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pingu

this cant go on

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:wallbash: Having a really bad couple of weeks just now, All of the family have been drawn into this intense situation which has led to my eldest saying he want to leave (hes 13) K's behaviour has gone through the roof, his stimming is so so so intense it now last 5 hours a night, and for that 5 hours we cant walk freely around our own house, if we disturb him he screams and has to start his spinning from the begginning.

I know that he is stressed at school which is probably whats causing it, but as usual he is not like this at school so they dont really see what we have to put up with. If he did do it at school the whole class would be unable to learn anything.

 

Its got to the point where we cant hear ourselfs think and everything revolves around him. I couldnt even face getting up this morning but i had to eventually.

 

Hubby been into school today and they admitted that he has learnt very little there in the last couple of years, but the class he has been a part of is not to blame, they have done there best with him and its his "in-attention" and impulsivity that is stopping him from learning, we feel as though we are been pushed into a corner and all of us feel like a pressure cooker waiting to explode.

 

I said something out loud last night and now hate myself for saying it, i feel so guilty that i could have thought in this way. The criminal line was "if parenthood was a paid job - i would quit" How horrible is that ! :crying:

 

Just need to get things off my chest whilst i await a call from the pychologist, Im seriously thinking about pulling him from school.

 

on second thoughts, i dont know what to do anymore, everything is so ###### intense im sick of picking up the pieces, we have tried to discuss this in the past with school/docs/senco everyone, and they all play the "wait and see" card. i have waited and i have seen and now im sick of him falling flat on his face in the hope he will recover and learn. Hes not going to recover this is for life and now i realise that im scared for his future.

 

:tearful:

 

Sorry to whinge - not having the best of days after what seemed like a never ending night !

 

Trying hard to pull myself together all i ever waanted was to have kids so i could love them and they could love me back, but instead i have a son who seems to resent me (eldest) A daughter who is so empathic the minute i raise my voice she bursts into tears and then there is k, who doesnt get all the emotion stuff, i know they all love us in there own way but i feel that 9 times out of 10 they are unreachable.

 

Now i feel guilty again for saying all that. :unsure:

 

Im going before i say something i might regret

 

sorry ! :wallbash:

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Don't have much advise for you, but just want to say hang in there and be strong, i know what you are going through as i'm having a very difficult time too with DD at present.

 

hugs.

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Oh Pingu - feel so much for you.

 

I know how you feel - I've said some pretty awful things lately to my daughter that I can't believe came out of my mouth - but the thing is sometimes no matter how much you try things do get on top of you and pull you down and you just don't cope quite the same.

 

At the weekend I told my hubbie that I really feared that I was either going to hurt my daughter (she'd been so aggressive and hateful) or hurt myself or just run away from it all as I felt everything was swallowing me under. I love my daughter so much it makes my heart hurt but sometimes I find it hard to cope with it day after day.

 

You need plenty of TLC - some time on your own if you can get it!!! - although if you think you need some additional help (and you'll know in your heart if you do) make an appointment with your GP soon.

 

Take care, chin up

Jb

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while i don't have much advice for you on things you could do, I wanted to show my support and send you a hug and let you know that there are other moms out here who understand. I think at one time or the other we've all been at the end of our sanity. I know i've been there more than once, twice or even fifty times. There's a saying that i try to remind myself of... "what doesn't kill us can but make us stronger".. i know right now you could probably care less about being strong and probably wish it'd just have mercy and kill you :fight: i've been there. Try to hang in there and keep your chin up. Do you have an Educational Psycologist that deals with your son that could perhaps suggest some things? Perhaps parent partnership could help? whatever you choose know we're here to support you *soft smile* we're all in the same boat.

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All I can advise really is to give K a break from school for a couple of weeks. Let's face it by the sound of it he's not learning much at the minute anyway and the stresses are just going to get worse. Was wondering if it's been a particularly stressful time in school at the moment what with the SATs and everything, as he's especially sensitive to this it may be what's making him worse.

 

I would also advise that you see the GP about his anxiety levels as he may be able to point him in the direction who could recommend the correct course of action.

 

And one more thing >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> don't forget about number one. I've been doing that and now I'm classed as having major depression and I too am under a psychologist so we can work through things. Remember if you fall down everyone falls with you.... take care, it sounds like you need some extra support just now >:D<<'>

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when my son was first dx I thought all this 'stuff' would start to happen to make things alright - well it didnt, nothing changed and he went balistic! I had practically promised him 'something' that would help, I made hundreds of phonecalls, pestered everyone but eventually found I had to admit I did not have the answer, he is older so I totally appreciate this is different, but I know that feeling of being so lost, and feeling utterly useless in the face of all the difficulties, however, it will pass, do not beat yourself up about it, here is something that you cannot expect yourself to have all the answers to, so you are doing what we all do, you are doing your best which is all any human being can do.

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Pingu >:D<<'>

 

School may not see this behaviour but you are living with it and it sounds like the whole house is stressed by what is going on right now. Been there and done that and I know it's not a nice place to be :(

 

Different things work for different families for us it was taking them out of school. There is no magic wand effect but slowly the turmoil subsided in David and that meant that the whole house began to breathe again. Some people may think that taking them out of school is giving in - I saw it as a way of saving my family and my sanity.

 

If you could manage to get the stress levels down just a little - even if that meant just a few weeks out of the system then you could then lay some ground rules about stimming. This may sound quite shocking but there other people living in this house and they have needs to. Is there a room, say his bedroom, where he could stim as much as he needed to? Then you could make this 'the' place for stimming and make sure that everyone else stays out of the room for as long as is necessary. It wont work overnight but eventually it might? I did this with David his stimming was a veral stream of abuse and foul language :( and I made the rule that this could only take place in his room and that he could turn the air blue in there but no where else. It took some doing but slowly it worked and as his stress levels came down his need to curse all but went.

