I've Now Hit Rock Bottom

[TheNeil]

Yesterday I was at interview and I really thought that I was, finally, going to get out of the current hell that is my office (with the being ignord, the complaints etc.). This was actually the second round of interviewing for this job and I was really feeling positive about this one as, during the first interview last Friday I'd got on brilliantly with the guy who'd I'd be working with. We just talked for an hour, and he said that I had one of the best persoanlities that he'd seen. The job was fantastic, the pay was good (even better than I'm on now), there was some travelling, some coding and everything looked great. Even before the first interview had finished he openly said that he'd be calling me back for the second round so that someone else could give me a grilling.

 

The second round interview was yesterday and it couldn't have been more of a letdown. The job agency had told me that the company had concerns over my CV (I've changed jobs about every 2 years but with good reasons - redundancy, restructuring etc.) and, after going through it at the interview, they seemed happy with my reasons, asked me a few more questions and said that they'd make a decision the following morning (this morning actually). So when I got home (last night) I phoned up the agency to give some feedback and the woman there said not to bother as the company had been in touch and decided that I wasn't right for the job. Apparently I was 'too nervous' to start with (even though I did, apparently, settle down after a few minutes) and, given that, they'd not only turned me down but decided not to bother at all. I can't say that I'm suprised really. I mean, someone nervous at an interview? Never happens does it. I wouldn't care but I didn't stim once, I tried to make eye contact, I'd gotten on so brilliantly with the first guy (first time I've had a real conversation at a technical level for about 18 months), and, this is the clincher, I've done the same job before in the past with absolutely no problems.

 

What with all of the problems I'm having with my current job I was just devestated (I'd foolishly let myself get excited about it) and Mrs TheNeil had a real job trying to pick me back up again. So I scoured the internet (see, I was trying to do something), found three opportunities (all of which have turned out to be the same job but via three different agencies - grr) and generally felt utterly miserable. The worst thing was that I couldn't see a way out of my current job/situation. I hardly slept and decided that if I didn't do something at work then I'd end up going to the GP...again (and I really, really don't want to have to do that).

 

First thing this morning I asked my boss if we could have 'one of our little chats' and spent nearly 2 hours explaining how miserable I was, how depressed work was making me feel, how no-one seemed to give a <insert rude word here> about my AS/me, never checked if I was Ok, or even bothered to talk to me anymore. I even discussed the 'warning' that I'd received a couple of weeks back due to some <insert rude word here (think female bovine)> who seemed to think that it was perfectly acceptable to upset the 'autistic guy'. Initially he seemed understanding but I could tell that he thought I was very much complaining (as usual) and what, exactly could he do about it?

 

Ok I know that he can't make people be more friendly towards me, he can't make people talk to me etc. and I realise that I'm never going to achieve 'nirvana' in a work environment (it's just a sad fact that I understand and accept). He also seemed to think that the other people in the department ignore me because I'm quiet and, obviously, 'prefer it that way' - huh? This I didn't get as what am I supposed to do about it? I can't initiate conversation because of how I am and I made that clear when I told everyone (also, there's such an oppresive atmosphere that i'm almost scared to open my mouth some days so just have to shut the world out). His attitude also seemed to be that 'well that's how they are' which, I suppose, I can't argue with but that doesn't help me. I explained that I was tired of trying (even if, a lot of the time, it wasn't/isn't even noticed) and that it hadn't been this way in my last job. I discussed the HoD situation (in that he ignores me) and his response was that he (my boss) prefered it this way as it kept him (the HoD) out of our department. I then asked why the HoD hadn't tried to mediate more when I'd had my run in (and received an official warning) and it was all explained away as being 'company policy'. Company policy doesn't have any provision for Autistic people (I know, they checked around and couldn't find anything relating to ASDs) so...that makes everything alright.

 

Basically it rambled on with me feeling more and more like a whinger and getting more and more frustrated. He did ask if I visit any forums and I said that I did (this one - although I didn't name it) and he said that maybe I shouldn't as, according to him, I was doing really well(?) and probably shouldn't have much to do with 'less able' autistic people so that I wasn't 'dragged down to their level'. So, you heard the man, stop dragging me down...

