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LizK

Really upset

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Adam started school 10 days ago. He's found it hard, looked bewildered and woke up a few times at night crying as he was worried. He's found the noise difficult to manage too. He's spent the days switching from being overly quiet to silly hyperactive behaviour. Towards the end of last week he seemed to be happier and settling a bit better. He has a LSA every morning who is great with him and his class teacher is the school SENCO and fantastic. However since starting he's been overly rough or antisocial with the other children. He's pinched a child, pulled anothers hair, threw sand in one child's hair and keeps pulling at their ears and cheeks. I picked him up for lunch and his LSA said that she was going to be supporting him in the afternoon too so essentially he has fulltime support. When I dropped him back after lunch his teacher had a quick word with me and said the reason for this is that he's needing fulltime supervision. Apparently last Friday he picked up a pair of scissors and went for another child's ears :(:(:( and he keeps running up to random children pulling their ears. Thankfully being four the other kids are not that bothered by all this.

 

This has concerned me as Adam is not an aggressive child and at his old nursery he never ever hurt another child. I am absolutely gutted that he went for a child with scissors :(. I came home and cried. Am even sad that he's needing fulltime support when everyone involved with him thought he'd need 15 hours max though am hugely glad that the school are able to provide this amount of support of SA+ :thumbs: At nursery he had 3 hours extra support a day but that was for mainly to give staff time to do developmental activities with him rather than because of his behaviour. Nursery though was a smaller group of children, 16 with 2 or 3 members of staff compared to 37 with three members of staff now

 

His teacher said she doesn't think his behaviour is deliberate aggression or naughtiness, is playing it down and distracting him. I know it's still early days and it's all confusing for him and I think sensory overload from all the noise is probably playing a role. I think some of it too may be testing boundaries or trying to get the other children's attention because he doesn't know how to do that appropriately. He reminds me of teenage boys when they behave really stupidly trying to impress the girls and it's like he's doing the four year old version of that. I'm also concerned too that it might be partly our fault. Adam is very physical and hurts his 19mth old brother. He often pulls his ears or ear and pinches him. We just can't seem to nip this in the bud and I'm now worrying that because of that he's generalising that behaviour to other children and the thought of him being like this due to poor parenting mortifies me. Am going to post separately about his so if you have any ideas would really appreciate it.

 

Sorry if this is a ramble, brain is all over the place :tearful:

 

Liz x

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I really hope you get some decient advice about this. My feeling is that it would be much better if it were possible to nip this in the bud before it becomes the 'norm'

 

 

best of luck

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Hi Liz,

 

This must be such a worry for you. Got to say though that the school sounds great :D Give him time, as you say its early days. It maybe that once he has fully settled in and feels comfortable this behaviour may lessen and the support may decrease. I'm afraid I can't offer any advice re. his behaviour, although our daughter went thru a stage of hitting any child in a pushchair. Very difficult, with some really tricky confrontations as you imagine. She started it for no rhyme or reason and it stopped when she started attending a school nursery. Sorry I couldn't be of more help.

 

Take care,

 

Debs :D

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>:D<<'> Hi Liz >:D<<'> ,

 

First of all, what's going on is not down to bad parenting.

 

Adam's teacher/SENCO sounds very clued up and is right by what she is doing. My son was exactly the same as Adam when he was younger (he's 16 and wasn't diagnosed with AS until he was 11). When I think back now. I can see that it was because his social skills were non-existant. Sensory overload was a big problem too.

 

I would speak to the teacher and LSA. Perhaps, as a start the LSA can play some little turn-taking games with Adam in a quiet room and gradually introduce other children into the game. I did this with a child that I was LSA with. The teacher/LSA may be able to use social stories as well. The teacher/SENCO may have some ideas too.

 

My son was horrible with his younger brother too. They are 16 and 15 now and go around together.

 

Annie

xx

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Hey you - no advice as we have this to come but wanted to send you a hug. I think you know its not down to poor parenting though - you and K are fantastic parents from what I know of you.

 

Initial thoughts are that it may just be a transition thing though till he becomes more comfortable in school. Your school do sound fab though.

 

Lynne x

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