Ehh? You Understand?

[TheNeil]

I'm in something of a state of shock this morning as I broke my AS diagnosis to my brother last night over the phone (I wanted to do this at the weekend when he was coming over to see us but his work has kind of screwed things up for him)

 

Now we've never really gotten on very well but he has a little boy (Josh, 5) (strange name but...) and I figured that I'd best explain my AS to him just in case he got worried about how it could affect Josh - best hear it from the horse's mouth as it were (not that I have a horse's mouth). So I asked him if he'd heard of Autism (he had - shock number 1) and whether he'd heard of AS (he hadn't - not exactly surprising). I then explained that I'd been diagnosed and he went quiet for a couple of seconds before coming back with "Oh well, that explains it". And he was totally happy with it! Unlike my mum he didn't try to play it down, accuse me of being a hypocondriac or anything - he just accepted it and actually seemed pretty pleased that I'd filled in this missing piece of the jigsaw puzzle

 

He then talked to me for getting on for an hour (we usually grunt at each other if that) asked about the symptoms/traits and picked out bits and pieces of our past that now made sense to him and seemed to be totally comfortable with everything

 

After the response I'd got from elsewhere I was just so relieved and happy it was beyond belief

[Zemanski]

makes a huge difference, doesn't it?

 

the thing about a sibling is sometimes, although they may not seem particularly close, they have a very special insight into who you are, and, unlike parents, they have no dreams for you to destroy so they can look at things from a less emotive perspective.

 

glad you have him on your side <'>

 

Zemanski

[LKS]

Hi The Neil. Sometimes you get the most surprising reactions from people don't you. I'm really glad that your brother seems to understand

[madmooch]

I'm so pleased for you, it's usually the ones you expect to be not so understanding that are

 

 

Clare

[Brook]

This must be a huge relief for you, I'm really pleased your brother listened and really took

in what you were telling him. Maybe now some understanding will begin to filter through to

others.

 

Brook

[Flora]

You must feel so relieved that you have gotten such a postive response at last. It must be like finding an oasis.

 

I'm sure this must have made you feel much better.

 

Lauren

[TheNeil]

I'll be honest, this has totally turned me around and the difference it has made is huge. Before last night (well yesterday really) I was really starting to get angry and annoyed, questioning myself etc. as it felt that no-one understood or, worse, really cared (Mrs TheNeil aside). Then I found this forum (big up yourselves people - you certainly made a big difference pretty much straight away) and then of course there was my neanderthal sibling saying more to me in one hour than I think he ever has during the rest of his life put together

 

Whether it has an effect on other family members is something I don't know and, not wanting to sound blase about it, I don't really care. The fact that someone believes and understands me has been enough to do my confidence no end of good

[Flora]

Neil, I hope you don't mind me asking this. I have been looking into getting assessed but all the routes I've followed so far require a retrospective biographical account of child hood behaviours (from a parent or someone else who knows of your childhood development) and have been told that without this then I can't get assessed as it is currently part of the adult diagnostic criteria. Obviously there must be other routes and I was intrested to know what led up to your own assessment and diagnosis (without the support of your mum). Sorry if this is an intrusive question, but if you don't mind answering I'd be interested to know (you can pm me the answer if you prefer)

 

Many thanks

 

Lauren

[TheNeil]

Neil, I hope you don't mind me asking this. I have been looking into getting assessed but all the routes I've followed so far require a retrospective biographical account of child hood behaviours (from a parent or someone else who knows of your childhood development) and have been told that without this then I can't get assessed as it is currently part of the adult diagnostic criteria. Obviously there must be other routes and I was intrested to know what led up to your own assessment and diagnosis (without the support of your mum). Sorry if this is an intrusive question, but if you don't mind answering I'd be interested to know (you can pm me the answer if you prefer)

 

Many thanks

 

Lauren

 

Not all Lauren - ask away (if you like, it's my way of giving something back to the forum)

 

In my case my mum was very dismissive of the whole subject (and seems to have been ever since we did get the diagnosis but stick with me on this one) - we had briefly floated the idea of autism to her about 8 months before going private and she simply said "You're just shy"...end of conversation. At this point I didn't know that I'd need her help so I kind of blindly carried on.

 

After having decided to go private, the NAS gave me a list of people/practices that they recommended and I emailed a few to get an idea of cost etc. The woman that I decided to go with (oo-er) had said that having my mum there would be beneficial but it wouldn't be the end of the world if she wouldn't come, and she did offer a couple of workarounds (a list of questions that she could have answered via email for example). Although my mum did come with us (I think she was more interested in the 2 day holiday afterwards though - grr) the actual diagnosis came after a two hour chat with the psychologist and during this she asked my mum a few questions but didn't really seem to grill her. I had made her aware of the potential 'problem' beforehand so maybe she adjusted to this but I can't say with any certainty. In my case the psychologist admitted that she was pretty convinced I was AS just going by the first couple of emails that had gone back and forth so how much a part my mum played in the final diagnosis isn't really clear (my reading of the situation was that if she hadn't come then it wouldn't have affected the diagnosis that much but, again, I can't say with any certainty).

 

I'd left home about 10 years before so I took Mrs TheNeil with me too (if you like, my current 'carer') and having someone who lives me now seemed to be a valid substitute if my mum hadn't agreed to come along

 

I'm not touting for trade (oo-er (again)) but I can PM her details and charges through if you want them - maybe if you explain your situation to her then she might be able to explain whether she could make a diagnosis based on what info you do have

[Flora]

Thanks for that Neil.

 

Lauren

[TheNeil]

Anytime

[Jill]

TheNeil - so so pleased for you that you have some family support from your brother. Maybe he will help to bring other family members around but, like you say, even if he can't you know that you have him.

 

On my part I have to say that I do have good family support with my Boy, but my big bro and sis in law especially are the most amazing people and we all love going to see them - The Boy included - because they accept our family as it is.

 

That's the key thing - being accepted as you are.

[Bagpuss]

I was so pleased to hear you had received such a positive reaction from your brother. Your mum may learn from him. It's often those who we least expect support from are amazing, and those we expect to be there for us are not. We have certainly learnt a hard lesson over the years, and have a totally different opinion of those close to us.

 

 

Take care,

 

Debs

[Guest flutter]

i am pleased for you

it is nice for pieces to fit and for others to accept

}I{ x

[Suze]

Hi glad it went so well with your brother thats great .Another way to help people understand AS is via a book.........have you read any on AS that you feel may be of help to your other family members.A book that helped me was Luke Jacksons Freaks Geeks and Aspergers, and also the wierd incident of the dog at night(or something like that).........both of these are written via a childs point of view but they helped give me a great insight into my son.This might work for your mum too <'> take care Suzex

[elaine1]

<'> im so pleased, funny how kids dont have the 'hang ups' that older ppl do isnt it?

[TheNeil]

A book that helped me was Luke Jacksons Freaks Geeks and Aspergers, and also the wierd incident of the dog at night(or something like that).........both of these are written via a childs point of view but they helped give me a great insight into my son.This might work for your mum too

 

We'd actually gave her a copy of The Curious Incident of The Dog In The Night...and she still said that I was 'just shy'

[Lynden]

I'm glad you had a good response from your brother - it makes a difference. It may also make some things make more sense to him. I know when we figured my hubby is AS (undiagnosed formally) things that before I couldn't understand made sense.

 

With regard to your Mum - I think a lot of that comes from guilt as in 'why didn't I notice'. My hubbys parents sort of accept that he is AS, but also found it very hard to accept that they hadn't really noticed/done anythign about it when he was young.

 

Lynne