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Suze

He,s changing

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My sons coming up to his 11 birthday in the summer and high school transfer.Since his dx 3 yrs ago we,ve had quite an easy time. Various problems at school and at home , nothing really really major.He seems to have coasted along a bit.But since christmas he has begun to change quite alot.His ASD behaviours are different and he,s displaying different traits.He curls up on the settee and could stay there all day :( He worries and worries about murderers , global warming etc.He spaces out and goes into a trance like state,he seems to be full of anxiety and frustration ..........he never did before :( .His ASD would burst out of him before with no warning , now it seems to be there all the time lingering .I had a really sad moment tonight.I took the kids up stairs , they were all filthy from being outside.Told the eldest ASD to get washed, he immeadiately tensed up and began to get upset , then angry, fretting, he eventually went for a shower.My other two came in the shower with me they started singing songs and laughing ,playing together they looked really cute obviously enjoying each others company.I sat on the edge of the bath watching them and felt so sad thinking of my ASD son in the other shower on his own.He,s never really enjoyed his siblings like the other 2 were enjoying each other.He,s now curled up in a ball again on the settee.He seems to be moving along the spectrum again.When he was 7 we had a realy bad year when the ASD really took , it seems to be happening again but affecting him differently.Sorry I ,ve not made much sense, needed to off load :(

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Suze,

 

It won't be any consolation to you, but William did exactly the same. He's 12 (13 in Nov, repeating year 6 which is why he is older). At about age 11 things started to really bother him more. When he was younger although he still had problems he was much easier to distract and reasure. Since he got older, and especially over the past year and a half he's found things so much more difficult. He worries about things alot, and many of his obsessions now are things he's worrying about. He worries about becoming ill, world war, bombs, global warming, me becoming ill. I was just saying to someone the other day that over the past year he seems to have become much more 'autistic'. This is to do with adolescence. Apparently during adolescence there is an exacerbation of autism, which then settles down sometime during the 20's.

 

Lauren XX

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Hi Suze,

 

I wonder if the change of scools is what is at the source of this? It is a major change of his routine. New people,building,faces etc. An awful lot to take in for anybody, an awful lot more the case when your life thrives on routine. Have any visits to the new school been sorted out yet? The earlier the better and the more of them the better is my best advice there. He can take some time to get know things that way. I hope that helps a little.

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Hi Suze,

 

Same here - I know it doesn't help at all for you - but my daughter went through exactly the same - when she started nursery/reception 3/4yrs then again at 7/8yrs when she went into upper primary and since she hit 10/11 until now - exactly the same - she's in 2nd year now in comp. and it's still ongoing.

 

I was told by the CPN these are the periods in their lives when they do go through it - age 3/4yrs - 7/8yrs and the 11-16. I was told pretty much the same as Lauren says that once they get out from school things start to slowly calm down again - but during these periods there are big upheavals and changings in both their school and their awareness.

 

Sorry can't be of any more help.

 

Take care,

Jb

Edited by jb1964

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Hi Suze,

 

Same again here where David was concerned. David would lie on his bed for hours and just stare at the wall. That really got to me the most. No lights no TV just staring at the blank wall. This started with David at about 11 and a half. It appears that this is quite common at this age - which is wonderful and means I have it all coming round again with Matthew :(

 

One thing I will say is that David never wanted the sibling companionship on the level that other kids do. He would never enjoy things like sharing a shower or a bath. Although that upset me it was years later before it was pointed out to me that it was 'me' that it was upsetting and not David. David never did like the things that other kids his age liked and even now he is very selective in what he does and with who - but that said he now tells me that he does the things that 'he' like and not the things that he is expected to like. Does that make sense.

 

We had some really dark days,weeks,months and years with David but looking at him now I sometimes feel that he has actually undergone some kind of metamorphosis in some way - which is why the prospect of him now probably needing a double cornea transplant is upsetting me so much.

