Thanks to those of you who cared.......

[jlo9371]

 

Hi all,

 

I spent some time here during September 2005, some of you were real great..............however, one of your members called Xxxxxxx tried to flame and distort my posts, and whilst going thru a major bad time I couldn't deal with it.

 

I must mention that besides that, the other members were extremely helpful, considerate, compassionate and had an empathy that word are unable to describe. Since deciding not to come here FOR ADVICE & SUPPORT! I thought it best to provide you with an update.................

 

All of my children are at present on THE CHILD PROTECTION REGISTER, due to risk from my asperger/hperlexic son (diagnosed by psych ed, family etc, but awaiting Psychiatric OFFICIAL diagnosis (that I do not need)

 

I know as a mom, that this behavior was not pre meditated, or meant to hurt, and that it's a symptom of his inability to comprehend social relationships...............................however, try to tell that to the social workers!!!! (Who ignore any communicative disorders - as the rest of the world)

 

Before members dismiss others, argue with opinions etc, the facts should be understood..............what annoys me most is that, if I stayed around, I may not have reached this nightmare situation (where I feel I want to die)..................maybe, just maybe I would have found the advice and help that could have prevented my living hell.

 

I dont suppose I will be welcome here again...................and I understand, I am just stating facts.

 

To all of you who are here, keep your beliefs & do not let anybody or anyone cloud your judgement - trust your insticts............please.

 

Nobody knows you or your children like you.......................remember that always (in your deepest doubts)

 

Night & god bless you all.

 

JLO

Edited April 26, 2006 by phasmid

[LKS]

<'> <'> JLO

[florrie]

I haven't read you other posts, but you sound as if you have been through hell and perhaps are still going through it, I really empathize with your situation and am sending you l oads of hugs, my thoughts are with everyone who feels so hopeless.

[Paula]

<'> <'> <'>

[Suze]

It sounds like you have had a difficult time, I,m sorry I don,t recall your posts back in sept,but help is always available here to those that need it, aswell as advice,laughs and friendship.Take care <'>

[Tez]

I dont suppose I will be welcome here again...................and I understand, I am just stating facts.

 

I think you will always be welcome to post here and hopefully in future get the support, friendship and advice that you deserve.

 

I'm sorry that things have been so difficult for you. I really hope that things improve soon. Keep posting, all are welcome here.

[Suze]

Sorry Jlo......just read your post again.......you sound desperately sad it,s important that you try to off load your worries, here is a great place to do that , I cannot see any reason why you should,nt post here sometimes there are disagreements but usually they get sorted out,there are some lovely helpful folks here it seems a shame if you were to miss out on that. <'> <'> <'> <'>

[puffin]

I'm sorry that you are having such a tough time at the moment - but i hope that you will still use the board as a source of support and help.

 

I don't remember the incident that you are talking about - but it's easy for communication problems to occur on a message board - especially one such as this where many of the regular posters are themselves have communication disorders and are diagnosed with diagnosed with ASD/HFA/AS/ADHD etc.

 

But please don't let such problems put you off getting the help you need for yourself.

[justamom]

I am new to the forum was not here last sep so dont really know your situation, sounds like you have had a really rough time lately.... Sending you <'> <'>

 

All the best

Justamom

[helenmorbey]

<'> <'> <'> hi there, im new to this forum so havent read your previous posts, ive found this site wonderful during this "unknown" time. I hope you hang around, take care Helen xx

[Guest hallyscomet]

Welcome Back Jlo <'> <'> <'>

 

Sorry to hear you had some problems. So pleased you came back, please consider giving the forum another go, as there are lots of caring people in your situation who really would like to be there if you are having troubles.

 

Everyone is important and equal here. Sending you lots of these <'> <'> <'>

 

Be gentle with yourself, we are here for you, and it seems from what you are saying, you are trying to do this alone, we all need a friendly ear, especially with someone that understands.

 

So pleased you came back. I remember you, <'> <'> even if you just browse through some of the topics you will see how helpful people are.

 

Dont do this alone.

