Bagpuss Report post Posted August 20, 2006 Struck me today just how much I've grown to love being alone. My idea of a perfect day now would be to spend it totally alone...walking along a beach or wandering round a book shop. Think dh is feeling abit worried, bless him. I suppose it must be strange for him, as I've always been very family/friend orientated, and had a great need to be around them, but I struggle to make a connection with many of them now. Spent a long time feeling alot of resentment towards them for not being there for us, but have moved on from this and now I find I don't expect or seek support......anyone else feel like this too? Interestingly dh has gone the opposite way and has built alot of bridges with his family recently. I feel now like I'm on the outside looking in. Even struggle to make small talk in the playground or with neighbours I'm trying to tackle it by trying new things like joining WW...also been looking into doing a yoga class and a part time adult course to learn about aromatherapy and holistic therapies starting in Sept.....just need a good kick up the bum as its just so nice, cosy and warm here in hermitland Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted August 20, 2006 Struck me today just how much I've grown to love being alone. My idea of a perfect day now would be to spend it totally alone...walking along a beach or wandering round a book shop. Think dh is feeling abit worried, bless him. I suppose it must be strange for him, as I've always been very family/friend orientated, and had a great need to be around them, but I struggle to make a connection with many of them now. Spent a long time feeling alot of resentment towards them for not being there for us, but have moved on from this and now I find I don't expect or seek support......anyone else feel like this too? Interestingly dh has gone the opposite way and has built alot of bridges with his family recently. I feel now like I'm on the outside looking in. Even struggle to make small talk in the playground or with neighbours I'm trying to tackle it by trying new things like joining WW...also been looking into doing a yoga class and a part time adult course to learn about aromatherapy and holistic therapies starting in Sept.....just need a good kick up the bum as its just so nice, cosy and warm here in hermitland Hi, I feel a lot like that as well, yes. It's like you say, I've just given up on people really, so many I felt let us down when we were struggling badly and still do, it's almost like I've turned my back of them and think, well, stuff you! Also, I find I'm spending so much time on my own waiting around until it's time to pick up ds that I've just gotten out of the habit of talking to people. A lot of days I go all day without saying a word to anyone until my hub comes home from work. I've forgotten who I am and I feel like I have nothing to say to anyone and nothing to offer, I don't know how to talk to people anymore. It's not that I like being on my own, sometimes it's just easier ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted August 20, 2006 Hi Bagpuss/Mel - Hermitude... It does have an appeal, doesn't it! I think sometimes it's so hard finding a bit of personal space in our lives anyway that even the people we do want to see become an intrusion... Also the less you do it, the more nerve wracking it becomes to do the whole social thing on a casual level - a real catch 22! I think any sort of new activity, especially if it's one you have to sign up to that needs a level of commitment (rather than something you can just drop very easily like deciding to go to the gym on your own more often! ) - like evening classes or other group work - is a good way of getting back in to the swing. Having said that, there's nothing wrong with enjoying your own company and cherishing those moments of peace, quiet and solitude - it's more just a case of recognising the motivations, and making sure they are the 'right' ones... L&P BD (Third Cave on left, Cheddar Gorge ) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justamom Report post Posted August 20, 2006 I too have been enjoying having a few days of chill out as i call it, like today i have been pottering around the house doing odd jobs and i am still not out my pj's yet. I dont really like being on my own but we all need a bit of time to re-charge our batteries now and again especially before school starts..... My mom is a reflexologist and armotherapist and its such a help with K's arthritis having her around to help out and give him a run or make oils it all helps out. I hope you go for it !!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
