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Been summoned to the school

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Just had a call from the school secretary asking if I can come in 10 minutes earlier this afternoon because the HT wants a chat with me :unsure:

 

I have no idea what it's about and now my mind is working overtime. Why couldn't she tell me what it was about? Oh well, suppose I'll find out soon enough.

 

Lauren

 

SEE UPDATE BELOW :angry:

Edited by Lauren

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Thanks annie and Tez. I will let you know. Don't have to go in until 10 mins before I pick William up (3.20)... bit nervous. The boys have been off a lot with various colds and viruses just hope it's not about that.

 

Lauren

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The story is, William was sent out of the class for being uncooperative. They were thinking of things to say in the church service for Easter and when it was William's turn he hadn't thought of anything to say so his teacher told him off and sent him to the HT who is also the SENCO. They said, 'he's got to learn, and things will be a lot tougher when he goes to secondary school in September so the sooner he learns the better'. He'd tuned out, as he so often does so it wasn't his fault and I fail to see how he can learn not to do this.

 

I think the HT handled him really well afterwards; she praised him for coming straight to her and didn't tell him off any more than he already had been by the teacher. He's a bit fed up and quiet now. He knows he's got to try hard to listen but really can't help it when he doesn't.

 

I think the main reason for calling me in was to cover themselves. The HT had just received the OT's report on his CBT and I think maybe after reading that she was a bit ashamed at his teacher being so harsh on him. The OT report mentions his difficulties in staying focussed, listening, and concentrating.

 

I'm seriously considering taking him out of school until September.

 

Lauren

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I can't believe that they sent him out the class for not answering!!! Yes send him out if he answered BACK in a rude manner not for staying quiet....

 

It's frightening having 30odd faces staring at you waiting for an answer no wonder he was silent.... I cant talk in public - did a talk the other day and had to take a few calms... How is this helping him its just emphasing his difficulties and did they give him enough time to respond??? Thats the big question!!

 

I think its very unfair treatment!!! Poor kid...

 

Yes i think that they might be covering themselves because of the report...

 

Let us know how things are.

 

justamom

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Don't blame you hun, don't you love the way these people seem to think our kids can magically bcome "better" just because they are going to be starting secondary school soon ? (or not as in my sons case as he does not have a place still for September)

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:( ..........Lauren the school sound cr*p, sorry but whats the big deal here..........my son rarely offers anything in class........other than too shout out inappropriately :rolleyes: ...........certainly would,nt have sent him out or made a deal of it............give the boy a break school :angry: .........he,s doing his best......... :wallbash:

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Thanks for the replies.

 

Yep, the more I think about it the more I think they were wrong and that they called me in to tell me because they KNOW they are wrong. It's like many things, we don't feel the sting until later, not least because they are so nice about things, like giving you bad news with a smile.

 

Thanks for all the support

 

Lauren xx

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I too feel they were wrong for sending him out of the clasroom. T has a lot of 'thinking' problems and he doesn't 'think' like other (NT) kids can. Ask him what he wants for Christmas, what is his favourite colour etc etc and he cannot answer you, his usual reply is 'I don't know'.

 

Can't blame the child for being ASD! The school should've known better, especially having taught him for most of his life! :wallbash:

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I would ask for a meeting with the headteacher (senco) and class teacher to discuss the issue. Take parent parnership with you. I would say you are not happy with the way the situation was handled because part of his disability is he is not able to concentrate.

 

I would ask how they are going to deal with this situation when it arises again (because it will).

Depending on how they answer I would say they are discriminating against your sons special needs and if this happens again you will be making a claim.

 

Ask the teacher he she has the knowledge and experience to teach your child if she does not then she should get some training.

 

 

Jen

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I am so mad I can hardly type.

 

After the incident the other day which was bad enough this is the follow on. Went to the church for the Easter service prior to breaking up and I couldn't believe what they made him do.

 

His class had to stand on the chairs and say the thing they had been rehearsing the other day, then they had to go to the front and sing a song then come back to stand on the chairs to say a combined prayer.

 

William had to do all of this even though he had NOTHING to say and didn't know the song. He was clearly distressed throughout the whole thing. His eyes were rolling back in to his head and he was chewing his clothes and swaying from side to side, he'd literally just blanked out. Call me weak I didn't get up and rescue him but it was in church and I didn't want to make a public fuss, but oh how I hate myself for not just getting up and taking him out.

