Stephanie Report post Posted April 21, 2006 My son is 5 but is about the size of a 7 or 8 year old, when I took him to the loo in town the other day, some woman tutted at me and grumbled about boys in the ladies loo. Normally I would have given her serious S and told her what to do with her thoughts, but I was so desperate to use the loo, I didn't. Nosey interfering old cow! We always use disabled when possible (sorry!) because I have him and a toddler in a pushchair .. but when I have to use the ladies loo, I always take him in with me. To be honest, I can't see me allowing him to use a public loo on his own for many years .. when does it become inappropriate I wonder??? I feel guilty for using the disabled one because he is so normal looking and not really disabled as such. Also, can anyone advise me on how to get a boy to wee standing up?? Did the ping pong ball thing and he has watched his Dad etc .. but has no interest. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mummy21 Report post Posted April 21, 2006 (edited) My advice to you regarding weeing standing up is, don't let him LOL.......... since my son learnt all I seem to do is wipe up wee from the floor, wall and seat......... sitting is soooo much cleaner. As for the public toilet issue my son is 8 almost 9 and there is no way he would be going into a public loo alone let alone a mens room......... 1. You can't go in to check who is in there 2. Unlike the ladies there are rarely more than 1 cubical (my OH told me) so if its engaged would you want your son's willy out for strange men to see? 3. Strange men will have their willies out for your son to see......... 4. Just because your child is 'big' doesn't mean he is mature enough to cope in a loo alone........(my son certainly isn't) As for the women tutting, ignore them........ I have read threads like this on other forums and it infuriates me........... your child needs the loo, he goes into a cubical wee's comes out washes his hands whats the problem........ everyone on view to him is either washing hands or looking in mirror, he isn't watching these women weeing, or being rude to them......... even if he is noisy, running round, doing whatever girls do that too so the fact he is a boy should make no difference....... You are his mum and only you should decide when its appropriate for him to go into a mens toilet alone...... Sorry for the rant, not having a go at you, I just feel strongly about this............ Joanne xxx P.S. I wouldn't worry about using the disabled toilets, I would consider having 2 children to take to the loo a disability anyway.......... I think if more places had disabled toilet sized 'parent loo's' life would be lots easier Edited April 21, 2006 by Mummy21 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rainbow queen Report post Posted April 21, 2006 hi i would not let it bother you what other folk think-personally i use the disabled loos most of time even when i just got my 3 year old with me cause they are bigger and you can get pushchair in them. its your choice about your son regarding feeling that hes ready to use loo on his own my son is nearly 5 and he wants to use the mens-but he always goes and wets himself if im not in loo with him.[we have a few melt downs outside loos as he argues he wants to use mens ect....but wants me in the mens with him ect......which ive now done about 4 times to the horror of a bloke standing at the urinal ] ive got past stage of caring what folk think -you do whats best for yourself honey . i also had same prob getting him to wee standing up [i thought cause i was single mum that he hadnt had chance to see much men doing it ] i had to help him get used to it first by just trying help him do it . i recall a time when we was in a park that had the most horrid loos and there was no way he would use them -as he hates public ones at best of times. i made him wee behind a bush to his horror as he started complaining its not right -but i mean what do ya do he wouldnt go in loo -u just have to do whats best in these situations Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PinkSapphireAngel Report post Posted April 21, 2006 I have 3 boys, my eldest is 11 and asd/aspergers/dyspraxia, I cannot and would not let him go into a public loo on his own ao always have to take him into the ladies with me if his dad etc is not with us. Have not had any comments yet but am more than capable of putting anyone straight if they did. You never know who is in a public loo and the case of that poor 11 year old girl in Sainsburys/Tescos goes to show that. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisann Report post Posted April 21, 2006 Stephanie have you got a radar key if so I'd use the disabled toilet it's the safest way to take our kids to the loo. To be honist if you need the loo and have your son with you I'd use the disabled loo too just so you don't have to leave him outside the toilet.As for the woman some people have to interfer I probably would have made a comment to her.( It makes my blood boil when people don't stop and think if you could leave the child outside you would. Lisa x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarerQuie Report post Posted April 21, 2006 You can get a radar key,as I have and then you can use the Disabled toilets.It doesn't matter that our children don't 'look' disabled;they are.xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted April 21, 2006 I feel strongly about this too: I think there are more important things to get outraged about (like war and starvation) than coming across the "wrong" gender of child in a public loo. Men also have this problem when out alone with their daughters - in fact it must be even worse for them as taking a girl into a men's toilet is even more taboo, I think. L's dad used to plead with staff in shops to let her use their private loo when necessary. I still take my 8 year old son into the ladies - he hates it. Occasionally I let him go to the men's if I stand outside, but I do worry. Regarding