have u ever been called to pick your child up?

[nvapid]

Just trying to get some numbers on the situation thanks!

[smiley]

Hiya,

 

Great poll

 

I've been asked to collect M on many occasions - but, they have only been when he's very distressed (he self-harms ), so i think that would count as 'ill'............ I've never been called because they cannot cope........... But, if they called me then - when he was beginning to get anxious - that would maybe prevent him becoming very upset IYSWIM.......

 

I think the problems would begin if they began to send him home as a result of them not supporting him suitably.

 

[joshanddanfans]

over the past few months we have been called about 12 times to take our son home because he has had a toileting accident now they say we can be called every time he has and accident (3+ times a day) to clean him up. they are not prepared to any more!!!!!

[baddad]

Hi - I've answered 'yes' for the sorts of reasons Smiley has mentioned...

I'd actually rather have the occassional call than have Ben get really upset etc, but I think the circumstances have to be for the child's benefit - not the schools - and so much depends on your relationship WITH the school...

I'm really lucky NOW, but there have been situations in the past that have had me tearing my hair out

 

L&P

 

BD

[bramblebrae]

yeah just for toilet issues and not for awhile- think school would have got away with saying they thought he might have tummy bug though but we had discussed that he was off to much with the 'runs' and that it wasn't a bug its because of his extremely limited diet. been much better this year maybe because school is far less stressful for him now cause that couldv'e contributed to it also.

once i was called in and they made him goto his support worker and apologise for hitting her before they would let him return to class I don't know what they would have done if he had kept refusing to do so, actually after the fact I kinda thought I should have said no to this, as he had no idea why he was apologising and was more or less just nagged into it and because the day before he had bit another pupil and refused to apologise and they didnt even tell me til i picked him up at lunchtime ---IMHO a bite to a child is so much worse than a slap on the arm for an adult and as my son treats all human beings equally regardless of age gender etc it seemed highly inappropriate to discipline him more for the slap than the bite though i can't condone either...but anyway those days seem to have passed mostly, now he has one to one support

 

Lorraine

[LizK]

Agree with Baddad about it being for the child's benefit. DS has only been in school one term so early days but already he didn't go on a class trip to the local theatre with the rest of his class. His teacher asked me whether I thought he should go, I think she wanted me to say no but I agreed as I think it was in his best interests. The trip was 2 days after half term when he was just settling back into school and a trip out would have completely thrown him. The theatre workshop they were going to was noisy which would have completely freaked him out and very imaginative based which would have been over his head. I decided on balance he'd be better off at home with me. When I mentioned this to his SALT she looked quite shocked and said something about it not being inclusion which is technically wasn't but to have included him would have led to a lot of upset or distress. If it had been a trip to the farm or something I know he would have enjoyed or got something out of I would have made sure he went

 

Lx

[Daisydot]

Our school sent a letter home saying that if a supply teacher was teaching my son's class, my son would be sent home. This is because he has difficulties adjusting to a stranger/supply teacher, and his behaviour has been "inappropriate" and rude. Actually, he has a diagnosis of ASD and finds new people difficult to cope with until he gets to know their "rules". The school know about the diagnosis and have done absolutely nothing to support the autism. We have supplied the school with a social story to use, but they have threatened excluding him for the day or part day if and when a supply teacher is in. Needless to say, I have removed both my children from this school recently, and have made very clear to them how disgusted I was by their letter.

[Anneuk]

My daughter finds it hard to be with strange supply teachers too, but i would be appalled if they decided to send her home because of this, as far as I'm concerend they themselves have to find a way aroound this even if it means one to one with the senco...

 

Funnily enough just this minute received a call from my daughters (she's 11) secondary, she had cut her finger and become very very upset, the call was from one of the SENCO's saying J wanted to come home but she asked if I could try and talk her into staying.

 

J and her friend were in the office and I chatted to her for about 20 mins talking about the reasosn she got upset and why she had acted in the way she had and why her knee jerk reaction was to want to come straight home.

 

At the end, she herself said " I think I'll be fine now Mum it was just a shock with the blood"

 

I am so proud of the way she handled it AND the way the school handled it!

 

Anne

[minerva]

i didnt know they werent allowed to call me :|

 

back when Cameron was in a mainstream school they started calling me to collect him & the more they called me the more they needed to.....i'm convinced that he worked out if he threw a chair or punched someone or ran away he'd get to come home to mummy.....