 

He was stimming all the way through the service in publice view of everyone and I felt so ###### helpless and sorry for him.

 

At the end I just got him and Luke and left as quick as possible, I really didn't trust myself to speak to anyone.

 

The school receptionist video'd the whole thing so guess who will be first in line for a copy of that? :devil:

 

I am just so livid. Why why why did they have to humiliate him like that? Just what the hell are they trying to prove??

 

I will be writing to EVERYONE about this.

 

Sorry for this rant, I'm just so so so very very angry.

 

Lauren

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Get the video and then do the complaint as you say to everyone. Bunch of incompetents by the sound of it. havent they realised that the disability discrimination act applies? Good luck

Edited by madme

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I've had it with schools this week, i am glad that we are on holiday because i think i could go off one on with the teacher.

 

I cant believe that they put him thru all that - are they a heartless bunch of so and so's..... Lauren, if it makes you feel any better i probably would not have interrupted the play to rescue him either in fear of causing a scene so i dont think you are weak. Good job you walked away from it because like me me when angry i let lose but it takes alot for me to get to that stage..

 

I would also order the video for evidence ###### joke!!!

 

 

Hope he is ok

Justamom

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:( Oh Lauren poor William ........and >:D<<'> you.We had the same scenario at the nativity.............rehearsals went o.k., no inkling of the disaster to come..........on the day the church is crammed full, my son has on a Kings outfit...............not happy.......scowls all the way through.........you know that look :crying: ..........staring off into the distance.........then he said his lines...........well whispered .............. :( ..........all the school are stood up singing hymns and songs with actions and my ds is stood standing out like a sore thumb , scowling, not moving , looking like he,d frozen.I know just how you feel >:D<<'> cos I will know next time to make sure he does,nt have to do anything like this again.

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It actually shows how plain stupid the school are because they have filmed it giving you proof of your sons difficulties in such situations.

 

I can understand you feeling bad for not pulling him out of there but I can also understand why you didn't do it,

I was the same when my eldest was young but I think after all the years of cr?$ I have had with the school I would be different now.

 

You go get them with this new evidence hun

 

take care xx

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Oh Lauren >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

Surely this is discrimination? They can't treat him like this, that poor bairn. Hope you take that video evidence to the highest levels.

 

Take care

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>:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

Have you signed that they can video him? I thought parents have a right to ask that their children not be. If I hadn't I would be insisting on viewing the video, and if I wasn't happy they would have to hold the service again after Easter without him and video it again or do without it. :devil: Even if you have signed that its OK for him to be video'd then it would still be inappropriate to video a child in obvious distress, so you could try insisting they edit it to your satisfaction before anyone else gets a copy. Just be awkward as hell - maybe they'll think twice next time.

 

Not that it would help now, but could you try exercising your right to opt out of religious events? If you are opted out, you could say to them that you will be happy to consider certain events/classes on an individual basis. Not sure if that could work, :huh: but Phasmid will know the rules better than me :notworthy:

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Sue, regarding the video that's a good point. They never asked permission for it to be taped.

 

Thanks to everyone for your replies and support. I just tried ringing the school to ask if I could come in to see them, spoke to William's teacher who answered the phone and apparently they are all leaving at 2pm so couldn't see me.

 

I'm so mad, I could just weep. Now we have to go through the whole holidays and I'm somehow going to have to put this out of my mind. I'm going to ring IPSEA, and anyone else I can think of. I think this may be the straw that broke the camels back.

 

Lauren

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Lauren

 

Can't add anything to what's already been said, except to send some of these to help you through the hols >:D<<'> . Why do these awful things happen just when you cannot do anything about it? Take care mate. Hope William is ok soon

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They never asked permission for it to be taped.

 

I'm so mad, I could just weep. Now we have to go through the whole holidays and I'm somehow going to have to put this out of my mind. I'm going to ring IPSEA, and anyone else I can think of. I think this may be the straw that broke the camels back.

 

Lauren

 

My advice is hold on for the weekend, let the shock go down a bit. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Then when you are ready you could write or email them with a request for information (which is covered under the Freedom of Information Act) as to the basis on which it was decided that parental agreement had been given for it to be videod, as you haven't given permission what are your rights under law to insist that the video be destroyed/edited, who made the decision for your son to take part knowing his previous difficulties ....... etc

 

The 20 working days the school have to answer won't start til they go back, so probably no need to rush it. But the FOI Act could well be worth getting to know. ;)

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I just rang PP and the lady there was absolutely appalled. My usual PP person wasn't in but she will be on Monday so she's going to ring me then. The lady from PP said 'they should know better than that'... :) Tell me something new

 

Lauren

 

Thanks Sue, that's very useful information.