 

Oracle

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Hi Suze, >:D<<'>

 

Sorry got no advice, but I was interested that you said your son had a change around age 7,

my son seemed to change when he hit his seventh birthday, he was very sensitive and quiet

before this age, then all of a sudden he seemed to be very verbally abusive and always hyped up,

he has been this way since, he's only seven and a half now, so I cant give any advice from

experience.

 

Brook >:D<<'>

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This is an interesting thread. I've wondered many times too if my son's getting more autistic as he grows older. He first changed when he was 6/7, he became withdrawn, oppositional and showed little or no interest in other children. Then he had another big change when he was 11 and started year 7. He became afraid of school and bullies and developed a depression. He's going to be 13 soon. He also sits in silence for hours, is terrified of global warming ( he shakes with fear and can't fall asleep), fears his own skin, Iran's nuclear power, becoming ill etc (I decided not to let him watch the news for a while as he gets too affected), he doesn't enjoy a bath or shower either. Your post makes a lot of sense. These changes have to do with adolescence which usually begins at the age of 11 and not 13. Visiting the school before year 7 and helping him talk about what worries him has helped a bit.

Take care

 

>:D<<'>

Curra

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Guest hallyscomet

Hi Suze, and all the above, agree with you all, but just keep saying to yourself "You'll Handle It" it does tug at the emotions a lot when you notice this. So no advice to add but to say you are all wonderful parents.

 

 

Sending you lots of these >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

Hailey

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>:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

Suze

 

When i feel sad at what i preceive my As son is missing out on i tyry to think its me thats fealing sad not him.

 

Im seeing it from my Nt view point.

 

Id not be happy sitting staring into space with no contact or company but my son is perfectly happy and content.

 

My idea of heaven is his idea of hell.

 

Its hard to remeber that at times to get our heads round it but once you do.

 

My son is also going through a paine in the ar*e phase far far more agressive than normal.I put it down to him being 12 and the onset of hormones.

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Thanks for your replies guys.Things seem to be changing on a daily basis at the moment.He,s not been sleeping well.........last night was really bad, really anxious, crying, then came running in our bedroom screaming saying there were scratching noises outside his window :( .Today we went out for the day ....which he was,nt appy about....he would,nt eat any of the picnic.......grimaced the whole time and walked around with his fingers in his ears humming :( ..........did,nt like the sound of running water at the park.Were back home now....he spent an hour curled up staring at the telly(not really watching it in a trance)now he,s bouncing around everywhere hyped up :huh: .............and he,s obsessing about everything over and over and over.He was ASD before but now he,s all singing all dancing it,s like I,ve got a different child.You mention something to him....like getting his shoes on, then he,s banging all the doors shouting,"there not there....there not there"........normally he would try to look in a couple of different spots,like by the back door or in the kitchen.Today he looked in one spot then collapsed in a heap on the settee ranting and angry,saying I can,t find them, I can,t find them.His tolerance levels have all come down.Thats the best way to describe it :huh: .He just does,nt seem able to cope with as much as he could before.

Edited by Suze

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I went through the same when I was about 11 after being expelled for the 2nd time. Due to various factors I preferred to keep myself in a dark room and retreat within myself.. I still do the same now (approaching 19), sometimes it's the only way I can make sense of things.

 

For me it's the easiest way to get issues out of my system, I'd wager it's the same for your son too.

Edited by Sojourned

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Suze,

 

This maybe totally irrelevant, but some days my son really doesn't want to go out and others he

is okay. If you say 'get your shoes' he starts crying and saying I cant find them even though he hasn't

looked, and then everything associated with preparing to go out sends him into a panic and he ends

up sitting on the settee in tears.