 

never thought it was a good idea

[loulou]

Hi,

 

Yep, me too. When Kai was in mainstream i got called in to take him home on many occasions if he'd done something "bad".

 

Loulou x

[lancelot]

Three times last week when 'tired and emotional'!

 

and I've said I'll collect him today after their 'fitness week' sponsored event, if he can't cope --but this was by way of a massive bribe to get him to stay for the event. (It's a walk, which he'll love once he gets going, but not a route he knows -- couldn't walk it beforehand, as it's partly through private land.) There's so much 'fun stuff' going on at the moment that he's having a really tough time.

 

I feel we're lucky it's not every lunchtime and several times every week, like it was at one point with the previous head. Didn't know all you useful people then!

[invent 10 things b4 breakfast]

I voted yes to the 2nd question - However, I did not know at the time and only found out afterwards from PP that they have to put it in writing and you do NOT have to comply. This happened many times when my son started in reception year as he could not sit still in silence and eat his lunch so they made me pick him up for lunch and take him back afterwards... All with a 3 week old baby in tow! Lovely caring school, NOT! He only lasted there a year, thankfully.

[Kazzen161]

I was never called to collect my eldest very challenging son from his schools - they always managed to deal with things.

 

However, I was constantly called to collect my "mildly" AS son from his school during one year. It was because they did not want to try to cope or to understand.

 

Karen

[KarenT]

I was called one time last year because J had fallen in the yard and hurt himself, and he was a bit upset about it. I think I was expected to take him home but I didn't. When I got to the classroom he had rejoined his class and was starting on his Maths, the teacher stood over me while I checked he was OK then, rather than disrupt the lesson and draw attention to J, I took him into the hall where we could talk about what happened in private.

 

While we chatted one of the teaching assistants came by and said "Are you taking him home now?", which clearly hadn't occurred to J up till that point, so he started trying it on to come home. I got him settled, established that he wasn't at death's door, then returned him to the classroom. I got the feeling that things hadn't quite gone to plan and I should have scooped little diddums up in my arms and took him home to bed with cocoa and a hot water bottle. But in the grown-up world you can't just run off home if you bang your knee, and I want him to learn that lesson as soon as he can.

 

I've only had three or four calls in total - this one above, one when he had a viral infection but had insisted on going in to school for his play's dress rehearsal, and two toileting incidents. I'm not sure they actually notice kids much in J's school, tbh.

 

Karen

x

[Jericho]

In 2-and-a-bit years of school I have never been asked to pick my son up except when he was ill. If there are ever any problems the teacher has dealt with them there and then and has let me know when I've arrived at 3pm to fetch him.

 

Until I read the results of this poll and the posts with it I hadn't realised that other schools do things so differently.

[Kathrynh]

I've never been asked to collect my son unless he is ill. If he has a particularly disgusting nappy they will ring and let me know but they understand that it is just his bowel problems and not infectious and so will deal with it. I know I wouldn't want to if it wasn't my child so I do appreciate them.

[jlp]

We've had about 3 or 4 phonecalls for to collect him for his behaviour and a formal exculsion.

 

However we've had a recent bigger incident than the ones he was sent home for and it was only mentioned at the end of the day which confused me a bit.

 

We're also usually asked to collect him early or take him in late when there's a school Mass but this week they have been trying to get him used to the idea of church by stories and today he was taken over for 10 minutes to visit the empty church but wouldn't go in.

 

His logic is 'I didn't have to go to Mass in Y1, I got to come home early' so I think sending him home has created a bigger problem. TBH even though we are Catholic I don't really mind him missing it if it upsets him but have the feeling it just bores him and he'd prefer to be home!

[gladysmay]

yes, many times.

[oxgirl]

J's primary school were always calling me to come and collect him. On one occasion, I was asked to pick him up on a Wednesday and told not to bring him back until Monday 'to give everyone a break!' Nothing official or in writing, just a holiday for them I think.

 

~ Mel ~

[bramblebrae]

That's such an illegal exclusion! Did u do anything about it? or just keep him off? Sometimes it's easier to just agree with them but I'd be worried cause if they do things like that with no record they could deny they had said it later and blame you for the absense. Gosh can you imagine what would happen if we phoned up and said DS/DD has had a horrendous week at your school he won't be back til Monday he's needing a break! I can hear the SS knocks at the door just thinking about it.