 

I was absolutely amazed by that. I knew then that there's just no point in going on with this. My big problem is people not understanding me/AS and here was my boss totally not getting it AGAIN. Not only that but he was not getting it and insulting autistic people in general. Yes I know that there are a lot of people with 'worse' ASDs than me (to put it in an NT way) but to have it put so bluntly and in so narrow a viewpoint. So what do I do? 'Company policy' says that I can go up to the next level of management. Well, as I know only too well, when it comes to the HoD I'm about as popular as typhoid.

 

I know I shouldn't complain but I am at rock bottom. I'm stuck here, I can't see a way out (despite all of the advice that's been given - thanks people), I'm doing a job that I (now) hate, I have to work with people who (seemingly) hate me (apologies, I'm miserable), no-one understands or seems to care (because, as was explained to me, 'they're all too busy to have time to worry about things like autism' - ding, that makes everything alright then), and I can't just walk away from it as I still need to pay the mortgage come the end of the month. I've been accused of 'over-reacting', being overly sensitive, wallowing in self pity (to summise), and letting my ASD rule my life (what else would you like me to with it BTW? I simply am AS - it's not something that I can switch on/off). I've now got a hollow feeling in my stomach and that's never a good thing - when I feel like this I'm pretty sure that I'd be crying if I was 'normal' (crying only happens when small roots get blown up in Star Wars or VW Beetles drive around on their own in Herbie movies).

 

The last time I felt this low (about 6 years ago) I ended up stood in a hardware store with a box of rat poison in my hand (I would like to point out that I did put it back down again..although it was close). If nothing improves then I can see me having to do something drastic but I just don't know what that is

[keyholekate]

Hi TheNeil!

 

About the point of joining this forum and mixing with less able people I always find that your posts are incredibly articulate and intelligent. I always enjoy reading them. I also find you very witty.

 

Thinking of you KHK

[marshmallow]

Hi TheNeil!

 

About the point of joining this forum and mixing with less able people I always find that your posts are incredibly articulate and intelligent. I always enjoy reading them. I also find you very witty.

 

Thinking of you KHK

 

I couldn't have said it better! I am sorry you are having such a hard time, please don't stop coming to the forum though. Take care.

[elaine1]

I honestly dont know what advice i could give you, i cant even begin to understand what youre feeling.

I just hope you find a solution other than rat poison, that would be an end not a solution. <'>

[bid]

Oh, TN, I'm so sorry you're having such an awful time at work <'>

 

This is probably a really crass suggestion (sorry, sorry)...but have you thought of the possibility of doing your job from home?? It would at least get you away from the dreaded office environment

 

I do empathise with your feelings <'> As someone who is (still!) waiting for her assessment date, I struggle all the time with social interaction At the moment, I'm in a really bad place too...I'm struggling against wanting to withdraw completely

 

Well, just sending some more <'> <'> as I don't seem to have anything more constructive to offer!!

 

Bid

Edited August 10, 2006 by bid

[Guest hallyscomet]

Hi TheNeil,

 

<'> <'> I think you are amazing for putting up with this lots ignorance. Unfortunately, most people wouldnt have a clue about Autism.

 

Is there somethings you could be doing to support yourself, to make the environment more pleasant. So you dont have to worry about the politics in the place, but just get on with the job at hand, and just do your best.

 

A lot of ASD people find listening to classical music very calming, perhaps you could get an Ipod and download loads of Mozart. My son cant be without his music, it soothes him in the car, walking around, so many aspects of his life.

 

You mentioned that you didnt enjoy the social get togethers, is there someone there you can talk to one on one or surely they could make some compromise and not expect you to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable. If the manager you are talking to isnt hearing you, is there someone else a little more understanding.

 

Also, job interviews everyone gets nervous, that is a natural reaction we all experience. Just use it as a stepping stone, to gain experience. Something better will come along soon, keep hopeful, have faith.

 

You deserve it. Sending you a few of these that something good comes your way, or someone in your current job is more understanding. Take a deep breath. Write down what you want, think about it for a week or so, just have faith, it will all work out.

