MY BABY STARTS SCHOOL ON WEDNESDAY AND I'M IN BITS

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I'm a wreck just now. My 4.5 year old 'baby' starts mainstream primary school on Wednesday. Fact is, I trust very few people to look after him and cope with his sometimes very difficult behaviour and quirks. It took a while for me to trust staff at his nursery, but after a while I could see how amazing they were with Robert. What's more after a really bad day which would consitute him punching and kicking the nursery manager, screaming, throwing anything he could get his hands on, sobbing, then the cycle repeating itself another 3 times, they still had enough compasion to give him a big cuddle and calm him down. I barely know the teaching staff at the school, there's 2 job-share teachers, a learning assistant I know nothing about, etc. I know it's a case of sitting back and waiting to see what happens, but I can't stand it!

 

Tomorrow, I intend to get on the blower and speak to the school the find out about the learning assistant. I've also compiled a 3 page document ('bible') giving worst case scenarios and how I've dealt with them, Robert's dis/likes, quirks, etc.

 

I've read lots of instances where mainstream hasn't worked out. Anyone had any positive experiences? Just trying to make myself feel better!

 

Thanks.

 

Caroline.

[UltraMum]

<'> <'> <'> cmuir <'> <'> <'>

 

J hadn't got his diagnosis when he started school - although he'd already been threatened with exclusion from nursery ... the school should have plenty of info to work with from the nursery ... perhaps they wouldn't mind if you offer for the scholl to contact them if they have a problem to see how they dealt with it?

[summertime]

ask them to start a home school diary too, then if something crops up in the day they can jot it down, but also if something happens eg Robert had an unsettled night, you can write it down also to warn them about the effects it may have on him in the day.

 

If they haven't already met with his nursery staff you could possibly suggest they have a meeting with them and ask if you can be present and also any other agencies that are working with him, ot, slt etc.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

The nursery are based in the school grounds. Over the past 5 months, they've been working closely with the school and taken Robert to visit the school with some other nursery kids twice a week. They've got a 'buddying' system and apparently that's went well so far. Robert has got himself 3 buddies! Everyone seems to know him, which is great. Thing is, hearing about his often extreme behaviour and seeing it in action are two different things. Nursery staff kept a daily diary and school have agreed at my request to do that, so that's a start. There's so much to worry about - how will he get on in the playground?, will it be closely supervised?, will staff recognise difference between bad behaviour due to naughtiness and bad behaviour due to AS/meltdown because he's not coped with something? These are all questions that I've asked, but reality is a very different thing. Oh, I'm rambling!

[summertime]

starting school can be extremely stressful for any parent and for a parent of a child with a special need even more so. But the school should be prepared, they have had enough prior notice. Will he have any 1:1 support, if so some of this time could be used on the playground.

 

Its hard to know what to expect until he's there but if he senses you are stressed he may pick up on that so try to think possitive and that its just an extension of nursery

 

easy for me to say sitting here I know but Im sure the school will do all they can to help Robert in this transition

[UltraMum]

You may find some useful bits and bobs here : http://www.earlysupport.org.uk/Default.aspx?tabid=112

 

Scroll down a bit and there are some downloadable sections that you can personalise - may give you some ideas for a 'pen portrait' of your child for school ...

[LizK]

My son started fulltime mainstream last term and I felt ver ymuch like you. It was a real rollercoaster ride with his displaying behaviour he had never done at nursery before like hitting, pulling hair, throwing things etc but his end of term review was very positive and his teacher was happy with his progress. More over my son adores school and can't wait to go back next term si although I only have one term's experience to go by so far mainstream has worked well.

 

Things that have helped

- his teacher is the SENCO and has worked with an autistic child before so knew a lot of the strategies to put in place. They are very calm, low key but firm with him and understand the reasons for his behaviour. He has fulltime 1-2-1 and his LSA was great

 

- visual timetables, cards for lining up, happy and sad cards to show him when he was good or had hurt someone. He has his own work station

 

- chill out area outside the classroom with a beanbag and squidgy toy if he needed some time on his own. Sometimes his LSA would take him running on the running rack or obstacle course if he got hyper

 

- special cushion to sit on at carpet time or assembly. His LSA made it out of Thomas TTE fabric!