 

Love

Hailey

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Sounds like you've had a really really difficult time. I haven't read any of your posts, but please don't lose heart ... I've found this forum in Oct/Nov and found it a great help and have often found answers when I was at the end of my tether. Sometimes people do jump to conclusions without knowing all the facts which can cause upset (especially when at your lowest) which isn't helpful, but we're all only human and don't always think first! Despite having 13 specialists involved in trying to diagnose my son, I've often felt like I was getting nowhere and found this forum to be invaluable. I discovered (and have actually met) other people in my locality and have had great advice in terms of speaking to the 'right' specialist, etc. Getting responses on the forum depends on who happens to be surfing at the time, so a lot depends on luck. Don't lose heart!!! There are people on this forum who understand and are experiencing similar problems and some who aren't but can offer a sympathetic 'ear'.

 

Best wishes.

 

Caroline.

[forbsay]

<'> <'> <'>

 

Forbsay

xx

[hev]

hello jlo,am glad you came back,this site has got me through many bad days,before i tried the internet i would never have dreamed what a difference this forum has made to me,keep posting love hev

[jlo9371]

Thanks everyone <'>

 

I didn't mean to rage a war with everyone, I feel desperate & helpless, my 12 yr old AS/ hyperlexic kid has to stay at my Mum's, he doesn't understand what's going on.

 

My ex-husband is using this oppurtunity to undermine and bully me - as per the last 12 years. I have to sit in family conferences, and justify the last 12 years of parenting. I am subject to spot checks, assesments and so on..........................whilst no one realises that my 12 yr old is the most sweetest, innocent kid that god put on this earth.

 

I understand the enormity of whats happened BUT I KNOW my kids, I have to keep my mouth shut, as if I say that I am seen incapable of protecting the others.

 

I have been pulling my hair out in frustration for years, been back and forth schools, doctors etc, screaming for help, however, it takes THIS to finally get it. This system stinks, and if there is anyone out there that can help or advise me, or have been through similar themselves.............please let me know.

 

Once again, apologies to everyone for my outburst, but I was real low at the time, but one thing I stand by is to tell you all TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. For 12 years I have known something was not right, but allowed my judgement to be clouded, but my 17 month old is showing traits and I am getting checks on his development NOW.

[Suze]

Hi JLO..........WHAT OUTBURST .............stop feeling guilty please you,ve done nothing wrong or bad.......o.k. <'> .Can you be more specific about what help you need......is it to do with Social Services?.........school?.........specifically your son and his confusion at the moment?..........you could try putting up some seperate posts referring to the specific areas and I,m pretty sure there will be several members who have had a similar experience and can help.You sound terribly down and it sounds like you are coping with at lot at the moment ..........do you have some support for your self from family or friends?Take care Suzex

[florrie]

I really feel so bad for you jlo,your story sounds similar to mine, My son is autistic and it took years to get that dx and I realised I was hyperlexic asd and i found it difficult to communicate probs, and get that recognised also and it is so frustrating, and then no one understands or takes a blind bit of notice of what you say or the problems you have and the fears etc, I don't know what advice I can give you or what you need help with, I will try if you can explain further or as suze said be more specifc with what help you need but my thoughts are with you and please don't give up, I know its hard, in fact its hell but we mustn't give up and let these people get away with c**p.

Edited April 27, 2006 by florrie

[puffin]

It's very tough when you feel that you are firefighting on all fronts at the same time - however they is a wealth of experience and expertise and help to be had on this forum - even if we don't always agree all the time.

 

I know that often the problems of having ASD children seem overwhelming and you sound really depressed and under stress - have you talked to your GP about these problems?

 

Often it is easier to break down the problem into small chunks. I think that it is a great idea to post some specific issues that you need help with - there is probably someone on here who has some great advice.

 

I'm not sure how old your son is and what the exact problems are but some gneral ideas are that many people have found help with school/education problems via IPSEA http://www.ipsea.org.uk/

 

Although diagnosis seems like a huge stress at the moment - in th long run it may be of great help - you will be able to access disability services much more easily

 

Have you been in touch with the National Autistic Society to see what support they can give? - I know that they have support groups/parenting classes etc that are specifically for parents and carers of ASD http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=121&a=2182

 

I really hope that you can find the support that you need

[amberzak]

Everyone is here to supposrt one another, so I think you are very welcome, and I promise not to get offended by anything you say if you promise not to get offended by anything I say (LOL). I have High Functioning Autism so I always say dumb things that seem to get me in a lot of trouble, but everyine here is so supportive and understanding. I think you should stick it out on this site, and just ignore any childish people that may come on.