 

H.

[Bullet]

Could you write to the company you had the interview with, ask for some feedback on your interview and use that to help you in further interviews?

[TheNeil]

Thanks for the feedback people.

 

Just to answer a few questions, I have considered working at home more and, although the company is happy to do it one day a week, they won't consider anything beyond that, which is something of a shame as at my last job I was only in the office twice a week (it was over 3 hour round drive so it was just sensible)

 

Not too sure about changing the environment. Music is good but I am prone to ear infections (trust me, this is relevant) and having my earplugs in for too long does sometimes cause me problems. That siad, if I could use it as an excuse with Mrs TheNeil to buy an ipod... beyond that I don't know what I could do - I will have a think though

 

All of the interviews that I go to, generally, get some form of feedback as they're via job agencies and they usually let me nkow what the reason was for not getting the job. Sometimes it's conflicting info but I find that even a failed interview is still useful. I still have some fingers in some pies so (hopefully) something will come up

 

After having had my meeting with my boss this morning he's suggested that I work at home for the rest of this week and for all of next week to give me time to try to cheer myself up/sort myself out. Whether it'll work or not is another matter but I'll give it a go

 

And speaking of going, the working daya is over (for me) so out the door I go...

[oxgirl]

Hi TheNeil, hope you don't mind me putting in my two pennthworth, it's just that what you say about how you are at work really rings a bell with me. I know exactly what I want to say to you, but I hope it comes out right and you don't take offence. Okay, here goes!

 

When I was at work years ago I used to get into exactly the kind of situation that it sounds like you are in, where I'd end up feeling isolated in the office and that everyone was against me and everyone hated me, etc. etc. In the end I put out such a bad vibe that people did end up avoiding me, and looking back, I can't blame them. What I can see now, that I couldn't see then, is that no one is perfect and everyone has their own problems and they weren't necessarily giving me a single thought while I was sitting there steaming away about them and their neglect of me, they were just getting on with their lives.

 

I think the fact that your colleagues don't understand about autism does not mean they are bad people, there are hundreds of conditions I know nothing about, I'm just getting on with my life the same as they are. What I think certainly happened to me, and might have happened to you, is that you've all got into a pattern now of you being quiet and them accepting that you are quiet and so they ignore you, with you really wishing they would make more of an effort with you. What I think they need is for you to break the cycle and give them an opening, and I know that isn't easy, it wasn't easy for me either.

 

If you could take a deep breath before you go into the office tomorrow, plaster a pleasant expression on your face, walk into the office with your head held high and say, 'morning, how are you today' in a breezy voice to the person at the first desk, it could really break this pattern and you would benefit. The first time you do it, they'll probably be so shocked they won't answer, but if you do it every day and get into the habit of it, then it will give them the opening maybe they need to approach you and they'll know you are making an effort to be friendly. Does this make sense, hope I'm not insulting you at all, I mean, I don't know the whole situation.

 

Take care.

~ Mel ~

[TheNeil]

Hi Mel,

 

I don't mind you putting your two-penneth in at all and I'm glad that some people out there know what I'm going through.

 

I hear what you're saying about people not giving my problems a second thought (and why should they in all honesty?) and I definitely agree that people have probably come to the conclusion that I'm just 'quiet' and it's become something of a vicious circle. Breaking that circle though is not going to be easy as the other people in my department do tend to be very competitive, aggressive etc. and that's not something that I've ever really had to deal with in the past. Coupled with the fact that none of them really talk to each other, there's very little 'common ground'.

 

At the moment there isn't a 'tomorrow' as I'm working at home for the next week. Call it the coward's way out if you like but, as I explained to my boss, I've reached that point where everything annoys me - people's voices, laughter, the humming of PCs...and it's getting me frustrated to the point of exploding. I think that a break from that will definitely be very beneficial. In the longer term I think that a change of job is the ultimate answer but, in the meantime, I do have to try to make the best of a bad situation. I'm not pretending that it will be easy but I am willing to make the effort...whether people notice what, to me, is an effort, is another matter though.

