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justamom

Called himself insane!!!

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Hi ya,

 

I am off to Bingo tonight with a few friends at our local club, kids are welcome to come along but because I know that my friends children "wind" Keegan up I asked dh if he would watch Keegan while dd and I have a few games together... her kids like to wrestle and are very full on and he does not know how to handle them because they want to rough and tumble and he does not really like that!!

 

Keegan does not like these kids and does anything to avoid them but tonight he said to me

 

"Its ok Mom, I know you dont want to take the insane child to embras you."

 

I was totally floored by his reaction because its not very often that I would leave him at home without me but to call himself insane is what shocked me the most, where did he get that from???? Very hurtful coz he is not insane but maybe feeling left out..

 

Have your children ever referred to themselves like this???

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Oh no that's awful no mine hasn't said anything like that he calls my daughters horrible names which he heres at school but never about himself.Hope you get to the bottom of it.

 

Lisa x

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He is not very well this morning, he is having a flare up of his inflammatory Bowel Disease and is saying strange things like i wish i never had all these things wrong with me,its not fare I dont want AS.. he does not often talk about his AS but i think he is feeling very low at the moment with feeling ill and is a little depressed..

 

i will keep an eye on it and not let it go on for to long. I must admit he has been under alot of stress lately at school so its no wonder he is in low spirits....

 

It raining here so it will be nice to put a dvd (probably charmed - his obesssion) and snuggle up on the couch...

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Tom often refers to himself as stupid although we have never called him that, perhaps someone at school has said it. Tom knows he is different to others though and he says my brain doesnt work, and thumps it with the flat of his hand.

 

it is shocking but maybe he has begun to notice the difference between himself and others, maybe he needs a chat.

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My son has said "I want to take my mind out and get a new one" :tearful:

he said this when he couldn't stop thinking about all the things that upset him over and over,

he was shouting them out and getting really upset, he asked if I could put his mind into his friends

head and he could have his friends mind :tearful: .

 

Brook

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Poor thing Brook, its hard for our little aspies not being able to explain things.. I wish i could spend one day in his body to experience it and therefore understand more....

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Hi

 

My son has never said that, but on occasions he goes around saying that he's stupid and useless, etc (he calls me a lot worse!!!). That's something I would never dream of calling him and can only guess that perhaps he's heard it from somewhere. I guess it may be to do with self-esteem and confidence as well. Heartbreaking isn't it?

 

Best wishes

 

Caroline

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Hi Justamom,

 

My daughter hasn't referred to herself as 'insane' - although she has asked me on several occasions 'do you think I'm insane?' - when I've questioned why she asks this - she's said because sometimes she thinks she's going mad with all the silly thoughts in her head going around and around and she can't get rid of them.

 

She also uses all the 'I'm stupid', 'you think I'm stupid', 'I'm a waste of skin' etc - all of which no-one has called her - but she very often says this when you start to explain something that you think she may not know (and inevitably she does) - or sometimes she'll call me it if I don't know what she's talking about (which is very often because she doesn't explain herself very well - although I am usually quite good at the guessing game I don't always get it right!!!).

 

Take care,

Jb

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Com actually likes the idea of being insane, crazy, weird and different and he works hard at making himself stand out in a crowd but I think that has a lot to do with his best friend and the jokes they used to make at primary school.

 

He's doing the useless, failure, no good at anything (this is the kid doing AS level maths at 13!) at the moment and has developed serious mental health issues over the last year or so.

 

12 is just about the right age for the self-awareness that comes with puberty to be hitting hard, in some ways this is normal, but for our kids we have to watch the self-esteem issues very carefully as this is the age a lot seem to hit their differences head on and succumb to stress and anxiety big time.

 

Com was signed off school indefinitely this morning because it has gone so far :crying:

 

I would definitely go and speak to his senco/teachers - he needs his self-esteem boosting now before it becomes a major problem

 

Zemanski

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I suppose the worst thing for me when I was younger was that I was never told what I was good at and how good I was at it, which made me feel inadequate. I didn't want false praise given just to make me feel better, I actually wanted to be told what I was good at that I could see myself. Only computer games did this.

 

I didn't even start reading until eight and after that I read all the time, no one seemed to respond to how good I was at it until I was thirteen and at a residential school for Dyslexics!

 

The maths teacher at Harrogate Grammar sought of gave me an incling that I was very good at math despite my handwriting being terrible(student services had to take a month to decide wether my handwriting should mean I get a lower grade because presentation is not directly math-related).

 

It was before I started speaking properly that I first thought everyone on the entire Earth was an idiot and I was the only smart one: they just did one stupid thing after another and I couldn't point it out to them. It was only when I started speaking to people that they started really speaking back and then they made me feel stupid when I wasn't: I was made to feel the better you could speak meant you had more intelligence but the less you could then you were inferior. So with the ability to speak came a reversal in my self-esteem. I started out by being able to form my own view of things without other peoples influences, but when I started speaking people couldn't help but always give me their stupid opinion. I seemed to forget how stupid they seemed before and I became confused as to wether other people were always right and I was always wrong.