 

I know when Matthew is stressed he needs to complete a cycle of whatever it is he is doing and if he is stopped in mid cycle then he has to start again. I find this very difficult to live with but I know that it's far worse for him. Your other son is at a difficult age himself and maybe if he felt that you were trying to put things in place that may help he would feel better - then again maybe not as he is a teenager :lol: I am not trying to be glib because I have also lived through the teens :wacko:

 

Oracle

Edited by oracle

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>:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

It sounds like you and your family are in a downward spiral that needs to be broken.

 

If it can be fitted in with your other commitments I would tell K that he will not be going to school next week. Speak to your GP and ask him to back you up. Even if he doesn't keep him off for the week while you think calmly about your next move.

 

It may be that K's placement is not the right one for him.

 

Whatever you decide good luck!

 

 

Simon

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>:D<<'> Pingu >:D<<'> .

Everyone has already pretty much said what I would, I'll just add that you musn't feel guilty for saying things when you're stressed and tired and worried.

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Pingu >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

Really feel for you right now. I've had days that I couldn't face getting out of bed and life felt full of c~~p :tearful: Hang in there. I've also thought and said some terrible things re. our daughter, felt completely guilt ridden afterwards, but I'm not perfect, and have struggled to adjust to how our life has become as a result. It is a rollercoaster and life has a habit of biting you on the bum when you are least able to deal with it or expect it. Your not alone. Take care >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

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>:D<<'> Thank you for your replies, I thought i would come back and answer some of the things which you have suggested so far.

firstly without your support i wouldnt have got through today, and to 'stresshead' last night = >:D<<'> you helped me out more than you know, bless you !

 

Kieran has the run of our bedroom to do his stimming, he likes it in there as no one tends to disturb him, but the problem is recently he has wanted more and more space and the more we tell him "no" the more aggressive and demanding he becomes, but we are working on it.

I am seriously considering keeping him off school, i did this last time he became to much and i must admit it did help, so i might try that again. Im scared to talk to my G.P as i dont trust doctors, but i know that it will eventually become inevitable.

I got a phone call this afternoon from the psychologist, she totally agrees that things are not perfect and is going to try and arrange a meeting between the school and us to discuss excactly what kierans needs are.

 

I had an emotional chat with his teacher at home time, she feels terrible because she was convinced she could make this work, and she hasnt been able to, i explained that its nothing to do with her, on the contary if it hadnt been for the nurture group and her level of teaching i would have taken kieran out of the school by now, (full credit to her she is lovely) I also found out the 'senco' isnt the senco, i was just made to believe this (for the last 2 years) The senco is actually the head teacher.

 

Thankyou for all your hugs, you really dont know how much that has helped to know you understand.

I will try and pick myself up and be there for you when you need me. :wub:

 

You are right, we are all in the same boat, so lets sail together. >:D<<'>

 

shaz

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Bit late to this thread but i hope things are ok for you Pingu...

 

Its a difficult time i know but hang it there, Keirans teacher sounds lovely!! Wish we had more like her around!!!

 

Chin up lovely

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good god woman, if anyone needs to 'winge' its you, something has to be done for all your sakes.

have u thought of placing him in a unit, after all they give the same education as 'ordinary' schools but the teaching staff are much more educated in the ways of special needs.

 

I have often thought of taking tom out of mainstream myself.

it is the only solution i can think of to help u all, but as u say it cannot go on.

 

all the luck in the world with it and i am here if u need a chat. >:D<<'>

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Hi elaine :wub:

 

all the luck in the world with it and i am here if u need a chat.

 

Thank you.

 

I have thought about taking him out of school, this is what i was discussing with his teacher yesterday, but i dont want to jump out of the frying pan into the fire. (so to speak)

 

I completely lost the plot last night, it was 10pm and k was demanding a folder to put a piece of paper in, but i didnt have one. then he was climbing everywhere, and playing in the water, in fact every time i turned around to sort one thing out he was doing another. I just totally lost it. and went to my bed ! :crying: Im feeling a bit better today after crying for about 2 hours, I left hubby to deal with it all, only now hes feeling the same today as i did yesterday :unsure:

At present he is getting wound up about the noise/mess/disruption/climbing and behaviuor. And i really cant blame him.

 

You would honestly think i had fed them on raw meat and smarties !! :wallbash:

 

Thanks again, ill probably take you up on that chat. :whistle:

 

shaz

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Shaz, sorry I'm late to this thread. You've had some excellent advice so I can't add to it but.... >:D<<'> really feel for you

 

Lauren XX

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shaz did u try to get me on pm yesterday? i only ask cos my kids were on the puter but sign in under my msn passport, so u may have thought it was me. Ellie came in and said mom theres an orange message at the bottom of the puter, but by then youd probably been waiting for ages. sorry

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Hi elaine.

Yes it was me. Lol. no worries, i had to sign out again anyway as true to form the second i start doing anything "for me" the kids do something which demands my attention, and right at that point kieran decided to draw all over himself with felt tip pens :whistle:

 

Steve has taken him to the shop right now (peace) But it wont last !!.

Hope to speak to you soon.

 

Shaz

x

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Hi elaine.

Yes it was me. Lol. no worries, i had to sign out again anyway as true to form the second i start doing anything "for me" the kids do something which demands my attention, and right at that point kieran decided to draw all over himself with felt tip pens :whistle:

 

Steve has taken him to the shop right now (peace) But it wont last !!.

Hope to speak to you soon.

 

Shaz

x

 

 

weekends are fraught with kids on puter all the time so i dont get on too often weekdays are better for me.

speak soon xx

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