Lost it and couldnt cope

[Paula]

 

Totally and utterly lost it over the weekend.

 

I just couldnt take any more of my pigging son and his constant demands and schedules.

 

I was just so fed up that i ended up screaming at the top of me voice over and over againe,then started punching the sofa yelling "i hate yer guts " then i was in tears thinking i cant go on not any more im all "carer" outed.

 

Im just so fed up,sick to death of him.It doesnt matter what we do he just wont bend and give us as a family some lea way and i resent him for it totally.

 

Im ashamed to admit i ended up thinking of ways to end it permenantly as its my only escape outta this hell at times.

 

Then i fealt guilty for being such a rotton mum.

 

But how do you go on year after god forsaken year altering every aspect of youre life and liveing a compleatly lets face it abnormal carry on.All because of oner person !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

The moment has now passed though.

 

And like every one i guess ill solder on and keep it all locked up inside painting on a happy face and makeing out the gardens rosey.

 

Its the only way once you loosen the lid on the pent up emotions and anger however slightly it boils over and im scared of what might happen.

 

 

Hes to go into hospital on the 19th september for an operation to try to correct the bi lateral choanal atresia.More agro and upset.

 

No support from any family members.Ill be stuck at the Leeds general alone as me hubby cant get time of work.

 

I think i need to get hold of some valium and quick.

 

Sorry to moan

 

But ive no where else to moan to.

 

 

Edited by Montee to comply with forum rules

Edited August 29, 2006 by Montee

[Bagpuss]

Paula <'> <'>

 

I'm so sorry to hear you have no support, what a tough time you are having . Have you been to the GP to get some help with things? I'm sorry if it sounds abit lame....you've probably already been there and done that. I know we arn't there in person....but we are all here to listen if that helps...you have friends here <'> <'>

Edited August 29, 2006 by Bagpuss

[stressedmumto2]

Really really sorry you are going through this right now.

 

I know where you are with loosing it, done it so many times and also the having feelings of resentment at them too.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself we all go through this from time to time but I think what's most important is that you try and get some support for yourself right now. If it's from family or social services you need to knock, sorry bang on those doors and ask, beg for help/support you need it.

 

Just to say thinking of you and if you need anyone to chat to just pm.

 

<'> <'>

[elaine1]

yep i agree, sounds like you need to go to the gp he might be able to arrange respite care to give you a much needed break. let him know how u feel dont hold back.

 

good luck x

[Kathryn]

Paula,

 

<'> <'>

 

I know exactly what you mean about being "carer outed". I've had moments like that too and for me there always seem to be more of them during the August holidays!

 

It's tough carrying on and trying to keep up a normal front - I hope talking about it here has helped you feel a little bit better.

 

I hope over the next few days you manage to grab a bit of time just for yourself.

 

K x

[BusyLizzie100]

Oh Paula, have some cyber hugs <'> <'> <'> <'> . Sounds like you've had a rotten weekend.

 

Don't worry about moaning - this is the best place to do it! Sounds like you're under a lot of stress about the operation, as well as coping with the day to day stuff. No wonder you blew your lid. I know just what you mean about feeling all 'carer-outed', and I know the thing to do is to organise some 'me' time and get yourself an outlet like joining a kick-boxing class or a running club, but it just doesn't happen, does it? How about a punchbag, to give the sofa a break??

 

Take care,

Lizzie

[Suze]

I can understand how you feel with the control aspect your son has over your families lives.Is your son old enough now when if he wants to stay at home you can leave him there??..........my boy is 11 now and I can leave him for half an hour if I need to nip to the shop, theres is no way I could get him to tag along Luckily his dad works in an office attached to the house so he has back up.As your son gets older I,m sure things will get better, your at that really tough time at the moment ..........is your son 12??............this probably all sounds really lame as your obviously going through it at the moment.Big hugs to you Paula <'> love suzex.

[Paula]

<'>

 

Thanks

 

 

I gave up looking for support from outside help years ago.I just couldnt face the battle !!!!!!!!!!!!! or the waiting lists half the time.

 

Plus i feel guilty then as if im palming him of yer cant win.

 

The school holidays aint helped i know that and i normally blow a fuse dureing the last week...................

 

 

We had a day out at Beamish monday and it went well so he kinda redeemed himself.Plus hes had a bath so no longer smells............... Hes trying................... very....................

 

Roll on september the 6th hed have been back at school on the 5th but hes to go for pre operative checks on that day............... bl**** typical..................

[bid]

Oh Paula <'> <'>

 

At least you can be sure that everyone here really does know how you feel <'>

 

I bet you feel exhausted emotionally after letting all that out...try to take things really easy and only do what you absolutely have to do for the moment.

 

We're always here...

 

Take care <'>

 

Bidx

[lollypocket]

No extra advice - just totally understand how you feel <'>

 

KW

[hev]

hello love

just got my computer fixed and havent been on line for ages,know exactly how you feel,when my mobile phone switches on the message says same s***,different day!!sort of sums it all up really

 

hope you feel bit better now love hev

[Bullet]

<'> <'> Paula <'> <'>

[UltraMum]

<'> <'> <'> Paula <'> <'> <'>

[forbsay]

Hi Paula

 

Yip - can relate to you. I also have my rants!

 

Take care

[JsMum]

Hi I totally understand the respite thing, its not that our kids need to go somewhere else, at the end of the day our kids are best in their own home, in their own beds and having routine that involves the family, and so I was thinking is there any way you could look into paying a carer who would help you out for a few hours a few times a week.

 

I am doing this as a few weeks ago I was just carered out and I just didnt have the energy, so I am going throw the process of getting a carer.

