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lisa35

more obvious as they get older?

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Hi, my son is 11 in set and we suspect ? aspergers/ asd traits- he seems to "stand out " more and more as getting older, prefers to play with youngerkids, wants to dominate games, and cos the childrena re younger it just seems like it makes him look odder

Thing is, the comments and funny things they do at 7/ 8 are no longer as cute when almost 11- but he doesnt seem to help him self- and how awful am I , part of me wants to say just act "like anyoone else"

Thats cruel isnt it- think just ona downer at mo- we have very few friends and its so intense, just us and our son- he exhausts us

24/ 7 questions, obsessing over one thing, do any of your chil;dren fail to understand that you dont know what other people are about do do or are thinking?? Is this all kids or just our "special" kids?

Feeling bit lost- its late- he s still awake- sterssing over school tomorrow, his tantrums seem to be getting worse (he threatened tobeat me up) and I cant see light at end of tunnel

Waiting to see clinical pysch- Im considering phoning and saying I feel he may hurt himself or someone else- but scared things may escalate- ie social services

we re not bad parents- just bl y struggling on

Sorry for rant

Lisa

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At this time I would suggest you try and get all the help you can, If you think he could hurt himself or someone then it's better to make people aware just in case.

 

My son is 7 we still don't have a dx of aspergers or ASD but ashe is getting older he is begining to stand out more (in my eyes anyway). I too have felt like you and said the same things, don't beat yourself up we are only all human.

 

I have just about every agency involved in the care of my son, with still not actually getting much help but it's better than nothing. From when they first become involved there was alot of interigation and they suspected allsorts, a few complaints later and they are actually listening to me now and taking notice, however it still lurks up every now and again just how dangerous my son is and is it having a bad impact on my daughter. I then tell them to support me better and both of my children.

 

It's hard but you will get there, read up as much as you can and get agencies involved, is there a local support group you could go to?

 

Thinking of you and sending you a hug >:D<<'>

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Lisa your son sounds like a carbon copy of my nephew,he is 14 now,my daughter is only 3 and we find her difficult and i know it is going to escalate too,the main thing to remember is you are not alone,we all understand the way you are feeling,it is a very lonely place to be at times,if you want to talk on msn anytime just add me x

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>:D<<'> Lisa >:D<<'>

 

Our youngest dd has dx of ASD. Shes 5. We have definately noticed that it is becoming more apparant as she becomes older. We suspect our eldest dd, who's 8, has Aspergers. She's just been referred. It can feel like ground hog day in our house. The school hols are especially tough. Seem to get up, answer the same questions, day in and day out, deal with same issues/upsets etc over and over. I told dh recently during a school break that I felt as if I was drowning in autism, that was the only way I could describe how I was feeling. I try and take each day as it comes. I can only do my best, which sometimes just feels like survival :( I got to say though, that life is getting easier/calmer.....don't know if this is down to our dd's or us. Who knows. Just seem to be having more chilled days than difficult days as time goes by. Hang in there honey >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

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My son is 12 and he stands out like a thumb in a finger factory amongst NT kids.

 

As hes hitting the teenage years he becomeing more agressive like i guess most teenage boys,he shouts a lot and thretens to kill or beat me up.he never has though so i ignore his rants.

 

He has also started bombarding us with constant chatter and questions and can go on and on all bloomeing day long.It drives you nts because he demands a response from you :(

 

Yersterday we were at my sisters house and my son was wandering round with his pants falling down a paire of sunglasses on and a misbuttoned tshirt.His uncle said why isnt he wearing a belt and for once my sister summed it up when she said because its our **** and gave his name.

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Hubby and me where talking about this other day cause we think as Char is getting older he is deff' sticking out more.The silly things he does which he could get away with as a toddler mow make me cringe sometimes and I often make excuses. Yes I no I shouldn't but licking the bus stop is a little embarancing.

 

There is always a friendly person or two to chat with on here and someone will be able to answer your questions eg Bads,Viper,Phas ( she says winking Vipers, Phas and Badd's way the trees of Knowledge.)

 

 

You are never alone

 

Lisa x

Edited by lisann

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my son is now 19 and I would say I found the teenage years the most challenging, a lot of the threats were empty, it took me some time to realise that he wasnt going to kill me or even wanted to but he certainly said it, I told him I did not want to be threatened and he heard me, he still is frustrated and has his outburst but they are not anywhere near as bad as they were, please hang in there, if you know what to expect you will be better prepared to deal with it, you will surprise yourself! :)

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I reckon William had one good year following his dx and then went down hill again (probably after we moved :( ).... I've seen him becoming more autistic (sorry for that phraseology but that's the way it is) as he's reaching adolosence.