 

xxx

 

God Bless

[Guest hallyscomet]

Hi JLo

 

Glad your back....... <'> you needed to vent, thats one of our favourite things to do on this forum go for it..... <'>

 

Perhaps one by one write down the problems in bullet form or numbered. Type them on here one after the other. Like History of your 12 year old age first noticed things like a time-line from birth to now, and during each year what the doctors told you. One thing at a time.

 

Then someone will be able to split it down into like questions, and more than likely answer each question from experience. This will be a good exercise and keep this to take to the National Autism Assoc. but go over it here first, this will help you clear your mind.

 

Doing this alone, will reduce some of the stress, keeping all this stuff in your head is enough to drive you keep a diary, get all your sons assessments school reports everything and pop them in a file from birth to now, as all this information will be helpful to the person doing assessments. Even any student/teacher diaries that have send home comments in them even if you dont like what they say.

 

All this information in order, will help you do the time-line as suggested above. <'> <'> <'> then take a deep breath, and know, people do care, and are here to talk to 24/7 almost, there is always someone on here even if its just to send you some of these <'> <'> <'> for encouragement.

 

Hailey

[jb1964]

Hi Jlo9371,

 

I'm a relatively newbie so I've not read any of the past posts. I think being a carer is such an emotional struggle that there are going to be times when things get taken out of context etc - but I'm sure no-one meant to upset you.

 

You seem to have a tremendous amount of pressure on you right now and I think coming back onto this forum is definitely the right thing for you to do. You need to offload as much as you can - do you have anyone who is being supportive at all to you? - does your GP know how down and depressed all this is making you?

 

I hope you get some good advice soon and start to make some headway through this blackness you're in.

 

Take care,

Jb

[pingu]

HI JLO <'> <'>

 

Welcome back. I think you are a great mum, the fact that you have known for years that something has not been quite right means that you care for your kids. Its all too easy for people with authority (shall we say) to play god with your lives, and i must admit once they get their teeth into your life it isnt easy for them to let go. We have had these dealings ourself, social workers and psychologists and case conferences etc. Although going back a few years, I found it soul destroying to have these people deciding my life, they judged my opinions and brushed off my concerns. Whatever i said felt like it was been analyzed and 'investigated' and it nearly drove me and the hubby to the edge. The crunch came during the period when our daughter stopped talking (as i have said before she shut up and never said a peep to anyone for 9 months) we took her to see a peditrician to try and get to the bottom of her silence and the first thing he did was to examine her (down there) Only to declare to the waiting social worker (who i thought was his junior hanger on) that their was 'no evidence of abuse' I can tell you i was more than angry !! As far as i was concerned this in itself was abuse.

 

i got the impression that this was the first thing they thought when a child presented with problem.... blame the parents..We eventually got our fighting heads on and fought our corner, but i still try and steer clear of anyone with letters after their name, (doctors) and for as much as i know that there are some good genuine social workers out there who do there job properly, i stay away from them too.

 

I do hope you can see that light at the end of the tunnel, once you have found that it doesnt matter how dark things get as you know it is there and can be found again. Please dont feel like you cant post here, you deserve to be here just as much as anyone. Please post back and keep us updated on your family.

Sending you all the <'> <'> <'> <'> in the world.

 

Take extra special care of yourself, and believe me you are not alone. !!

 

shaz

[Zemanski]

Hi Jlo

 

good to see you back, I read through some old threads and I can see where you are coming from. People do upset each other here from time to time but usualy we sort it out, I'm sorry we didn't respond to your need and distress when you needed us.

 

If you feel misjudged or set upon again let one of the mods know, they are good at their job and very tactful with all us sensitive people.

 

I hope you are feeling more at home with us again

 

take care of yourself

 

Zemanski

[jlo9371]

Thanks all again <'>

 

Zemanski you were there for me a while ago, and so were a great many others, it was appreciated <'>

and I am reading thru all you posts slowly (thanks guys)

 

If I can summarise (not good at that LOL)

 

4 kids (2 with 1st marraige) police officer dad, violent control freak (really & honest).

 

2 kids (2nd r'ship) passive, kind relaxed dad, treats kids as equal (discipline not a strong point - but they really love him)

 

Myself - tries hard, doesn't always get it right, shouts, screams and swears (sometimes)

 

Always knew my son was not "typical" appeared highly intelligent, aloof, did not care when I left him, never sought me for comfort, never responded when I fell etc, etc, but designed a website at 10 yrs, and became an X BOX developer at 11 yrs, however, unable to interact with kids same age.

