school exclusion

[bluejean-genie]

Hi everyone,

This morning Nat retaliated against one of the boys who has been calling him nasty names and has "lost it" hitting the boy quite badly.

The school say although it was provocation by the other boy, Nat has been excluded until Friday for fighting.

I have to go into school with him Friday morning to discuss his future behaviour.

I am feel so cross as I had said this particular boy was causing Nat to get angry in September.

His learning mentor said he should have gone to her and told her about the problems and not hit him.

A teacher saw Nat hit the boy in the corridor and shouted Nat but Nat didn't answer and carried on walking outside. The boy come up to Nat outside smirking at him so my son lost it and thumped him in the face.

I don't advocate him fighting but my son has kept his cool for a long time with this lad, even when the boy was calling him a "rapist and gay"

When I said he had been being called a F........ W....... by some of the kids in the class, I got the impression they were not bothered about the verbal problem only the fighting.

I'm sorry just feeling very upset at the moment.

[Elefan]

Oh Bluejenie!

 

So sorry. I will try and be as helpful as I can by posting links to other topics that cover this whilst other, more experienced members, come up with idea's. Stay strong.

 

Elefan <'>

 

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=276

[Elefan]

Just to let you know that ACE - Advisory Centre for Education have valuable information on exclusions, fixed period and permanent. You could give them a ring or you can download there fact sheets for �1. 00.

 

 

http://www.ace-ed.org.uk/

Exclusion information line: 020 7704 9822.

 

You can find their fact sheets on exclusion on this link

http://www.ace-ed.org.uk/publications.html

 

 

 

 

,...Courtesy of Nellie!!!!

[Sam]

I am so sorry that this has happened to your son.

 

I would certained get some advice from ACE about exclusions -

you probably know but the link is in the Education section of Resources.

 

You have already asked the school to take some action and nothing has been done - did you put this in writing? It may be difficult to find out but I would try and write down the stages that lead up to this. Does your son have a school diary? I found this useful to link up behaviours e.g. he was teased in class and later there was an unannounced fire drill.

 

Are there any suggestions that you could make which you feel would help your son e.g. Corridors are very busy and noisy - would it help your son if he left the

class 5 minutes before the others with his learning mentor to avoid the chaos.

 

I don't know what would be best to help your son but I would insist that something is done to help lessen the verbal abuse and I am sure ACE will be able to give you some advice.

 

Do you have anyone who can go along and support you at a meeting like this - it is hard for you it deal with this on your own. I do feel for you and I hope things get better for you soon.

 

Take Care

 

 

Sam

[Elefan]

Well done Sam!

 

 

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...t=0entry10335

,...and another one Bluejenie.

 

 

Elefan

xx

[nellie]

Bluejenie,

 

I am so sorry.

 

You have been given some good advice. Try to document everything that has happened.

 

Take care

 

Nellie. <'>

[oracle]

I can't offer any advice as such but as a parent I would have to point out to this school, that my son has a 'communication and socalisation' disorder, which makes it difficult for him, if not impossible, to tell even an LSA, hard as that may be to comprehend that another child is giving him grief. It's all part and parcel of the dx - how much do they fully understand.

 

My two sons often find it difficult to tell ME what is bothering them so there would be little chance of them finding the words to tell an LSA.

 

As for the verbal abuse that he has suffered - it is just that abuse - it should not be over looked because in my book it's encitement. No one deserves to be called a rapist or gay! Sorry but my blood is boiling Violence may be wrong but right now I would like to thump those lads for your son! Because they are probably having a good laugh now when in reality THEY should be the ones being excluded.

 

Carole

[Infojunkie]

I too am so sorry. We recently had similar (although less serious problems) over my son's inability to tell an adult when he needs help. The school didn't get this as he can talk so well, but we eventually persuaded them to give him a non-verbal way of communicating this (in his case laminated happy and sad faces - he is 5) and he has been succesful in using this to alert an adult rather than hit. I don't know your son but have the school tried a non-verbal system like this?

[bluejean-genie]

thank you everyone

I can't thank you enough for your support and kindness,

I felt really devestated this morning as the school mentioned the boy's parents might take it further and call in the police, because they have a duty to keep all pupils safe.

He is not a bully, he just wants to be left in peace and for the children to talk to him properly. He doesn't pick fights and he says he toyed with the thought of running out of school and coming home, but when he did that the other week, he was taunted with being a "chicken" so decided against it! hence the fight.

