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KarenT

Sleeping in my bed

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Not sure where to put this so here is as good a place as any.

 

J is 7 and loves to sleep in my bed occasionally, about once a fortnight. We both go up at about 7pm with mugs of hot chocolate, do homework reading and read to each other, then read alone till lights out and have a hug and chat before going to sleep. It's a lovely, close and relaxed time for us both and one when I learn a lot about J and I can also teach him about 'life' because he's so calm and receptive.

 

Here's the question. He's getting older now and I'm not sure when it starts to be 'inappropriate' for a boy to sleep in his mother's bed. It's on his token exchange list and it's the first thing he asks for when he's got enough tokens but I'm starting to wonder when I should draw it to a close. It would be such a shame to lose this happy time for both of us so I'm reluctant.

 

What about everyone else? Do you allow your boys to sleep with you? And when would you say is the right time to end it (obviously this must vary according to the child)?

 

Karen

x

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Hi ya,

 

K was such a bad sleeper from young so in order for me to get some sleep i put him in the bed with me, hubby worked nights so i had no help plus a little baby to deal with. It was easier for us both, he slept and so did i and i was not a complete walking zombie in the mornings. But he would not sleep on his own from then. Your son seems to sleep on his own and only has nights in with you for a treat. I dont really know what an appropriate age is to allow a child into your bed but it took us years to get K out of our bed, he was 10 when he finally slept in his own room.... he is now 12....

 

You dont want him to become too attached to sleeping in your bed like my son did and thats a problem.... coz it was musical beds at night in our house,, hubby had to sleep in K's room and then my dd complained coz it was not fair... Nightmare it was!!!

 

Hope this makes sense..

 

 

justamom

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Im no good on the subject of boys as ive got 3 girls! However i would say the right time to stop is when you want to! 7 (to me) is still really young, my nephew is 12 and still pops into his moms bed occasionally(not to sleep just for an hour or so). My little one is 4 and i cant get her out of our bed at all !! Its lovely to have that special time with your boy, make the most of it, Helen xx

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Hi Karen,

 

I don't know when the right time is, maybe you should go with your gut instinct, but it may be the case that the longer it goes on the harder it will be to stop.

 

Your special time with your son sounds wonderful, but does that have to be in your bed, could it not be on neutral ground? You could make a cosy den somewhere in the house with bedding and piles of cushions, it could be your special place, then you could both go to your own beds. He might even find that exciting.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

Nellie xx

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I had a tough time with my son..now 13/14.. he slept with me for a long time...i used to have to face him in bed so he could see my face..poor little chap..... . but, i do think now how i would have been firmer when he was younger... and kept the boundary..it started off pretty harmlessly and then he just felt it was normal; he eventually just dident want to be in my bed anylonger... at about 10.. but it was a good few years that he was in there... or i had to put him to bed in his bed..getting in it and waiting till he fell asleep and then sneaking out.... By the way, i mean everynight in my bed for years..not just for a cuddle or to watch tv, or just because he wanted company every now and then..that's harmless and delightful..it will wear off,so, like evryone else here..grab those moments... I cant even get a cuddle from my son now...And i really miss that.

Edited by patrick w

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I remember being a kid and loving going in my mum and dads bed on a weekend morning.........dad would go down and make a cup of tea and me and mum would read and chat,it was a special time.I would continue if you feel it is having a benefit for your son,7 is still young ,my daughter is nearly 8 and loves to watch a girlie dvd in my bed with me.You may also find that as he gets older he choses to do more boy grown up things as his treat.Or now the warm weather is coming you could as a treat camp out together in a tent :lol: ..........my son loves this but ends up emptying his bedroom and moving the lot in the tent with him.

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My son is 12 and still very very occasionally comes into our bed on a morning for a cuddle and a chat.

 

He used to always come into our bed on a morning when he was yunger but stopped this naturally when he got to about 9 years of age.

 

Sometimes you do think "is this appropriate" but then is it appropriate for a mum to be wipeing her sons bottom at 12 as ive had to do,or washing and bathing him againe as ive done and still do.The rules have to be bent and flexible when were dealing with our special kids.

 

Its no one elses business if he sleeps with you or not you do what you feel is right for you and youre son.

 

My son as just started asking for "privacy" and showing signs of becomeing aware of his body and the need for discretion but hes 12.My Nt daughter wanted privacy and became awaree of her own nudity ect at 7.