 

He has attended good schools, which I was a frequent visitor and had a reserved chair (joke) (schools said "just need help to socialise" I didn't want to rock boat, therefore, agreed.

 

His dad, strict and considers physical (really physical punishment) acceptable, when I question/protest, he undermines me, states I am too lax etc (turns it around) although apart he has campaigned against me, letters to Social Services. DSS, DVLA, Tax, etc - all unfounded................he has a real bitterness that his partner appears to share too.

 

They appear to do lots with kids, but motives are wrong - always to score points, and they make this known to kids i.e (all the great things you do in life.....are with us) - thats the latest statement, as my 2 very angry kids related to me.

 

My son complains always of questions from them!, where mum take you, who at the house, what did you do, do you want to live with us etc, etc, my daughter gets weighed, told she's fat and they used to check her underwear for wee marks..........if found, put her pants on her HEAD!!!! both kids also appear really scared of them, but will not complain to thier faces, and will not tell anyone else.

 

Finally, year 7 - a teacher notes his difficulties and suspected ASD, I check it out and hey presto, I know my son at last (and so do nearly all that are close to me, finally his behavious makes sense).

 

However, 8 months later, SENCO going mad, psych ed off sick, GP refusal to refer etc, risk of exlusion and then the final blow......................................my 6 yr old states " his brother done some sex things with him"

 

In shock and disbelief, I still felt I was duty bound to all of my kids and made a self referal to SS, however they are on the ABUSE trail, believe my ASD has been Abused also, lack of eye contact and interaction (THIS KID WANTS TO TELL US SOMETHING) - learned behaviour and so on (although they are trying to fast track diagnosis)..........................phew

 

The fact is when I researched this issue, to me & his step dad, it's crystal clear that this was never an act of self satisfaction, or pre meditated satisfaction (this is a kid who acts sometimes like a 2 yr old) but a misguided experiment. and lack of understaing with regards to social relationships, However, if I say that, I will be seen as unable to protect.

 

There is talk of prosecution , NSPCC intervention " teenagers that abuse" and so on........................................

 

Any help would be appreciated, in respect of SS, or somewhere where I can get private help (pay for) like a recognised assesment, do I need a solicitor? I am really confused, and don't have any idea where to get help.

 

Sorry for the long post.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Don't want to patronise and I'm sure you're doing all you can. I'm not expert (far from it), but wanted to share my experience so far in the hope that something might help.

 

I'm in the process of battling to get a formal diagnosis for my son. It's really really difficult and I've found from time to time I run out of steam. I've kept a diary (even with bullet pointed notes) over 8 months and ritualistically wrote an entry every night detailing the days events and basically anything that wasn't 'normal'. I found that this was an excellent weapon to those idiots that questioned my parenting skills or said that my son was simply boisterous, and all the usual other excuses. I was able to quote that on such and such a day my son did this and that ? giving examples of behaviours really helped. A couple of weeks before an appointment, I would photocopy all the relevant bits (underlined or highlighted) and send it in advance to my son's specialist. That way, it gave them time to read it. Also tried video taping and recording my son's voice (proved difficult though!). I also found that pester power really helps. I phoned my GP, health visitor on a weekly basis (sometimes every couple of days) to get the referral. When I finally got a referral ended up with a useless paediatrician that concluded after seeing my son for 40 minutes that everything was hunky dory! I therefore went above her heard and pestered the life out of her boss! I've also written letters threatening legal action to CAMHS who have refused to see my son for the second time in 7 months at the request of my son's GP/health visitor/Consultant. I wrote letters stating that I was involving my MSP and would also involve the press if they continued to sit on their backsides. Hey presto things are starting to happen.

 

I know that your situation is a lot more complicated. You're obviously a dedicated and loving mum whose got a lot of strength to get this far. Just wondered if any of the above could give you ammunition in order to get help. It's really sickening that social services get involved in cases that sometimes don't warrant it ie you hear of innocent people being accused of wrongdoing. And here you are being responsible and trying to get help and don't seem to be getting it. I placed a few posts on the forum to contact people in my area and have 'met' a couple of gems who have given me lots of advice as well as names. There's nothing else for it, but to soldier on and do the best you can. If you don't get anywhere with one person, then move on and go over their heads. Makes threats about legal action and press involvement if you have to as a last resort.

