after school

[board]

what are your chilren like after school she is perfact in school soon as she cames home night mare the school says sh is doing all right but at home she hits shouts swears frows things hide when family call why is she so diffrent but when i take my son with us she copys him do your children coupy the other childen all the best jill

[Bagpuss]

Our youngest is exhausted when she gets home from school and can be very difficult. But we have found ways to help. Firstly we sorted our transport out. She goes to school in next town, and was being picked up hour and half before school started and being dropped off an hour and half after it finished. In total she was travelling 3 hrs per day for a school 20 mins away. Took some doing, with lots of promises from transport dept which never materialised etc etc. Eventually I reached the end of my tether when they suggested our only other option would be to put her on a dial a ride bus with no chaperone. Oh she'll be ok they said, the driver is police checked. Our daughter is 5, and not only does she have ASD but she also has Muscular Dystrophy, contributing to her tiredness. As I said, eventually I had had enough. I told them that unless the journey was shortened, i would keep her at home and the LEA would have to find a more suitable placement. I also started banging on about government guidelines. The situation exploded, with the head of transport getting involved, and we received apology and journey was cut dramatically. This has really helped. The school also made some visual charts for us to use. With sticky smiley faces on. Ie. Take shoes off, Take uniform off, etc etc, these have been brilliant and she has one for teatime and bedtime. We are thinking of getting another for morning, but thats another story.

[BusyLizzie100]

What are they like after school? Foul! They may be perfect little angels in school but I know it's been a bad day when they walk out of the classroom door, fist raised, and plonk me one. It's all my fault, isn't it!

 

I've described this situation so many times and I'm so fed up of hearing from NT families 'well, all kids are like that, aren't they', ie every kid takes it out on Mum or Dad. Yeah, but... the levels of abuse aimed at me are ridiculously high.

 

The answer for my lot, more or less, is to sit each one in front of his favourite glowing box, be it computer or DVD. Then they relax, chill a bit, and we can try to start again. We never get anything else done - homework, reading, whatever - getting them to calm down and recover from the day is the overall priority. Of course, it doesn't always work. They're often up all hours at bedtime still processing what's gone on in their day.

 

And yes, the younger sibling does copy their behaviour to a certain extent. Our answer is to get him to mix with his NT peers as much as poss, so he goes to nursery probably more than other kids his age - fortunately our local nursery offered him an early place, which has been a godsend.

Edited May 17, 2006 by BusyLizzie100

[lisa35]

snap! buzy- from minute I pick him up ww3! hates me and the world- solution---- tv and jam butties, uniform off, chills for an hour- needs "down " time

Lisa

[lisann]

 

Thank god it's not just Char then fed up of school saying he is just so good at school it's hard to believe he is so bad at home!!!!

 

He supresses the ASD at school and saves it all for me at home infact the moment he steps out of the school door.

 

You are not alone

 

Lisa x

[Suze]

he can be very very quiet and not engage at all ,curling up in a ball in front of the tv,other days he goes nuts and is very hyper.........and then we get the anger and rage times too.

[karin]

hi all just catching up with my e-mails my 2 go bonkers at home time threaten younger one all the time school said the prob is at home not at school (little angels) for a long time i believed them but since i joined this wonderful forum realise its not us its just the kids saving up all their asd behaviour as they do not want to appear different in front of their school friends so leave it for us parents,i once read in tony attwoods book a paragraph that convinced me my 2 had aspergers it said be aware of 2 different characters i.e.the child will conform at school so as not to appear out of sync with other children but once they hit home they will change like jekyll an hyde now believe that is my 2 to a tee oh well you know the saying you always hurt the ones you love keep smilin luv karin

[brooke]

what are your chilren like after school she is perfact in school soon as she cames home night mare the school says sh is doing all right but at home she hits shouts swears frows things hide when family call why is she so diffrent but when i take my son with us she copys him do your children coupy the other childen all the best jill