 

Lauren

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i always wondered if puberty exacerbated the autistic behaviour ( sorry lucas if you read this, but cant explain it any other way)

we even asked Dd doctor, when we were on our knees, with aggression.

so now puberty is panning out a bit more life is better,

for kids who can explain away how they feel puberty is a ###### but for our kids, who do not cope with any diffenrences in their lives never mind inside them, it must be hell

C x

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Yes I definitely think my daughter is more 'different' the older she gets. She's nearly 13 and hitting puberty on top of changing to comprehensive has been one step short of hell. The Consultant told us that from 11-16 is the worst period of their lives so I'm counting down the years!!!!

 

Obviously the older she gets the more physically aggressive she is and although she's very slight her strength when in a rage is frightening - she's also started to hurt my little one a few times (she normally just reserves that for me) and it's very scary. Having said that I can see that it is more frightening for her - she gets so upset and frightened when she can't understand things that she knows she should - when she forgets something that she knows she should remember.

 

She frequently says that if this is her life then what's the point - she feels so sad all the time - that if this is what she will feel forever then she might as well be dead. She's begged me to kill her and end it all - it's so hard to try to keep someone's spirits upbeat when they are constantly depressed on top of all the usual anxiety/questions/arguing/understanding problems etc.

 

Take care,

Jb

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Hi, my son is 11 in set and we suspect ? aspergers/ asd traits- he seems to "stand out " more and more as getting older, prefers to play with youngerkids, wants to dominate games, and cos the childrena re younger it just seems like it makes him look odder

Thing is, the comments and funny things they do at 7/ 8 are no longer as cute when almost 11- but he doesnt seem to help him self- and how awful am I , part of me wants to say just act "like anyoone else"

Thats cruel isnt it- think just ona downer at mo- we have very few friends and its so intense, just us and our son- he exhausts us

24/ 7 questions, obsessing over one thing, do any of your chil;dren fail to understand that you dont know what other people are about do do or are thinking?? Is this all kids or just our "special" kids?

Feeling bit lost- its late- he s still awake- sterssing over school tomorrow, his tantrums seem to be getting worse (he threatened tobeat me up) and I cant see light at end of tunnel

Waiting to see clinical pysch- Im considering phoning and saying I feel he may hurt himself or someone else- but scared things may escalate- ie social services

we re not bad parents- just bl y struggling on

Sorry for rant

Lisa

Hi,

 

My son is 12 and I think that he is becoming more 'autistic'. He has a dx of AS, which he will not accept. Recently he has started to seperate all of the food on his plate into totally seperate piles, he has decided that he cant use our towels because they irritate his skin (although they have been fine for a long time) and is becoming tactile defensive again. He gets upset when younger kids wont play with him, and he takes thing s really personally (if he understands them at all). I have been told that puberty makes a huge difference for our kids, so for now, just hang in there and take it a day at a time xxx

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My son was dx's at the age of 10 - his AS beame more apparent to us as he was being left behind by his peers, by this i mean he was not growing up socially like them and the gap was evident to us. He was so much more immature than then and he kinda stuck out. He too likes to play with younger children and like you say its the little things that they do as kids that are cute but not really that cute at the age of 11/12....

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Thankyou so much for all the responses- you have no idea how much it helps to know we re not the only ones going through this!

i cant remember who made a lot of the comments so scuse my vagueness! The "drowning " in autism so sums me up, I know hubby fed up with me consatntly reading stuff, telling me what Ive read- he s very much for "wait and see"

Im hassling the clinical pysch for our appt at me- we saw paed on 28th april and pysch hasnt even received referral yet- but I went to the office myself today and they are going to get the referral faxed tomorrow- I explained we re getting desperate

Today I watched my boy walking home in school shorts and sun hat- looked like he d been disowned! But hey, hes mine- and one day his quirkiness will be cool - who wants to be a sheep!

I like the quote someone put about being "on knees " in desperation for help -sums it up

Ive decided to speak to mum in law and tell her how much we re struggling and if could have him a sat night monthly- so we can recharge our batteries

So far she only knows he s had "difficulties" at school - no idea of possible asd/asperger traits- hubby finds it difficult to try and broach subject

So thanks all- only another 8 yrs to go of this!!!!! I know theres no answer/solution- but one persons quote about how much more difficult for our kids to cope with the changing emotions, made me stop and think- my son finds it hard to articulate what he feels anyway- this must confuse him even more- I know the anger scares him

So thank you all for taking time out to be so supportive

What on earth would we do without these sites- its true- we are often very lonely families struggling on

Lis xxx

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Hi

 

A good rant is therapeutic, so you've came to the right place.