 

Hope I don't offend you, but I wonder if your kids seeing their dad (the ex-policeman) is having a bad affect on them. The fact that he's playing power games with you and involving his partner really isn't helping. The last thing the kids need on top of everything is battling. Some of what you've said that he's done sounds really humiliating and degrading to yours kids and I guess is a form of abuse. Would it be worth suggesting to them that they have a break from seeing him?

 

Could you contact your NAS for contact details of others in your area?

 

I'm feeling really quite low and desperate just now and I'm anxiously awaiting results of yet another assessment for my son (which I'll get next week) in the hope that I'll finally get a diagnosis. I can really sympathise. You must feel like me, that you take one step forward and two back, but at the end of the day we love our kids no matter what and because we want the best for them we just need to keep battling.

 

I wish you all the best and really hope that you get all the help you deserve very soon.

 

I wouldn't say that I'm a particularly religious person, but my mum always says to me that god won't let you shoulder what you can't bear. I have to say that I always seem to be a breaking point when I get some sort of breakthrough.

 

Stay strong and let us know how you're doing.

 

Love Caroline.

[Zemanski]

I don't think the ordinary channels of advice are going to be much use in this case, but the NAS may be able to guide you about who to talk to - try the carers trust too and possibly the Citizens Advice bureau, they may have people who can explain your legal position and rights and hopefully point you in the direction of solicitors or counsellors who may be more familiar with the sort of problems you're experiencing.

 

<'> <'> <'> <'>

 

stay strong

 

Zemanski

[florrie]

Gosh Jlo I am so sorry you have been and are going through such c**p i don't know what to say to offer help, i've been there myself not in the same way, of course but to the point where you just feel so helpless and hope less, what sort of private assessment do you need, Iknow quite alot of private people, pm me if you like. I went privately for dx. I feel going privately is sometimes the only way to get any empowerement even though it costs money. I've got communication difficulties myself can't express what I need well even though i know what it is I need but no one takes any notice of that, and that cause more probs so I really relate to that . i will read back through your post again to see if I can see thngs more clearly it just sounds like such a night mare, but try and be positive even though it is hard we are here to help, and there are people with loads of info on this site, and it is possible to get thrugh this

 

Do you need a clinical psychologist help or educational or is it something else is the assessment you want for your children or yourself , I wasn't clear about that, myabe it is me not taking it in properly. the NAS has a list of private people that they will give you if you ring or write who may be able to do an assessment you need to see someone who understand the complexity of asd, and spell out what you need.

 

I'm not sure the advice I've given you is what you need, but I don't want you to be suffering like this Jlo.

Edited April 28, 2006 by florrie

[Flora]

jlo

 

I don't know anything about your previous bad experience here but I'm glad you have come back though because you shouldn't let something like that put you off.

 

It sounds like you have had and are having a rotten time of it. I can't imagine how awful it would be to have your family life interferred with when all you were trying to do was seek help for your son. I wish I could give some useful advice. I really hope that justice prevails and you can look forward to better times. You will get lots of support on this forum so stick with it and know there is always someone here.

 

Take care and stay strong.

 

Best wishes

Lauren

[zaman]

I think that you should get yourself solicitored up, as your ex is clearly going to know more about the law than you do, and probably know how to play it. Your CAB or even NAS branch should be able to point you in the direction of someone who knows about Family Law. Start to keep a diary of incidents as well - such as the punishments that the kids are getting. It will help make things more concrete when you have to do you bit.

[asereht]

jlo, sorry your first experience on this site was not good for you .You are having such a hard time at the moment gladyou came back to us I hope you will stay and get some help and advice. I know the road to diagnosis can be a long one my son wasn't officially dx until he was 13.

No advice to give just hang on in there <'>

Edited April 28, 2006 by asereht

[florrie]

I've read your posts again and I wonder if you should write or phone I prefer writing , o the NAS and explain problems as best you can I know this is can be very difficult as your situlation is very complex with your ex doing this stuff is obviously making things worse.

 

I've got commmuniction probs and feel misinterpreted a lot of the time I wrote to NAS about 4 times over space of year for advice in great detail to probs, because I thought my son wasn't going to survive as I was unable to cope and he ended up homeless and starving eventually, and i could see a disaster coming, and was trying to prevent it but no one took any notice. the NAS, and tried their best to help and eventually narrowed it down,I'm sure if you are able to explain the probs and how complex they are they will have excellent advice and probably people to contact who can help.