boys standing up, don't worry Stephanie, my NT son has only just started to do it and he's nearly 9. I don't know what made him finally decide it was a good idea, his dad says he didn't teach him and I certainly didn't! K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nellie Report post Posted April 21, 2006 Stephanie, Some details on the National Key Scheme mentioned by lisann & CarerQuie. The National Key Scheme- unisex toilets: initiated by RADAR ( Royal Association for Disability and Rehabilitation) offers independent access to over 6000 locked public toilets in the UK. The keys are available from RADAR at a cost of ?4.11 inc. vat or ?3.50 with a declaration of disability. They are also available from your local District Council. http://www.radar.org.uk/radarwebsite/tabid/41/default.aspx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BusyLizzie100 Report post Posted April 21, 2006 I agree with all of the above, and would add that my 61/2-year-old with ASD wees sitting down and probably always will - he refuses to touch his own willy. Once he accidentally got a sticker on it (stickering in the nude?) and he asked me to take it off for him - what a palaver that was. Also, my 8-year-old with AS was determined to use the men's loos, locked the cubicle and couldn't get out. Much screaming and hysteria, fortunately I heard him and dashed in and released him, but of course he won't go into the men's alone now. I always look for a disabled cubicle - that way I can fit all three of them in and have a wee myself without anyone panicking. Although it's usually me panicking, crying out 'don't open the door yet!' Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rainbow queen Report post Posted April 21, 2006 hey busylizzie i had to laugh i get that too with the door they think when they r done thats it ......ive been on loo with pants down and my son unlocks the door and opens it and even though iv told him a million times he still runs to undo the lock ,i must be the fastest loo goer in the west i sometimes just manage to pull my zip up before it swings open ...... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darky Report post Posted April 21, 2006 yes DO let him continue to pee sitting down. i have 2 boys one aspergers and one nt. they pee all over the place. have you ever been to a boys loo in school? peeeeeeeeeeeeewwww. as for using a female toilet, i think you should. 5 is far too young to be sent into a mens public loo, who knows whos watching him yuk. on the lighter side, the only downside i have found is when i take my PDD daughter into the loo with me, everyone else gets a running commentry of what i am doing at the time,, ahem! also she has been know to describe my knickers at the top of her voice. this was really bad one day. i had lacy ones on and she asked me in her loud voice "mummy why have your knickers got holes in?" yes i was embarrassed and was tempted to sit in the cubicle until i was certain everyone had left. however, like others have described its not that easy, i have to sit, pee and gt myself up quick b4 shes figured the lock too. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mummy21 Report post Posted April 21, 2006 Yes I too have had the pleasure of the pants down, door being unlocked senario (sp?) Joanne xxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Stephanie Report post Posted April 22, 2006 And me! Lol. Nightmare! Added to that, my toddler wandered out of the loo whilst the door was open. Thanks for the radar key advice, my son is not registered disabled nor do we have any benefits as he was declined but I will look into it. Many thanks! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
virtualvisual Report post Posted April 22, 2006 Alex is now 13 and still sits down to go if he gets the option. DH takes the boys into the mens when he is with us but if he isn't the boys use the disabled toilets as they both have obsessions with hand dryers and I would be waiting at the door til closing time. As a general rule there is only one cubicle in mens toilets so if someone is in there Alex has to stand up at the urinal but he has problems watching what he is doing and usually ends up soaking wet! James (12) is slightly better unless someone speaks to him in which case he turns to face them and turns his whole body and soaks them instead As the boys are older (and taller than me) I now gets more funny looks if I have to take them into the ladies, but if anyone makes a comment my reaction tends to be that it's not as if women are running around with their knickers down and unless they want to take the boys into the mens for me where things ARE on view then accept the situation. So far I've only had one woman who complained to the manager of a supermarket but he soon backed down when I pointed out that we would have used the disabled toilet if it hadn't been full of cleaning materials and bottles of bleach We did try putting a ping pong ball in the toilet to practise aiming at but that didn't work, the other version that worked with James was to lay one piece of toilet paper in the bowl before they start and tell them to try and make the paper sink. HTH Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jools Report post Posted April 22, 2006 if there dad isn't with us then i take both boys into the girls with me. the youngest isn't bothered but G hates this. i too have had cringe worthy moments too when G has described my knickers to the world. he once asked why my knickers had no bum in them . i was mortified and just wanted to stay in the cubicle forever. when my daughter was younger and i was heavily pregnant with my youngest she wanted to know where the baby came out and i used to tell her the nurse would take it out of my belly. she was more than happy with this explaination. but in the toilet cubicle when she announced she could see where the baby would come out of me (meaning my tummy) i just knew that everyone in the very long queue would think she meant somewhere else....lol Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darky Report post Posted April 22, 2006 omg im ROTFLMAO!! you got to love them though eh!