 

Lorraine

[oxgirl]

That's such an illegal exclusion! Did u do anything about it? or just keep him off? Sometimes it's easier to just agree with them but I'd be worried cause if they do things like that with no record they could deny they had said it later and blame you for the absense. Gosh can you imagine what would happen if we phoned up and said DS/DD has had a horrendous week at your school he won't be back til Monday he's needing a break! I can hear the SS knocks at the door just thinking about it.

 

Lorraine

 

 

Well, this was a few years ago. For his own good I kept him off because I hated to see him suffering anyway. A year later we took him out completely to home educate, ended up feeling like the school had really let us down actually.

 

~ Mel ~

[lollypocket]

I have had to do it once. I had to collect my Son early on Friday as they had a Harvest Lunch that they felt he would not cope with. I actually agreed that he wouldn't cope. What I didn't like was the fact that everyone excpet me got a letter about the lunch the week before. I was told on the tuesday about it, but let it be known that I already knew as my Sister has her daughter in the same class!! I agreed with them but was pretty pissed that they didn't give me the same treatment as the other parents.

 

KW

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Where does it state that by law you cannot be called to collect your child from school other than for health reasons? I'm interested because my son's HT has already said that if his behaviour doesn't improve, I'll be called to collect him. I'm not happy at all, since he'd sit at home playing with his gameboy thinking this is great! However, if he became distressed or was a danger to himself or others that's a different story. Even then, it's something I worry about in case it does happen.

 

C.

[madme]

Yes as they had run out of ritalin and I was awating a prescription. I was fuming. It was just the school showing me who was boss. I pointed out that he was only midly hyper at the time ( he was no real risk and there were far worse kids)and that if they did it again I would treat it as disability discrimination. Never happened again.

[OPooh]

I've done that and one time they "excluded him" for a few days too. He was only 5 and they still wouldn't acknowledge his asd!

[butterfingersbimbo]

no because luckily the deputy head had the sense to realise that el would kick off at school so she could come home....but saying that there were a lot of incidents where el was violent with pupils and staff and they didnt bother to tell me....el would tell me herself!

[nvapid]

Thanks to everyone who replied and took the poll!

 

from:

http://www.teachernet.gov.uk/wholeschool/b...guidance/part2/

Unofficial exclusions

 

22. If a head teacher is satisfied that, on the balance of probabilities, a pupil has committed a disciplinary offence and needs to be removed from the school site for that reason, formal exclusion is the only legal method of removal. Informal or unofficial exclusions are illegal regardless of whether they are done with the agreement of parents or carers.

 

23. Where a pupil is sent home for disciplinary reasons for part of a school day, some head teachers have viewed this as a 'cooling off' period, and have not taken action to exclude the pupil formally. There is no basis in law for this. The relevant regulations do not state a minimum length of exclusion. If pupils are sent home in response to a breach of discipline, even for short periods of time, this must be formally recorded as an exclusion.

 

24. In every instance where a pupil is sent home for disciplinary reasons, head teachers should formally record and specify the length of the exclusion (for reporting purposes this should be recorded as a half day, whole day or lunchtime). They should ensure that:

 

They are meeting their legal duty of care towards pupils, providing appropriate supervision whilst on site, and ensuring parents are formally notified if a pupil needs to be removed from site;

Child protection issues are taken into account; and

Pupils' human right to education is not contravened.

Revised guidance on good practice in preventing unofficial exclusions is available at the Exclusions and Alternative Provision area of the DfES website.

[nvapid]

and this

 

Pupils with special educational needs (SEN)

 

45. Statutory guidance on identifying, assessing and making provision for pupils with SEN, including those with behavioural, social and emotional needs, is given in the Special Educational Needs Code of Practice. Schools must have regard to this guidance. School governing bodies have a statutory duty to do their best to ensure that the necessary provision is made for any pupil who has SEN. Early identification and intervention, accurate assessment and the arrangement of appropriate provision to meet pupils' SEN usually leads to better outcomes.

 

46. Other than in the most exceptional circumstances, schools should avoid permanently excluding pupils with statements. They should also make every effort to avoid excluding pupils who are being supported at School Action or School Action Plus under the Special Educational Needs Code of Practice, including those at School Action Plus who are being assessed for a statement. In most cases, the head teacher will be aware that the school is having difficulty managing a pupil's behaviour well before the situation has escalated. Schools should try every practicable means to maintain the pupil in school, including seeking LA and other professional advice and support at School Action Plus or, where appropriate, asking the LA to consider carrying out a statutory assessment. For a pupil with a statement, where this process has been exhausted, the school should liaise with their LA about initiating an interim annual review of the pupil's statement.