keyholekate Report post Posted August 20, 2006 I'm hermitting today too. Hubby's out fishing older DS out just me Sean and the 2 cats. Lovely!!! Then I decided to clear out the cupboard under the stairs and found the turntable I got for Christmas and have got no further I've been playing singles all morning. What classics Adrian Gurvitz- Gonna write a Classic, Kiss and Say Goodbye- Manhattans and the first ever single I bought Paper Roses by Marie Osmond(1973). Just to say that sometimes being a hermit has it advantages. For me today it's wallowing in nostalgia. Well must go Leo Sayer's When I need You is lined up next. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lil_me Report post Posted August 20, 2006 (edited) I went out on Wednesday this week apart from hanging the washing out and taking son to his activities/SALT course on Friday, I think that is the only time I left the house & spoke to anyone else, never thought of it until I read this post Edited August 20, 2006 by lil_me Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bagpuss Report post Posted August 20, 2006 Ah, good to know its not just me then Thanks for your replies <'> Maybe we should all take a trip down to Baddad's cave....he he he Ooohhh .....Leo Sayer Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ohforaquietlife Report post Posted August 20, 2006 Maybe we should all take a trip down to Baddad's cave....he he he As someone who's been there before, I'd be very wary of doing that Ohf! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted August 20, 2006 As someone who's been there before, I'd be very wary of doing that Ohf! How VERY dare you!!! I tidied up especially - set the mousetraps/slug pelleted the carpet and everything!! I'll not bother for the morning now - and you can drink your coffee from a Jam Jar while I have the enamel mug! L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dooday24 Report post Posted August 21, 2006 could do with coming along to the bat cave really need time out but hard when the other half works 60 or 72 hrs a week and i work parttime just would like to hibernate fom time 2 time could easily become a hermit. just feeding my uncles cats 4 him 4 2 weeks has been a nightmare by the time reece has got himself sorted they aint fed till lunch ha ha Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bagpuss Report post Posted August 21, 2006 Baddad, I'd leave everything to run wild...the mice will probably eat the slugs... Well, I took the bull by the horns and signed up for the aromatherapy & holistic therapies course today......I'm feeling SO brave and bold I'm going to take both dd's to Whitby on the bus tomorrow ...I may be gone sometime Dooday...at least its only the cats that arn't fed till lunch...... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted August 21, 2006 I'm feeling SO brave and bold I'm going to take both dd's to Whitby on the bus tomorrow Watch out for shipwrecks, wolves and 'blooful ladies' I bought a mirror from a gift shop in Whitby years ago - still hangs over my fireplace... One day i'll bore you with the tale of my Seahouses landlady (eee, clack clack, roll of eyes) and show you my photo's of Freddy Finn before the horrible revelations .My stand up career started and finished in a chip shop in Robin Hood's Bay, with a joke I knicked from Mark Lamaar... Don't worry, I haven't got a clue what i'm talking about either... ramble ramble... mutter... hatstand.... L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bramblebrae Report post Posted August 21, 2006 Baddad, I'd leave everything to run wild...the mice will probably eat the slugs... Well, I took the bull by the horns and signed up for the aromatherapy & holistic therapies course today......I'm feeling SO brave and bold I'm going to take both dd's to Whitby on the bus tomorrow ...I may be gone sometime Dooday...at least its only the cats that arn't fed till lunch...... Hands up I am a hermit except for going to my folks house and occasionally my sisters. I really don't mind being a hermit, I always come home feeling slightly sick and have the need to go nowhere if at all possible after social conversations, I'm always a bit worried about what I said or didn't say. With my folks it's ok they just have to put up with me and vice versa I feel very secure with them and know they aren't going to be saying 'evilness' about me behind my back. My dad just says it to my face on certain subjects but I choose to ignore this - now he has a huge belly too I can get my own back lol! Anyway I found going on nightclasses which I did when S was a baby for almost 3yrs pretty easy it was a place I was meant to be, I didn't mind speaking up as I have done alot of studying before and was good at the subjects I did - it's the one area I actually have confidence in - if I could get perpetual grants I'd be a prepetual student. Thing is I can't even be bothered doing classes anymore now cause I'm hooked on this blinking computer though I am doing online free HTML courses etc currently. I hope you have a good laugh on your new course and get some time to feel like your old (young ) self again. good luck Lorraine Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bagpuss Report post Posted August 22, 2006 Thanks Lorraine <'> Baddad ....off now to catch the bus Whitby and face the vampies. Only half hour away but parking so tricky so giving the bus a go. Must work out how many Weightwatcher points are in a bag of chips from chip shop Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
