rainbow queen Report post Posted May 30, 2006 hello all i wasnt quite sure where to post this as it is really off topic but then again not sure lol been feeling down for a bit[this isnt unsual -i take 2 lots medication for it and under phychatrist] i keep thinking how will i ever find somebody who love me and my children for what they are? i know alot would say im better off on my own and i agree in some ways i am-but i cant help getting this awfull sinking feeling that its just not possible for me in this situation. im 30.i dont go out ,i havnt really any friends,my boys take all my energy -yet im very lonely,and its quite impossible to be in any kind of situation to be able to meet a man and lets face it hes going have to be one hell of a good one to deal with me and my boys and all the stuff that comes with it. and at what point to you dump all the situation on a man? hi ,how ya doing by the way,im on tablets and under a shrink just to cope with the fact my son has possible as ect... and my other son is hyper, im a hermit ive got several issues with things and if you get involved with me just dont expect the normal kind of life just wondered if any one else is in this position ? xxxrqxxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisann Report post Posted May 30, 2006 Rainbow queen you will find the right bloke if you really want him and if he is right when you do find him he will take you and the kids warts and all.You are a great person and cope like most of us with a lot you deserve to be happy hope you find your Mr right soon. Lisa x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted May 30, 2006 rainbow. You don't find a bloke when you're feeling like that, it's the worst possible time you could meet someone. you need to get yourself sorted out, find away of being happy (I know... who am I kidding???). Talk to your GP, you may need something to help you feel less depressed. First thing you've got to do is turn it around. Don't ask 'who will possibly love my children and me?'.... Ask instead...'who will be good enough for me to allow the privelage of being part of my wonderful family?' But before you even get to that stage you've got to be happy with yourself. Stop thinking of you and the kids as baggage and see yourselves as a wonderful family unit. Once you feel good about you and the kids then the rest will follow. Meanwhile be thankful that: You don't have to lie in bed with somebody who snores and farts all night long (they ALL do) You don't have to wash anyone's smelly sox You can have the remote all to yourself (well once the kids are in bed) You can decide what you'll eat and when you'll eat it (up to a point.... kids again ) You are in charge or your own household and don't have to answer to ANYONE the list is endless and I'm sure others could add to it And remember this always, WHEN you do meet a bloke (of course you will ) THEY will be LUCKY to have YOU.... NOT the other way round! and 30 is nothing. You're still a baby Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest flutter Report post Posted May 30, 2006 all of the above and define normal??? your time will come and he will be darned lucky to have you cos u are one strong cookie <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
allure Report post Posted May 30, 2006 <'> i was in exactly the same situation 4 years ago hon... my life revolved around work and my kids.. i never went out...never dated, had no social life, only friends from work etc etc etc then i met hubby online..told him about wade's ASD, He didn't bat an eyelash...his mother is bi-polar... we talked online for almost a year, spent tons on phone bills, then 3 years ago i came across the pond for 6 months to see how it'd be..brought wade with me.. fell in love, wade fell in love, he fell in love with wade and my meatloaf , we got married.. and that was 2 1/2 years ago.. I didn't think I'd ever find anyone to live with wade much less love him like I did... plus I'm no beauty queen and certainly could ummmm never look good in a bikini! I had decided that the most i'd ever have was the occasional date and then they'd meet wade and run like hell.. let's face it, ASD kids are no picnic! But i got my fairy tale and wade loves Paul as if he were his biological father and Paul loves wade as if he were his biological son...(hubbies mum even says wade acts like hubby did when he was a kid!) chin up hon..hell if it could happen to me..it can happen to anyone! *huge hugs* Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
