hi there,
I'm new here. I recently came to suspect that I have Aspergers from years and years of trying to understand the cause of my poor mental health. I've identified myself as having numerous things, depression, schizophrenia, bipolar, etc. Its only within the last month, with my American wife's help, that I saw autism as the overhanging cause that explained all these conditions. The depression doesn't explain my poor lack of social skills, my dislike of small talk, my withdrawal from people in general, and my inability to understand people's humour with my incredibly defensive, emotional mechanisms always at red alert. In my worldview, its me against everyone else. So I always knew something was wrong but I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was.
Since exploring Aspergers as a possible cause, I've had a number of responses. First, a sense of helplessness because Aspergers is incurable, and I doubt my abilties to overcome it. Secondly, a regret over the wasted years of my life, because had I made this discovery in my 20s rather than now when I'm 43, my life might have been more productive. Thirdly, resistance. Because of my dislike of the 'neotypical' world dominated by extroverts who dictate our societal norms, I see Aspergers as a label and stigma dreamed up by the majority to discriminate against certain 'anti-social' behaviours that fail to fit in with the norm. The lack of medical evidence for Aspergers tends to influence this type of thinking. Along with my distrust of psychiatrists and counsellers who have failed to help me, and missed all the signs. I tend to see psychiatry as a guessing game, ie psychiatry is to the mind what metereology is to the weather.
Currently I'm reading up on the Aspergers literature that's out there to get some help. I live in Seaford, East Sussex, and would like to seek out a support group in my local area to help me with this process of 'self-discovery'.