 

I have already gone throw the forms for Direct Payments, but until we go to panel I using my sons DLA until it is all sorted out.

 

I know of a few people who have carers in the home and its is very beneficial to the child and parent.

 

What do you think, could it be something that may work for you?

 

JsMum

[Frangipani]

Hi Paula

 

I think many parents with NT kids feel like this towards the end of the long annual holidays, I think most parents cant wait for the to get back to school so they can have just 5 minutes to themselves.

 

Is there any chance you can get out by yourself for a walk, and pop on your music it makes it fun, and gets alot of those pent up emotions out. Its not healthy keeping them inside.

 

I have had a few months up my sleeve of walking at least 4 times a week now, and I feel so much better for it.

 

Its just something you need to try and make a part of the routine, its really worth it. They say the essential oils have a really calming effect on our well being and I have found them excellent.

 

Thinking of you, hope you have a better week ahead of you.

 

Take care

 

xx

[Paula]

Oh ive done the home care thing years ago the people they sent were to be blunt useless,hadnt a clue about anything,plus id to pay ?10 an hour for the service.It wasnt worth it.

 

I can leave him in the house for up to an houre with his 14 year old sister so its not quiete as bad as me rant made out.But when you get back its normally kicked of and there argueing like hell,hes yelling and screaming shes shouting die yer B**** that type of thing.............. Just yer typical family............

 

You feel bad whingeing because im lucky compared to most folks.Least my son can walk and talk i know from peoples posts that some of the autistic kids are far far more seveare and you think in comparison theres nothing wrong with him.So whats the problem.But its not as simple as that.

 

 

 

Im going to go and hit the shops on Saturday with my daughter leave the husband and aspie terror at home.Its a chance to relax a bit.

 

 

Hev

 

I can realy rleate to what you go through with youre son,out of all the other members we seam to be in a similar spot with the aspie sons.There behaviour and what were going through with them at the moment is alsmost identical.I wish you werent going through it but it does help to know i aint alone.

 

 

 

<'> <'> <'>

 

To all parents haveing a ###### day

[CarerQuie]

((((paula))))

 

I often dream of walking off into the ether somewhere and leaving everyone else to get on with it.I understand that overwhelmed feeling only too well.

 

I think that the school holidays often bring things to a head.

 

Wishing you all the best for the surgery.xx

[KarenT]

Hi Paula

 

Totally relate to your lousy day and have had some screaming fits myself lately. Dh keeps telling me that I'm only human, I can't keep myself together all the time and J DOES try the patience of a saint - and I'm certainly not that! It's so hard for all of us to keep going and we do need to explode from time to time - it doesn't exactly feel like 'positive parenting' but to a degree I think our kids need to see us get cross occasionally to understand the extent of how wrong their behaviours have been.

 

One example here a few days back happened in the garden. The Perfect Family next door were pottering in their garden, Mum and Dad, two sweet little girls of 7 and 4, baby boy babbling away cutely. Taking turns on the swing, chatting to each other - all the 'normal' family stuff. DH was cutting down an old shrub and J wanted to 'help' him with the axe. Kept jumping on Dad's back, on top of the shrub etc, we couldn't get it through to J that it was a flippin' AXE for God's sake, he could chop his leg off if he dropped it, it was DANGEROUS!!! I ended up screaming so loud I'm surprised you didn't hear it from your end - and suddenly it all went quiet in the Perfects garden. I could imagine their shock at hearing me ranting and screaming at my sweet little boy (not). But in fact it did have an impact. Although J was very upset for a time afterwards, my rage did seem to shock him into acceptance of the situation and he began to understand the potential danger. I know he'll have forgotten it within minutes, but for a few moments he got it and calmed down a bit.

 

Anyway, I've digressed. Just wanted you to know I do understand, as do most of us by the sounds of things. Keep your pecker up.

 

Are you still on the Anti-Ds? I seem to remember you saw your GP a while back when things were rough and gave them a trial. Maybe it's time for a review?

 

Karen

x

[Paula]

Im no longer on the anti depressants i was only allowed to take them for three months.This is because i suffer from bi polar disorder/manic depression and theres always the danger that anti depressants could push me to the other extreame of mania.............. and then all hell literally breaks loose.I just use them when my mood gets that low im suicidel all the time just to raise it enough but not too much.

 

Were quiete lucky with our neighboures.I live in a cul de sack of ten houses and every one has lived here for years so we all know each other very well and have watched every body have kids and the kids grow up and become teens and then adults and in some cases mums themselves............... So everyone knows about our son and no one bats an eyelid when it kicks of or they hear me letting rip.Theyll just say haveing a bad day with youre **** and i say yea i coulda killed him.It does make it kinda easier when folks know about it even if when you get down to it they dont realy fully understand.I still get comments like "he looks normal enough"

 

I think we all need to let rip once in a while wed be saints if we didnt.And like you said sometimes the shock factor that mum hasnt just smiled and walked away but holered and swore and generally been a right cow is enough for the behaviour to settle down and him to not continually push. But does this mean that im too soft on him and need to get tougher if the tough nut act stops his behaviour sometimes or at least shuts him up.It something im realy thinking about.Yes hes got learning difficulties...........Yes hes aspie but i have let him get away at times with murder because ive fealt sorry for him and guilty that somehow im the reason for his disabilities.Perhaps a different tougher approach might work or help.But its hard to change the habit of 12 years but im going to try to think if he were NT i wouldnt allow it so why am i allow it coz hes aspie.

[asereht]

Paula <'> <'> my son was a nightmare to live with from 12 to 15 but going on 16 now he seems to have gotton easier to handle.So it does get better when all the hormones settle down.