Bard Report post Posted April 6, 2008 Someone posted this on another forum. telegraph article Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mumble Report post Posted April 6, 2008 Interesting article - well written I think in that it doesn't either glamorise or under-play AS. It made me a little bit sad as well though, but only I guess because I see I high degree of 'me' in it (although of course I would be the female in the relationship) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted April 6, 2008 Sorry - I hate that - and totally disagree with it. Take the assumptions and sweeping generalisations- and they are assumptions and sweeping generalisations - about AS out of the equation, and you have a perfect scenario of a bloke having his cake and eating it and finding the perfect excuse for it! There are literally MILLION's of commitment phobics out there, and i don't see anyone making the assumption that they're all on the spectrum! I'm not knocking the lifestyle - whatever makes two people happy and works is fine by me (even if they do look down their noses and feel 'smug' about it - and that said, generally i think couples who look at other couples and feel 'smug' are probably in reality in some sort of denial... if you're really happy, you wouldn't even bother noticing, would you?) - but I'm sure for millions on the spectrum it would be the last thing they wanted because it has no foundation to it. If you're talking sweeping generalisations, foundations and security would be the be all and end all, wouldn't they? Separate rooms, maybe. Separate houses, possibly. But separate counties? That aint AS - that's cake and eat it, And offer it to 90% of the NT male population 6 months into a relationship and they'd take your blummin' arm off! Twaddle! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted April 7, 2008 And offer it to 90% of the NT male population 6 months into a relationship and they'd take your blummin' arm off! Bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Lya of the Nox Report post Posted April 7, 2008 Bid with you on that bid i read it, found it bizarre, maybe cos they putting the not being together on the AS: loads of people live that way, it kinda living 2 worlds, in the week "i am single" but at the weekends " i am in a relationship!" lots op peeps on the spectrum live "normal" relationship lives, BUT you have to quantify what is a normal relationship ! now i go back to being nuts, do hope that wasn't all of my output for today got 2 big letters to write Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mossgrove Report post Posted April 7, 2008 I do think it is very hard to write articles about Autism/Aspergers. There is a tendency for articles to be picked apart and challenged which could discourage coverage in the future. I am still learning things several years on, so if a journalist doesn't get it all right that is perhaps understandable. Personally I found it interesting and thought-provoking. I'm not saying I agreed with it all but it's a lot better than these issues getting no mainstream coverage at all. Simon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
barefoot wend Report post Posted April 7, 2008 I thought it was a bit of a 'non-story'. To me it was an arrangement that two people have in their personal relationship - lots of people have slightly different relationships and this one just happened to be put down to his autism. Barefoot Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted April 7, 2008 : Separate rooms, maybe. Separate houses, possibly. But separate counties? That aint AS - that's cake and eat it, And offer it to 90% of the NT male population 6 months into a relationship and they'd take your blummin' arm off! Why just blokes? I'd LOVE an entire house to myself. K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGeek Report post Posted April 7, 2008 Why just blokes? I'd LOVE an entire house to myself. K x I don't have an entire house to myself but we do spend a lot of time in separate rooms. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tally Report post Posted April 7, 2008 I was interesting to see different ways of making relationships work, but did anyone else want to smack them around the head? I'm not sure if many people would tolerate a relationship like that. But then some people will tolerate anything rather than be single. And the couple who split up because he didn't like children . . . if they had taken this into account before creating some, it would have prevented a lot of hassle Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shnoing Report post Posted April 8, 2008 It seems to me that Sarah has still some unresolved issues from her past relationships. She seems to be satisfied with the fact that Keith is so very un-demanding (is that a word?). To me, she mis-uses Keith's disposition; if he indeed is on the spectrum, as Anna assumes, he could develop his display of emotions in a more normal one-to-one relationship. That's an opportunity lost for him. With Sarah, he's stuck with an emotionally issue-laden person. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted April 8, 2008 (edited) I am becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the underlying attitude in Maxine Aston's writing about AS people in relationships. There seems to be no understanding that the NTs are no less 'hard work' for those with AS...she appears to see no equality within the relationship issues she discusses. Plus, am I alone in disliking this trend to infantalise those of us with AS?? Any 'positives' are a list of things like innocence, gentleness, 'old fashioned courtesy', etc. I feel this article perpetuates these stereotypical constructs. Maybe this is the natural progression from the mawkish idea that autistic children are God's 'special angels'. It certainly irritates the wotsit out of me!! People with AS are just as diverse as the rest of the population, with just as many strengths and weaknesses, positives and negatives. Enough of this sentimentalising drivel! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!! Bid Sorry for rant I have read one article about AS and relationships that I thought was fabby...about two artists, which is a great celebration of 'Love and Aspergers': http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...=french+artists Edited April 8, 2008 by bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted April 8, 2008 I don't know Maxine Aston's stuff well enough to comment on her writing specifically, but I think there is a tendency generally to paint this sort of fey, otherworldly view of autism that has little to do with the reality for most adults.... I think it comes from the idea that they are 'lost in their own world', and the romantic notion that that implies some sort of fairy-tale 'happy land' where reality can't touch them... absolute twaddle, of course... seeing things differently doesn't mean seeing something different, it means seeing the same things a different way... The one thing that really bugs me, though, is the assumption that anything 'difficult' or problematic is automatically part of the autism, while all of the 'good' stuff isn't (though that said, there are those who take that completely the other way and see the 'neurotypical' stuff as some sort of corruption of an 'innocent soul'). Everybody, on the planet, whether neurotypical, autistic - whatever, has good points and bad points. If they didn't, neurotypical relationships would always be blissful and problem free and perfect - which is obviously not the case! That good/bad stuff is just part of the HUMAN condition, and at the end of the day it's pretty much a pointless task trying to break someone down to their component parts and 'score' them in each category... You just look at the whole and take it (or otherwise) from there. If you think about it, this 'AS vs 'NT' interpersonal relationship guidelines stuff is exactly the same as the ridiculous cod psychology that's been around for years discussing the differences between men and women. Yes they are different, but they're different like snowflakes not different like blue smarties and red smarties. Accept the fact that to all women all men are mad and to all men all women are mad as a starting point, and you can then look at the differences between individuals. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mumble Report post Posted April 8, 2008 And the couple who split up because he didn't like children . . . if they had taken this into account before creating some, it would have prevented a lot of hassle Unfortunately not all families are perfect. This is reality for many, many children and their families. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted April 8, 2008 im not joking that woman in the picture of them two sitting on the sofa looks the double of nicks ex wife,i thought it was her at first!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pearl Report post Posted April 8, 2008 different like snowflakes ooh I like that Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shnoing Report post Posted April 9, 2008 Accept the fact that to all women all men are mad and to all men all women are mad as a starting point, and you can then look at the differences between individuals. To sum it up: To all persons all other persons are mad as a starting point. Learn to live with it! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