Nat's original Learning Mentor left just before the school holidays, so it is still early days with this new one and especially as he doesn't trust any school personnel. He also won't tell her anything because it would be "snitching" and then his life at school would be even worse.

He has a green card to go to the senco's office for 5 minutes but he worries about things "what if the teacher asks him why he wants to go? 5 minutes isn't enough time to calm down when he's angry etc;" so won't use it.

Also one of the teacher had made the class move to different seats, which had also upset him this morning before the incident.

Unfortunately I didn't put my feelings about the lad in writing as it was a telephone conversation with Nat's Learning Mentor, this lad was following him home with three other lads at dinner time and they were making comments behind his back.

Thank you for the links they were really helpful I think I will probably contact ACE.

[Kathryn]

Bluejenie,

 

I too would like to take those boys and bang their heads together. Our children are so vulnerable and school behaviour policies don't take account of their particular social and communication problems, so they always come off worst. My child has often been on the receiving end of bullying and has started threatening to hit anyone who touches her again, so I sympathise with your situation.

 

K

[Auriel]

if i was nat i would get the boys to hit me then they would get excluded muahahahah!

[bluejean-genie]

The police came tonight and Nat has been cautioned for common assault.

The policeman said the school had told the parents to involve the Police and that there was no provocation by their son.

I am totally confused !! How can the Learning Mentor say to me there was provocation by the lad but then the school say this to the parents?

I feel at present I don't want to let my son go back there, as if this is the school's stance then I don't think Nat will get a fair hearing?

I just don't know what to do or think!

[Helen]

Hello Bluejean-genie,

 

This situation is just so unfair, <'> <'> for you and Nat,

 

Helen

[nellie]

Bluejean-genie,

 

The injustice!!!

 

Is there anyone with knowledge of ASD who could support you at a meeting with the school. An ASD outreach teacher of maybe someone from your local autistic society could help you.

 

It is important that Nat's views are not taken without an appropriate adult present, this needs to be someone who understands your sons difficulties such as yourself. It has to be understood that your son, due to his difficulties may not necessarily tell the truth. It needs to be explained to professionals dealing with your son the implications of him being a 'vulnerable witness'.

 

This is a link to the topic - ASD and appropriate adults - vulnerability.

 

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...&st=0entry800

 

If you do decide to keep him off school I would make sure you explain your reasons to the school, the governors and the LEA in writing and keep communications open with them.

 

You could also ask for a pastoral support meeting, as your son is at risk of disaffection and/or exclusion.

 

What ever you decide, I wish you good luck with it.

 

Take Care

 

Nellie. <'>

[oracle]

Hello Bluejean-genie,

 

So is the Learning Mentor a liar? Because she is either lying to you or the Head Teacher here. I am sick to my stomache that the Head would advise the parents to involve the Police - what was their attitude like? - I would NOT be sending my son back to a school that allows the abuseres to win. Can you imagine what is going to happen if your son returns there? I would also not send him back into an environment where there is no understanding or awareness of the condition and where the Head deserves a good kick up the a***. Sorry I am so angry. I will post later when I have calmed down!

 

Carole

[oracle]

Not that I have calmed down becasue I have not - but I have spoken to my best friend sho works for IPSEA. She has told me that it would be a very good idea to phone them because they are the leading experts in disbality discrimination and from what you have said your son is being discriminated against. He has either been provoked or not and the Learning Support Assistant told you he has. She can not take back those words they have been said. The school are covering their own backs and your son is an east traget here.

 

My friend says that it looks like the Head had not taken appropriate measures to ensure that you son is confident and comfortable enough to tell anyone when he is troubled. This she tells me is a BIG issue. She also feels that IPSEA would put you in touch with SENDIST (hope that's right)

 

Here is the hotline number for IPSEA 01394 384711

 

Carole

[bluejean-genie]

Hi,

I don't seem to be able to get the school to let me have any work for Nat even though I have asked them twice also I am also having trouble getting their behaviour policy because I am told this is the Dep. Head's area and he seems to always be teaching??

I contacted ACE, they were really helpful and they said although the school had tried to help (green card) they had not supported him enough, which had contributed to the situation..They are sending me some packs and other information.

Hi Carole,

Thank you for your helpful advice,

I don't think it is the Head, but it seems that the Deputy Head had quite a lot to say to Nat before I got there on Monday, also the teacher I am seeing on Friday is the teacher who called him back, she has already said to Nat there was no provocation!! I have decided I am not letting Nathan go to the meeting on Friday as I don't think it is fair for him.