He has fiddle toys to hold then to stop him fiddling with other children's hair

 

- He found lunchtimes hard so would sometimes have his sandwiches outside if the hall was noisy. He is allowed to sit in the music room and listen to CDs over lunchtime and he needs this time away to chill out. Without it he was behaving extreme in the afternoons and coming home utterly shellshocked

 

- Autistic Outreach have been great so well worth getting them involved. They are setting up a social skills group next term for him

 

- School has focused purely on his development rather than anything academic. He is good at numbers and they are stretching him with his numeracy to stop him getting bored but any academic achievements are a by product at the moment.

 

- Home-school book is useful to see what he's done during the day and to communicate any concerns.Talking and communicating has been the most important thing

 

Don't expect too much too quickly. Most children, not just those on the spectrum, can take time to adjust and settle down. Ds's teacher says it apparently takes the a child (and teacher too !) 8 days to settle down at the start of a term and she expected it to be at least double that for Adam

 

Good luck, let us know how it goes <'> <'> <'>

 

Lx

[cmuir]

Hi

 

UPDATE

 

Rang the school earlier today and asked about the learning assistant. She sounds perfect, so that's a huge relief. She's a mature woman who has an autistic son. Couldn't get a better start!

 

Caroline.

[nellie]

Caroline,

 

That's wonderful news, you must be relieved. Hope your 'baby' gets off to a good start.

 

Nellie xx

[jools]

very good news. hope it goes well on wednesday <'>

[summertime]

thats fantastic news, you must be so relieved

[UltraMum]

 

Excellent

[hev]

caroline,thats brilliant news about his teacher <'> <'>

 

i remember when steve started school,they are our babies arent they,see how it all goes and i bet it works out fine,is your son looking foward to it?

[Bagpuss]

Caroline

 

What a positive start We all have huge lumps in our throats when our little ones go to school.I felt this especially so with our youngest and was so worried about how she would settle.She went to a different primary to our eldest two and also had to get school transport, but she has settled well and loves going to school. We went down to school to observe her a playtimes, a big worry for us, as she doesn't have 1-1 during these times, but again she seemed happy enough. I still worry about her the most out of our three, mainly because I feel she would struggle to tell us if she were unhappy or something/someone had upset her, so we have to rely on the home/school diary and if we notice an obvious change in her behaviour, we question why. Hope it all goes well for you and your son <'>

[smallworld]

Hi,

that's good news, I hope it's put your mind at rest slightly, we have a similar scenario with one of my son's TAs, she's been an absolute rock

but come september we have a new lunchtime support lady who I have only ever seen wear flip-flops, not ideal with a known 'runner'

Fingers crossed all goes well on weds

 

wac

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Earlier on I had to coax Robert into trying on his school trousers so I could take them up. He was initially having none of it and when given a bit of time was only too happy to oblige. When I asked him to take them off, he went mad! He became a Rot Weiler trying to bite holes in his trousers and jumper. Oh dear ? he was mega cross. Tried to read him a story called 'Maisie goes to school'. He was too busy growling at me and I don't think anything penetrated. Nightmare!

 

It's 1.02am and I'm still up. I've typed out 4 pages of bullet-pointed notes about Robert's little traits and behaviours, likes/dislikes, what he responds well to. Hope it helps ? helps me I guess because at least I'll know I've done all I can.

 

Such a relief knowing that the Learning Assistant has an ASD son. Just hope she and Robert click.

 

I'm just so worried about entrusting Robert with strangers. Robert's last nursery staff were fantastic with him, but I'm only too well aware what happens when you get people that don't give a hoot and lack compassion, etc.

 

Guess, I'll need to take a stiff drink and settle down!

 

Caroline.

[marshmallow]

I will be thinking of you both tomorrow <'>

[cmuir]

UPDATE ? NIGHTMARE!

 

Robert went into school quite happy. He was only there for one hour and knew I was coming back to pick him up. Goodness knows what happened during that hour as I have two differing accounts. As soon as I got to school to collect him, I was met by and frogmarched into the headteacher's office (new headteacher!) to tell me that Robert had a really bad day. Basically, what she said next amounts to threatening exclusion. She told me that he had been abusive, throwing things, shouting and scaring the other children (LA account was that Robert was 'unsettled' - interesting!). I was asked what my thoughts were on removing Robert from the class ? I asked why they hadn't taken by the hand out of the classroom for timeout to calm down (got no answer!). I was told that this wouldn't be tolerated and if Robert posed a threat to himself and others, I would receive a phonecall to collect him. I was also advised that her staff couldn't cope with that kind of behaviour.