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I think you are right Zemanski i have to nip it in the bud before he gets bad depression and has to see the drs again, 2 yrs ago they wanted to put him on anti depression tablets and I refused them, we did not have a dx then, and were fighting for it ... I will have to take alot of care with this one and tread carefully and BIG him up!!!

 

I have written a letter to his teacher explaining things so hopefully they will be understanding...

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You went to a school in Harrogate, Lucas? So did I :D. St Aidan's :)

I've said that I'm pretty sure I have Aspergers and I can rememeber how painful school, particularly secondary school was. Academically I did well, either average or above average in most non practical things. Socially and emotionally I was a lot worse. I used to sit and stare and do nothing in breaktimes because I couldn't handle them. I got all the "you're stupid, thick" etc comments.

The thing is, is that with Ds1 (who is also on the spectrum and at this stage seems far severley affected than I am) is I find it difficult to accept he can't understand me, because I can remember being a little older than him and people asking me to do things which I wanted to do, but I was unable to make the thoughts in my head become the actions. Then when I got older I could hold conversations pretty well, but I was hopeless at asking for things I needed. I spent my entire secondary school in the same PE Kit (just during PE lessons obviously :D) because I couldn't say that I needed a new one. Unfortunately my inability to express myself made me a prime target for bullies :blink:

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I live in Harrogate. Currently I do two part-time jobs and a days volunteering at Disability Action in Hornbeam Park.

 

Your description of childhood is quite similiar to mine, but Autistic people tend to 'play up' how able they were as children because of stigma. I didn't realise how late a speaker I was until I started asking my family questions and then I was able to recall my infant years better because I started thinking in pictures again. That means that whilst some pretty incredible things I could do a picture thinking non-verbal child are coming back but I'm able to tolerate voices less now.

 

Lee Evans is on tv...

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Now, I am a tad confused about how early I spoke as a child. My mum says I wasn't late, but that it took me a long time to initiate anything. Eg she would ask me a question and I'd give an answer, but I wouldn't point out anything myself until I got to about four.

I lived in Harrogate for eight years. Still got fond memories of the Stray and Valley Gardens :)

Edited by Bullet

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I suppose the worst thing for me when I was younger was that I was never told what I was good at and how good I was at it, which made me feel inadequate. I didn't want false praise given just to make me feel better, I actually wanted to be told what I was good at that I could see myself. Only computer games did this.

 

I happened to be good at computers, electronics, and anything scientific and technical. Unfortunately they were not school subjects, so my school and LEA did not think highly of my talents and expertise in these areas. They also thought I was wasting my time and should focus more on school work instead. This made me feel very unhappy and inadequate and I felt my talents were not recognised or respected because of the system. If I happened to be good at sports and music then things would have been completely different.

 

I had low self esteem at school and often considered myself as a failure and a useless person because I was no good at things kids of my age were expected to be good at by default such as handwriting, football, bike riding, and fitting in with the system and my classmates. I had undiagnosed depression at junior school and other people thought I was just being ungrateful when I explained my problems.

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II had low self esteem at school and often considered myself as a failure and a useless person because I was no good at things kids of my age were expected to be good at by default such as handwriting, football, bike riding, and fitting in with the system and my classmates. I had undiagnosed depression at junior school and other people thought I was just being ungrateful when I explained my problems.

 

 

This is excactly what i am worried about Canopus my son is thinking the way you did when you were at school, he is going thru a rather difficult time at the moment, he is popular but i am afraid that it might be to his detriment because he is doing things to please others rather than be himself. If he was himself then they might not be his friends, he tends to try and buy there friendships its so sad to watch and i do intervene because i cant allow that to happen.... He has alot of strengths that i think i need to point out to him and make him believe them, I must say he is very good on the computer....

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a few months ago wade had a serious bout of self degradation..He was calling himself a freak, hitting his brow with his palm and just being very down on himself. :( He's come home last friday and said that this girl he has a crush on at school called him an "american freak". :angry:

sometimes I think they are called these things by other kids, they know they are different, so they start believing what the kids are calling them. *hugs* it's really very sad. especially for us parents to hear our children talk down about themselves when we know how very special and precious they truly are. Our kids are braver because not only do they go to school day after day where they are ridiculed and made fun of and singled out, but they do it with such courage and dignity and determination. :)

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I have had a chat with my son and while he was off school yesterday he was watching his obession, Charmed all about witches....

 

He heard them annonce that it will be the last episode in june they are ending the serious and he has been very upset by it, he cant function with his charmed, he wants us to bid on ebay for the box sets that he does not already have... He said it just adds to his bad week

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I live in Harrogate. Currently I do two part-time jobs and a days volunteering at Disability Action in Hornbeam Park.