 

I'll keep plugging away at it and no doubt keep moaning

 

Neil

[hev]

The Neil

i have no advice as i have never been in the situation you are in,just wanted to say ignore your boss advice about not visiting the forum,i look foward to reading your posts and it would be a shame if you werent here,wish i had something constructive to say,all i can say is dont leave the forum!!

[lil_me]

Don't know what to advise. I've been in many jobs whch I hated, and didn't get on with employees and was hard getting out but managed it eventually.

 

<'> We're all here if you need us.

[Kathryn]

Hi The Neil,

 

Sorry to hear you had a let down over your job interview - I know you were really hopeful about that. You got to the second round though, so you're obviously doing something right - can you take hope from that? I sympathise - I hate job interviews, have failed many (including the one for my current job - I'm pretty sure I was called back as a last resort!).

 

Till the time comes when you can move on (and I'm sure it will), I hope you can find some way of dealing with the difficulties at work. Your boss doesn't understand ASD in depth, but he has at least shown some willingness to listen to you. The offer of working at home one day a week might help to ease the pressure: three days at home, including the weekend, amounts to nearly half the week - it might make the other four days in the office a bit more bearable?

 

In the meantime keep visiting the forum and talking to us (as long as we don't drag you down too much! )

 

K x

Edited August 10, 2006 by Kathryn

[BusyLizzie100]

Hello, TheNeil.

 

It's good that your boss is letting you work at home for a bit - it shows that it is certainly possible. Perhaps it'll lead the way to some sort of compromise - 3 days in, 2 at home, for example.

 

I agree with Kathryn: getting to second interview is often very hard, so you've done well to get so far. My husband has been having interviews etc for a while now, because he was made redundant back in December. Sometimes he'd practically get offered the job on the spot, only to get a letter a week later saying no; often these people just seem to change their mind about whether there is a job or not, depending on budgets and restructuring etc.

 

The most ludicrous example for him was being told the job was his, then a couple of days later being told there is no job, than a fortnight later being told the job was his again. He's since signed a contract and done all the paperwork, but he won't be convinced until he turns up on the first day and finds that they really are expecting him!

 

Anyway, bet you get loads done at home away from the office and your boss is amazed at your productivity!

 

Take care,

Lizzie

[lollypocket]

Hi TheNeil,

 

Sorry about the interview

 

I hope something comes through for you soon

 

KW

[Sojourned]

Hey Neil - Sorry to hear about the interview, but don't let it get you too far down. You seem like good people, failing this time will probably just lead you to a better job in a few weeks time. Stick with it, the universe will set you straight.

[Canopus]

You could always have a talk with the first interviewer on the phone. If he really liked you and thought you were suitable for the position then he could do a bit of "armwrenching" with the boss and second interviewer. I know someone who has used this tactic and was given a job with the company.

[Jill]

Hope being at home for a while helps.

 

Please keep coming here & posting, I really enjoy your sense of humour.

 

And sorry, but your boss sounds like a (censored) to me, who clearly understands little & makes numerous erronous assumptions e.g. he assumes we're all autistic & thus "less able" on this site, because it's about autism!

 

Then again, I understand bog all about your job & you sound clever to me so I guess in that respect I am less able than you , but why should people be "less able" cos they're autistic? Just different, not less.

 

I'd still like to slap him.

 

Hope you are feeling better today mate.

 

 

** I put the "censored" in brackets because what I wanted to say was too offensive to type.

[TheNeil]

You could always have a talk with the first interviewer on the phone. If he really liked you and thought you were suitable for the position then he could do a bit of "armwrenching" with the boss and second interviewer. I know someone who has used this tactic and was given a job with the company.

 

Sadly I don't think it'd work but I have taken some advice on board and will be writing to the company to find out what it was that they were looking for that I didn't have- whether I get a reply or not...

