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Suze

Autism ...has your childs changed??

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My son will shortly have his 11 th birthday, since his dx at 7 his autism has changed quite dramatically with some behaviours.He had a very bad 2 -3 yrs when he started school and had a referral for depression and behavioural problems with camhs, this was when he was given a dx.Things got a little easier his anger and aggression took a back seat and for a few years things were more settled.Now he,s older we seem to be entering another phase, we now have anxiety, sleep problems , he won,t leave the house some days, he shuts himself off and tunes out of life.I wondered how other people felt about the changes their kids go through, I,m expecting the adolescent years to be rough but what can I expect and how can I help him?Also having gone through the rough 6-7 age when school begins to hit hard I wondered if others needed advice on this from those who have been through it.I,d love to know how those members here who are on the spectrum felt about the difficult times when they were growing up, just want to make this as easy and smooth as possible for our kids :P Suzex.

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Suze, >:D<<'>

 

You know I'm having pretty much the same experience as you are with your son. Almost identical from what you describe.

 

Hope someone can along to answer your question. It's the isolation that worries me; and as Bill has just spent over a week with his only friend who lives 200 miles away I KNOW he doesn't want to be isolated, but as far as school and where we live he is totally isolated.

 

Flo' >:D<<'>

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My son definately seems to be more aggressive and angrier than he used to be and he is 20 now,he seems less tolerant with things as well.Maybe with him being a supposedly adult there are more things to aggravate him than when he was younger.

 

 

lynn

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Hello, yes our DS is now 12 and aggression,temper is on the increase while his basic skills, walking, talking and his whole persona are on the decrease. I started a post in help and advice on this particular topic (loss of skills) and alot of people were going through the same thing, must be adolescence kicking in we ,as parents, just literally have to grin and bear it... :D

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We really went through the mill around the ages of 6 to 8, and then 13 to 15, culminating in a breakdown.

 

BUT...after going to a residential special school for AS at 15, my son has made the most fantastic progress, and changed beyond all recognition :D

 

We are so proud of him >:D<<'>

 

>:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> to all of you going through a 'black' phase :(

 

Bid :bat:

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Tom seems to be developing more sensory issues, or maybe they were already there and I just didn't notice. He loves touching faces, playing with hair, playing with poo ( :blink: ), loves the feel of sand, water, rubber and metal. He squints his eyes and gurns at us and I think he finds it harder to concentrate on things in a noisier/busier environment.

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This is an important question and I'm glad that you have started this thread. I hope knowleadgeable posters will let us know why this happens. My son just turned 13 and his development has been regressive in many important aspects, such as isolating himself more, being more aggressive, more depressed and less interested in learning than before. He has not become more independent and self confident, like other kids his age. He stims less, like flapping his hands, and he is more polite with people, except me... :(

 

Curra

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My son's consultants explained that the difficulties around adolescence occur because the changes of puberty, coupled with a dramatic change in academic and social expectations, make our kids suddenly very aware of the widening gap between themselves and their peers.

 

While their peers are becoming more 'street-wise' and are starting to become more 'sophisticated' with their social interaction, our kids are painfully aware of this growing gap.

 

I think that their peers can also become less tolerant of any differences in other young people, as they start to form all the little cliques and teenage 'sub-cultures'.

 

I also think that the very dramatic change in academic expectations, plus the looming threat of GCSEs, sends anxiety levels sky-high.

 

All these things together increase anxiety levels and problems with depression.

 

Bid :bat:

Edited by bid

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My son regressed big time when he went to secondary school at 11 he just couldn't cope at all and became withdrawn depressed and would shut himself away in a room with curtains drawn, he would have aggressive outbursts, but when he was removed and went to an alternaticve school and he just followed his own narrow interests it all went away, but since he left at 16 things have been very bad again he is now 18 and his agressive outbursts are a worry, but he is overloaded trying to cope, on his own, which is why i believe correct environment is so important,and at least reduces stress levels, but the fight to get the correct environment led to me having a breakdown, so I've given up because it makes me feel so ill and suicidal because I never achieve any of it.

Edited by florrie

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It's interesting to hear that so many children find 6 - 8 difficult - we're having that stage atm and I'd love to hear that it will get better (for a bit before the hormones kick in!)

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>:D<<'> it,s really good to know your not alone sometimes, of those parents of kids who have gone through the bad teen years I wondered if having friendships with adults had helped at all.Bid mentioned how they suddenly realise how different from their peers they are and also how their peer group in turn realise our kids differences more.Having maybe a younger adult as a friend (someone in their 20,s-30,s perhaps), who will obviously be more tolerant and understanding, may help perhaps?

It also seems quite common ...almost predictable that around the age of 6-7 our kids suffer a similar set back.Perhaps this is also to do with pressures at school as they move from reception and their friends notice their differences .

I,d love to hear how those on the spectrum felt about the more difficult times they had been through :pray: Suzex

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Our son quickly regressed until the age of 10 when we took him out of school.He has now been out of school and with no peer pressure or expectations he has progressed at his own speed. The low self esteem and depression only come back now on bad days. Agression only comes occasionaly when stress levels are high and anxiety is being managed.

 

Our son was on 2 monthly appointments with the paediatrican but is now down to annual appointments. Now he has gained back his self esteem he can explain to us what is in his head and we can work with things and around things.

 

Don't get me wrong he is not the ideal child. We struggle to leave him with anyone as he doesn't have the confidence in them to understand him. Also one of the downsides is that when he tells us why he can't cope with something we have to listen to him which can be very restrictive to our lives. He also needs watching all the time as his social skills are still poor and sensory overload can occur very quickly which if not diverted will result in meltdown and consequently lashing out. But fortunatly meltdowns have now gone from 3 a day to approx. once a week.

 

So I would say medically he has regressed but behaviourly he has progressed and he is now nearly 12.

Edited by denise2

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BOTH MY BOYS WERE NORMAL BABIES AND TODDLERS THOUGH SOMEWHAT HYPERACTIVE, ALMOST OVERNIGHT AT 3 THEY BOTH REGRESSED TO HAVE NO EYE CONTACT, LITTLE UNDERSTANDING OF THE WORLD AROUND THEM,LOST ALL SPEECH THEY HAD, WENT BACK TO POINTING AND GRUNTING, COULD NOT DRESS THEMSELVES, TOILET THEMSELVES WHEN HAD PREVIOUSLY, HAND STIMMED, LINED OBJECTS UP, ETC,ETC, REGRESSION IS STILL GOING ON IN BOTH BOYS, 5 AND 7. NURSERYS ALSO NOTED THE OVERNIGHT CHANGES IN BOTH BOYS.

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With having a 5 year old who is doing really well, loving school etc etc, I was alarmed to hear about the 6-8 year old thing .... in what ways did your children change?? I want to be ready in case it happens to us.

 

What should we expect?

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I think at 9 onwards things seem to change. My lad was introverted, quiet, didn't care to communicate, now is loud, aggressive with pushing and shoving, and punching, and often very anti-social towards others. Starts 'big school' in two weeks, I've ordered the armour-plating in advance ! Addressing it seems difficult because he seems to reserve all this aggression for us at home and still adopts a passive approach in school, who I am sure don't believe half what he does !

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My DS regressed for the first time when he was 4-5. He was openly aggressive to other children and ignored rules completely, he lost his toiletting skills and showed very narrow interests. He regressed again when he was 8 when he became depressed, sedentary and started gaining too much weight as he ate only limited foods and was constantly hungry. His last regression has been lately at 12. His depression, aggression and withdrawal from the outer world are very worrying. Medications have helped him to control his anger, which he experiences as "wanting to annoy others", but counselling hasn't done much for him. I am hoping that he will get a statement soon and that if I can move him to a more supportive school it will help him. I have also had to change my approach with him, allowing him to do things the way he likes if the basic rules are kept, and at least he is showing less anxiety. But through the years I have seen a child who was a happy and very bright baby and toddler change into a teen with 0 self-confidence, plagued by fears of being rejected by his peers and of not being able to fit in the NT world.

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We noticed regression too, seems part and parcel of Autism, when you exhaust new habits, revert to the old ones again. Obviously as they get bigger and older this becomes vrey hard to deal with, they can flatten you ! A lot came about in our case because we made more active attempts to get him to 'mix' he seems to be resisting this (Which I suspected he would despite 'advice' autistics need to learn 'mixing' skills), this seems bad advice I have to say, he can get very upset being 'included', I think the powers to be (Not us unfortunately !), need to understand that some autistics (Many in fact), will NOT 'mix' no matter what you try. Should we be trying ? if we don't we get accused of denying our children access, few seem to realise where it counts, autistics don't want this, and forcing it, makes even more issues like getting aggressive, they just do NOT want this inclusion or the policy of it. Better to concentrate on what they will do rather than attempt something they don't want to. Is inclusion a waste of time and effort ? avoiding developing skills that autistics really can thrive with ? being centre-stage and party leader isn't really their bag is it ? Is inclusion just society's (And ours to a degree), concience at work, not a way of helping autistics do what they do best ? Do autistics HAVE any peers in a mainsteam setting at all ? not really, so how can you 'include' them ? I'm fed up with the guilt trip thing, if he isn't happy being included, then why force this issue ?

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Melow I feel exactly the same as you and i too with the pressure of the powers that be tricked my son on two occasions into mixing situations which i knew as a parent wasnt in his best imterest but the logic in me set in it may pay off, but it didnt ,we know our children should have social integration but kieran can quite honestly live without it, this is one of the conditions that he has to meet to be considered for residential college,the proof that he tried local college provision and it didnt meet his needs.They don think two attempts will be enough to back this up, but i am reluctant to try again after the last disasteral efforts,it is not fair on kieran stress and frustration wise but apart from that there is nothing for him and they will not get it into their heads that he either doesnt want to or need to or just cant cope with the outside world.I may be wrong here but what choice do i have he has his own and at 20 i must respect that even when im sure if he got outthere he would enjoy it but to himthese four walls are his security blanket.

 

lynn

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It's pretty simple really they have to accept that 'inclusion' is anti to many autistics feelings, they prefer their own company, and LA's/services have to accept this. We know it... time they did, and stopped blackmailing us with this 'mixing' and access con. In reality it is usually one or two autistics and a lot of other children with other physical disablements, who are obviously NOT any sort of peer at all, and certainly not themselves in inclusive education, it's too stupid for words really. By lumping all these autistic children and other disabilities together they are in effect ISOLATING them in the most visible way, you don't have to be autistic to see this ! I hated seeing ,my son trotted out with other disabled kids now and then at school events, as if they were included, they weren't and it sticks out a mile..... yet is used as justification to keep them out of special schooling.

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It's pretty simple really they have to accept that 'inclusion' is anti to many autistics feelings, they prefer their own company, and LA's/services have to accept this. We know it... time they did, and stopped blackmailing us with this 'mixing' and access con.

 

The enormous pressure of having to be and act like other kids has had disastrous effects on my DS. He felt the pressure not only at school but also by CAHMS where he was being told that it was not that he couldn't mix with and be accepted by others, but that it was only a choice that he didn't want to make. It was just too much for him so I have pulled out the plug. My ds would like to be accepted by his peers but he can't cope with the demands to change, and why should he?

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he has become more talkative lately and will sit for some time with us downstairs instead of being upstairs on the ps2 all day long. he had a bad time when he first began secondary school but now seems to be better >:D<<'>

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