't have to struggle on.

 

Lauren

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Hi David

 

You have all ready achieved so much in your life.You have a job a wife a son.Be very proud of yourself and who you are.

 

If you feel you are not coping then go back to your g.p and be firm and insist on being referred to someone who can help you get the answers you want/need whatever they may be.

 

Unfortunately many g.ps think because someone is married or in a relationship has kids and a job then all is well and they do not need a diagnosis.

 

In some cases this is simply not true.G.Ps are not always familiar with a.s. and the difficulties it can cause.

 

I myself have I suspect a.s. tendancies and if I felt I was not able to cope then I would keep pestering the g.p until I was refered.

 

Please dont give up.Feel free to p.m. me if you wish.If I could help you or lend a sympathetic ear then I will, no probs.

 

Best wishes.Keep us all informed.you will find loads of support on here with many parents of diagnosed children with a.s. suspecting they themselves have a.s. and in turn their parents.

 

Take care >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<You are definately not boring or mad or anything else!!!

Edited by ceecee

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Hi David,

 

Well what can I say? >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

First, well done for coming on to the forum and telling us how you feel. It's a big step to admit things about yourself like you've just done and you're obviously doing something right - married, working, child - your holding down some major life events and social activities there my friend :D

 

As everyone else has just said - find another GP and contact the NAS - they're well used to giving advice to adults heading down the dx route.

 

It may be a good idea to think back over your childhood years - even if they're painful - and pick out some factors that have been affected by your suspected AS. The way your schoolfriends acted around you, the way relations viewed you and now of course how your workmates and wife see you. When my son was dx'd with AS my husband started to look back over his years and realised he too has a lot of AS traits - he doesn't feel it warrants a diagnosis like my son has but there are many adults of the forum who do have a diagnosis (and they're all ages!)

 

You mention that your work colleagues say you're funny - I often find AS folk to have the most amazing sense of humour because they see life through different eyes to NT people - and of course they're honest to boot! :D

 

Have you spoken to your wife about your concerns and would you like people in the office to know you are going down the AS route. If so, why not confide in the office gossip that you are currently going through diagnosis for AS and explain what it is - the news will soon get round and perhaps people will understand you more.

 

One of our AS folk may wish to advise you further on this.

 

Have fun on the forum and any problems just post 'em :D

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Hi David and welcome >:D<<'>

 

I totally agree with what has been posted so far. If you are around people who dont understand you then i think what you are feeling is perfectly normal, Please go back to your G.P, If possible get some information about aspergers from the internet, and then take a list of things which you would class as "affecting you" I.e the social difficulties, whether you have any interests. I knoticed too you mention that everything has to be done right, and from what i understand this is common amongst those who have difficulty with therory of mind (mindblindness) You have been 'taught' the rules, so thats how you must live, i can see why you have difficulty in accepting these 'rules' when broken.

 

Can i ask what you were like as a child? do you remember always feeling this way? you mentioned your dad in a previous post, and am wondering if he had some of the difficulties you describe, Years ago no one diagnosed aspergers (readily anyway) so lots of people had to suffer the 'normal' life just to fit in, but nowadays there is help available and i really urge you to find a doctor who understands you and go from there. Please keep posting to let us know how you are getting on. Once you understand yourself, others in your life will understand you too, But here on this forum you are already understood, Never feel as though you dont belong, because you do. And well done for asking for help, its a giant leap into acceptance.

 

 

Take care

shaz

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Pingu

 

Great advice.Totally agree with what you have said.sadly many adults years ago spent their life trying to fit in and be normal because a.s was practically unknown.it is only now the pieces for many of them are beginning to fall into place.

 

Looking back at your parents etc is a good place to start as it appears a.s. is quite often very hereditary. :)

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Hallo!

 

To read your letter was, to a considerable extent, to read about oneself! I can easily recognize a lot as to my own appearance and behavoural traits.

 

I have always felt being different as I always have problems in fitting in socially, being more of an observer and not a participant regarding social interaction.

 

Many years ago I wanted treatment in order to change behaviour and be able to socialize. Though, my psychologist did not agree, asking me to be exactly as I am.

 

Years went, and the process of slowly accepting his words began to shape in my mind.

Today, after many years, his recommendation appears to me like a gift; he has let me be like I am, to be myself and has learnt me to accept myself.