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I've also rang the DRC and LEA :( I need to go out and think of something else or this is going to ruin the start to our holiday. I've got our LEA officer and PP ringing me on Monday; a template letter from DRC to send; that should be enough to be going on with. Wish I could just switch off my emotions now.

 

Lauren

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Lauren,

 

>:D<<'>

 

What a horrible experience for you and William. :(

 

You've done all you can for now - I hope you make some progress next week.

 

K x

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Oh for ch***ts sake Lauren. I am absolutely apalled. But nothing surprises us about schools does it :( You have made all the right moves now to get this sorted. Hope you and William have a good weekend and you get some answers on Monday

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Lauren I am too angry for words the poor child.When will these people learn.

 

Easier said than done but you need to relax and forget or at least push it to the back of your mind for the weekend. Just look after him and yourself for now.. >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> take these for william.

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Oh Lauren I am so sorry what is it with so many schools that they have a problem understanding the needs of our children :wallbash:

Its so frustrating that you have to spend this holiday waiting to sort it out with them but at least you have the time before him going back to seek outside help.

Good luck and i am so sorry your son had to go through all this and like you I wouldn't have pulled him out of the service.

Hope you get it all sorted and it all gets much better for him .

Kathy

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Thank you for all your words of support.

 

Things are becoming clearer. I've talked to William about it and he said that when he couldn't think of anything to say on Tuesday it was because he was already upset. Usually on Tuesday afternoons he helps out in the Reception class because his class do cross country which he doesn't have to do. So on Tuesday afternoon he went in to help the 'tiddlers', as he calls them, but his teacher sent someone to bring him out because they were rehearsing for the church service instead of cross country. This was an unexpected change which he had no warning about and was really upset. So they've served him a double wammy here, and heads are going to roll.

 

Lauren

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Lauren

 

I would recommend a letter to the chair of governors too and put a complaint in as well as part 4 or the Discrimination act and go all the way with this,

 

I have had similair problems with my son and his abilities and needs, and they went too far so I took him out home educated him and looked for a new school because the Educational Psychologist recommended a school because i am a single mum with my own difficulties looking after a child with special needs and she said he is going to need specialsit support and said to look for a small school where they wouldnt do this, she had wrote a report on an observation and so I have the evidence that the school did not meet my sons needs, its in black and white, I have written a letter of complaints to the school and they referred it to the chair of govenors.

 

This is just some of the things the previous school did to my son who has special needs.

 

 

Punished him for getting his spellings wrong, (these spellings where key stage 2 and he hasnt learnt key stage 1 yet and 3 years behind in spellings reading and writing, and has severe learning difficulties)

 

The punishment was excluded from brakes where J has social difficulties so this had made his social skills worse.

 

Told by his teacher that his work is worse than a three year olds, this was on his birthday too and in front of his friends, and bullies that already call him thicko!

 

 

Constantly scolded for his ability in reading, saying he must learn to read, must learn to read over and over in lessons by his teacher.

 

Left alone at a table, at the back of the classroom, with no support from teacher or children, and doing a worksheet far ahead of his ability so he couldnt read it, understand it and complete it.

 

 

The schools excuse was it was a supply teacher who didnt know what Js problems where?

 

 

J was constantly inside all day, not allowed to get fresh air, not allowed to run around and not allowed to ingage with other children, and his behaviour at home was very violent, abusive and challenging and the teacher had the cheek to say to that he was fine in school, to maybe face the issues at home like it was my parenting, but infact it was the teachers style and approach that was placing J in a impossible situation in the classroom.

 

 

J was terrified of this teacher and he constantly shouted at the children, all the children where afraid and all the children where only confroming to the threats that this teacher gave.

 

J constantly battled with me with not wanting to go to school and that he would kick, and scream with my attempts and when back at home his behaviour was a fight until bedtime where he became severly anxious about attending school the next day where to the point J had severe panic attacks and some mornings I didnt even get him to school because his stress was so bad, and had to have the day off and see the GP he was a state at times and the school just said I over reacted and took it all out of proportion which if any thing I belittled the situation for far too long, because if I had of acted sooner J wouldnt of been effected soo much,

 

J is in a new school now and things are settling down, this new school are been very approachable and they are monitoring his medication, they have put him in the special needs groups already and they adopt a teaching plan for children with ADHD and ADD already because they already do this with children that have this condition so there is no telling them as they are already doing it.