loulou Report post Posted May 30, 2006 Hi, I definately agree with Lauren. It's not whether you are good enough for someone, it's whether they are good enough for YOU. I was on my own from being pregnant with Kai to when he was 5. I really hated men at the time, but i'd had a quick "fling" which really boosted my ego. Anyway, i got dragged out on a hen night with some girls from work and that's where i met my soul-mate. I really wasn't looking for a man at that time. We are still together 2 1/2 years down the line and he is an absolute honey. Kai said to him, "Will you marry my Mum so you can be my new Dad?" . I'm just waiting for him to ask me! I was 31 at the time, so don't worry about your age. Honestly, i think these things happen just when you're least expecting it. Loulou x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rainbow queen Report post Posted May 30, 2006 thank you all for your replys <'> <'> <'> im feeling better now -the black mood has passed i left the boys dad when my eldest was 2,hes 5 in june-it was at this time concerns were raised about him-so have gone through all that process on my own -as well as from 3 months pregnant with 2nd son-did it all alone [even the birth]. there dad was abusive so i had to leave although we was together 5 years since then ive had a boyfriend and it lasted a year-he helped me alot with my son but in the end he couldnt deal with it -i dont think we was in love any way he was more a friend. ive also heard that my boys dad is living with a woman who has 4 lads one is 9-to be honest it makes me upset cause we tryed to arrange contact and he just used it to hurt me so it was put to him he would there fore have to go through social services and supervised contact to start off with. well that was it never replied.i wouldnt dream of setting up contact again cause in my eyes he shown what a true ******* he is. i just feel hurt for my sons and the fact he never really got to know what was happing or to this day the fact that my son has and still is going down asd assessment route. i think thats the irony in it in for me that there own father has turned his back on them. and then the other logic side of me says but thats rubbish because theres alot of men out there that are not the bilogical father and are making better dads than them. im not really looking and i know the best time things happen is when your not looking for it,i think ive earned it now by proving how independant i have become and how strong and tough this whole thing has made me.i know i can manage on my own now -no matter what. so i think maybe fate will see this to -when ever the time is right im sure fate will send me right one Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cmuir Report post Posted May 30, 2006 Hi I think you'll meet someone when you least expect it. There will be someone out there who'll accept you and your kids for what you all are (you're a fighter and you've proved that by keeping things together this long!). Try and keep your chin up. Even though you don't socialise as such, are there occasions when you have to go out eg to pay bills, get a pint of milk, get the bus, etc? That's where you could meet someone! Take it easy for now, get yourself on your feet and concentrate on you. When you're feeling stronger, who knows?! Chin up, onwards and upwards! Best wishes Caroline Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bagpuss Report post Posted May 31, 2006 Rainbow Queen <'> I take my hat off to any single parent I struggle to cope and my dh is supportive. I think what the others have said is true, give yourself time <'> These things tend to happen when you least expect them. Try to make as many opportunities to meet people as poss.....support groups, college course.........please note though that I never take my own advice and I too would love to get out there and meet people, and never have Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyProudfoot Report post Posted May 31, 2006 Hiya RQ The wait will be worth it I'm sure. It's hard to bounce back when you've had the blows you've had but there's always someone there. I have a friend at work who's a self-proclaimed Aspie (not dx'd). He's the most routine fella I've ever met and an avid collector - has a whole room in his house devoted to his hobby. He was single (no kids) until his early 40s and never showed any interest in anyone, then out of the blue we discovered he was getting married to a younger woman who he played badminton with. He's been with her about 12 years now Might be worth getting out more even if it's just to the library or join in with the kids activities - plenty of opportunities there. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
minerva Report post Posted June 6, 2006 just wondered if any one else is in this position ? Yep count me in lol although I dont have the problems with being on tablets as I'm too stubborn & wanna do it all myself which is sometimes a strength but sometimes also a weakness!! I am happy with myself, been single for a longgggggggggggggg time lol but at the same time I also wonder how on earth you could ever expect anyone to take it all on when they have a choice, If I had a choice would i choose this?? One thing that I battle with constantly is...... If a man doesnt want to be with me because of the circumstances a lot of people would say its because he doesnt like me enough or isnt worth it etc etc If a man doesnt care what he's getting into, maybe thats because he wouldnt think twice about walking back out again Perhaps the man that is cautious about getting involved with me because of the seriousness of the situation is the one thats worth my effort? But hes the one that would run a mile...... ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH lol.....didnt mean to drag you down, its just that sometimes you CAN think TOOOOOOOOOOO much!! stop thinking about it & just be you Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