 

My response ... I managed to keep calm (though how I don't know!) and told her that they had been made fully aware of Robert's difficulties, hence transition from nursery to school had been ongoing for past 5 months! I also told her a LA had been employed after me battling to get funding and that they had a responsibility to educate Robert and manage him appropriately. I also told her that I would not tolerate receiving phonecalls every 5 minutes to collect Robert since he is their responsibility in terms of educating him and that removing him from school wasn't providing education. I advised her that concluding this after one hour was not giving Robert the chance he deserves and that if things weren't working out after a few weeks/months then action needed to be taken ? not after one hour!!!

 

I'm livid! After I'd stopped crying and managed to curb my anger I phoned several people including an EP, all of whom will be watching Robert and staff very closely over next few days and weeks. Thankfully SPECTRUM and Challenging Behaviour person will be going to observe tomorrow. I can't believe that B***H has taken away any moments of excitement, pride and joy that my little boy is starting school. One consolation is that I will expect she's had as bad a day as me (just about) ? she's had several phonecalls from specialists involved with Robert insisting that he's given a chance over weeks/months not just an hour. If I know one of those specialists ? she'll have put her in her place! However, I have voiced the fact that if HT says this after one hour, she's made her mind up that she wants Robert out, make her statistics look lovely on her league tables, and make her life easy. Well, she's picked a battle with the wrong person!!!

 

Wonder how article on front page of Evening News would look about autistic boy threatened with exclusion after one hour at school on his first day?! And for good measure, a little letter sent off to HMI too!

 

Any advice gratefully received.

 

Caroline.

[Bagpuss]

Oh Caroline <'> <'>

 

FWIW I take my hat off to you....think you handled it perfectly. Well done for staying calm, it must of been so tough for you today

 

Wish I could offer some wise words, but can't, I've not had to face this, just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you x

[jen]

I think you handled the situation very well. But I think you need to put it in writing what happened and how your son's school had prepartation for him. Your son should of been taken out of the classroom into a quiet hour which would of allowed him to calm down. Emphaise that he was only in school for one hour and this is not long enough to make any discisions on your son's edcuation especially with this being the first day. Say you have contacted the other specialist who have worked with your son and they can offer advice to the school. Remember unless something is documented than it did not happy so always document any concerns or meeting, sending letters to the school confirming what was said and what has been or needs to be planned to address your sons needs. If your son does get excluded you can use this information either to go to tribunal or to get extra support or a special school place.

Send a copy to the school governor and head teacher.

 

We had an head mistress just like this one.

 

I recently met my sons old ASD specialist teacher, we were talking about attitudes and I told him I believed if myself and his team had not been proactive for my sons needs than the headmistress would of excluded him in year one, the ASD specialist teacher said she would of excluded him in Reception class.

 

Looks like you have lots of fighting to do for your son. Please remember to try to keep CALM and keep communication channals open, although with staff like this head mistress it can be very difficult.

 

Have the school filled in a communication dairy, if so who filled it in and what did it say? Sounds like your son has a supportive LSA.

 

Jen

[UltraMum]

<'> <'> <'>

 

Well done you for standing up to her

 

She can't exclude him for a reason related to his disability, which this clearly is related to, so mutter 'disability discrimination' at her next time if she threatens it ...

[Karen A]

Caroline I am so sorry today did not go well after you had worked so hard to prepare.However sounds like the HT may have gone home with a few things to think about thanks to you stating clearly what you thought.I really hope the professionals are able to provide some support in the next few days-I know it is no consolation-but at least Robert's needs were obvious and with a supportive team you may shake the HT up and increase her understanding. <'> <'> Thinking of you Karen

[marshmallow]

Sorry that you have had such a bad start, and well done for standing up to her. I hope that for both yours and Roberts sake she has taken on board what you and the other professions have said. Take care <'>

[smiley]

Caroline, <'>

 

So sorry you had all this on his first day (i had the same - and it's horrid) - but, you managed it fantastically - Well done!