 

Today things are looking better. Firstly I'm at home instead of being in the office (hooray), I got a decent night's sleep (for a change), and, most importantly, I'm off to another interview this afternoon! Another agency phoned up last night saying that they'd been instructed to do a first round interview and when was I available. What was even better was that the subject of AS came up (the application form that they need filling out asks for any medical conditions) and the guy who will be interviewing me knows a couple of people with AS and, therefore, knows a little bit about it! Nowall I have to do is impress him, pass a written technical test and then...blah, blah, blah

 

BTW Thanks for all the advice, sympathy, support etc. from everyone- I'm sure you must be sick of hearing about my problems by now

[marshmallow]

Hi TheNeil, Good luck for this afternoon, I hope the interview goes well. Take care.

 

Marshmallow

[oxgirl]

Hi Mel,

 

I don't mind you putting your two-penneth in at all and I'm glad that some people out there know what I'm going through.

 

I hear what you're saying about people not giving my problems a second thought (and why should they in all honesty?) and I definitely agree that people have probably come to the conclusion that I'm just 'quiet' and it's become something of a vicious circle. Breaking that circle though is not going to be easy as the other people in my department do tend to be very competitive, aggressive etc. and that's not something that I've ever really had to deal with in the past. Coupled with the fact that none of them really talk to each other, there's very little 'common ground'.

 

At the moment there isn't a 'tomorrow' as I'm working at home for the next week. Call it the coward's way out if you like but, as I explained to my boss, I've reached that point where everything annoys me - people's voices, laughter, the humming of PCs...and it's getting me frustrated to the point of exploding. I think that a break from that will definitely be very beneficial. In the longer term I think that a change of job is the ultimate answer but, in the meantime, I do have to try to make the best of a bad situation. I'm not pretending that it will be easy but I am willing to make the effort...whether people notice what, to me, is an effort, is another matter though.

 

I'll keep plugging away at it and no doubt keep moaning

 

Neil

 

 

I certainly do know where you're coming from and how it feels to be in your situation. Good for you for being willing to try your best, that's all you can do at the end of the day. Even if the others don't notice particularly, at least you can feel good that you are giving it your best shot and they can do their thing as well. I guess if they don't speak to each other either then at least you can feel good that it's nothing personal against you.

 

Keep on keeping on!

 

~ Mel ~

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I was in a work situation that frankly made me feel ill (I don't have an ASD). I'd get up in the morning and dread going to work. I could just about bear the working day with being ignored or being shouted at, etc. It was awful there's no other word for it. The office was full of females and what a bunch of bi***es! After 5 months enough was enough and I gave them one month's notice. I didn't have another job to go to, but I could recognise the fact that this job was affecting every aspect of my life. I didn't live to regret it. In fact, I landed on my feet with another job very quickly. I guess what I'm saying is that if your job is making you feel really bad (and it is!), then maybe your best bet is to quit while you're ahead - ie you've described how desperate you feel and the lengths that you were tempted to go to in the past. You really don't want to go there! You're intelligent and articulate and without a doubt you'll land on your feet. I do genuinely believe that someone up above looks out for us!!! I know it doesn't feel like it sometimes, but so far I've always somehow managed to get by when I've hit rock bottom. I'm getting all deep, but that's what keeps me going.

 

Best wishes.

 

Caroline.

[Elanor]

I then asked why the HoD hadn't tried to mediate more when I'd had my run in (and received an official warning) and it was all explained away as being 'company policy'. Company policy doesn't have any provision for Autistic people (I know, they checked around and couldn't find anything relating to ASDs) so...that makes everything alright.

 

TheNeil

 

I'm so sorry things aren't getting better for you. The quote above set alarm bells ringing for me - you might dislike the term, but ASDs are in legal terms a disability, and the Disability Discrimination Act applies - your work must make reasonable adjustments for your condition - they don't have the luxury of not having a policy - the law says that they must. Perhaps you could find an advisor on this - perhaps through the NAS or the job centre?

 

Big hugs <'> <'>

 

Elanor

[badonkadonk]

Hi TheNeil and everyone else on this forum, this is my first post!

 

I'm female, 23 and was diagnosed as having Aspergers Syndrome last December....I've had a bit of a wait.