UltraMum Report post Posted August 22, 2006 I found that I retreated into hermit mode about two years ago - however i realised about 6 months ago that i was shutting off all means of support, small though it may be, so have made more effort to be sociable. I'm concerned that when J goes to 2ndary school that i will lose that contact from the playground and feel very alone again PTL for this forum! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley Report post Posted August 22, 2006 Yup, me too. For all the noise i make (.. ..) when you get to know me, i have a really hard time pushing myself to do things outside the house. My plan now is (it's like ripping off a plaster) go for it, really fast, and before i know it - i'm there . Seems to be working for me. I do struggle - getting myself to Herne was a nightmare! And i have 'patches' when i can feel myself wanting to hide away, and getting out of the front door is an effort. But, i know, once i'm out doing something, i'm pleased i pushed myself to go IYSWIM. I also have terrible trouble picking up the phone to talk to someone - but once i have begun a conversation - i'm fine...... natter away for ages.. it's just the picking up the phone in the first place that's difficult. Shall we start a club?? 'Hermits-R-U'?? 'Secluded-n-happy' ???? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bagpuss Report post Posted August 22, 2006 (edited) Sounds good to me Smiley DH now becoming more than a little worried.... In a week I've joined WW, signed up for a course and today he got up off nights, found the house empty (unheard of) and rang me assuming I'd nipped out for emergency milk.... his reaction was hysterical when he asked where I was and I said I'd was just getting off a boat in Whitby after watching porpoises with our dd's I'm really liking this NEW me Still loving being alone though and really looking forward to the kids going back to school in a fortnight.....just may go back to Whitby, alone, just to wander along the beach with a Fab lolly...bliss Edited August 22, 2006 by Bagpuss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
~Jonathan~ Report post Posted August 23, 2006 (edited) I'm a virtual recluse. My body language and eye contact is well weird, I just don't know where to put myself or how long to look at people for when I'm talking with them. I went on a coach trip yesterday and by the end of the day had alienated pretty much everyone around me bar a lovely couple who smiled and chatted away to me. I keep to myself, easier for me and easier for everyone else. Edited August 23, 2006 by ~Jonathan~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest hallyscomet Report post Posted August 23, 2006 (edited) Hermitville love it sometimes, No I would go stir crazy after a while. When things are smooth sailing at home that energises me, I love doing things that give me a sense of accomplishment. It feels like get in line mum, at times......, but you have to put your foot down and say hey I am important too, and just enrol in something and believe it or not its fun. Otherwise you end up on this rollercoaster of giving giving giving and nothing is happening for you..... I am much happier for making these changes and only recently put my foot down. I Love a lot of both I guess hermitville/ and being a social bee think I drank too much coffee this morning F xx Edited August 24, 2006 by Frangipani Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
noogsy Report post Posted August 23, 2006 i find im at my happiest when im on my tod .i dont get lonely i dont really care wether people phone me or contact me..im a a very independant person .i think it one of my talents. love noogsy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
elaine1 Report post Posted August 23, 2006 me too, if my elder dd didnt drag me out occasionally to do some shopping id never leave the house during the week. i love it here in the peace and quiet on my own. think its cos life is so chaotic in this house specially during school breaks. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Corcaigh Report post Posted August 25, 2006 I found myself too retreating in Hermitville more and more in the last few months... my problem is different, i think... i crave for support but I don't get any.... so I just gave up. August has been a very long month, thanks God is over. I found myself more and more withdrawn. Very much withdrawn from my kids too, but it's like having an overdose, you just want to stay away from everything. I think my husband is getting worried too... especially when he catches me talking to my cats like if they were humans We'll see in th next couple of weeks when schools start and I finally get some time for myself... you never know, I might even get a part-time job... get back to humanhood. P.S. I know, I didn't contribute much to the forum lately.... but I read you regularly, believe me Martina Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bagpuss Report post Posted August 28, 2006 Thanks for the replies guys <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