 

Hopefully, after a few phonecalls ..... ....... the HT will begin to support him as she should.

 

<'>

[forbsay]

Hi Caroline

 

Just send you a text message after reading about the nightmare that you have had today. What is that headteacher on? I think absolutely shocking.

 

Hopefully the people that you phone today will be able to help you and your wee boy.

 

Take care and you know where i am if you need me.

 

Forbsay

[cmuir]

Hi

 

UPDATE ? apologies in advance, I do like a good rant because I think it's therapeutic!

 

I insist that my boy is at least given the chance to try mainstream school. If things aren't working after one term (a reasonable settling-in period, but not too long!), I'll have him out of there are fast as clicking my fingers. Still stunned that Robert was only at school for one hour, then I basically gets threatened with what amounts to explusion/suspension.

 

My philosophy is not to get mad (though, admittedly I'm still livid!), but get more than just even!

 

Seems like my phonecalls to the relevant people will help. Someone from SPECTRUM and the Challenging Behaviour Team will be going into class tomorrow morning to observe, then make recommendations.

 

As well as being great at pestering people, I also seem to have developed a talent for writing nasty letters if I do say so myself!!! Oooooh, I am cocky aren't I?

 

Headteacher is going to be presented with this in the morning. At the risk of ruffling her feathers, she'll think twice about crossing me ...

 

 

 

Dear Mrs XXX

 

All parents no doubt find their child?s first day at school mixed with lots of emotions; including anxiousness, excitement, not to mention pride ? it?s a memory than most treasure. However, as the mother of a child with special needs, it?s a day that I?ve been dreading for some time. It?s also a day that I?ll never forget, for all the wrong reasons ...

 

This morning, XXX was calm and a little excited at the thought of becoming a big boy and going to school. My husband and I left him at school in the classroom playing happily in the sand. When I went to collect him, I was disappointed (but not surprised) to learn from XXX's Learning Assistant, XXX, that during the hour that he?d been in the classroom, he was ?unsettled?. However, we both concluded that XXX needs time to settle in to school and that it was never going to be any easy start. I was then greeted by yourself asking for ?a word? and that you needed to ask a few questions.

 

I was quite unprepared for what I heard from you in your office. I was saddened to hear your account of XXX?s time in class, which was that ?XXX has had a bad day. Whilst other children were trying to learn, XXX was very disruptive ? he was abusive, throwing things and frightening other children?. You then went on to tell me about your experience of another child in your previous school with similar difficulties to XXX and how you ?know that your staff can?t cope with this type of behaviour?. We also discussed that on a repeat of a day like today, XXX would need to be taken by the hand and led out of the class for time out to calm down. This is a strategy which was used in the nursery and overall was mostly successful ? it?s one that I would both endorse and expect. However, we have a difference of opinion when it comes to XXX being removed from school in the event of him refusing to come out of class for time out. I am not prepared to tolerate phonecalls requesting me to collect him from school. I say this, not for selfish reasons, but solely because removing XXX out of school would be non-productive ? removing XXX from class is not educating him. That said, I appreciate that the safety of both XXX and other people around him are a consideration. Therefore, these difficulties need to be addressed and dealt with appropriately with the support of the appropriate persons/agencies and not avoided by sending him home. XXX deserves to be educated like any other child (under the Education (Additional Support for Learning (Scotland) Act 2004). What has frankly stunned me, was that you came across as being overwhelmingly negative. Instead of giving an account of what happened and then discussing the ?what ifs?, stating that XXX needs time, how best to go forward and offering reassurance, you spoke about what amounts to suspension/expulsion (worst case scenario) ? within XXX?s first HOUR at school!