 

I don't have very much expertise I'm afraid being as I'm 23 and I can't find a job and hold it down for more than three months let alone work out how to be happier/move jobs! I hate being around people, so I'm kinda screwed

 

I am however hyper-sensitive with my hearing. People's voices in particular drive me nuts, as do alarms or repetitive noises, the sound of people eating (arrraghh crisps I hate them!), the noise I make typing on a computer, the noise of the computer...any noise that I don't either make or wish to listen to in fact lol.

 

However, in March I invested in an ipod and it changed my life. I have tried cheaper mp3 players with less memory in the past and portable cd players and tape players, but like I said, I'm very choosy with what noise I hear and so I would get fed up not having enough songs to choose from depending on my mood. I am like Jekyll and Hyde and so one little thing like an ambulance going past me with its siren blaring while I was outside would upset me and then I would need a happy song to lift me and I wouldn't always have that type of cd available, without carrying around my whole cd collection. But with my 2GB ipod nano I have been able to make myself different playlists to help aid my mood. I am permanently attached to my ipod now, I have a lead so I can plug it into my stereo in my bedroom so I can go to sleep with the noise I want to listen too, whereas before anything from traffic outside to my dad's snoring would drive me insane. I also have an adapter in the car so I can listen to what I want when I want to help curb my anger when I'm driving, because it's something I find really difficult and get angry at less-than-perfect drivers! I also listen to it when I'm out and about on foot, especially in supermarkets and shopping malls, it's a lifesaver!

 

It's well worth the expense, I think in total, buying the ipod itself, the lead for the tv, the adapter for the car, protective cases and an armband to hold my ipod if I'm at the gym....I've spent around ?250. It is a lot of money, trust me I know about living with no money....I get ?70 a week Income Support and ?132 a month disability benefits because no-one would help me fill in my disability forms and get the maximum amount I could have been entitled too. I had a loan 4 years ago so that I could buy a car so that I could go to university, so out of the Income Support and Disability Benefit comes ?88 a month, ?40 car insurance and a mobile phone bill to boot plus ordinary living costs....I live in my overdraft and at present will likely never be able to afford to move out of my parents house into my own home.

 

But I've still managed this investment and I would urge anyone else who has problems with noise to consider an ipod as a possible remedy. The other thing you could do for about the same amount of money is invest in some seriously good ear plugs, apparently there are special ones that eliminate all background noise. That's my next investment actually, not the special ear plugs, but the ?30 ipod ear plugs which offer more protection against outside noise.

 

I hope this helps, I have tried to explain why I would suggest an ipod, rather than just saying "buy an ipod!"..but I'm fairly useless at this stuff and tend to ramble quite a bit!

 

I look forward to getting to know you all, and hope that I can pick up other coping methods, advice and share frustrations and stories with everyone. I hope as well that I may be of help to others with an ASD. Finding out age 23 that there is a reason why I am why I am, and that I'm not just the ######/weirdo/person with an attitude problem everyone said I was, is quite mad, a huge relief, upsetting and a whole host of other things. But one thing I have experienced big style since being formally diagnosed is being able to say that it's because of my AS that I do this and this, feel this and that etc. Finding out I'm not just unreasonable for wanting to punch the wall when I have to listen to people eating, that it is ok that I like lining up my possessions, that it doesn't mean me and my boyfriend don't have a healthy relationship just because we have to have seperate quilts because I like to have my quilt tucked all around me at night so I feel safe....finding all this out has helped me understand who I am and what my AS is and how it affects me, and it has also enabled me to help others with AS pinpoint how their AS is responsible for things they experience that they would either not understand or "beat themselves up about" before. My mom is a primary school teacher and because I'm AS, she gets given all kids on the Autistic Spectrum to teach, which is a bit bad of the school, but good because she's got experience, so I go into school sometimes and try and help. If I can be of help to others, don't hesitate to get in touch via the board.

 

Sorry for the essay of a post!