Hi jill

I totally understand where you are coming from my lad is ok before school but as soon as he puts his foot in the door from school he turns into the kid from hell!!!at: He always throws stuff too and now his little brother is copying him as he thinks thats what you do when you are told off. what i try to do is get his attention and just explain that when he throws things and screams and shouts it makes me sad even though he doesnt understand sometimes just a calm voice helps him also i often try to do something after school so i dont have as much time stuck in the house counting the hours till bed. take care

[justamom]

Ditto to most of the above, there was a thread here a while ago passive at school and meltdowns at home, which most of the parents agreed too. I was told by the school that my son does not show any AS traits at school, i would love to put a camera in my front room and show them his AS traits he is a nightmare after school especially if he has had a supply teacher...

 

Most children pretend to fit in at school and come home and explode it's very common......

 

Justamom

[helenmorbey]

My little one goes to nursery quite agitated depending what the current teaching is, goes in a little angel, is an angel all through (so much so they laugh at the thought of ASD), comes home and ....... Swears, screams if someone looks at her, stomps off upstairs to chill out with a video, i must video it one day to take to nursery lol, Helen xx

[NaneysMum]

Once more I'm cheering "It's not just me!" Sorry that sounds so insensative to your problems - I do sympathise I really do. Its just that before I found this forum I felt SO alone with all this. And I though it must be me - bad parenting.

 

My daughter is distressed going to school and needs to be pushed/pulled through the doors but "she's fine" once she in, though she takes some time to settle. She's all smiles as she comes out but once our front door is closed she transforms into some kind of monster! I thinks she so buttoned down in school it has to come out somehow and as she cant talk about whats troubling her, her only outlet is rage. Not everyday - it depends whats been going on but her behaviour after school is a barometer of the pressure she's been under but its only days or weeks later you get an inkling of what this is. I've tried chill out time but it dosen't seem to help - mostly I just grit my teeth and let her unload. Not much fun for us - increasingly distressing for her little brother - but it entertains the neighbours.

[Glock]

oh boy! its just the best time of day (oh yeah right!!). I usually end up at the bottom of the garden with a cup of coffee while all hell breaks loose in the house.

 

I am assured that its all part of AS - my 13 year old just needs to plug into either his computer or PS2 and be left alone - once he has cooled down he is fine but if he doesn't get that uninterupted time he is horrendous. He picks fight with his 2 siblings who then kick off as well because they are tired, had enough .... .

 

Its hard because you know that it is their difficult time and you try to be supportive but it has such a knock on effect with the rest of the family.

[Tilly]

My daughter is the complete opposite. She absolutely hates school and lets them know it.

 

Home is her comfort zone and she comes in kicks her shoes of T.V remote in one hand, slouches on the settee and says "Ahh this is the life".

 

Some might think I'm lucky but I often get down knowing how upset she is at school but most days that is the only time she goes out I wish I was a stonger person and home ed her but I don't think that would do her any great favours at the moment.

 

Tilly

[lynyona]

My ds was the model pupil but as many have echoed he turned into the child from hell once he got home.But luck as it he loved school and it was the only time he ever went out of the house.He would have been still there if he could go to school forever he really did love it and he s 20 next week and he still misses school,or maybe it was the set routine of school he misses who knows.We did try college but that was a disastrous experience for him so he stays within the confines of his safety zone(home) 24/7 quiete happily in his little haven of games consoles dvds cd etc.but its not ideal but we are trying to change that but it is easier said than done.

[allure]

Jill,

sometimes wade comes home after a bad day at school in a right state. though most days he just comes home and loses himself in the TV or the computer. however, if he does not get that time to immerse himself in those things, watch out!!!! all hell breaks loose!

sometimes when he's been particularly well behaved or has controlled himself from being impulsive a great deal we will get what we refer to as "backlash". for instance, we went to see The Da Vinci code, which wade sat through very well and only fidgeted a little bit. But later that night..OMG, he was rude and mouthy and had a right attitude! we've come to sort of expect this after such constraining things so it's nothing new for us. We try to understand this is bound to happen and just accept it.