I feel strongly that it?s important to be honest about how XXX is managing (or not as the case may be) and I did appreciate your honesty. I myself have made no secret of the fact that I have my concerns as to whether XXX is best placed within a mainstream school. This was something which we discussed along with other issues. However, XXX deserves the chance, and will need time (one term), to settle and adjust ? not just one hour! It?s certainly not going to be an easy task and is going to take patient, dedicated and caring staff to help XXX settle in as well as assistance from specialists who are familiar with XXX. (Staff at XXX Nursery are testimony to this approach ? despite XXX not being an easy child, they cared for him and nurtured within a warm environment, resulting in XXX making good progress in lot of areas). In addition, the foundations giving XXX the best possible chance of succeeding within mainstream school have been laid in terms of me ensuring that everyone is aware of XXX?s difficulties by providing detailed notes and accounts of behaviours/difficulties likely to be encountered, staff and specialists/professionals have been in attendance at several education review meetings, staff at XXX Nursery have helped with XXXs transition to school over past 5 months, etc. I have also had a long battle to firstly get a formal diagnosis for XXX and then secondly, to ensure that funding was available for a full-time Learning Assistant, etc. The aforementioned, teamed with the help of appropriate agencies/persons (SPECTRUM, Challenging Behaviour Team, Educational Psychologist, Speech and Language Therapist, Psychologist, etc), will give XXX the best possible chance to succeed in mainstream school (it will be a case of monitoring things very closely and recording events in a diary over time, and then recognising whether it?s working or not).

 

Parents, like myself, who have a child with a mental ?invisible? disability (a much more difficult task than parenting a child with a physical disability) have to take life very much one day at a time in order to cope. Unfortunately, life is made much more difficult by having to deal with other peoples? snap judgments and predjudice. Encountering persons working within the education sector who are against the ?inclusion? of children with special needs for several obvious reasons (because it?s easier not to and because they want their league tables to look good!) can be another obstacle, which I?m only too well aware of. Those are the types of situations which I will continue to face and have to overcome because I love my son dearly. I do need all the help I can get and I hope that we can put today behind us, be positive and work together with a view to XXX doing well in mainstream school.

 

 

 

Caroline Muir

[LizK]

Poor you <'> <'> <'> but great letter

 

I can't believe they were trying to throw the towl in after one hour!!!!!!! That's shocking. In post above I think I mentioned that starting school was a roller coaster ride for us. Adam exhibited behaviour similar to what you described which was a sign of distress, sensory overload and simply trying to settle in. In the first week he tried to cut another girl's ears with scissors not meaning to be aggressive just because he thought he could and the teacher was spending all afternoon watching him for his and the others safety. It was at that point he got fulltime 1-2-1. Thankfully his teacher was not phased by this as she had worked with an autistic child before and put measures in place to help him but it did take several weeks for things to calm down and I found that time very hard, dreaded picking him up each day wondering what he'd done.

 

Your son's reaction is very normal, the reaction of the head certainly is not. They ought to actually look at the reasons behind why he might have behaved as he did and what they can do to help him rather that having a kneejerk reaction threatening exclusion. *if* they do threaten exclusion or ask you to pick him up make sure they document it and give it to you in writing as I've heard of schools locally asking parents to take kids home but not documenting it as a temporary exclusion so as not to affect their figures Is you son statemented? I hope this is just a blip. At least you have support from other agencies who should be able to help and your son has an articulate loving mum willing to fight for him too

 

Lx

[UltraMum]

Can you write some letters for me?

 

 

Can't wait for the next update

 

Hope you and your son both have a much better day today

[Karen A]

Hi Caroline-great letter.I hope you and Robert have an easier day today.Karen

[cmuir]

Hi

 

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT in what is a nightmare of a situation. Really appreciate it.

 

A specialist teacher from SPECTRUM and someone from the Challenging Behaviour Unit were in school this morning for the hour that Robert was there. They reported to me that they had observed a very anxious little boy who didn't know what to do or what was expected of him. The wee soul wouldn't part with his schoolbag and jacket (security blanket equivalent)! However, he was very hostile towards any adults who spoke to him, but great towards the other children. They'll continue to monitor him closely and try and help him. Fantastic! I'm so relieved.

