haning terrible problems in the morning regarding getting dressed

[rainbow queen]

hi

i know its half term this week ,but when its school,my son every morning is refusing to get dressed-it results in us having the same converstation every morning and he still dose it -its getting into a full scale row and im totally shattered by it.

we are ending up at school up to 3/4 hour late and also have my 3 year old to dress.

i cant even manage to get myself ready cause the same stuff kicks of every morning.

ive told the hospital and the lady whos involved with the assessment-they said "do u think its because he wants to stay at home and play?"

i dont think it is -it seems to be the actual event of doing it that causes him heaps of stress-im cam cordering it all to -as they have asked me too.

ive got a visual board and to be honest i should be doing it more its just as im single mum i find im swamped with doing all the stuff needed and i need to give it more attention.

hes took to wanting to stay in his pjs or stripping off and walking about , i drive him to school and it he creates also getting in the car ect.....

he has no statement so i dont get transport-but i feel its unsafe all of us in car and him carrying on ect....

 

i dont know what to do.....

 

its getting so bad i dont even want to get up myself cause i know i have to battle with him.

[smiley]

<'> RQ,

 

My son was very similar to that when he was younger (he's 7 now) - it's truly exhausting <'>

 

The thing that has worked for us are the visual timetables. Unless he can 'see' what he needs to be doing, he becomes very stressed. He also has major problems sequencing - so he finds it hard to figure out which item of clothing to put on first. It turns out, that was why he would wander about naked - or keep his jammies on, he couldn't figure out what to do next IYSWIM.

 

So, so much easier said than done - <'> - but, i would try to make things as routine as possible. Set time for getting up, getting dressed, breakfast, teeth etc. And i try not to give him many 'choices' i.e; if i ask what would you like for breakfast - be will get into a pickle - so now it's Monday; Cornflakes. Tuesday; Wheetabix etc....

 

Hope that helps <'>

[col]

<'> <'>

Oh boy do i know where your coming from. DD7 is very similar and we are 99% of the time late at her school.

She just doesn't have the attention span to get dressed. I tell her to get dressed and can quarentte 10 mins later the most that will be on will be her undies.

[nikrix]

Sounds familar!!.....P was just the same mega tamtrums every item of clothing was a battle to put on. The worst was shoes and socks would take ages and it all had to go on it the right order the right way (her way)

 

I can hear you asking how we got over it, well it does still happen but not as bad. I think anxieties can be a cause of it. In the end it came down to blackmail just a little each day. For example P was not allowed down stairs to watch tele before she had her clothes on, another was she luvs egg sandwiches so she was told she could have one if she put her shoes and socks on first. We had to be persistent and this went on for months but it worked in the end. We got what we wanted and she got what she wanted. Sorry if any one thinks its out of orderb to use a bit of blackmail but it worked for us.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I have exactly the same problem with my 4.5 year old (who has AS). I know he loves nursery and the way I get round it is to tell him that when he's ready to get washed and dressed we can go to nursery. He usually kicks off big time. During that time I literally switch off (keeps me sane!) and igore the swearing, kicking, throwing things, screaming, etc. After about 15 minutes he's usually calm enough to allow me to get him dressed. If only it were that easy ... I know it's not and I guess I'm lucky in that I play on the fact that I know my son actually wants to go to nursery. On one occasion, I called his bluff by actually letting him not get washed and dressed resulting in him not going to nursery. I may be going off about something else, but I've noticed that the 'trouble' always starts not long before we're about to go out irrespective of destination. I think our consultant hit the nail on the head when she said that she thought my son constantly needed to be reminded what was expected of him and exactly what was going to happen. I think she was right as I made us a visual timetable of what happens throughout the day (ie wake up, get washed/dressed, clean teeth, brush hair, have breakfast, etc). This seems to have given him reassurance and I think it's helped. In our case, giving my son clear rules has helped.

 

Best of luck. Hope things get easier.

 

C.

[LizK]

We've got a visual strip with each stage of getting up, having breakfast and getting dressed on. It's done as flaps, the laminate is folded in half long wats. pictures stuck tot he top half with velcro attaching the top half to the bottom. DS loves to pull the flaps down as he's done each task.

 

Would getting 1,3 or 5minute egg timers so he has a warning of when he's got to get dressed or go out to school help? I think oceandirect sell them

 

Are there any sensory issues with his clothes?

 

Lx

[stresshead]

I have this problem with my almost 7 yr old AS son, i have often told him that other children in his class most likely get dressed themselves. he found this hard to believe, although they all get changed for pe at school, my son included.

i asked his teacher if she could do some kind of poll, not directed at my son, but to involve all of the children. because i thought that maybe he wasnt understanding the concept that most children his age will get dressed by themselves, i thought maybe as he didnt see them getting ready of a morning, he thought that they didnt????

In school thay say "we get dressed" "we brush our teeth" "we get washed" "we brush our hair" etc but it doesnt state who does it.