 

Badonkadonk

 

P.S. For anyone with an ASD who thinks or has been told that they will never have a successful relationship like I have been told...absolute rubbish. I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years now, and while it is not perfect, and we do have problems (especially in the 3 years before I found out I had Aspergers) and we are constantly learning and adapting to each other and my AS and we are unlike most other couples....it does work and we are very happy and proof that it can happen. My boyfriend is an angel for his understanding and I am very lucky to have him, but I believe that there is one of these people for every person in the world...you just have to find them.

[TheNeil]

Hi badonkadonk,

 

First up, welcome to the forum - hope it helps you as much as it's helped me and other people. Secondly, no worries about the 'essay'.

 

Like you I didn't find out that I was AS until 'later' in life (32 last birthday and I was only dx'd in April of this year) and, also like yourself, I'm in a happy long term relationship (despite what many books and 'experts' might say). Having reached a dx I'm still going through that stage of re-evaluating everything, getting mad, frustrated, annoyed etc. In my case I was hoping that it would explain everything and, in that respect, it has, but it also opened up a whole can of worms that I never thought of and this is what has, I think, caused me problems - all of a sudden I know what I am but the rest of the world doesn't (in fact they seem to know me less well than they did before and slmost seem to be keeping me at arm's length).

 

When it comes to work though most autistic people (if the stats are to be believed) supposedly have great difficulty holding down a job (I think it's something like only 6%) but us Aspies do tend to fair a little better (I think it's 12% of us manage to hold down full time employment). Sadly (depending on your point of view) I fall into the 'lucky' category (in that I supposedly can) - if you don't though then you're simply part of the majority so I wouldn't let it worry you. I might be talking rubbish but have you tried lots of different jobs or is it that you've only dabbled with office work? If you help your mum at her school then maybe that might be an idea although, personally, the sound of kids is one of my 'trigger' noises.

 

An iPod is a great idea (I am an Apple fan boy anyway) but my big problem with this kind of answer is that in-the-ear headphones annoy my ears if I use them for more than about an hour and those big DJ style headphones just squash my shell-likes and feel relly uncomfortable. I might splash out and get some of those clip on style jobies. Unlike youthough, I don't need a massive selection of music - I can happily listen to the same track on repeat for 8 hours

 

Anyway, keep yourself sane, try not to let people wear you down and, most importantly, remember that you're not alone...there are other 'wierdos' here just like you

 

Neil

[Elaine]

Hello TheNeil

 

Sorry you've not managed to escape yet, but something will turn up.

 

Is there the possibility of changing departments within your company or working within the same department, but in a more friendly bay?

 

Also, regarding other people not being friendly. I hope this doesn't sound disrespectful, but have you considered that at least some of them may be Aspies too? Albeit undiagnosed. Once I worked in a particularly 'unfriendly' bay. I used to come into work, give a smile and say 'hello' and no-one would look at me or say 'hello' back (and that from day one). This one guy would make some kind of grunt in response, but wouldn't look away from his monitor. He was very clever (PhD in physics) and actually a decent person, but he couldn't make conversation. (In the end I became thoroughly depressed by this and moved into another bay where life was a lot better). That was 8 years ago, before I had children and learnt about AS/ASD.

In retrospect, I suspect that he wasn't being deliberately unfriendly. I think that he may have been an undiagnosed Aspie. I suspect that there are a lot of people around - particularly in I.T./Engineering - who have Aspergers and don't know it.

 

 

Elaine

[TheNeil]

Hello TheNeil

 

Sorry you've not managed to escape yet, but something will turn up.

 

Is there the possibility of changing departments within your company or working within the same department, but in a more friendly bay?

 

Also, regarding other people not being friendly. I hope this doesn't sound disrespectful, but have you considered that at least some of them may be Aspies too? Albeit undiagnosed. Once I worked in a particularly 'unfriendly' bay. I used to come into work, give a smile and say 'hello' and no-one would look at me or say 'hello' back (and that from day one). This one guy would make some kind of grunt in response, but wouldn't look away from his monitor. He was very clever (PhD in physics) and actually a decent person, but he couldn't make conversation. (In the end I became thoroughly depressed by this and moved into another bay where life was a lot better). That was 8 years ago, before I had children and learnt about AS/ASD.