 

47. Where a child is permanently excluded, the head teacher should use the period between his or her initial decision and the meeting of the governing body to work with the LA to see whether more support can be made available or whether the statement can be changed to name a new school. If either of these options is possible, the head teacher should normally withdraw the exclusion.

 

48. It is extremely important that parents of children with SEN who are excluded from school receive advice on the options available for their child's future education. Schools might usefully advise parents that advice and information on SEN is available through their local SEN Parent Partnership. The Parent Partnership should also be able to provide details of voluntary agencies that offer support to parents, including those that can offer advice concerning exclusions.

[caren]

thanks for that information , k support is constantly telling me to keep k off school cause he's tired they called us twice last term for him being ill which IMO he was'nt , he's tired alot as he does'nt sleep and he can go with drawn BUT don't fancy going to prison for keeping him off for being tired he'd never go if that was the case

[SkidRow]

Fear is a great motivator.

 

Just make sure that the school staff are more afraid of you than anyone else on their immediate horizon . . .

 

Establishing a sympathetic relationship with your local MP will concentrate the school's mind wonderfully.

[butterfingersbimbo]

too right skidrow!!! i threatened el's school with going to court.......funny how that changed things.....

[Bard]

Oh yes, since he got to Secondary!

I love paragraph 46, it's highlighted in my file that I take to meetings. I planned on having a red file for Y7, an orange for Y8, yellow for Y9.....

When B gets upset, he tends to flatten things in his way, people, bins, tables. The first few incidents weren't handled with much individual thought, but school have been very good since.

 

Minerva wrote:

" back when Cameron was in a mainstream school they started calling me to collect him & the more they called me the more they needed to.....i'm convinced that he worked out if he threw a chair or punched someone or ran away he'd get to come home to mummy.....

never thought it was a good idea "

 

That was the point I made, and remade to B's school, exclusion isn't a punishment for him.

They understand and have used internal exclusion instead. It doesn't bother B, once he's calmed down he will deal with the consequences cheerfully, and has been known to sing quietly and happily whilst in isolation. He's not upset, he's occupied. It's happened a couple of times last term. He missed a French test, and a PE lesson, so for him it was a result!

I often wish that I could move on from bad stuff as easily as him. 'No worries, gone now'

Edited April 23, 2007 by Bard

[palgem]

hi

we get this on a regular bases have also written to school governers / mp/ lea and everyone else but al we get is health and safety of staff and other children etc .we have clearly pointed out that they a rewarding him for his behavour but they somehow fail to see this

no matter what we say or do we get the same answers even our pead has come into school and got the same answers and our new family support worker is discusted at the attitude of school and lea and even the inclusive resource are at somewhat of a loss

we have got to go through the motions until either the school admit they cannot cope or the lea get sick of the sight of us this is not as easy as you all seem to sugest

any ideas greatfully received ?

bye paul

[Diamondmask]

Once we had to pick Alex up. At the time I didnt know that they werent supposed to do that. He was in reception at the time, now Y6. Not happened since, but I've wised up since then LOL!

 

Sarah

[stressedmumto2]

Um, what can I say in two years initally I was never not once asked to go and get him, then he was school refsuing everyday because of being forced to go in and be in a sesperate room all by himself he was being disruptive and so I was getting called, sometimes I hadn't even left the room and they would say take him home, lol

 

I think the worst was when I was advised to keep him off so the schoolcould gettheir act together and plan a proper intergration, guess what it never happened. I kept him off under the guidance for a autistic out-reach who had gone into school to advise but they still done naff all.

 

Eventually I took him out of that school <'>

[Cariad]

I have had to take out the DS lots of times, one for a school trip as he was "hard work", also for hitting another pupil and naughty physical behaviour. I have let it go as they are very stressed and he hasn't been given the right help. We have tried countless times through pupil support but they never give him more than 10 hours a week 1-1, the school take the rest out of their budget.

 

DS has also been excluded from the Taxi too for hitting another child.

[MichelleW]

I've only had to pick up J when he has had toilet "accidents". They say they aren't allowed to clean him up, although his reception year assistant was great ( she has a severely autistic nephew). They know he has a bowel problem and is prone to soiling, but I do get them saying it could be a stomach bug which comes with an automatic 24 hour exclusion. The last time it did appear to be a stomach bug, so I couldn't complain really, though I am certain it was an increase in medication that caused the problem. What concerns me is the fact that he can be soiling every day - and they can't send him home every day!