I think that some days he really cant handle the pressures of being out and about, and it really

notices on those days when we take him out, he ends up really stressed and he takes ages to

calm down. I think that some days his coping levels are much lower than others. :unsure:

My son also seems to change from day to day, ie.. one day he will be quite calm and the next day

he is constantly loud and shouting and screaming at EVERYTHING, I think his coping level fluctuates

an awful lot, but I must say there seems to be more loud days than calm lately, and alot more things

are triggering him. Also after getting really stressed he becomes very tired and is totally drained,

at these times he doesn't want anyone to talk to him otherwise it triggers him bigtime! I guess he

is sooo drained he needs chill out time. :unsure:

 

Sorry if this sounds a load of nonsense, but it's just our experience.

 

Brook >:D<<'>

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>:D<<'> it does,nt sound nonsense at all, I can really relate to it.Today seems a shouting frustrated with everything day..........a very short fuse today.He,s shouting at the x-box...... :(

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>:D<<'> it does,nt sound nonsense at all, I can really relate to it.Today seems a shouting frustrated with everything day..........a very short fuse today.He,s shouting at the x-box...... :(

My son is screaming at the gamecube! :rolleyes: he says it's going in the bin! as I'm typing this a

car just went past the window, my son has jumped up SHOUTING out 'come back' because he wasn't

sitting in his seat when it went past. :blink::unsure:

 

Brook

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Sorry did ,nt mean to drag this old thread up again, but you know when change comes about, sometimes it seems so subtle.......today was a big wake-up call.My boy had been having an easy time of it these past two years I think.But things have really changed, we,ve had 2 weeks of easter holidays that have really been so different and markedley changed from those before.He,s refused to go out, thrown big strops and sulked if we did.Not been sleeping well at all :crying: , today was really bad.Luckily I could pin point exactly what worried him but it took coaxing and talking..........him curled up tight in a ball twitching and doing his blank stare,he,s also started sort of grunting /sobbing but not crying.When we had his dx 3 yrs ago I read lots of books and thought I knew what to expect and how to help him.I thought we,d been there and got the t-shirt :( I was wrong.I,m worried about his downs / depressions .........they,re more frequent and dis-abling.......does anyone have any ideas how to ease these anxieties???.............do your children get like this??

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Suze, I tried to answer this last night, but I fell asleep putting son to bed, and left the computer on all evening so sorry for taking so long!

My son is finding things a lot harder than he did a year ago - when things get too much for him - he curls up into a ball and pulls something over his head - and he just likes to have some time until he can come out and carry on. Every now and then, I look at him and think 'hey mate, you're not too happy about something' and I give him something I've always called a 'pyjama day'- or a day off of all the pressure. I try and make it on a rainy day on a weekend. He chooses a video, we make popcorn and he can do anything he feels he needs to, he gets to choose his favourite dinner and play rough 'n' tumble and cuddle up on the settee together, have cushion fights and when he's had enough we get dressed and go splashing in the puddles.He seems to feel a lot better the next day, and all the pressure has been taken off of him for a while.

s

xxx

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Suze >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

This is so like William. Everything you said I can relate to. I sat on it for about 18 months and it wasn't until last year that I sought help for him. Since then we've tried anti-depressants for his anxiety and depression (no affect at all), respiridone for his sleep problems (again no affect). OT (cognitive therapy which helped a tiny bit) and he's now on melatonin.

 

All I can say to you is don't let it drag on. Take him to the GP and ask for a referal to CAHMS. That way you can get ahead and do something about it before it becomes a habit. Because I left it so long all my kids have been affected by William's moods and changes (my daughter went through a period of cutting her arms last year because she became depressed because of it all). William has gone from being a lively, bouncy skinny little boy to a depressed, inactive adolescent and has gained alot of weight because he refuses to do any activities.

 

Suze, I really do think your son is experiencing the changes that happen approaching adolescence. Before it becomes a serious problem for him and your whole family seek some help straight away. William had a course of cognitive therapy with the OT earlier this year which did some good. He's also now on melatonin which has gone a long way to sorting out his sleep problems.