In retrospect, I suspect that he wasn't being deliberately unfriendly. I think that he may have been an undiagnosed Aspie. I suspect that there are a lot of people around - particularly in I.T./Engineering - who have Aspergers and don't know it.

Elaine

 

Hi Elaine,

 

The thought that they could all be AS/ASD had actually crossed my mind and I have come across the concept of 'geek syndrome' before. The fact that they will talk to other people (and not me) kind of leads me away from that though. I think what's happening, now that I can view it from a more removed perspective, is that they not necessarily being nasty or awkward out of malice but rather it's that they don't understand how things affect people like me and, possibly being only partially aware of the situation, they tend to give me a wide berth. I can understand that point of view but how to address/solve that problem...that's the big question. I have tried getting information out to them and have tried talking, interacting etc. but, being unaware of the 'problems' that I face, I don't think that they realise when I am trying and the effort that's involved. It loops back round to the old problem: How do you explain you have a communication problem...when you have a communication problem.

 

Moving department is an idea but I'm IT/programming staff and that's what I do. Sadly my current department is the IT department and any IT/programming jobs come through it - moving to another department won't offer me the same type of work

 

I'll keep plugging away and see what turns up

 

Neil

[Guest hallyscomet]

Hi Neil,

 

Do you take anything for anxiety or any fish oils, my son has had a huge problem with communication and there is a lot of talk on here how people are seeing some really good benefits with fish oils. If any remembers the problems my son has had for the past four years, he is making a huge milestone since I introduced oils equivalent to the Eye Q everyone is raving about. He seems less agitated and more confident. It may be a placebo affect but something positive is happening for him.

 

Perhaps some other parents can share how its helped their childs anxiety which can have a huge affect on your confidence and then in turn stress piles up making it impossible to communicate as you are so stressed. I couldn't get my son out of his room let alone go to the shops or college, just wanted to share this.

 

H. <'>

[TheNeil]

Hi Neil,

 

Do you take anything for anxiety or any fish oils, my son has had a huge problem with communication and there is a lot of talk on here how people are seeing some really good benefits with fish oils. If any remembers the problems my son has had for the past four years, he is making a huge milestone since I introduced oils equivalent to the Eye Q everyone is raving about. He seems less agitated and more confident. It may be a placebo affect but something positive is happening for him.

 

Perhaps some other parents can share how its helped their childs anxiety which can have a huge affect on your confidence and then in turn stress piles up making it impossible to communicate as you are so stressed. I couldn't get my son out of his room let alone go to the shops or college, just wanted to share this.

 

H. <'>

 

I was taking B vitamins for a while and they seemed to put me in a better (e.g. happier) state of mind but I was advised not to be on them for more than 30 days so had to stop. And of course the side effects were 'illuminating' (anyone who doesn't know what these things do, let's just say that you don't need to put the light on if you get short in the middle of the night)

[Guest hallyscomet]

Neil

 

The fish oils are safe and can be taken ongoing, I know Mega B can be useful in short bursts but not safe to take ongoing.

 

I had a chat to my pharmacist as we have a huge container of evening primrose oil and fish oil 200 tabs its cheaper to buy this way in huge quantities it is a fraction of the price.

 

The Pharmacist wrote down the quantities of recommended doses for my son to take instead of buying the product I mentioned earlier, you can browse the internet for ingredients.

 

For instance I put it to the test and forgot to give them to my son one morning and panic, tummy upsets started to happen again, we have had 4 years of this. So my son and I stumbled over this little miracle and it is working for him. Such a relief. He is finding it help him open up a bit or a lot, and reducing some of the meltdowns he was having.

 

I have had knots in my stomach for the past four years worrying about his future, but, something is working, and this is the only thing we have really changed, and I noticed the changes over a couple of weeks.

 

Speak to your pharmacist, or doctor. My son has to take other meds but he can continue taking those without the worry of problems.

 

Hope this helps. Maybe its worth a try. Goodluck.

 

H.

[TheNeil]

Maybe its worth a try

 

Can't argue with that. I'll see about getting an appointment with the GP or might call into the local health food/vitamin shop and see what they think. Mucho biggo thanko