 

I can see your situation is different to mine, except for the despair and frustration and depression, I've tried to get mine acknowledged as they were always blaming me too, and succeeded in getting it acknowledged , they dare not blame you then, but are under obligation to help although they haven't done that either in my case, because they don't understand it and don't know how to help but I do and that flummoxes them, because they bluff all the time Don't let them defeat you. people are here to help in what way they can.

 

I can't believe someone did that to your daughter (pants on head) who was that . That has upset me and made me really angry.

 

Sorry if I'm not very helpful but I know there is a way through this you just have to find it and not give up maybe it will take some time to narrow down exactly where you need the help, because it appears complex rather than simple, and there may be others here that have better advice for you than I. I'm sure there is

 

sending you load of hugs and thinking of you although I know that is probably not much help at present

 

Jane

Edited April 28, 2006 by florrie

[neda]

jlo

 

Sorry I can't offer you any advice but you are coping with so much. Please feel welcome to post here, just talking about it and getting it out can help a little, bottling it up makes it seem so much worse. <'> <'> <'>

 

I really hope you get the advice you need.

[jlo9371]

I cannot thank you all enough for you heartwarming posts & pm's.

 

Your all going thru your own issues with your kids and you still offer your support, without judgement, prejudice or arrogance <'> <'> I dont have a great deal of time to reply, we both have jobs, 4 kids and as u may appreciate a load of other stuff going on

 

Just to update you, the SW couldn't even be bothered to turn up to see my son (7weeks and counting), my mum is at her wits end saying she apologises for not understanding my daily "hell of a life", also known to me as "GROUNDHOG DAY" (sure you will all relate) , but she cannot cope with my son no more (dont know if I mentioned SS said he cant slepp at his home)???

 

My daughter had a fit when school nurse weighed her and related upset caused by dad weighing her. my mum said after DAD visit this weekend my son came (again with issues) dad said he is fat, gran must feed him chips all week, mum wont take you out every week, mum has reduced time you can have with me, do you want to live me, aren't we great parents etc, etc.

 

My son was starving himself (seriously) till tea time today, had no food for 48 hours, persuaded him tonight b4 I take him back 2 mum's

 

Related all to school nurse, who is concerned etc, etc (extremely rather

 

And I have an appointment in morning with a solicitor, who dealt with a load of c*** with his dad 3-4 years ago, and had concerns then, she is pretty good.

 

Please feel free to pm me for my number or likewise, I am reading all your replies, all of them, and they they are such a source of hope & encouragement . I apolgose for not replying to each 1, but I really have no time (to type) anyone wanting to chat on the phone let me know please.

 

Thanks again to all.................and I send you all my best wishes

[Guest hallyscomet]

Hi Jlo, Just highlighting some important points you mentioned: my reply is at the bottom of the page in green

name='jlo9371' date='Apr 27 2006, 10:50 PM' post=

4 kids (2 with 1st marraige) police officer dad, violent control freak (really & honest).

His dad, strict and considers physical (really physical punishment) acceptable, when I question/protest, he undermines me, states I am too lax etc (turns it around) although apart he has campaigned against me, letters to Social Services. DSS, DVLA, Tax, etc - all unfounded................he has a real bitterness that his partner appears to share too.

They appear to do lots with kids, but motives are wrong - always to score points, and they make this known to kids i.e (all the great things you do in life.....are with us) -  thats the latest statement, as my 2 very angry kids related to me.

[b]My son complains always of questions from them!, where mum take you, who at the house, what did you do, do you want to live with us etc, etc, my daughter gets weighed, told she's fat and they used to check her underwear for wee marks..........if found,  put her pants on her HEAD!!!!   both kids also appear really scared of them, but will not complain to thier faces, and will not tell anyone else.[/b]

then the final blow......................................my 6 yr old states " his brother done some sex things with him"

In shock and disbelief, I still felt I was duty bound to all of my kids and made a self referal to SS, however they are on the ABUSE trail, believe my ASD has been Abused also, lack of eye contact and interaction (THIS KID WANTS TO TELL US SOMETHING) - learned behaviour and so on (although they are trying to fast track diagnosis)..........................phew :crying: 

The fact is when I researched this issue, to me & his step dad, it's crystal clear that this was never an act of self satisfaction, or pre meditated satisfaction (this is a kid who acts sometimes like a 2 yr old) but a misguided experiment. and lack of understaing with regards to social relationships, However, if I say that, I will be seen as unable to protect.