 

I really do feel for you. It is a very difficult time for all families but with AS it really is a double wammy. I sustain myself with the knowledge that once they've gone through puberty it all settles down again. :pray:

 

Lauren XXX

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Thanks Sally and Lauren, I,m gonna see my gp next week(earliest appt with our own gp who knows my son very well).It never ceases to surprise me how in some respects our kids are so similar.Knowing that there are other mums and dads worrying and coping with the same things has helped a huge amount thankyou >:D<<'>

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I am very late to this - still time sharing a lap top :( But I can identify with everything posted. Matthew is also not wanting to leave the house unless it's something that he really wants to do. Not only that but when we are out he needs a minute by minute account of what we will be doing and where we will be going :( I know that this is quite common BUT not for Matthew. He has always been very flexible about where we go and what we do but not any more :( Matthew is only 9 so can it be the run up to puberty with him? He often lies on the sofa staring at the TV but you know that he is not really watching it. It's more like he is spaced out.

 

The one thing that I have learned is that David now knows when he is having 'stay at home' days. He can have three, four or five of these on the trot - which is fine when you don't have to go to school. Which I know Matthew does not but you guys have that to contend with to :(

 

No advice to give just wanted to say that I to understand - and I am now off to start a new thread for advice for a friend on a very similar issue but her son is only four years old :crying:

 

Oracle

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Guest hallyscomet
Sorry did ,nt mean to drag this old thread up again, but you know when change comes about, sometimes it seems so subtle.......today was a big wake-up call.My boy had been having an easy time of it these past two years I think.But things have really changed, we,ve had 2 weeks of easter holidays that have really been so different and markedley changed from those before.He,s refused to go out, thrown big strops and sulked if we did.Not been sleeping well at all :crying: , today was really bad.Luckily I could pin point exactly what worried him but it took coaxing and talking..........him curled up tight in a ball twitching and doing his blank stare,he,s also started sort of grunting /sobbing but not crying.When we had his dx 3 yrs ago I read lots of books and thought I knew what to expect and how to help him.I thought we,d been there and got the t-shirt :( I was wrong.I,m worried about his downs / depressions .........they,re more frequent and dis-abling.......does anyone have any ideas how to ease these anxieties???.............do your children get like this??

 

 

Suze,

 

Its time to write all this down and go back to the Paediatrician......... most parents will tell you around 11/12 years and around 16-18 our ASD children go through huge changes at this time, its as if everything they used to be able to do just stops working.

 

B. went through this change BIG TIME AND MY FEAR WAS MY GOSH is this keeps up he will have to go to Residential care. I telephoned my sons Paediatrician and explained to his secretary what was happening and asked her if I could speak to the Paediatrician, he agreed to talk to me and asked me to bring B down straight away. It turned out this is very common at age 11/12, he neededto be changed onto another medication my son was almost non verbal reverting backwards and just coming up to me and babbling stuff that just didnt make sense and huge meltdowns because he could make me understand.

 

The doctor had him on Ritalin & Catapres, this no longer worked, he replaced the doses of Catapres (Clonodine with Risperdal) it fixed him almost overnight, within two weeks B thanked me for taking him back to the doctor, he said it was like a wire had come loose in his brain, and he couldnt interact with anybody, had not mental energy to make conversation. Risperdal changed all of that, and we started having conversations we were unable to have for a while. :wub:

 

This sounds like the typical thing that happens at this age. Ring your Paediatrician Suze. :thumbs: I guarantee this is what is happening, poor guy. >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

Hailey

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There does seem to be some changes in our children when they reach 11 or so (Connected to puberty ?), and different obsessions and behaviour do occur, (And re-emergence of old ones too, with a slant !). My son is 11 and we've noticed changes too, we must accept that at these ages near ALL children show some changes, especially going to new schools and such, which we are expecting will result in .... who knows what reaction ? We can only prepare ourselves as best we can to cope with whatever emerges. God knows we can expect no help from anywhere if it goes belly up....

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yep we had that too, i think its secondary school and hormones all at once. we have it at the moment with my non as daughter, so its just kids i think in general!

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