I must admit that I needed a considerable time to change my attention from wanting to be as the "neurotypical ones" to accepting myself being a bit different. Here also comes a certain amount of criticism of society producing "normal" individuals. I am proud of being as I am.

 

For me, it is a gift to be accurate and correct in all one's matters. I am pedantic, meticolous, old-fashioned, talking like a professor, 43 years old, and in these days I am getting assessed for asperger syndrome.

 

In light of your words, we seem to be alike to a considerable extent.

 

Best wishes,

Andreas

Edited by axtl1010

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:) Hallo Kathryn!

 

 

Thanks a lot.

I am glad to participate on your forum.

In these days I am being assessed for asd-diagnosis, I look forward to the result.

I am happy, 43 years old and my interests are foreign languages and classical music.

 

Best wishes,

Andreas

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How are you doing?

 

Getting to know my son has meant getting to know myself better, and I know my dh feels the same way...even tho we are not "diagnosable" it does have a strong genetic element and our son has it all over his family tree.

 

I've always thought ds got more gifts than challenges from autism and so I have been grateful for it. I hope his early diagnosis will be the ticket to a happier life because we are embracing the quirks and channeling them instead of trying to stifle them. I can't imagine raising him without the added understanding and ammunition the diagnosis brought.

 

The increased knowledge and awareness for me has brought a lot of soul-searching, and I now give myself permission to stop trying to fit a mold. I am digging in to interests and a new career path that seem to be a better fit for who I am learning myself to be. And seeing more things in my dh means even greater acceptance for traits I used to wish would change.

 

I hope I'm making sense.

 

Push hard to learn as much as you can because it can only strengthen you and give you more clarity. I hope you have a very supportive family. I'm glad you found this board, I'm a bit of a lurker but find a lot of food for thought here that has made things so much easier.

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I think that to know who you are and why can lead to many answers and a complete acceptance of your own self and the good that entails. Axtl1010, I am glad that you are proud of yourself - we all should be. It is a great place to be.

 

When we accept ourselves it is easier to accept others.

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I've said it before, and will say it again, there's lots of people here and elsewhere who are borderline or mainstream ASD, but we've learned to get by - most of the time.

 

There are also a load of good people who understand if you go off on one.

 

I went for some routine bloodtests last week, glanced at the screen and the GP's comment lept out - "He think's he's Autistic"

 

Sure I'm investigating diagnosis, have been since September, but it's a low priority for the med bods. I'm pretty happy most of the time, so long as I'm engaged with a project, at which point I become obsessive. This can last years, but generally no more than 3 or 4, then it's time to re-invent, move on to a place where I haven't upset everyone, or told them too much, or got too close.

 

An aquaintance of mine was a Barrister, he once told me he was glad he wasn't representing me, because I was pathologically honest. I still don't know if it's a compliment!

 

I know lots of people through work, but if they disappeared tomorrow that would be sad, but not the end of the world. I'm not attached to them.

 

Beginning to ramble so I'll shut up

 

R

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Hi. I'm new to this site and have just seen your post. Please, please go and see your GP and INSIST on seeing a specialist. My hubby was diagnosed a couple of years ago at the age of 51. It was a battle with the doctor, but he can't refuse to refer you. It took 18 months to get the diagnosis, and it has probably helped me more than him! Good luck. Bye-the-way, we went to Sheffield for the diagnosis - not too far for you. Originally we were told we'd have to go to London!

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Guest hallyscomet

Hi David,

 

I am a bit late to this, I have my hands full at the moment and a back injury preventing me from overdoing it here ... :lol::lol: I say don't feel bad, I say enjoy the journey.....this is your life, and whatever comes from the diagnosis you are doing yourself a big favour in order to understand yourself, you have been working within your comfort zone, and it seems you are taking a huge step in understanding yourself. At the end of the day "Your happiness" is all that matters and for what its worth if you have ASD embrace it, there are a lot of people on here that have been diagnosed and love their ASD it makes them very happy, as they like who they are.

 

We are here for you thats all you need to know, give yourself a big hug and I am sending some too >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

Good luck, no matter what this is your life, be happy no matter what :) you sound like a lovely person.

 

Hailey

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Barefoot Wend,

 

After some 40 years of wondering what is is with me (I also recall in childhood I was different)

to know it is Asperger's is a tremendous relief.

Thus I now understand myself much more profoundly and, best of all, I am more glad!

 

:notworthy:

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