 

 

Hi Jlo,

 

Sorry Jlo to point this out, and am sure you are already thinking along these lines but, I just wanted to streamline what you said, and these quotes jump out at me, and have me wondering if the father is somehow to blame. Is there a good counsellor that is skilled in this area talk with your 12 year old, that fact that you say your son has done this. Rings alarm bells, is it possible the father has been behaving inappropriately...... is an offender....... what he did with your daughters underwear is sickening, child abuse. Some of the behaviours above have me very worried for your children. My thoughts are he has a lot to answer for, Jlo but you need the professionals to prove any inappropriate behaviour on his part.

 

There was an article about alerting your children to situations like this and how to approach them, I will post it in here, perhaps this might give you some answers.

 

http://seven.com.au/sunrise/fact_060330_parenting

 

Jlo, sending you lots of these <'> <'> <'> I pray this is not the situation, but am saying prayers for you and yours. If you need some support by PM I am here for you. I hope I havent offended you.

 

Just crossing every path here <'> <'>

 

God Bless

 

Love

Hailey

Edited May 4, 2006 by hallyscomet

[jlo9371]

He is a POLICE OFFICER.

 

And I have had 14 years of hell, but everytime I object to his actions, I find myself being investigated by every organisation known to man. I divorced him on the grounds of violence and psychological/emotional abuse, but he still torments me through the kids.

 

Every time I mention my concerns, he comes back with 20!!

 

However, a previous, unfounded referal he made actually had concerns with him!!, and stated the children would eventually rebel against him. My daughter is still at the torn loyalty stage, but my son is angry now, he wants to starve himself to show his dad he is "anorexic"

 

My son is now ready to "talk", due to the way my ex behaves, I have had to wait until "it came from the mouth of babes", I knew that one day my children would object and talk. If it came from me, I was made to look like a stupid, inadequate mother.

 

Sometimes you have to shutup and wait, let time take it's its course and wait for the people (my kids) who would be believed to come forth, that day is near. I maybe wrong, but I remained seethingly passive, I have never questioned my kids, shown sides, or outwardly expresses my opinions, I held faith in my belief that my kids would at some point realise the way they are treated is wrong and speak out themselves.

 

Maybe I am wrong, and have left it too late?, maybe the damage is too far gone................your welcome to express your views, however, I wish I had the strength to stand up for them sooner.

[Zemanski]

Jlo

 

<'> <'> <'>

 

you are in such a difficult situation, I really feel for you and the kids and I'm sure I couldn't do any better in such a terrible situation

 

take care and stay strong

 

Zemanski

[Guest hallyscomet]

Jlo

 

<'> <'> <'>

 

you are in such a difficult situation, I really feel for you and the kids and I'm sure I couldn't do any better in such a terrible situation

 

take care and stay strong

 

Zemanski

 

I totally agree with Zemanski Jlo, you are doing your best already, what more could you do. One day at a time. <'> <'>

 

Our prayers are with you

 

Hailey

[jlo9371]

Thank you!

 

If you know that blowing the whistle! causes your kids further grief.....................you have no choice than to shutup!

 

You have no choice other than to wait the day they find stength to stand up alone, the damage caused at that point must be weighed against suppression and not being heard, that's a risk I had to take.

 

However, talk about waiting for a bus, then 2 arrive ........................got a Psych Ed & and Consultant Psychologist within 14 days

 

I pray, that this will be at the right time for my son & all of my kids. I will keep you posted & thanks to all of you for you posts & support, you have no idea how much they lifted my spirit, I have & will continue to experience dark times, but knowing your "not alone" really makes a difference.

 

p.s Zemanksi, reading back on the posts (past) I can see what u mean now, feel a bit stupid...........should have known

[Guest hallyscomet]

Our Prayers are with you JLo

 

We will keep praying for your strength and you to be surrounded by Gods angels to help you work through this. Most importantly that you and your children can find love and happiness and peace of mind. <'> <'>

 

Hope the best comes your way, you deserve it.

 

Hailey xx <'>