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Lisajb

Meltdowns in older kids

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Hi

C is now 17 and still has a few meltdowns at school. They are getting less, but school staff are finding it hard to help and I don't know what to suggest

 

When he has a meltdown, he won't or can't calm down, anything said to him doesn't get through, he gets in such a tizz that help just washes over him.

 

I don't know what to suggest or do, both to and for him and to and for school staff.

 

Meltdowns are usually school work related, or due to unforseen changes.

 

He wants to go to university in September 07 - I dread the thought of people relatively new to him having to deal with this.

 

Can anyone suggest anything?

 

Cheers

L

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Hi L,

 

Sorry can't offer any advice in the same situation with my 12yr old daughter over the same things - nothing seems to work and you just feel so helpless. Will watch this thread for any advice myself.

 

Take care,

Jb

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Hi

C is now 17 and still has a few meltdowns at school. They are getting less, but school staff are finding it hard to help and I don't know what to suggest

 

When he has a meltdown, he won't or can't calm down, anything said to him doesn't get through, he gets in such a tizz that help just washes over him.

 

I don't know what to suggest or do, both to and for him and to and for school staff.

 

Meltdowns are usually school work related, or due to unforseen changes.

 

He wants to go to university in September 07 - I dread the thought of people relatively new to him having to deal with this.

 

Can anyone suggest anything?

 

Cheers

L

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Hi Lisa,

 

My son used to have a card which gave him permission to leave lessons without asking when he felt that he wasn't coping. Is there a staff member that your son feels comfortable with and trusts? When my son used to feel stressed, he used to go and chat to that particular person.

 

I don't think it would be unreasonable to ask school staff to let your son know in advance any changes that they are aware of . Teacher changes for example are sometimes known before lessons.

 

Has your son been in touch with Connexions yet? They do have, or should have a 'Special Needs Connexions Officer'. They may be able to help. There should also be somebody for Special Needs advice at colleges and universities.

 

Annie

xx

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Hello, just spotted your post and wanted to let you know that I have a son of 19 who has meltdowns, he usally bangs or throws something and then slams a door or two. I let him have his outburst as he only aims at things not people and I know he needs to do this. I read somewhere that all behaviour is reaction to environment, so for me I thought that must mean, sensory etc and did what I could to rearrange things, of course at school it is down to them to adjust the environment if poss but it could also be as simple as the remarks or looks of other students which we have no control over. With my son I know he will have meltdowns and I just try to remember while it is going on that it a safety valve of a sort for him and not to feel like I had to contain it in some way. I think the NAS could have something on their web but I know it feels all scary and out of control at the time. Yesterday he was building up to a meltdown because he had been waiting for something to arrive that he ordered on internet, he had been planning around this and then someone rang and said it wasnt coming for three months! You can imagine, anyone would be cross but he could not manage to change lanes so easily and just take his mind down another path of possibilities, all he could see was that his plan, his life had all fallen apart because of that phonecall, so I ignored the angry bit and added in the information that he could order another from another website and tried to keep it all linked up. Probably not mkaing sense now, but anyway it seemed to work. Now he is on the new plan just as rigidly as the old one!?

 

anyway, hope my input helps in some way, best wishes to you.

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>:D<<'>

 

Againe like the rest cant offer much advice.

 

My son is 12 very big and very strong and he also has occasional full blown meltdowns.I cant controll him physically or verbally.Sometimes telling him no loudly will stop him but not very often.Luckily he tends to take it out on the furniture and doors or just shouts abuse at me.Although the abuse is horrid and upsetting and very vilonce orientated with threats of killing me ect.............

 

I also would have though theyd be special provision at college and universaty to help youre son adjust and be able to cope.

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Hi

 

Can't give you any specific advice just now. But one thing that may put your mind at rest is that I used to work in at a Further Education College. They have a department which specifically helps students with various disabilities including ASDs. Before I had my son (whose 4.5 now), I was sick fed up getting emails about Aspergers all the time. Little did I know ... I hadn't a clue what Aspergers, autism, etc was. The department certainly made a point of communicating that there are people who have difficulties which aren't always immediately obvious. My point is that they were fantastic and ensured that the staff of 600 people knew about ASDs. Chances are the Uni your son wants to attend will have a department. I'd have a chat with them and see what advise they can give. That will hopefully put your mind at ease.

 

Best wishes

 

Caroline.

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Hi all

 

It would seem reasonable for school to let him know of changes as soon as poss - will raise this in review meetings.

 

I have been emailing uni's - most have a good support sytem in place, University of Birmingham also has links with Autism West Midlands

 

L

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Hello, just spotted your post and wanted to let you know that I have a son of 19 who has meltdowns, he usally bangs or throws something and then slams a door or two. I let him have his outburst as he only aims at things not people and I know he needs to do this. I read somewhere that all behaviour is reaction to environment, so for me I thought that must mean, sensory etc and did what I could to rearrange things, of course at school it is down to them to adjust the environment if poss but it could also be as simple as the remarks or looks of other students which we have no control over. With my son I know he will have meltdowns and I just try to remember while it is going on that it a safety valve of a sort for him and not to feel like I had to contain it in some way. I think the NAS could have something on their web but I know it feels all scary and out of control at the time. Yesterday he was building up to a meltdown because he had been waiting for something to arrive that he ordered on internet, he had been planning around this and then someone rang and said it wasnt coming for three months! You can imagine, anyone would be cross but he could not manage to change lanes so easily and just take his mind down another path of possibilities, all he could see was that his plan, his life had all fallen apart because of that phonecall, so I ignored the angry bit and added in the information that he could order another from another website and tried to keep it all linked up. Probably not mkaing sense now, but anyway it seemed to work. Now he is on the new plan just as rigidly as the old one!?

