MIL has done it again

[PinkSapphireAngel]

We are meant to be meeting up with all dhs family for a meal on Saturday which itself is stressful enough for Luke (and me lol) as there will be 6 kids there and he never knows what to do so ends up sitting with us looking bored and lost or having the odd moment where he plays too loudly and agressively with the others before returning to us again.

 

We NEVER tell him about these events untill the day before at the earliest as he frets and goes on and on and on about it and wants to know exact times etc, but yet again my MIL has told him on the phone about it yesterday (so now I have days of this ahead)

we tell her every single time not to tell him and she and FIL always joke about knowing why we do not tell him too in advance but still do it every time.

It does my head in as its not them who have to deal with it.

[Paula]

<'>

 

I bet if theyd to live with the constant questions about times and this and that theyd soon remeber not to tell him until the day before.

 

My son is the same questions questions all the time sounds trivial but it drives you mad especialy when they demand answers and if hes anything like my son hell know the answer he wants before youve answered so god help yer if yer get it wrong !!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Youll have to grit youre teeth wont yer and scream silently inside.Maybe just maybe next time theyll remember.

 

Hope the meal goes well though.We dont do big family get togethers coz the sh*t always hits the fan either whilst were there or when we get home.

 

If only the sh*t would hit the toilet pan !!!!!!!!!!!!! But thats a whole different saga.

[madmooch]

In-laws dont ya just love em (Not)

[stressedmumto2]

Argh, poor you.

 

My son is like this hates social family get togethers and has refused many of his dad's familys events including wedding and christening. Worse thing is they just don't get it all of the otehr children in the family love it and they expect him to.

 

I think that part of his hating them has actually made him reluctant to spend time with his dad through fear of having to spend time with so many others.

 

You could try asking her to send him a card telling him what is going to be happening, maybe as an invitation. That way they are still telling him but you are in more control of when he know's about it. It's written down so he will read it and understand it more and maybe you could try doing him a social story about what happens at these events and why he needs to go.

 

I would also be having a right go at them in a nice way and tell them how this upsets him and that if they are going to do this you wont allow them to speak to him over the phone.

 

Hope it all goes well for you <'>

[elaine1]

Oh why do ppl think they know better than us, they just disregard our feelings entirely as if werr pandering to our kids needs like a spoilt child.

 

grrrrrrrrr

hope it all goes well and if it dosent tell her this is what happens when you disregard our feelings. serve her right.

[lancelot]

Bit off the topic here, but my own mother said on the phone yesterday, 'Listen love, you can't spend your whole life accommodating what C wants, you tell him he'll just have to put up with things he doesn't like.'

 

Meant ever so kindly, I'm sure, but they JUST DON'T GET IT, do they? As Elaine just said, everyone seems to think autistics' needs are just spoilt-child pickiness.

 

Sigh.

L xx

[Paula]

lancelot

 

My mother once said to me

 

Are you going to waste all youre life trying to please someone who doesnt even know youre there.Wrecking everbody in the families life.Why not put him in a home and enjoy yourself !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

My reply was silence.I was just so so shocked and hurt.I went home and cried.My life isnt wasted our family isnt ruined.Yes its harder than it was its changed and ive taken a new path but one still worth travelling.

[stressedmumto2]

Paula, my family are the opposite.

 

When I have mentioned perhaps putting my son into boarding to give him, yes HIM a better quality of life my family has been outraged and said how could I.

 

The thing is not one of them are willing to give me a break even for a few hours without being paid, lol (that's another story). And the fact he is not getting an education at the moment and that I can't give him all of what he wants and needs.

 

It annoys me that they don't care about the impact he has on our whoile family and yet can say that I shouldn't do something which I think will be the best for him and enrich his life.

 

###### family. The last time they seen us was over a week ago,mum moaned cos I asked for a bag of crisps, lol. So we left. If I take into consideration the last time my mum come to my house that would be about a year ago and we only live 3 miles away, what her excuse WORK.

 

My rant over now, hehe

 

And to add to that s/s think that if they tell family how serious things are and ask them they will offer help, I don't think so

Edited April 13, 2006 by stressedmumto2

[Paula]

My mum and dad live less than 3 miles away also.My dad has a very high paide job,theyve a massive house 2 cars and my mother has never needed to work and hasnt done.

 

And yet like youres they wont give me a break by taking our As son there grandson for a day or two.

 

Theyll look after my sisters two kids and my Nt daughter but not our son.Hes awkward you see,needs help,when there out with him its and embarressment type of thing.So so bloomeing annoying.

 

 

I remember years ago our son was 4 at the time and the Autistic tantrums and behaviours were at ther most horrendous mainly due to the fact i hadnt a clue what was happening or how to deal or not deal with it.

 

In between this id been diagnosed with cervical cancer and was back and forth haveing tests treatements ect........ In tears i phoned my mum and begged her to take him just for the afternoon just so i could have a break.Her answer was an abrupt hes youre son get on with it.Shortley afterwards i had the first of two breakdowns.Still i got no support.I was branded as a drama queen.

 

Thankgod for my husband who although he works long houres he has to to keep us fed and watered is always there for emotional support and takes all the moaning ranting and upset i chuck at him at times.

 

How the hell people go on with no family support and no partner i dont know.Least ive got someone.

Edited April 13, 2006 by Paula