WWYD re respite care

[Lynden]

I figure I know what most of you will say but I need justification in my own head.

 

I had the social worker visit today (still feels a bit bizarre to have a social worker LOL ) and she's really lovely. She was here to discuss respite, or direct payments.

 

Between us we decided DP was the best option as its more flexible but my dilemma is what to ask for. I kinda thought a couple of hours one morning or afternoon, or even a whole afternoon.

 

BUT she doesn't think I'm asking for enough so she wants me to talk to hubby/friends and see what they think. She thinks that I need to remember that I need time for Leona (my 4 yo daughter) and I, and time for my husband and I, even if its just one day a month (he's in London mon-fri), as well as time for me (even if its just to nap!) and she doesn't seem to think we'll have any problems getting what we ask for, because Logan is fairly low functioning and fairly hard work.

 

However, being me, I just feel like I shouldn't need/be asking for help. I *know* that is stupid, because every day people have nannies and stuff, let alone being on my own mon-fri with a demanding SN child but I just can't get my head round it.

 

I do definitely want to set something up though because we need to have someone in place if we ever need them, (had a dilema a couple weeks back when my aunt died and the only two people Logan would stay with other than me were obviously at the funeral too).

 

Any advice?

 

I KNOW my husband is going to agree with what the social worker says but why do I feel so ###### weird about it all.

 

Lynne x

[lil_me]

It is never nice asking for help, I find it very hard myself, and you've been lucky to get such a helpful social worker, most try to reduce what people ask for.

 

Think of it as for Logan aswell as the rest of the family, as he gets older I think you'll probably find it more helpful. You aren't failing by asking for help, you're actually just aking things better for your family as a whole. You also need time some times to recharge your batteries.

Edited June 7, 2006 by lil_me

[virtualvisual]

I KNOW my husband is going to agree with what the social worker says but why do I feel so ###### weird about it all.

 

Lynne x

 

It feels weird because we all see accepting help the same as admitting we can't cope even though it isn't true. Try sitting back and thinking of it as a chance for your daughter to have her own time, time for you and your husband to spend together as a couple and a way for you to recharge your batteries for your childrens benefit. It also gives Logan the chance to build a raport with someone else so if (god forbid) you needed someone to care for him in an emergency it would be less stressful for him ?

 

 

Just my opinion

Beth

[pumpkinpie]

When little p was younger I talked to a friend about respite. Its not something I had thought about as I felt it was up to me to cope!!!!!!

She said she found that her son loved it as it was something for him alone. He went to his friends independantly and could be one of them! It was a new extended family, which he could tell them about do differnt things with and made him feel normal(sorry I hate that word).

Yes the whole family got a break but it was not just to palming him out, he loved the fact this was his time alone to experience other things he probally wouldnt get to do at home. Everyone benefited. She said as he got older this was becoming more valuable to him and them.

 

It made me think of good respite in a different way and changed my attitude. Unfortunatley most disabled kids dont qualify for respite in my area because the emphesis is on the poor areas.

[justamom]

You are not a failure if you ask for help even though when we ask for help we feel guilty for asking.... I think you are doing a fab job with hubby in London all week and you on your own its only fitting that you need a bit of respite.

 

Like you say its might only be a few hrs a week but to recharge your batteries might help you cope even better than you are now....

Edited June 7, 2006 by justamom

[lisann]

 

Lordy girl you aren't failing in any way and you should be jumping for joy.I had to fight a year long battle to get DP because Char is high functioning ASD . I would say take the DP and as much as you can get because they are very flexable and you can use them for alsorts of things it doesn't have to be repite as in send your son off somewhere you can use it to take him for lessons like swimming,judo etc....It also allows you some time with your DD and Hubby if you want it or your own time if you want that .

 

I know it feels rubbish asking for help but if we don't help ourself then no one else will help us. Really think about the DP because you are very lucky to be able to get it and with our Children each day is different and you may wish if only I had gone for the extra hours with DP.

 

 

This is only my opinion hun put as nicely as I can without hopefully causing offence

 

lisa x

[stressedmumto2]

It's never easy asking for help but to me it sounds like you have one very nice social worker. I have had to fight hard to get respite. It's not easy to get.

 

I think maybe you should go for respite as opposed to direct payments and specify that you would like someone who has training or knowledge in ASD'S. They can then take him out and do stuff with him that he wants to do as he gets older this will also help him with making decisions and somebody there who he trusts to gain an interest into doing what he likes.

 

We've had quite a few different respite workers and the ones that really want to work with my son and make him happy will go for walks in the rain with him, something you may not get from a nanny or childminder.

 

Plus you need to think of how much direct payment you will recieve. To have someone trained in ASD'S it could cost about ?17 per hour.

 

For me i've found the respite works well, the new worker my son has got is great and he does stuff with my son that interest him, he's also very experienced and best of all he's quite flexiable and we come to our own aggrements now.

 

Best of luck to you. <'>

Edited June 7, 2006 by stressedmumto2