Attachment Issues

[Lynden]

Hiya All

 

Logan has attachment issues. Its very frustrating because when I talk to it to friends they go on about how their child is clingy but its not the same

 

He doesn't like if I leave him anywhere but my parents and even then it depends on his mood. If we are in the same room he has to be physically touching me in some way at all times. If someone new is in the room its like he's trying to get inside me he has to be that close. I dont mind to a certain extent but it is physically tiring. Especially because I am carrying him most of the time when we are out anyways because he's not walking yet. He's a skinny 2.5 year old so not essentially heavy but he's tall and being hypotonic means he can be awkward.

 

This has been going on since he was around a year old, but getting worse instead of better.

 

Any tips on how to peel him off me a bit?

 

Lynne

[Flora]

Hi Llaverty,

 

I really don't know what to do about this. Luke who's 9 now is still clingy, but when he was younger I was literally lopsided because he was constantly joined to my hip. I'm sure there are ways of handling this sort of thing but I didn't do anything. Part of the problem was that he had temporary severe deafness and was none verbal. Even now he will not go to the toilet by himself and follows me round the house with his darliks!

 

I'm sure there are many behavioural strategies for dealing with clinginess, and if you are in need of some time out I can understand why it is a problem. But they do grow out of it, and even before that the clinginess lessens gradually.

 

As far as how to deal with it I can't give you any advice, but I'm sure someone will have some ideas. I just went with it and I'm glad I did because he is so much better now without any of the trauma we might have had if I'd tried to change him.

 

Sorry this is a bit of a woolly reply.

 

Lauren

[Paula]

Youre his rock though arent you his security no wonder he doesnt want to let you go.

 

My son now 12 was just the same not much comfort but i was carrying him around at 6 years old he weighed a ton.Now he doesnt want much to do with me im a paine in his ar*e apparently like all mums to pre teens are regardless of being AS.

 

I wouldnt try to prise him of you beleive you me it comes soon enough the "get lost we dont wanna be with you" stage.And beleive me when i say you yearn back to the clingly days.

 

Hell be ok and detach himself from you, as my son did when his speech improved,his understanding of the world and his confidence grew.

Edited April 3, 2006 by Paula

[stressedmumto2]

It really depends on if you want to have to deal with the crying.

 

My son was very clingy to the stage that he wouldn't even be left with his dad sometimes. Eventually I started to leave him with close people for maybe 5 minutes and use a timer (sand) then increased it using a cooker timer then as he got older we used a clock to point out when I would be back.

 

At 2 and half it's hard as they really don't have any concept of time but most of it will be a trust thing, will mummy come back so by saying u will be back at a time and then coming back then it will enforce it to him that you are still going to come back. Once you gradually get it done maybe 5 mins in a different room then up it he will become more secure, even try talking to him when you are out of the room so he still hears your voice, although you've probably already done this also leave him with some activities to do. It is really tough what you are going through but with time he will gradually go off to do his own stuff. My son is 7 now he still wants to be carried and climbs all over me but he will do his own stuff now and I can leave him to occupy himself, so long as I still do the talking and he know's i'm nearby.

[Klou]

I can sympathise with you Llaverty.

 

Often the arguing/answering back I was moaning about on the Gen Discussion forum starts because I get fed up of DS following me around the house, doing things to attract my attention and constantly asking questions/talking about hings that have no replies or conversation opportunities. Eventually, especially if I've spent a significant amount of time playing with him and I need to get something done he is very resistent to me having any space to do it.

 

At one point at the weekend he was following me and asking me where I was going everytime I left the room to tidy something away. This occured a lot as with the rennovation work lots of things were not where they ought to be.

 

So I know the choice - child clinging to you or wailing and nashing of teeth. I'm am getting the idea that once they are older and more verbal they do this my arguing rather than having a tantrum. Both are equally tiring going on all the time.

 

Sorry I've no suggestions either. We have tried rewards for playing on his own for an amount of time but to be honest it had little effect long term.

[lyns]

Hi

 

Just wanted to tell you I know how you feel. My son will be 6 at the end of April and he is clingy to the extreme like you say its not the same clingy that other children go through its definatly more intense. My son will not leave my side for a second if I sit down he sits down too but not any distance apart he either has to be touching me or literally right on top of me. When I go to the loo he comes too and if I shut the door he sits outside waiting for me.

I've kinda got used to it now, and when hes at school and I'm on my own at home it feels kinda strange to not have him shadowing me.

I love him to absolute bits but it is physically wearing to have him with me every second of the day!!!

The only time I have time to myself is when he goes to bed or when hes at school.

Sorry that I dont have any useful advice but I just wanted to let you know that your not alone <'>

 

Take care

 

Lyns

xxxx

[Bullet]

Ds1 is very tactile as well, loves clambering up and touching faces, hugging, kissing with forehead, playing with hands. But he's happy to go to any adult so it's not always me he's clinging to.