 

Guess who was waiting for me this morning? The lovely headteacher. As you can imagine I'm still seething and we ended up having words ? actually I ended up having words (I was calm) with her and she sat mostly with her mouth open! I told her how disgusted I was at her overwhelming negativity after Robert's first hour in school. Also quote chapter and verse out of the Support for Learning Act and advised her to put a child before her lovely nice, neat league tables! She told a blatant lie by telling me that she had been asked by her staff to convey what happened yesterday and that what they'd been told to expect was nowhere close to what actually happened. I reminded her that the account she gave was hers as she told me what she'd witnessed in the classroom. I was so mad, but managed to keep calm. I told her that her staff had been present at 2 review meetings during which I provided detailed notes as well as asking the nursery manager for an account of a 'bad day' for Robert. They knew EXACTLY what to expect! I put it to her that it was very much a case of hearing about it is one thing and seeing it is another ? but THEY WERE INFORMED! I reminded her that Robert deserves help and the chance to succeed in mainstream school and that if it doesn't work out, I'll find somewhere else ? but it would be on MY say-so and not hers! The icing on the cake was telling her that this was a really bad start and that in future I insist of formality ie she communicates with me by letter/email and that Robert's diary is filled in. I ended the meeting by telling her that any discussions with her would be fruitless. Have to say, I came out feeling almost smug (I say almost, but I'm still in pieces!). I think this is a very dangerous situation to be in, but there's specialists and people around Robert that care for him. His teacher and Learning Assistant are both really nice and although it wasn't easy yesterday and today, they're remaining positive. Hope madam will think twice about who she messes with!

 

Just don't know what to do for the best, but I'm really trying! I just want to little fella to have the chance to try mainstream (don't really have a choice just now) and if it's not working in 2-3 months, then I'll battle to get him somewhere that is perfect for him!

 

Just feeling so down, shattered, and just feel like I've had the wind knocked out of me. What I wouldn't do for a good night's sleep. Guess, I just have to battle on and put anyone in their place that crosses me and my boy!

 

Caroline.

[marshmallow]

<'> Well done for standing up for yourself and Robert again. I really do hope the situation improves soon. Take care.

[jen]

Superb letter.

 

The same happened with my son and in the end we had to gradually increase the hours he was in school. He had to be managed to spend some times out of the classroom on his own and than gradually a few of his friends were taken out of the classroom and joined him.

 

He would go in just for mornings only, than gradually spent 10 minutes at the end of lunch time until we managed to include lunch times, than the afternoon sessions.

 

It took us ten months before he finally attended school full time.

 

Hes 9 years now and we still need to be very careful, he goes in on the teacher training day to meet his teacher, sit at his desk, observe where he hangs his coat up and line up. He than misses the first day of school and attends on the second day when all the confusion has settled. At the end of the school year he misses sports days. Its a case of the staff using their knowledge, discussing with his parents and making plans for things he can not and can do. There are times when he can not be included because it would just be too distressing.

 

Keep the communication channals open and say to the head mistress you both need to work together and be able to discuss what it happening but also make sure it is in writing.

 

Jen

[UltraMum]

Thinking of you both <'> <'> <'>

[Kathryn]

Hi Caroline,

 

You must feel totally drained after everything that's happened in the last couple of days. Well done for making your views clear and for staying calm too!

 

I hope with a supportive teacher and LSA as well as all the extra input that things will quickly begin to improve for Robert.

 

Hang in there, <'>

 

K x

[Karen A]

Caroline you did a great job with HT yesterday-expect she feels a bit like she does not know what she took on .I am really glad spectrum and behaviour support understood Robert.I will be thinking of you.Hope things settle down. <'> <'> Karen

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Whilst I think the headteacher needed to be put in her place, can't help but think we're in a no-win situation. She steered clear of me this morning thankfully. Robert was all smiles when I collected him and was wearing his stickers with pride after sitting well for story time. That's positive ? big two fingers up to the headteacher. Just can't help feeling that this is such a bad start having a dreadful anti-inclusion headmistress whose stuck in the dark ages, wants an easy life as well as pretty looking league tables!!!

 

It's just a case of waiting and seeing, but I feel like my head is going to explode with all the stress.

 

Caroline.

[Karen A]

It must feel really stressful-such a shame to have what should be an exciting time turn out like this <'> <'> <'> Don't know what else to say except stick with it you are doing a good job.Karen

[forbsay]

Bless your wee boy for getting his sticker!

 

Yeh, i think 2-3 months is a realistic period so see how things go.

 

Take care

 

Forbsay

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I'm at it again ? the letter-writing that is.

Thought I'd fire off a little letter to the Neighbourhood Support Coordinator whose in charge of applying for helping with transition, mediation, support and places within special schools, etc.