Anyway his teacher did a poll, asked a few questions to the class like "who does dressing, washed, etc by themselves" my son put his hand up because everyone else did and he didnt want to be the only one who didnt! his consionce got the better of him later in the day and he told me that he had lied to his teacher, explaining to me what had been discussed in class.

and 4 days on the trot now he has done everything himself, teeth, hair, washing, dressing!!!!!!!

so now hopefully this will continue with more pleasant mornings!!

[Zemanski]

we didn't have this problem when Com was younger but one of his many reactions to the stress he was under in high school was to refuse to get up and dressed.

The tantrums were so bad at one point he was lashing out and screaming on the bus to the point where our local bus drivers were actually making an extra stop by the school gates so I didn't have to get him across the road.

 

Com is now out of school and we have no problem with getting dressed whatsoever - bit drastic but it does show just how much the stress of school can influence home behaviour

 

Zemanski

[lisann]

Hi sending you lots of love.We find with Charlie if we say

 

"I bet you can't get that vest on " he will quickly grab his vest and try to put it on.Whilst it is on his head we give it a little tug over his head and he thinks he's done it himself.We repeat this for most of his clothes and find it cuts the time to get dreesed in half.It may not work with your boy but thought I'd mention what we do.before we did this we did have the PEC'S pictures in order of what we where doing on his bed ready for when he woke up.We also allow him to play for five mins ( sand timer comes in here) on the xbox but not until he is dreesed.

 

Lisa x

[bikergal]

My daughter has always been like that and we have very rarely ever got to school on time. She's 12 now and is better but for many years mornings have been extremely stressful, and I like you cope with it on my own. My younger dd (11) has also had to cope with being late every day.

 

I used to dress her completely up to a year ago and with arms flailing and mega tantrum because she doesn't want to go to school it's extremely difficult. She can get dressed now but I constantly have to be on her case as she is easily distracted and will be playing with her toys if I leave her. She does not know the meaning of the word 'quick' so I have to allow lots of time. The order the clothes go on has also been a problem. I think much of this is down to her reluctance to go to school.

 

Now she just doesn't get out of bed and frankly after the last huge battle I encourage her but will not force her to get dressed or attend a school that so clearly cannot meet her needs. Sorry don't really have any advice but you're not alone and I know how distressing it is for both of you. I am currently fighting for a statement for my daughter as I need this to get her into a special school, her needs are so complex I couldn't teach her at home. <'> <'>

[col]

http://www.adders.org/

click on social stories, it may help.

[jb1964]

My daughter has always been like that and we have very rarely ever got to school on time. She's 12 now and is better but for many years mornings have been extremely stressful, and I like you cope with it on my own. My younger dd (11) has also had to cope with being late every day.

 

I used to dress her completely up to a year ago and with arms flailing and mega tantrum because she doesn't want to go to school it's extremely difficult. She can get dressed now but I constantly have to be on her case as she is easily distracted and will be playing with her toys if I leave her. She does not know the meaning of the word 'quick' so I have to allow lots of time. The order the clothes go on has also been a problem. I think much of this is down to her reluctance to go to school.

 

Now she just doesn't get out of bed and frankly after the last huge battle I encourage her but will not force her to get dressed or attend a school that so clearly cannot meet her needs. Sorry don't really have any advice but you're not alone and I know how distressing it is for both of you. I am currently fighting for a statement for my daughter as I need this to get her into a special school, her needs are so complex I couldn't teach her at home. <'> <'>

 

Bikergal - you have my daughter to a T - she's nearly 13 and exactly the same now. On a good day - for her to be ready for school she has to be woken in the mornings at 6.45am to be up, dressed and ready for 8.15 as it takes that long - although on a worse day she usually goes in later at 10 or 11 - if we're lucky!! (more often than not she just doesn't go).

 

Take care,

Jb

Edited June 1, 2006 by jb1964

[CarerQuie]

I had to turn the morning routine into a game.I had to use a sing song voice and we have a 'race' sometimes.

 

I realised that he was picking up on the stress that I was feeling with the delays that were taking place.He likes me to count 9(and sometimes I'll count incorrectly and he now laughs at my 'joke').xx

[KarenT]

I have series of instructions blutacked to the wall around the house to prompt J on. In the bathroom there's a list of steps to take for getting washed and dressed for school, there's another at the bottom of the stairs to remind him to get things together for school ie watch, hanky, book bag etc. I still have to remind him to look at the lists but it's far easier (for both of us) than having to remember every single step. The timer encourages him to get ready by a certain time.

 

I also have rewards for getting ready quickly - if I sent him up at ten past eight I know there'll be time to play on the computer or watch tv before school if he's fast enough.

 

It works OK if J is calmer but if something unsettles him it all goes out the window, so it's far from foolproof. But at least I don't have to sit at the top of the stairs shouting directions now.

 

Karen

x