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mummy21 Report post Posted April 23, 2006 when my daughter was younger and i was heavily pregnant with my youngest she wanted to know where the baby came out and i used to tell her the nurse would take it out of my belly. she was more than happy with this explaination. but in the toilet cubicle when she announced she could see where the baby would come out of me (meaning my tummy) i just knew that everyone in the very long queue would think she meant somewhere else....lol PMSL Brilliant!!! Joanne xxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paula Report post Posted April 24, 2006 My son is 12 and he sits to wee on the toilet also. I also use the disabled loos and stuff what people think.If there that ignorant that they think all disabilities are physical and visable thats there problem. I hate him going into the mens loo and have drilled it into him about perverts to such an extent that if theres not a disabled loo and hes to enter mens toilets he says "yea yea i know watch out for perverts" We get some funny looks but sod it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mossgrove Report post Posted April 24, 2006 I can't realy see the problem with using the disabled loo. I use them with my NT daughter, quite a few of them have the nappy changing facilities in there too, so they aren't always just for disabled people these days. I've never had any funny looks or felt embarassed either. Simon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Stephanie Report post Posted April 24, 2006 Yeah I know, but when you come out with two kids that look fine and there is some old geezer wheezing away looking like he is on deaths door in a wheelchair waiting to go in ... you kind of feel guilty. I would never park in a disabled space either. Every one seems to think it is ok to use the disabled loo so I have just ordered a radar key so I will be legit. As for me not giving the old lady some lip - believe me I am not passive I was just desperate for a wee and didn't have the time. Don't forget I am the woman who had "toast rage" with the members of staff in Tesco's when they refused to make my son some toast. I am still surprised that I never actually killed anyone that day .. and I haven't been back to that particular store since! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
patrick w Report post Posted April 24, 2006 (edited) This is a bit embarrassing, and i hope i am not taking away from the seriousness of your post...cause i understand that sort of stress...mens toilets are pretty grim..and i always used the disabled toilet when i could..only takes a few minutes.. and it was less stressful..my son used to touch by mistake the urinal etc..so it was really stressful... Anyway , here's the embarrassing bit..... i am a 42 year old man, and i have pretty much given up standing up for a wee nowadays..i nearly always sit down...and boy oh boy, let me tell you...what a releif..wish i had started that a long time ago..... But, i guess i have the option, which is what you are worried about for your son..so sorry if i am being flippant. patrick Edited May 14, 2006 by patrick w Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
curra Report post Posted April 25, 2006 This is a funny thread! My son went to the ladies' with me until he was 10 when he didn't want to go to women's loo anymore. But he is usually nervous about going to the men's loo and says that he's embarrassed to see the grown up men at the urinals. He goes in and comes back in a second, running. I'm always worried about perverts lurking in the toilets so I wait for him at the door and I don't care about the way some guys look at me because I'm standing there. I remember that I was also tutted a couple of times in the women's loo for taking my son with me, but honestly I couldn't have cared less. I have just ordered the Radar key and the guide to avoid this problem in the future. Curra Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
loulou Report post Posted April 25, 2006 Hi Patrick, Don't worry my Dad is 58 and he still pees sitting down! (OMG hope he never reads this!). Kai is 7 1/2 and he has just started on his own accord to pee standing up. He ends up with it all down his legs and on the floor though! As for public loos, i agree with everyone else. I don't let Kai go in the mens. He has to come in with me or we go in the disabled loos. Stuff what anyone thinks! Loulou x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jill Report post Posted April 26, 2006 This is a brill thread Keep taking him in with you - stuff what other people think, it's their problem. As for peeing sitting down, let him - less splashes for you at home! Why stress him anyway, he's using a loo, good for him, we're still in nappies. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
minerva Report post Posted May 2, 2006 (edited) My son is 12 and just this morning went into a public toilets (mens) and was followed in by a man who watched him weeing & was "grunting" the whole time. He then followed my son until he got back to me at which time he turned and walked in the other direction. He absolutely point blank refuses to use the ladies any more but he is almost a teenager, pretty much the same height as me and has puberty happening all over!! I dragged him in with me as long as HE let me and I would strongly advise you do the same......###### what anyone else thinks of it. I mean seriously, its not like the women have anything showing so wth is their problem anyway????? I'm gonna start carrying my RADAR key with me now though & next time i'll go in the disabled ones with him. edit: oh and peeing standing up? as someone already said....dont bother if you can help it LOL Edited May 2, 2006 by minerva Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Stephanie Report post Posted May 6, 2006 and it happens again. We were in the Leisure Bowl at Centerparcs .... my son needed to loo, so I took him, the place was empty so I thought he should go in on his own whilst I quickly waited outside. So he was in there peeing and I was waiting outside ... at which point my 16 month old broke free from my hand and headed for the door, so I gave chase. Just as I did this, the Bar Manager breezed his way into the disabled toilet before I could shout "hang on my son is in there" ... he came out and snapped "there is a lock on the door!" to which I replied "yes, but he's only 5 and I didn't want him to lock himself in and I was outside waiting but just had to chase my other son. He went off in a huff. I was so waiting for him to say something about we shouldn't have been using the disabled toilet ... I was so waiting ... but he didn't!!! Damn! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