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Hi, my youngest son is 9 and he still loves to sleep in my bed. I've never really thought about a time when it would be inappropriate. I suppose you and/or he will know when that time comes. I know my 12 year old likes me to lie down in his bed and give him a hug sometimes but he never comes into my bed now. So I suppose with age the child will probably automatically withdraw from it.

 

I say enjoy it while you can!!! :D

 

Lauren

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I think 7 is still very young, but if it's worrying you maybe you could get a campbed next to your bed and he could sleep in that?

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Hi,

 

My son is 7 too and he occasionally asks to sleep in my bed. If he has a nightmare he comes in during the night and cuddles me (i'd rather that than have to get up to him!).

 

We have "special time" together aswell. We watch a video in my bed then read to each other. He's very young for 7, so it doesn't bother me at all (yet!). I always make sure i'm in my PJ's so i don't get too many anatomy questions!

 

I agree with everyone else and think you should make the most of it while he is still young. I can understand where you are coming from though, i'm sure it would be different if they were girls.

 

 

Loulou x

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This is so sad. This is an innocent sharing time together between a mother and a son & you're worrying about it because "society" (caused by the acts of some deranged people in society) can make this act seem shameful or wrong, when it isn't.

 

Don't get me wrong - I'm not having a go at anyone here - but in some cultures families share rooms or beds & never think anything of it.

 

To me, whilst ever it feels ok and right then keep doing it. You're both enjoying this time together. If it does prompt anatomy questions then answer them - there's nothing dirty about the human body. It might even help to explain about "appropriateness" in a none stress environment IYKWIM.

 

He'll probably grow out of it naturally himself, that's what I think.

 

A similar issue arose for a friend of mine - his wife had a go at him for being naked in the bathroom and not locking the door when his 4 year old daughter was in the house. I just think it's sad that we're made to feel ashamed of perfectly natural things really.

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It is lovely you have this very special time with your son,it sounds wonderful and i wish i could do the same thing with my girls,he is only 7,still a baby to me,dont worry about what anyone else may think,do it for as long as you both enjoy it and are comfortable with it :)

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This is so sad. This is an innocent sharing time together between a mother and a son & you're worrying about it because "society" (caused by the acts of some deranged people in society) can make this act seem shameful or wrong, when it isn't.

 

 

Jill, I totally agree with you on this.

 

Lauren

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Jill, I totally agree with you on this.

 

Lauren

 

 

Me too its so sad that now days we have to worry about what everyone else will think... If you feel comfortable with him sleeping in your bed then you allow it to happen. Like someone else posted, in other countries where space is a problem people share beds and nothing is thought of that... Its a shame coz nothing is meant by it....

 

Justamom

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:D

Im 46 and still get into bed with me mam when Im up north for a cuddle,

 

I think its really only up to you, if you feel ok and I have to say your time together sounds FAB !

 

I hope my 19 year old daughter feels like she can snuggle up whenever she wants, and she does.

My son age 8 only pops in now and again, but he slept with us until he was two.

Good lucK!

 

redberry >:D<<'>

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Thanks for all your feedback on this, peeps. Good to know there are quite a few of you enjoying this special time with your kids. You've helped put my mind at rest - looks like we can go on enjoying our hugs and chats for quite a while yet!

 

Ta

Karen

x

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Hi all,

 

My son Daniel is now nearly 15 and he still asks if it is ok for him to sleep with me, the sad thing is, is that i have no problem with this but i know that others will. So i have now put a stop to it but i must admit that i have only done this in the last year or so.

 

Up till then the one thing i could be sure of to calm Daniel down after a melt down was to take him in to bed with me, it seemed to calm him down and reset him (I you understand what i mean) It was "like lifes to much for my brain mum can i sleep with you"and then i know everything i ok and and i can carry on tomorrow.

 

But i do know of a lady whos son who also has AS still sleeps with her and he is 19. I think it because its the one place they feel safe, they are with the person that keeps them safe and nothing can get to them when they are in your bed.

 

One of the ways that i have got around this is by making my bed and bedroom a special place for the children, this is the room and the bed we go to when its someones Birthday or Xmas morning, we all jump o the bed and open our presents in there.

 

Make the most of it they are only young once, and if it does not bother you or your son try not to take to much notice of what others say............ they are not living your life you are.

 

Hope that helped

Karen x

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