 

I can't shake off a nasty feeling that things aren't going to work out. I'm a great believer in gut-feeling and I've got sore guts on this one! Don't think it's a good sign when the Headteacher effectively threatens what amounts to the threat of suspension/exclusion during pupil's first hour, let alone first day! That's not the only reason as I'm damned if I'd let one person dictate what's what. I'm not even sure whether mainstream or special school is best for Robert. He's in the twilight zone of being somewhere in between ? does that make sense?

 

I've basically tried to state facts as well as detailing Mrs Headteacher's negativity. I'm aware that in Scotland (maybe England too, don't know?) that there are PAG (Professional Assessment Groups) meetings that take place three times a year. At these meetings, those in attendance shuffle paperwork, allocate funding for learning assistants, special school placements, etc.

 

I guess it's important to plan ahead should the worst-case scenario become real.

 

Feel like c**p ? can't sleep, got sore stomach, chest pains, pains (everywhere!), sore head, and sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Just wish and hope that this is going to resolve itself soon.

 

What now? ... apart from me wearing a muzzle ? got a row from my Dad. He thinks I should have kept my mouth shout and stay away from the Headteacher?

 

Caroline.

[kirstie]

Hi Caroline,

just back from honeymoon and i've been reading up on these posts. First of all i'm so sorry you're having such a crappy time of it. Try not to make yourself ill over it .

Secondly, you're HT sounds like she's gunning for Robert and has pretty much made up her mind on him however i don't think she reckoned on being challenged about it so good on you DO NOT let her treat either of you like it!

The Spectrum challenging behaviour guys are fab and did so much hard work with Lewis as he was very much the same what your HT needs is a stark reminder that there is ALWAYS a reason for these behaviours and it's a matter of getting to the bottom of what is causing his distress, it is NOT his fault (or yours) and they need to know it. How knowledgable is she on ASD's?? does she attend any training days or comnferences on how to best help a child on the spectrum if no i reckon she needs a crash course SOON. These behaviours are just Robert reacting to his surroundings at the moment by the sounds of what the Spectrum guys said when they witnessed a very anxious little boy who didn't know what was expected of him it sounds to me very much like he needs more structure there and explicit instructions as towhat he should be doing and warnings beforehand too so he's not just dragged into something unexpectedly, such things can cause major upset and distress for our kids. If he knows from the off what he should be doing and where he should be (and also what he should not be doing. ie leaving the classroom without permission) then things will settle down but any strategies must be put in place now so that this can be a successful transition for him. Spectrum will help put all of that in place but it also depends greatly on how the teching staff implement these strategies and eventually IEP's. He is still very young and thats great because the earlier the intervention the better and you have fantastic support by way of Spectrum. You know how much input i had from them and have always sung their praises because Lewis was classed as 'unteachable' 'a danger to himself and others' i was threatened exclusion from Nursery and life was damned hard, but they helped turn his unacceptable behaviours around and i have a much calmer little boy who is thriving at school, i do believe that is down to his school setting too as the language unit versus the mainstream will win for me every time, mainstream was not for Lew, we tried it at nursery for 3 years and he couldn't cope, by the time they put any strategies in place it was too late for him there tht is why Roberts school have to get it right straightaway in terms of how they deal with any arising behaviours.

This PAG group also includes Roberts consultant, did you know? and she will back you every time should you choose to go down that route, as you know she is a heavyweight in her field and i think we are both very lucky to have her on side, she cares very much about the kids she sees, and remember you can phone her anytime she will phone you back if she's not around and try and point you in the right direction and tell you where various supports lie, ans she should know about the education department as she's married to the head of it!!! (who also sits on the PAG) interesting dinner conversations thay must have methinks!! (they can overrule each other and disagree on placements for the special schools on these PAG meetings!!) anywayi digress.......... I think you're being very brave and strong in what you believe in and are willing to fight tooth and nail for Robert, i also think you are being very realistic in terms of the length of time you're prepared to give mainstream. But things Can and hopefully will get better as the term goes on so hang in there hon, you know where i am if you want a chat. infact i might give you a buzz during the week if that's OK?

Takr care and try and get some sleep!! <'> <'>

Kirstie.