 

The headteacher in his new school is a Dr in philosaphy and psychology and he really takes into account the childrens emotional and social aspects of their development and promotes this more than the educational stuff, J has made a few friends, but only engages fully with one, some of the boys are teasing him and J is ablinvous to this but for now he has friends and is allowed to participate in breaks.

 

J is no longer screaming in the night, and he isnt kicking me on the way to school but skipping and running to the bus stop, so things are better for both of us,

 

Write your complaints and get him out of that school,

 

that is my honest opinion and when you look for a new school tell them about the problems you have had,

 

The treatment that they have been doing is pure DIscrimination,

 

JsMum

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Hi Lauren,

 

Late again to respond - this is becoming a habit. I lost yesterday altogether and have just about lost today to - blooming schools and LEA's!

 

However in my opinion this is not just discrimination but I would call it abuse. To do this to a child who has a disability is abuse plain and simple. I would not let this rest. I would not only write to the COG I would copy every VIP in your Authority into this with a little bit of background and for good measure I would send it to your MP and if you want to be ###### minded the paper. I am sure that they would be keen to see the video - so maybe you need to keep the lid of this one until you have the visual evidence.

 

I really hope that William has recovered - how are our children meant to respect people who treat them with so little respect. Word fail me.

 

Carole

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Guest hallyscomet

Sorry Lauren, >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> you are not alone.

 

This takes me back, it is very hurtful.

 

Love

H. >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

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I've just put together my letter and an account of the incidents.

 

It's hard writing these letters because the HT tries to get up close and personal and it feels weird to then write a formal letter to someone who waves to you in the street!!!

 

I'm feeling really out of my depth. William is just not getting anything out of school and I'm really worried that if I take him out I will not be able to teach him anything and then we'll be in even deeper doo doo. Anyone else feel like this??

 

Lauren

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Lauren would requesting a meeting with his teacher, senco and head help.You could air your grievances, could you request some autism support advisor go into school for the meeting also.Think you need someone who understands ASD and who the school will sit up and take notice of.Have you tried pm,ing phas to see if he can advise a good route to go down. >:D<<'> take care Suzex

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suze, I've written the letter and I'm going to copy it to his autism outreach teacher who is a really nice man and is involved with the secondary transition. The HT in our school is also the SENCO !! I've also copied it to our LEA officer who I will when she receives the letter to ask her to organise a meeting with all involved. I think I'm just suffering from the usual paranoia that I'm over reacting and everyone will think I'm just a lunatic, I know that's not the case it's just how I feel at the moment.

 

Lauren

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If it's any consolation, I don't think you are overreacting, I think you are handling this really well and professionally. Shame the school couldn't do the same. Poor William, sounds a really awful experience. Don't these people have the smallest clue of what they are doing to him? :(

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Hi Lauren. What William has gone through is awful. Are you considering HE? If you are and are worried that he wont do anything at home then let me reassure you a bit. I HE Ben who is 5 1/2 and to start with I felt the same as you. I have been surprised though. Ben loves being HE'ed and I think he learns more from me than he ever would have at school. Today for example he was really keen to work and did 14 pages of a maths book. He gets 1 2 1 attention when he wants to work so on the odd day that he just wants to play I don't feel too bad. I think he gets more done in one day than he would in a whole week at school.

 

I have found so many excellent web sites for HE with free work sheets in any subject. The only downside I have found is it costs a lot, i.e. paper, printing ink, work books etc. I did think it would be awful never having any time to myself but it's not as bad as I thought. The time I get to spend with Ben is really lovely and the rewards are fantastic. We have a really close relationship now. I have even tried to persuade my youngest DD to quit school but she wants to stay.

 

I hope I have reassured you a bit. But if you decide it is not for you after you have de registered him then you can send him back, you just re register him.

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Thanks everyone for the replies. I think sometimes we just need a bit of reasurance that we're not over reacting. I am so much on the defensive these days that I'm aware that I'm a wee bit over sensitive :D

 

I don't know what I'd do without you lot; there are so many things I didn't know about, and so many things that I would have been talked into or out of, but with the help here I'm learning to dig my heels in.

 

Lauren

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