 

I live in Harrogate too - just thought I'd throw that into the mix

 

I've often considered pretty much everyone that I've ever met to be 'stupid' as 'normal' people seem to focus on such pointless things - clothes, what celebrity is doing what, where you're going on holiday etc. Even at work I always seem to have found that people are so slow and plodding when it comes to coding - I can do in a day what takes them a week, and it seems so difficult to get them to understand the ideas that are so 'obvious' to me

 

On the flip side though I'm dreadful in discussion as my brain just doesn't seem to work at the same speed. Give me some info and it probably won't be until the next day that it's sunk into the grey jelly and a load of (usually) really important questions/responses pop back out. This often makes me feel weak in discussions/arguements as I can't react 'intelligently' in everyone else's eyes...despite the fact that 24 hours later I can pick every single hole, construct a powerhouse response etc.

 

How you define stupidity and insanity depends on the people involved and what's being used as a yardstick. To NTs someone who can't give rapid responses to questions could be deemed 'stupid', or someone who doesn't follow their way of doing things/acting could be deemed 'insane'. Flip it around though and, by my standards, they're the stupid ones. And anyone who thinks that life begins and ends with what label is sewn onto a pair of jeans is, by my standards, insane (well and truly insane if you ask me)

 

Obviously there are pros and cons to having an ASD and everyone deals with their 'craziness' differently. Personally I like to keep quiet and not act obviously 'crazy' even though I do like to think of myself as insane (bwuhahahaha). Instead I like to scare people occasionally by letting my brain out of its box...scares the hell out of people when the 'idiot' reveals his true colours or puts them in their place (good example of this was when Mrs TheNeil and I were visiting a computer museum and everyone was totally ignoring us and not being in the slightest bit polite, considerate etc. Mrs TheNeil asked what something in a glass case was (an old hard disk platter I think) and I reel off a highly detailed description of what it is, what it does, how it works, where it eveolves from, and how it relates to our PC at home - the tour guide looked decidedly uncomfortable after that and the face of the guy stood next to us was just a picture before he spluttered "You really know what you're talking about don't you?". How the quiet 'weird' bloke with spiky hair ever did that they'll never know :D)

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Harrogate, Autistic capital of Britain. We only vote Phil Willis(MP) back in year after year because he has hypnotic eyebrows that are a different colour to his hair. Have no idea what he believes in or stands for.

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Harrogate, Autistic capital of Britain. We only vote Phil Willis(MP) back in year after year because he has hypnotic eyebrows that are a different colour to his hair. Have no idea what he believes in or stands for.

 

Phil Willis? If only. Some of us are 'lucky' enough to be on the north west side of H'gate (the far flung 'wasteland' that is Killinghall Moor) so our MP is David <insert rude word here depicting uselessness> Curry. I was well annoyed when I couldn't vote for Mr Grecian 2000 (how else can you explain the eybrow/hair difference?)

 

H'gate may be Austism capital of Britain...but it sure has alot of nice Aston Martins in it :D

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my poor dd the other day was crying uncontrollably and said she wasnt good at anything, no one likes her and she hates "her boy brain" cos it makes her do stuff she dont want to do.

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This is excactly what i am worried about Canopus my son is thinking the way you did when you were at school, he is going thru a rather difficult time at the moment, he is popular but i am afraid that it might be to his detriment because he is doing things to please others rather than be himself. If he was himself then they might not be his friends, he tends to try and buy there friendships its so sad to watch and i do intervene because i cant allow that to happen.... He has alot of strengths that i think i need to point out to him and make him believe them, I must say he is very good on the computer....

 

I know what you mean by this one. He appears to be somebody with lots of friends but very few of them are real friends and he probably isn't aware of this. A strong likelihood exists that many of his so called friends will set him up to do daft pranks and other mischievous activities he otherwise wouldn't do in order to gain respect and fit in with the crowd. His so called friends know fully well he hasn't got many real friends and that he will do almost anything to gain friendship and respect. If he refuses to comply with his so called friend's requests then they will pressure or even bully him to take action.

 

Most kids with AS really are better off having a few real friends rather than a larger number of aquaintances. Unfortunately mainstream schools are better at providing the latter.

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There could be lots of trouble stored up for the future. His so called friends are likely start with a bit of mischief but gradually migrate to more malicious activities. They are probably already aware that he is socially naive and an easy target for manipulation for their advantage. Don't confuse the issue with being gullible. He just wants to keep his so called friends although they probably see him as little more than a future entertainer.

 

After all, how many of his so called friends invite him to their birthday parties or trips to the theme park?

 

This is a very tricky problem to solve and I went through a similar phase as well. Does he mix with his so called friends only at school or outside of school as well? He really needs to find some real friends then try to detach himself from the "rabble" he is currently involved with. Initially this could be a painful process.

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