 

anyway, hope my input helps in some way, best wishes to you.

 

 

Hi GladysMay, I'm Hayden, im 18 and have AS. I'm new here and dont know any other people with AS so is nice to hear that im not alone. I too have these 'meltdowns' (is this an official term? i havent heard it much before), its really reassuring to know that ur 19 year old son does some of the same stuff as I do. i too hate changes. im stressing about A levels at the moment and it has brought on the OCD i sometimes get. i have an obsession with excercise and i go running every day come rain or shine. I have a really short temper and often act first think later. its really hard sometimes, coming from someone near enough the same age as ur son. I also have epilepsy so had that to deal with at school as well. annie, i like the card system, I had similiar thing at shcool where i could leave if it got too much, but i didnt have a card thing.

 

Nice to read your posts

 

Hayden

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Hello Hayden, nice to hear from you, my son also did weights for a while and was obsessive about the routine, amount of water to drink etc, he doesnt do it so much lately, he had so much trouble from bullies I think he just decided it would be a logical step to take. I just started using meltdown because others were using it but I dont know if it is official, but it describes it pretty well. He hates having to makes changes even small changes at the last minute, just as you say and cant stand it when I say a lot of extra unnecessary words when I speak to him about anything. thank you for your feedback, I am pleased my posting made sense :)

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Thanks for the reply, i guess meltdown in a good term to use, i think i have heard it once or twice. i had one last week if that is the case. i was at karate and got a routine wrong which frustrated me and i took 'time out' on the punch bag. Then when i got home i realised my dads girlfriends son had been in my room playing on my games console cos he had left the lid open. i went a bit crazy at him and had a panic attack that i couldnt sleep in my room. feels a bit stupid looking back, but at the time its really a serious thing!! i had a change of teacher when i was 8, halfway through the shcool year and i would worry that her routines would be different and it disturbed me so much i couldnt work and if she did something slightly differently i would scream about it. i also would try and shut off by sitting with my hands over my ears and looking away from everyone. i could be quite violent if anyone tried to touch me!! i still have odd moments like this, where i want to shut myself away. it got better though, once i got used to the new teacher.

 

thanks for reading all this. and yes, i understood your posting!! i belong to an epilepsy forum as well and some of the posts can confuse me cos they dont appreciate how literal i can take things e.g. someone said to me 'local rag' for newspaper and all i couldnt work it out. and "ring any bells?" made me wonder why anyone would be ringing any bells. image of church came to mind!!

 

Hayden

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how funny, I too can imagine the bells! my sisters son has epilepsy but I dont know much about it in real life terms since they live in Canada and I just dont see them at all. are you impatient, my son hates waiting for things, he can do it if he absolutely has to (queing up to buy a game maybe!) got it slightly wrong today when we went on a trip on a train and I overexplained things, I can see I was doing it to reassure myself, when he only really needs the right information at the right time. your contributions are very interesting, thanks Hayden.:)

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how funny, I too can imagine the bells! my sisters son has epilepsy but I dont know much about it in real life terms since they live in Canada and I just dont see them at all. are you impatient, my son hates waiting for things, he can do it if he absolutely has to (queing up to buy a game maybe!) got it slightly wrong today when we went on a trip on a train and I overexplained things, I can see I was doing it to reassure myself, when he only really needs the right information at the right time. your contributions are very interesting, thanks Hayden.:)

 

 

hi gladysmay, yea i can get impatient too, when waiting for things. sometimes i get frustrated cos i go for a morning run at 7.45am and if im ready before then il be waiting thinking i could go early but then it wouldnt feel right cos its not my usual time. if i leave for it later than normal i will have to add on the extra minutes which can also be frustrating as il know i will be late for the next thing which jst messes up the day!! i have different types of seizures with my epilepsy - tonic clonics which is what most people associate with epilepsy where the person falls and shakes, but i also have partial seizures where i can walk around and do stuff but il be semi conscious whilst doing it and wont remember much about it. i had 2 seizures at the weekend... not too good!!

 

dont worry about gettting it wrong, we all do sometimes. the thing that annoys me is if someone says "do u know what u have to do?" and you say "yes" but they explain it to u anyway - whats the point? its just infuriating!! :wallbash:

 

hope ur ok, its interesting to hear from you too

 

Hayden

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yes, i think i do some stuff that is frustrating to my son but hopefully i am gradually learning along the way, it is a journey we are all on together.

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Most universities won't tolerate meltdowns. Anyone exhibiting threatening behaviour or damaging buildings will be dealt with promptly by the security staff who are not people you want to get on the wrong side of. Universities can sanction or expel students for just about any reason and it is very difficult to appeal even in cases of diagnosed AS.

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it seems to come down to how the institution interprets 'threatening behaviour' what might otherwise be understood to be a 'meltdown' by those that understand ASD's. i think it is something that requires careful and sensitive judgement and whether this can be found. i have this worry about my son attending college later this year, i know he IS going to have some meltdown situations and i will be trying my best to negotiate with the staff and all involved to have an AS friendly and knowledgeable approach. when it comes to damaging property, my son kicked a door at school once, i honestly dont know how they will react, but hope they will make reasonable adjustments.

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Threatening generally means that somebody thinks a strong likelihood that a physical attack will take place. Universities publish rule books that mention that threatening behaviour will not be tolerated and sanctions will be imposed. University security staff are not knowledgeable about AS and probably won't be for the next 10 or so years.

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