[bluejean-genie]

Quick update.

I have had my meeting and basically it was mainly about Nat's behaviour in class and that he is "Lazy" and getting more "stubborn".

and as he is in a mainstream school he has to do the lessons that they set.

The bullying issue only came up when she said that Nat had hit the other boy because he didn't want the other boy to have any other friends? I told her that her theory was rubbish.

outcome:

learning mentor report - if he behaves well he will be allowed a piece of pizza on Friday- this is to improve his class behaviour.

All teachers to be told A.M to watch out for bullying towards Nat.

He's to be helped to make new friends as he has become isolated because he behaves superior due to his AS and kids don't like that, so they don't like him. (the group will be made up of 3 other AS children)

She reminded us twice she had another parent meeting arranged so we had to leave.

Thanks everyone for your support and for listening this past week.

[bid]

Bluejean-genie <'>

 

Involving the police in this way is absolutely outrageous!

 

I don't know enough to offer any indepth advice.

 

Try the Disability Rights Commission helpline on 08457622633...they helped me in the past.

 

I am sure we are all thinking of you <'>

 

Bid

[Elanor]

Bluegenie

 

I've been reading this thread over the last few days with horror. This is so terrible.

 

The latest comments from the school show to me that they have no understanding either of your son or of AS. Their approach seems to be primitive and ignorant, and wholly unacceptable and ineffective. When a school trots out words like 'lazy' and 'stubborn', and tries to manage behaviour with a slice of pizza, then its clear they're out of their depth. The school is clearly failing to provide for your son's needs.

 

I don't see what choice you have other than to protest loudly - through the governors, LEA, IPSEA, Parent partnership, NAS, your MP, your own lawyers. How can anyone think that the school is doing the right thing?

 

Keep fighting.

 

Elanor

[Jay]

DearBluejean-jeanie,

I just wanted to say how disgusted I was to hear about your son's situation. I think its disgraceful and totally unacceptable for professional people to 'get away' with behaving in this manner.I don't know what services are available in your neck of the woods ,but this is disgusting - people in positions of power can't get away with treating children like this.Do you have an Autism Outreach Service or Parent PartnershipService - both L.E.A.There's also Special Educational Needs Mediation Service, it's quite a new service but they hope to sort the situation out before you take it to a tribunal - I had to involve them when things went wrong at my son's school.Is your son statemented, if so surely his statement officer should be involved.Sorry if you've already done all this but I just can't understand how anyone with any basic morals can do this to any child never mind a child who is struggling to cope with the world 24/7 365!I wish you love and lots of hope for the future.

Jay.

[bluejean-genie]

thank you all for the supportive replies,

I have been really furious with the school's behaviour for the past week but this morning his Learning Mentor was brilliant. She came across to our house and for an hour tried to persaude my son to go to school with her. She made concessions

regarding him missing certain lessons but nothing worked and he refused to go with her,she said we would try again tomorrow. Then at dinner time he decided to give it another try, (extremely proud of him) He went to school and went to the Learning mentors where they allowed him to miss PE (lesson where he was swore at), then he went to PSHE with his form teacher who whispered did he want to go home 5 minutes before everyone else.

It appears that his Learning Mentor has asked the SPED teacher to look at his targets, they have now been changed. Organised a review for the end of term.(IEP's are only looked at once a year)

she also felt the exclusion had been handled wrong. She has sent a memo to all teachers who teach him, to look out for both verbal and physical bullying towards him.

He saw the boy he hit and the boy's friend but walked past them, the lad he hadn't hit, hid behind the other boy as he walked by.

When my son came home, he sat at the computer and looking at me, said "Do I have to go back there tomorrow, as well "

[Kazzen161]

IEP's only looked at once a year - that seems far too long - what happens if they get to the end of the year and the targets have not been achieved- what a waste of time. The Code of Practice recomends at lease three times a year (4.28).

 

I'm glad the school are being more helpful now.

 

Karen

[bluejean-genie]

hi and thank you,

I have still got some reservations, but after Nat was told of the things they had put into place for him, he said he would like to go back.

His learning mentor has been to the house both days this week to walk with him to school as he said he wasn't going. He came in tonight happy as he said he didn't do much at school because if he looks stressed, he is asked does he want to go to the senco's room where he reads. He even told the Learning Mentor he doesn't like most of the lessons on offer, so would she mind if he didn't do them. She said she couldn't allow that.

At least he didn't come home in a temper today.