 

I'm afraid I can't offer much advice, but can only sympathise. My son is exactly the same. The older he's getting, the more obvious things are becoming. I know I'm one of the lucky ones getting a diagnosis for him at the age of 4.5 (just last month). I kept a diary, photocopied it, underlined/highlighted the interesting/unusual bits and send copies in to specialists in advance of appointments. I became like a dog with a bone and wouldn't let it go ... eventually after a stroke of luck we got to see thee specialist who gave us the diagnosis. Diary definitely helped she said! I've had a lot of moments lately when I've been feeling sorry for us all ? why did it have to be Robert? etc etc. This is going to sound terrible, but ... almost wish on occasions he had a physical disability eg wheelchair bound. It would be a heck of a lot easier in terms of not having to put up with idiots. I told a neighbour about Robert's diagnosis and hey presto it was round the end of the street within 3 days! Other neighbour came over specially to speak to me about it (how nice ? not!). Made a point of telling me that I had nothing to worry about as she'd seen an autistic kid and my son wasn't one of them. I was living, but managed to contain my anger and responded by saying oh good you'll know all about the horrendous tantrums, traits, etc. I also made a point of telling her she was quite right it could be worse in the sense that my son isn't non-verbal, but added that experienced specialists didn't just pluck the diagnosis out of thin air and that he doesn't have a learning assistant for no reason! That'll be me off the christmas card list!

 

I know exactly what you're going through. Obviously my son is much younger, but would it be worth explaining a bit about ASD to your son? I suggest that with caution ... just wonder if perhaps he realises that this isn't his fault and that he's not mad, but that he does have an ASD. That doesn't sound very reassuring, but there are lots of great books out there. I've explained in simple terms to my son that he's special and that he gets cross when things gets too much for him, etc etc. Next piece of advice is to dig your heels in and kick up a fuss with the relevant people to ensure your son gets the help he so desperately needs. He's behaving badly because he's crying out for help.

 

Very best of luck and I hope things get easier.

 

Caroline.

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Hi Christine, thanks for response- Im kicking up plenty! we saw paed in april and I sent aheada list of what we thought were Joes difficulties- 3 a4 sides long. I also took along a box file of info Ive collected!

We ve told Joe we think his difficulties are because he s "special" and unique- he has a friend at school with aspergers and we ve told him that we think he has bits of asp like his friend

He is so clever tho- soon would use it as an excuse! when ever I try to say to him perhaps you misunderstood someone or thought their face meant something else (because of your specialness) he becomes cross- and says hes not thick! I wish we couldve had earlier dx and Id trusted my feelings when he was about 6/7 (Iwas just told he was a "boy and would mature!") then I dont think we would have the behavioural problems as much- i think younger kids are more they grow up with it?

I know what u mean re physical disabilty- Ive said that to hubby- at least with a physical problem people see it- and there are solutions

This is like swimming in sand- nd I constantly feel like I want to tell people that my boy is really a fantastic, sweet child wehn I get disapproving looks!

Take care

Lisa

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"He's behaving badly because he's crying out for help."

I know- Im hassling paed secretary at mo as we saw paed 6 weeks ago- awaiting referral to pysch, SALT and physio- none even have referrals yet

Im ringing paed secretary tomorrow and asking her to fax the referrals as we are concerned that he will hurt himself

You gotta be bolshoi in this business!

ps Im keeping a diary ready for clinical pysch!

Lisa

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Yes, Martin's AS is certainly getting more obvious (he's 10 now) - although on the bright side the school says he's controlling his "emotional outbursts better" (as they put it). I have noticed his tendancy to separate himself from kids now and when I suggest he joins in with them his just says no. :(

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>:D<<'> yes i agree, the older tom gets - he is 13 now the more his peers are leaving him behind. They are all into skateboarding or football and they play in the street which he cant.

 

he also still takes cuddly toys to bed and his best friend Josh who has dyspraxia and he used to rub along together nicely but now even Josh is leaving him behind preffering to play outdoors instead of the ps2 like they used to.

 

I feel for him cos hes really noticing it now and i think he feels isolated. :crying:

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Luke is 11 and I can relate to everything you are all saying so much, I think his asd/aspergers are becoming all the more obvious and he is definately becoming more seperated from his peers which I did not think was possible.

 

He is due to start secondary school in September which terrifies me but at the moment is nearly at the end of statutory assessment and does not have a secondary school place.

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