col Report post Posted May 6, 2006 Wish hubby would pee sitting down. When starting to toilet train lo i will do!! Cleaning up after 1 is bad enough!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bagpuss Report post Posted May 6, 2006 Oh, i can so identify with this replies Our son always manages to miss the loo....lost count of the amount of wet bums I've had Our daughter (5 yrs) has huge issues with public loos. First its the hand dryers...she's terrified of them . Also, if hubby has taken her out, and she has to use mens loos, she gets upset because of the smell, and walks in, shouts "they smell, they smell" and runs out again Re. being confronted about using disabled loo's...we've had similar confrontations about using disabled parking area. Even though we have a blue badge for our daughter, and she has MD & uses wheelchair for long distances, we've been accused of stealing it, refused parking at local attraction (because she was using major buggy at that time....and we were informed disabled parking was only for people in wheelchairs ) had our registration number taken and threatened with being reported, been questioned by car park staff, it goes on and on. I've developed a very, very thick skin and have gone past trying to be polite.....now I give as good as I get Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Stephanie Report post Posted May 6, 2006 Why do mens loos always smell so bad? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bagpuss Report post Posted May 9, 2006 Dread to think Its true tho isn't it Debs x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Stephanie Report post Posted May 15, 2006 Just got my Radar key, I had to remind them 3 times to send it, it took 2 weeks to get here. It is the size of a house!!!! Huge big thing. I tried to use it yesterday but my son refused to go into the disabled toilet because he "wasn't disabled or in a wheelchair" - kids! I told him that not all disabled people are in wheelchairs and that some look normal and like everyone else ... which should be a good starting point for him to start understanding his condition. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bagpuss Report post Posted May 15, 2006 Well done Stephanie. Its amazing how many ADULTS believe that you are not disabled unless you are in a wheelchair. We've faced many awful confrontations (probably mentioned them already) due to using blue parking badge previous to our youngest using her wheelchair and using major buggy. As you say, its a good starting point . Debs x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lizzie Report post Posted May 15, 2006 Hi everyone, being judged by the way I look is something Ive got used over the last 18 years, Im registered disabled because of spinal problems, I wish I had a ?1 for everytime I have pulled into a disabled parking space and had people give me disapproving looks, shaking thier heads at me etc. etc. I have on several occasions, had people come over to my car before I have had chance to turn off the engine, let alone display my blue badge, and point out that Ive parked in a disabled space, I was told by one elderly gent that I should be ashamed of myself and that I and people like me are the reason proper disabled folk like him can never get a parking space!!! He then walked off a damn sight quicker than Ive walked for 18 years!!! If people would just mind their own business, I for one would be a lot happier!!! Sorry...........I didnt intend going off on a mega rant..........it just happened Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bagpuss Report post Posted May 15, 2006 Lizzie, You must be parking in the same car parks as me We've been accused of stealing our badge Had our registration number taken Been told to move our car at a local tourist attraction When these incidents first happened I felt so upset Couldn't believe anyone would do this...and to be frank, it always appears to be people of a "certain generation". Now have grown a very, very thick skin Won't tell you what we say to them now....... Stopped explaining a long, long time ago Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Richt Report post Posted June 4, 2006 I know this one has run it's course, but a funny thing happened to me this afternoon, so I just had to post. My stepdaughter is 18 (going on 8) with severe handicap (Sotos Syndrome) This weekend we went to collect my new car and she came home with me (4 hours) NT stepson (11) had to go with mum because "he's the only one who understands the sat nav" <'> I'm just dx'd ASD at 40. So I need the toilet, (she doesn't) can't leave her outside the men's in a motorway services, so we both had to go in the disabled loo. Try explaining that to the jobsworth R Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Stephanie Report post Posted June 5, 2006 Jobsworth's - ha, don't you just hate people sticking their nose in. I had a woman give me grief about where I park outside my house (and have parked there for the last 6 years) .. to listen to her you would think she worked for the traffic police!! Nowt so funny as folk. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites