I Need Help

[TheNeil]

When it comes to the bills, Mrs Neil has asked me to get them transferred over as soon as possible as she can't afford to pay her bills and mine. The fact that it helps me to take control again is another positive in my mind

 

I know that everyone (or a few people anyway) are telling me not to rush into anything but this is something that I feel I need to do. Call it a cleansing process if you like but I need to get control of my life back. I spent a lot of time last week weighing things up and I really would have given anything to have Mrs Neil back but she didn't want me, she was pretty clear that she would have strayed again (or clear enough to make me have serious concerns) and she lied to me outright. At the moment I'm, as I said, trying to regain control of my life but I also want to protect myself legally - hence the trip to the solcitors tomorrow (it's more to do with protecting my house rather than the actual divorce - as long as that's safe then other things can wait if they have to). I know that it's just a house but it's probably the only place that I feel really safe (even if it was probably helping to make me miserable yesterday)

 

I did go out to lunch with the health and safety man and we had a very interesting and positive chat, not just about divorce but also about the AS/work situation (I'll not go into that for now though). Although now in his 50's (i.e. ancient ) he went through the same situation when he was my age and he echoed a lot of what you lot have been saying (especially the holiday bit) and just having someone to physically talk to (who wasn't family) has made a big difference

 

And Frangipani, I will have a look at the book you suggested

Edited August 29, 2006 by TheNeil

[stressedmumto2]

I've read through all of this thread and keep coming back to it.

 

TheNeil I just want to say to you I am thinking of you. Your situation at present is a very difficult one and I am sure from it you will gain strength and a great sense of knowing yourself and what you want from life.

 

Take things slow as others have suggested and have time for yourself to heal.

 

Take care <'>

[BusyLizzie100]

Glad to hear the lunch went well and that you felt it was positive.

 

By the way, I can totally understand about wanting to keep busy and get things sorted out. I thing I'd probably feel the same. Good luck with the solicitor tomorrow.

 

Lizzie

[elaine1]

good god, i dont know what to say. you have my suppourt though.

oh and im in my 50's btw, cheeky devil!

Edited August 29, 2006 by elaine1

[cmuir]

Hi TheNeil

 

I don't think you're jumping the gun with regard to seeing a solicitor, changing billing arrangements, etc. I think you're actually being very sensible. Your wife is acting ('fraid I'm being very suspicious, even though I obviously don't know her) very indecisive and I think you're right to protect yourself. My home is my escape from the trials and tribulations of each day and it's my refuge and I guess you're the same in that respect. I think that your 'logic' will help you get through each day and start the healing process.

 

Best wishes

 

Caroline

[Suze]

hey its really good you had lunch with this chap today, having someone out of the picture as it were, to talk to about this is really good.Hope he continues to be supportive to you.I,m off for an early night as I,m up for that early train to London, take care suzex.

[TheNeil]

Well today has been a real adventure. Not only was there the lunch but I've just finished sorting myself out after coming back from running...at the running club!

 

I'd emailed a running club but got no answer so I decided to get off my sorry behind and get myself off to Harrogate's other running club. It was awkward and I was totally uncomfortable but I went and I actually enjoyed a lot of it. Some people tried to talk to me and I tried back (curse you small talk, curse you!) - not great but I really felt as though I did well. Even better, for me, I wasn't actually lagging behind everyone else - just kind of in the middle but that's good enough for me

 

The lunch was a real eye-opener. It was the company's health and safety guy who, for some bizarre reason, sits in with the IT department (huh?) who asked how my weekend had been and I told him. He'd been through something similar and said that if he wanted us to go out to lunch to talk about it then we could...so I figured that it wouldn't hurt. I think he was really surprised to find out what I'm really like and I was really surprised to find out that he'd actually defended my AS.

 

When I was dx'd I included him on the email I sent to everyone but, like everyone else, he'd never said anything. However when he heard some of the accounting people complaining about 'that wierdo' and how I was very untalkative and never looked at anyone he actually butted into their conversation and pointed out that I was 'owtistic' (he didn't know how to even pronounce 'autistic'). I was so chuffed that he'd done that. I mean we get on fine and he knows I'm a reliable decent chap (I'm just very quiet) but the fact that he'd deliberately gone out of his way to defend me really made an impact on me. He was also amazed that no-one from management had ever asked me any questions about it or enquired as to how they could help. He was also gobsmacked at the fact that the HoD (head of department) hadn't put 2 and 2 together when I had my recent 'encounter' with the ignorant saleswoman

 

I've also been on the phone to Mrs Neil tonight and explained about certain legal protection 'things' that I can put in place to protect my house. I wanted her to be prepared in case a solicitor's letter drops onto her doormat. She said that I didn't need to but that if I felt more secure doing that then she'd understand (I'm more worried about her getting 'advice' or being twisted into believing that she's entitled to anything - legally she is but morally...). She actually sounded fine about everything though which is more than I did (I nearly started crying again but held my nerve)

 

So today has been a good day - things are getting sorted, I've (hopefully) opened up a new social avenue (possibly two social avenues) and I'm so tired that I don't think I'll have any problems sleeping tonight. I might be down again tomorrow but we'll just have to see

 

Oh and elaine, 50 isn't old for a woman, just a man - we age far less gracefully

[Frangipani]

Sounds like you're in good spirits TN <'>

 

That's great news for you, you sound really positive amazing how exercise releases happy endorphins, it becomes addictive doesnt it. Life goes pear shaped without exercise IMO I think it helps you adapt to change, and relieves stress like nothing else.

 

Go marathon man

 

Edited August 30, 2006 by Frangipani

[smallworld]

TN,

I think you're doing great, is it the running ? never tried it myself, same for driving, too scared I'll never come back

Good news too about your lunch, I've always found the 'older' members of staff I've worked with to be far easier to get on with than the youngsters

This is the Job's comforter bit ( sorry ) but you're exactly right with regard to securing your financial position, morally you may feel ( quite rightly) that your wife has no claim, and she may be agreeing right now, but she will no doubt seek legal advice too and you might then find her attitude changes

Sorry to chip in with this, but I just want you to be prepared for a woman who has seen a solicitor....

hang in there,

wac

[TheNeil]

TN,

I think you're doing great, is it the running ? never tried it myself, same for driving, too scared I'll never come back

Good news too about your lunch, I've always found the 'older' members of staff I've worked with to be far easier to get on with than the youngsters

This is the Job's comforter bit ( sorry ) but you're exactly right with regard to securing your financial position, morally you may feel ( quite rightly) that your wife has no claim, and she may be agreeing right now, but she will no doubt seek legal advice too and you might then find her attitude changes

Sorry to chip in with this, but I just want you to be prepared for a woman who has seen a solicitor....

hang in there,

wac

 

Not a problem at all wac - glad that it's not just me who thinks these 'paranoid' thoughts. At the moment Mrs Neil says that she isn't going to use a solicitor (she can't afford it for starters and when she divorced her first husband he never used a solicitor and just signed whatever arrived on his doorstep) and she's sticking to the line that the house is mine and that she'd never try to claim any part of it. That said, this is the same woman who told me she hadn't had an affair...

 

The running has helped and, although I've been doing it for three years now, this was the first time I'd ever gone to anything 'organised' (save for a 10km event I did 2 years ago). I think there was the initial adrenaline/endorphin rush of actually doing it and the fact that some people spoke to me (albeit briefly) was a plus, but the fact that I conquered my fear and kind of faced a, for me, very difficult situation of my own making has really boosted me (my mum said she was really proud of me as she knows how hard it must have been)(and that doesn't include the 5-6 miles we ran ). There's a second, less well attended, run tomorrow so I might give that a try (depending on the state of my calves) as it might make striking up a conversation a bit easier (anyone who recognises will also have the perfect "Oh so you came back for more?" opening line)

 

Didn't sleep well though but at least I didn't have to be up at 6:00 this morning ('working at home' as I'm off to the solicitor's this morning)(and then a haircut)(and then got to clean the guinea pigs out)(and then...)

 

My mum wondered if this might actually be the making of me and she might be right as I now wish I'd joined the running club years ago and, even though it's a small step, there's now at least one person at work who knows that I'm not a miserable <insert rude word here>. That's not to say that if I couldn't undo everything that's been done...

Edited August 30, 2006 by TheNeil

[Tally]

The Neil,

 

The good thing about running is that you can't really talk much while you're running

 

Having a good cry is OK. This is a very hurtful thing, and it's OK to struggle sometimes. If you need to take some time off work, it sounds like they will be very understanding. Then again, keeping to your normal routine can help at times like these.

 

I don't think you're rushing things at all. I think you're taking all the sensible steps to get your life back on track. Seeing the solicitor will help your work out exactly what your options are. From there you can work out what you want to do.

 

I think I would feel the same way, that it's over now. She will probably end up regretting this, but she is not prepared to make a firm commitment to you, which you would expect from a marriage.

 

If you have a joint bank account, you need to talk to your bank about what you need to do regarding this. It may be possible to 'freeze' the account so she can't take all the money out of it - but it'd mean that you can't use it either. Your solicitor can advise you on this too.

 

If the electricity board are still being funny about changing the name on the account, try explaining that the account holder won't be paying the bills as she won't be receiving them because she no longer lives at this address. The prospect of losing money should motivate them to sort something out. Either that, or get a woman to phone them and say they are your wife (your voice would probably give it away of you did it yourself).

 

You can get legal papers preventing your wife from doing anything to the house. This could be a good idea if you jointly own the house. Changing the locks might also be a good idea. You don't want her coming and going as she pleases - of course, if she wants something you can make an arrangement.

 

Keep on taking care of yourself,

Tally.

[av16]

I think you are doing all the right things TN; I really feel for you. The same thing has happened to 2 close members of my family and although it was really tough for them they came through it and are both now in a better position. I really wish the same for you. Look after yourself, all the best. AV

[mossgrove]

TN

 

You are doing all the right things and hopefully you will come out of this stronger.

 

If your wife wants to get her name of all the bills she should have no problem ringing the electricity board to explain what has happened and getting the account transferred to you. Getting someone to impersonate your wife is not sensible as it could get you into trouble for no reason.

 

I would go ahead and see the solicitor though. Although your wife is saying now that she doesn't want any money from the house, the man she has been seeing may well try and persuade her to ask for her share in future, especially as it is clear he doesn't have a conscience.

 

Simon

[TheNeil]

Well I went to see the solicitor this morning and she said that, although a very simple case (the house is my sole name and we have no kids or joint bank accounts) there's not much I can do legally to protect me from her making a claim except for having a consent order granted but this can't be done until the divorce process is well underway (as in several months). Once that's granted then it's all legally mine and protected etc. but it seems that, in the eyes of the law, she can change her mind about wanting to make a claim against me at any time (and whether that's because she changes her mind or because she gets some 'advice'...). Thankfully the fact that our marriage was quite short (less than 3 years) means that she probably wouldn't get very much but I know that I'm not going to be 100% happy until I have that signed piece of paper in my hand in about 6 months time

 

It's now in the hands of my solicitor and, while I know that Mrs Neil can't afford a solicitor (and says that she won't actually bother anyway), she (the solicitor) said that she prefers to use the 'softly, softly' approach and wants to keep everything amicable in an attempt to keep everything moving and, more importantly, moving smoothly

 

So in the mean time it looks like I'll have to be all sweetness and light as far as Mrs Neil is concerned and, basically, keep on her good side - I've even told my solicitor that I'll pay all of the legal fees rather than try to claim then back from Mrs Neil. And there was me thinking that I was one who hadn't done anything wrong

Edited August 30, 2006 by TheNeil

[Karen A]

Hi TN I think you are coping really well in a difficult situation-I have been following the thread.Thinking of you.Regards Karen

[westie]

Hi TN

I agree with post above. You have been through a lot in a short time, but are managing to sort things out, and have done some very positive things such as getting to know your colleague better and joining the running club. Hope that you are feeling okay tonight

<'>

Debbie

Edited August 30, 2006 by westie

[aro]

TN, I've just caught up on your thread, I'm so sorry the way things have turned out.You have been treated very badly, I know these thing can happen but stringing you along was selfish!

 

You sound like you are coping quite well, and that you aren't bottling up feelings too much (always good to have a cry, scream or shout when needed!)

 

Sounds like you have found an ally at work thats good news!

 

Can't offer any advice just lots of <'> <'> <'> !

 

Anna x

Edited August 30, 2006 by aro

[kirstie]

TN <'> <'> I'm so sorry things have taken this turn. I know you must be feeling terrible. It is possible you will feel worse before you feel better (sorry, don't mean to be doom and gloom but it's quite true) but you feeling better is a process that will take time but is only around the corner...trust me.

Letting out your emotions by having a good cry (or bashing the pillow to a pulp!) is good too, bottleing things up is so not a good thing to do. I heard this saying once that i refer to now and then, "problems are like mushrooms, if you keep them in the dark they grow and fester!" so keep talking and let it out. I know for some thats easier said than done and i think you have done very well opening up to your workmates, new friendships could develop.

As for the lack of sleep, it can be so draining as your mind is racing, try to have a warm bath before you go to bed and avoid coffee (and tea) also the runnin g will blow the cobwebs away and tire you out physically, again you are meeting new people through the running club, good for you hon!

Maybe in time when work calms down a bit you could think of having that break away. Where have you always wanted to go?? even if it's in the UK make some plans and go for it. I found after my break up it was very liberating to take off and do things alone. I also didn't do the dishes if i didn't want to nor did i cook if i couldn't be bothered. I understand the day to day running of the household can be very theraputic for some, but for me because i was forced to live regimentally by an abusive git who would trash the home if housework wasn't done (so it was less mess to just do it!!) it was a great escape!

I know everyone has said so, but we are all here and willing to talk and listen anytime you need us so please take us up on it.

Tomorrow is another day and you are going to be just fine i promise. <'> <'>

[Suze]

how are things?...........well done you for going to the running club, steps like that can really boost your esteem which has had a real battering of late.Hope your eating well and sleeping too, take care for now Suzex.

[TheNeil]

Today things are hurting. Not anything to do with divorces and the like but because the running club went on an 8 mile run last night and I went with them (furthest I've ever run before is just of 6 miles)...ow. That said it was a lot smaller than the Tuesday session (about 20 people compared to about 100) and I spotted a couple of people I recognised and probably spent at least half the time chatting (eek) - I'm making the effort and most people seem to be making the effort back so that's helping me enormously. In fact, and not wanting to sound nasty or anything, I haven't felt this good for months

 

Still eating properly and still sleeping occasionally, and still thinking about getting away for a few days - no ideas where though but certainly thinking about it

[Frangipani]

Hi TN

 

I think you are starting a trend here, 8 km run

 

I think you should start a joggers club on here and make us all get off our behinds.

 

Set us all a chart, and make us all commit to doing so many kilometres each whether by running, walking or swimming.

 

Make a few more of us commit a few more hours a week to exercise.

 

Call it the 'Forum Challenge' what do you think.

 

We can chart our progress, to push ourselves even further.

 

[TheNeil]

I think you are starting a trend here, 8 km run

 

Not km but miles so that's...erm...just working it out...about 13 kms

 

Online joggers club ehh? Hmm that might be fun. Ok then, homework for this week is to run/jog/walk 1 mile at least once this week (ideally twice but no pressure). No time limit and no problems about stopping or dropping down to a walk

 

Next week: Marathons for beginners

 

 

 

 

 

Note: This is a quasi-joke. If you really do want to start running then please be sensible...I don't want a swathe of court cases coming my way from people who had heart attacks and the like (if anyone does want any advice then a PM or a new topic thread wouldn't be out of order though)

[Frangipani]

Only one mile

 

[Bagpuss]

Got to say TN you are showing incredible strength......really take my hat off to you for trying to pick the peices up and moving forwards

[TheNeil]

Got to say TN you are showing incredible strength......really take my hat off to you for trying to pick the peices up and moving forwards

 

At the moment I fine but the weekend is coming up fast and I'm not looking forward to it at all - being home alone is really going to test me. I might chicken out and go see my mum instead

[Suze]

Neil , without wanting to sound patronising or anything but you are really moving forward and looking to the future.I really take my hat off to you .You go for it ..........this running lark seems to have given you a new lease of life , I,m chuffed for you.Weekends can be [expletive removed], how about an art gallery or museum, I love visiting places like these on my own as you can take the time to read all the info etc as you walk round.Using an audio head set as you stroll is good as you can zone out and listen to the info as you go.Alot of NT stately homes do this too, if you like that sort of thing.Or go and visit your mum and have a bit of pampering and home cooking , whatever you do be proud of yourself, your moving forward it may take time but your off in the right direction................ouch!!.........bet them calfs hurt Suzex <'>

 

 

 

Edited by montee to comply with forum rules

Edited September 1, 2006 by Montee

[lollypocket]

I don't think it would be chickening out by going to see your Mum

 

Much better to get out and see her, than sit home and potentially feel sorry for yourself. I think you are doing really well, and yes it is early days, but if you keep going this way things can only improve.

 

My Hubby had a similar situation. His ex-wife had an affair with someone she worked with. She used to come home and complain to him that people at work were talking about her and saying she was fooling around with someone. My Hubby innocently defended her honour and told her to get another job. She was supposed to be doing that, and doing a dry run of her route one Saturday when she went missing. She eventually turned up later that day to tell him she was leaving him. I met him a few weeks later, he worked with my Niece, and she introduced us. All I can say is, her loss is my gain

 

All the best

 

KW

Edited September 1, 2006 by lollypocket

[TheNeil]

bet them calfs hurt Suzex <'>

 

Oh yes the calves hurt but so do my shins and, brace yourselves, my thighs. To be honest they're not too bad...lucky I've been doing all that practicing for the past three years . The running really has been a blessing. Not sure if I said it before or not but I've been running on my own for a few years now and had sometimes wondered about joining a more organised kind of thing but never got around to it - maybe everything that's happened has kind of kickstarted something in my head. Going along on Tuesday certainly wasn't easy and I did kind of make my mind up at the very last minute (which probably meant that I didn't have time to talk myself out of it)...but I am sooooooo glad that I did (I think it's pretty obvious). I think with the work situation over the past few months I'd kind of withdrawn from people as a whole as was relying on Mrs Neil too much - with her now out of the picture I've had to grab myself by the scruff of the neck (which is easier said than done - my arms don't like bending that way) and take control rather than letting someone do things for me

 

The AS and work situation had gotten me in a very low place even before the Mrs Neil situation and it was dominating a lot of my life (needlessly) but I almost haven't had time to think about it given recent events and I've taken control of myself again. I know it might sound like a glib conclusion but, somehow, Mrs Neil walking out of me seems to have forced me to drag myself out of a rut and start doing things again - I can't hide behind AS (or anything) anymore as what would it get me? I'd just end up feeling low and have a house that needed cleaning, a pair of dead guinea pigs, and three very angry budgies (that said they're angry no matter what you do so maybe that isn't the best example). I know that I'm going to have lows now and then but, and not wanting to sound blase or anything, bring it on

 

If it wasn't for the weather then I'd be rooted to home this weekend as the ever demanding guinea pigs have blackmailed me into making them a new indoor run (anyone with guinea's just knows how sad and helpless they can look when they put their tiny minds to it). However using power tools outside in the rain doesn't exactly sound like a good way to keep my spirits up (my hair yes, but not my spirits)

 

Oh, and not wanting to sound slimey or smug(?) or anything, but you everyone here has been fantastic. Whether it's offering advice, wishing me well, checking up on me or whatever, it's been a lot easier knowing that there are other people out there who actually care. What say I set up a virtual pub and buy everyone a drink?

[Bagpuss]

Mines a half a lager if your buying

[oxgirl]

The running really has been a blessing. Going along on Tuesday certainly wasn't easy and I did kind of make my mind up at the very last minute (which probably meant that I didn't have time to talk myself out of it)...but I am sooooooo glad that I did (I think it's pretty obvious).

 

 

Hi, I think it's excellent that you've joined the running club, sounds like it was just what you needed. The great thing about going along to somewhere new where no-one knows you is that you can make a fresh start almost. Sounds like you really made a big effort and you made a great impression right from the start, so that makes it easier to go on from there and build on relationships. Best of luck with that.

 

Wish me luck, btw, I'm going to try and run four miles tomorrow!!

 

~ Mel ~

[Karen A]

I think we should all be buying you a drink-you are an inspiration.However if all of us got you a drink you wouldn't be fit to run anywhere. <'> <'> Karen

[BusyLizzie100]

Cheers!

[BusyLizzie100]

(Ha, couldn't resist that one!)

[kinky j]

TN, i've only just read through this thread and geez, i'd always thought from your posts that you're an exceptional bloke but the way you have dealt with this situation and and come out the all the stronger for it just proves how truly phenominal you are!!

 

my son's father put me in a similliar situation when i was pregnant, and never even admited it despite my finding out elsewhere, and it wasn't until c was 3mths that i finally put my foot down and when he told me he was unsure what he wanted i took the decision out of his hands and and left.

 

i'm a very blunt person and i appologise if i offend you but she sounds like a callous heartless b***h and you're much better off without her! she was thinking only of herself in all this while you were being the bigger person and i'm glad that it sounds like you realise this is a reflection on her not you.

 

pleese keep us posted on how you're doing, i love hearing what you have to say.

 

my thoughts are with you

 

kinky j

[TheNeil]

Wish me luck, btw, I'm going to try and run four miles tomorrow!!

 

You'll be fine Mel and there's always Sunday to recover - besides which you know more about running than I do so I know you won't do anything stupid...like trying to keep up with the front runners (oh the pain I'm in for trying to do that)!

[TheNeil]

i'm a very blunt person and i appologise if i offend you but she sounds like a callous heartless b***h and you're much better off without her! she was thinking only of herself in all this while you were being the bigger person and i'm glad that it sounds like you realise this is a reflection on her not you.

 

Blunt is good and for years I was very much the master of being tact-less, even now I tend to cut through the waffle and go straight for the throat (if only I did that while I was writing though...ho hum) - no need to worry about offending me. From the way I've probably described Mrs Neil she might very well sound like a <insert rude word here> and, while I can't understand why she did what she did (and probably never will), I only hope that she's happy in her 'new' life. That might sound as though I'm glad she's gone but I'm not and if I could turn back the clock then I would. It's just that she meant so much to me that even though she took me to the very brink, I still can't hate her. Besides which, how would being nasty or cruel to her help any? She isn't going to come back either way so I'd rather not upset her or waste my time trying to 'get her back'. I might sound like I'm applying for sainthood or something but I'd rather walk away from it and not let thoughts of revenge eat me up - I've got enough people in the world who I despise already so no need to make the list even longer (Ricky Gervais, Ainsley Harriott, Geoff Banks, Natasha Kaplinsky etc. etc. etc.)

 

What I do seem to have learnt from this is that there's a lot of people on the forum who've been treated like <insert rude word here> when it comes to relationships and, in some ways, I actually feel quite lucky as we don't have the added complications of kids and the like. And you're all setting a great example to me - you all had problems but you survived and moved on. Admittedly I wish I had a new 'special someone' right now but I know (well hope) that it'll probably happen some time in the future. It could be that this whole experience has, as I said in another post, made me drag myself out of the rut I was in and has maybe made me take stock of everything and re-evaluate what's important (e.g. me) and what's not (e.g. work). I dunno, I don't usually go in for that kind of self-analysis stuff as I'm usually too busy bumbling along (and I never can understand what any of it means anyway )

 

BTW The bar closes in just over three hours so everybody has best work out what they'd like - I'm being boring and sticking to orange juice

[baddad]

Hi TN -

 

Sort of avoided posting until now 'cos being a 'blerk' I'm not much cop at this sort of stuff ...

Just wanted to say that I agree with you 100% about not letting the bad stuff take away all the good stuff...

Hard sometimes I know, but I think you have to take the good stuff forward and leave the rest behind.

Very VERY best with that...

 

L&P

 

BD

[kinky j]

glad i didn't offend (i seem to have a knack for it without meaning to )

 

why ricky gervais? lol, now ainsley harriet i can understand, he should be put out of my misery but i just can't find a vet willing

 

n mine's a baileys if you're offering

[Suze]

, a nice chilled bottle of pinot grigio and a packet of jumbo salted cashew nuts , cheers Neil.Now on the subject of the guniea pigs , we took delivery yesterday of 2 chickens .........snowy and pepper, and 2 baby rabbits , misty and lizzie.Wow I,m so totally chuffed with them the chooks are eating out of my hand and I trimmed their wings on me own.The baby rabbits are gorgeous, they have been in the house most of the day lying on a blanket while I stroke them.They were my birthday pressies.So going back to the indoor run , I think it,s a brill idea , you spoil the little fellas..........sorry hijacked the thread a bit there.Suzex.

[hev]

pc was broken and only just seen this thread.

when stevens dad left me i was devastated,i practically lived at my mums so yougoing to your mums is definately not chickening out,your posts about running reminded me of when we split up i used to power walk with my buggy,walked for miles and miles,just thinking about it all,running through things in my head,it really did help me.

i never thought i would get out of those dark times but i did as i know you will,you got us rooting for you and caring about you,that is meant,let us know how you getting on,ive been where you are,take care love hev xx