sensitive matter

[shell]

i'm not sure where to start with this topic as it is a very difficult thing to talk about but i feel i need some help or advice form other people.

steven is 8 with ASD/ADHD a little wile ago he come and told me that a boy up the road had put his willy in stevens bum (this lad is 12) we called the police straight away and they were very helpful and we are now waiting to see if it will go to court but my problem is that steven thinks it is because this kid wouldn't let him play a game on his phone and i'm not sure how to explain what happened was wrong without upsetting or confusing steven

also he can't understand why he is not allowed to play with this lad he just says but he is my friend

any help would be great as i just don't know where to start

[stressedmumto2]

I am really sorry you are going through this all I can suggest you do is a social story about children/adults and appropiate touching, non appropiate touching followed by several stories on what is a secret, when to keep a sectret, what secret are good secrets to keep etc.

 

 

Sending big hugs to you and i'm sorry I don't have any other suggestions.

 

<'>

[kinky j]

dear shell,

 

firstly i'm sending you loads of <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

explain to steven that what this boy did was something he should not have done. i don't know how open you are with him but explain in terms you feel appropriate to his level of development that his body is his personal property and nobody is allowed to use it in ways that make him feel frightened or sad.

 

please make sure he understands that he's done nothing wrong.

 

i hope what i'm saying makes sense and is helpful in some way.

 

i was abused myself as a child and live in fear of it happening to c. my heart goes out to you and your family, this must be a very difficult time for you all. stay strong and remember everybody is here to support you if you need us.

 

take care

kj

[justamom]

I think you should phone CAMHS to ask them for advice perhaps he needs some form of counselling from someone because it seems like he has been thru a hell of a lot...

[Bullet]

Agree with Justamom

[oracle]

I also agree with Justamom

 

We had something similar but nowhere near as sinister as this. A little girl that lived locally was inviting all of the boys to see her bits and pieces in return for seeing theres. She was also urinating and pooing and asking them to do likewise. This was last year so Matthew was 8 then. I told him that our bits and pieces belong to us and no one else. Friends don't ask you to show yours and if they do they are not your friend because it's something we dont do. Matthew asked millions of questions and I answered them as honestly as I could. I have never been one to fudge issues and am upfront about these things.

 

I know that you can go too far with this approach and you have to be careful but earlier this year I went to a conference where the speaker was Lynne Moxon and she did a sex workshop and really opened my eyes. She explained that we should not be telling our kids which bits are OK to touch and which are not - the safest thing for our kids is a 'no touch' rule because you can't get that one wrong. She said that it was best to introduce this from a young age and then as they matured and developed you could expand on this when they are able to comprehend fully what this might lead to.

 

Oracle

[summertime]

CAMHs could take a while to make a referral, could you get in touch with victim support, maybe they havent got the skilled staff to deal with this but they may be able to get him in to CAMHs sooner than a GP or self referal.

 

sending you loads of hugs

[KarenT]

You could start with a social story on personal space. There's one on Carol Gray's website, if I remember correctly.

 

Karen

x

[loulou]

Hi Shell,

 

Poor you and poor Steven <'> . I really hope you can get this sorted out.

 

I can really empathise with you about this b/c i've had similar problems with Kai (although no way near as bad) and a boy of 11. Kai is also 8 with ADHD and ASD.

 

This boy keeps showing Kai his "bits" and asking Kai to show him his. This boy is developing too. He has also told Kai about sex and oral sex. Kai thinks all of this is really funny and has absolutely no understanding of how innapropriate it is, despite my efforts to tell him. He now runs about the house (and in public) shouting, "Suck my willy!" . I can't make him understand that we don't say things like that. To him it's just a funny thing to say.

 

I think our children are so much more vulnerable, but it's impossible to protect them 24 hours a day. Thankfully we've moved house so we don't have contact with the boy anymore, but i still worry about letting Kai out to play. The other thing that worries me is what other people will think if they hear Kai saying all these things. It concerns me that they may think he's being abused and call SS.

 

All the best,

 

Loulou x

[cmuir]

Hi

 

OMG that's awful. I'm really sorry, I don't have any advice really. One thing that is a bit of a minefield is having to explain the fact that there are bad people out there. My neighbours kids have been bullying and teasing my son. He'll start sobbing, but will still want to play with them. Keep us posted and let us know what happens.

 

Best wishes

 

Caroline

[lindy-lou]

Poor you and poor steven Makes my blood run cold to read things like this,i think with any child you have to make them aware of what is appropriate and what isnt,with our children it may take more detailed explanations,he did very well to tell you what had happened and must have been aware that it was wrong,poor kid,i hope that you get the proper help and support you need to help you all through this awful time. <'>

[lisann]

No advice only to run with the social story and get some help to deal with this <'>

I hope it gets sorted out quickly for you and S

 

Love Lisa x

[elaine1]

hope its gets sorted, good god! this story made me remember when a boy who was supposed to be t's freind told him to strip naked and run round the garden. he did and this boy just stood there laughing. I could have easily smacked his face right off, our garden was on a hill and everyone could see what was happening. i just happenned to look up and see t and ran out to get him indoors.

this boys mother didnt do a thing about it - she lived next door and saw the whole thing.

good luck with it - our kids are so vulnerable and will do anything to prove they are freinds with someone. it makes me sick just thinking about it

[noogsy]

hi sweetheart.id be inclined to be cautious about who you talk to.maybe your gp can give you advice.also someone has to explain things to your babe in a language he understands.with out being to graphic.you do get people who get hysterical and you dont need that just now.you need sensitivity.your child doesnt realise he has been assaulted.he will gradually realise in time.dont let anyone upset him.take everything a day at a time.you do need specialist help with this..the worst thing for your child would be if everyone finds out....maybe not now but definatly later in his life he doesnt need everyone and there antie knowing....hope i have helped <'> ...love noogsy

[niki]

youre doing great sweetheart, i know that you will figure this out. maybe i could help? if not maybe pops for the "blokie" perspective?

[UltraMum]

<'> <'> <'> Shell <'> <'> <'>

 

No advice but thinking of you ...

[lil_me]

What an awful thing to have to go through, for Steven and for you and your family. I have a thing I say to my boys which is the parts you can cross your hands over are parts you should not let others touch. Basically your face, chest, bottom, and privates. The seemed to understand this physic explaination much easier to understand. I would explain to him that what the boy has done is wrong, so he doesn't believe it is right in the future. Contcting CAHMS is a very good idea.