NobbyNobbs
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Posts posted by NobbyNobbs
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you can also find both childrens and adult punchbags that you stand on the base and hit, these can go in the garden in summer so take up less space then at least! they seemed quite cheap when i looked, i think they were in the catalog that you then order from the high street
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these are foster kids i'm talking about so they already have an automatic 'kick me' sign around their necks and its just plain cruel to suggest they should want to be more different than they already are. they haven't had a positive upbringing so they dont know social rules so its more a responsibility to making sure that they arent a further victim of their circumstances. i only mention this because the behaviours of a neglected and abused child are so similar to those of a child with an ASD that the same rules can apply (apart from obviously the unstable upbringing! not insulting any parents here) - can a child with AS be responsible for reading social cues or should the parent do it?
i think although its wonderful to idealise that you can have a child with such high self-esteem that they can shake off negative remarks its not likely to be a foster child or a child with an ASD as both are walking targets for bullies unfortunately
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he still wants supermario olympic games so its time for bribery, be as best you can in school, no kicking,pushing or hitting or throwing things around in classroom, at least until October hollidays and maybe you can have it
just to warn you that game is very boring (reptetitive, no storyline or anything just constant competing, i have mariokart too and that is far more interesting even though its more limited), and very hard. unless he has very good fine motor skills he will find it frustrating (i have it)
as for dolls, its a tricky one. our last foster girls were developmentally behind and one of those wanted nothing but to play with dolls. we decided that we would buy no new dolls stuff beyond her 9th birthday. if she wanted to play with it that was fine, but we wouldn't actively encourage it. bratz dolls are fine it seems up to 10 or 11, but regular baby dolls are a social no-no after about 7/8 now (though I'd never buy bratz either because I feel they look creepy and dress inappropriately for a childs toy) we moved her on to making and drawing and she became a lot more interested in doing real things she'd have pretended with her dolls, she wanted to make the tea, cook dinner and things like that which helped her social skills, attention span and responisbility so we were all for that.
we use their friends as a guide to what is appropriate for them to be doing for their age group in general. we wouldn't buy them something that would cause them to be bullied or teased, but if we could find something similar which wouldn't cause that we'd take that route before completely removing the thing they want (bratz dolls are the exception for me
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the way things are in the courts at the moment without direct abuse or neglect a child wont be taken into full care (and dare i say it, even then its a struggle for the social worker). and also remember that even if a child is in care there are different levels of care order and except in the case of a full care order children can, and do get returned to their parents once things have settled back down. for the lesser care orders parents retain some rights, and have a say in all aspects of the childs care - foster carers cant even clip a childs fingernails without parental consent. to get a full care order there has to be no chance of the child ever safely being returned to the parents, so thats not really aplicable to anyone who doesnt abuse their child.
i think a big fault of social services is that they seem to operate under a veil of secrecy so tends to get painted as an all or nothing bad guy. my household has seen children go back to loving parents and do wonderfully after getting support, and unfortunately we've also seen children go back to abusive parents and the children have to be taken into care again. the foster system is a one size fits all deal and there are children who come in starving with no clothes and there are children who need extra support and care, but have loving dedicated parents. my recommendations are stick with it, get a good lawyer and always look at the good as well as the bad.
the foster carer will almost certainly do what they think is best for the child and will tell the social worker exactly what they think the child needs. any good social worker (and theyre hard to identify) will then work to get the child as much of this as possible. if you really think that the social worker is bad complain above their head. if you get nowhere odds are they are good and you just dont agree with the methods. every bad social worker in the system is known as such on some level. you may find by sticking with it that you get a lot more people shouting for the same thing you want!
i know i'll get shot down here because i see things from the other side but sometimes its important to see past the immediate threat to consider the bigger picture.
oh and the police are fairly backwards when it comes to reporting things involving children, we had one case where the parent had been in prison 4 times and SS hadn't been informed even though this person was their sole carer!
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the foster carer has no say whatsoever beyond saying yes or no to having the child in the house (and they are givien very little detail before they accept the placement due to confidentiality). if they accept the child they are then employed under the terms of doing what social services, the courts and the childs guardian (not parent) think is best. if the foster carer feels they cannot follow this plan then they can question it but ultimately it has nothing to do with them.
because he is under voluntary care this is complicated, but if social services feel the child is not safe if he is withdrawn from social services then they CAN then take the child into care through the courts. this is why they are going to check on the grandparents.
foster carers also get paid next to nothing, and this is probably why the carer initially said they could not have him back. level 2 carers for example are paid �105 a week for 24/7 work so a child wrecking a house is a big issue.
yes foster carers are trained to deal with violent and abusive children, but that doesn't mean that they have to tolerate it. if you wouldn't want it in your own home, dont expect a foster carer to be overjoyed with it in their home!
that said i hope you get the placement you want for Kai because i certainly am well aware that the foster system is a nightmare and doesn't do anyone any favors. i know it is frustrating because it seems nothing is being done at the moment but behind the scenes the social worker will be working very hard to sort things out for your son. social workers hands are tied by the courts, budgets and sometimes by them being complete idiots(!) but they will be trying to do all they can because they also work for poor pay in a terrible job and generally do it for only one reason - they want the best for children.
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lucky you! i'm stiiiill waiting... going to tribunal it seems now. but they dont know when and can't explain why since they have no evidence to base their decision on! turned me down based on my evidence and a doctors letter from a doctor who doesn't have any of my notes and isn't my GP... but they wont stop looking at it! the letters reasons contradict my evidence so who knows what this doctor put!
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another thing to consider is is she seeing the toilets at nursery as different to the one at home? perhaps she knows what you do on the one at home so has decided to copy, but hasn't seen anyone in the nursery toilet so is getting confused. if she hasnt seen anyone else go, thats another tactic. lots of 'mummys doing a wee' and so on. i learned very early, but that was how i did it. there was a potty in the garden and i'd seen my older sister use it and must've decided that it looked fun, so i copied. worth a go anyway since social examples help with ASDs so much.
if shes getting comfortable being wet then thats a big issue. i had to toilet train 6 and 7 year old girls because they'd become so used to being wet they didn't care. in the end we did knicker checks and rewards if they were dry. we didn't punish for being wet because that encouraged secrets. they'd often come up and say 'smell my knickers' (lovely!) to prove they were still dry and claim praise and rewards.
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but the other argument is that ASDs are missed in girls because they are often percieved as positive behavious. i went through my primary school reports yesterday and every single year the teachers put i was overly independant, isolated and withdrawn, but seemed happy in my own world. nothing was picked up because i was pegged as a shy little girl with a good imagination
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our regular post comes at 3pm!.. we phoned royal mail to complain because important documents kept going missing and an hour later someone appeared and shoved over 20 letters through our post box!
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i thought about that but then there would be a variable i didn't want so... i ignored it
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we had a girl who would get so backed up that she would explode poop when it just couldn't fit in anymore. she had lactulose, it didn't really seem to do anything. we got her drinking more, and put her in a warm bath every night and this sort of helped. the warmth relaxes the muscles so if hes holding it should help in the long term, but in the short term i think a doctor is in order to get whatever is blocking him now sorted. they shouldn't try anything invasive until all other options have failed, especially with a child.
oh and from another thread ive heard perhaps soaking him in epsom salts might help, apparently thats a fantastic laxative?!
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my fathers three boys are monday/friday ones as well, but he still seems to hit traffic!
another thought is the driving style of the driver. some people drive very fast, then slow suddenly and pull their cars round corners hard. i found this made me very ill. my father isnt allowed to drive over 60 when i'm in the car because i get sick and stressed (even thought hes a fantastic driver). if the medical interventions dont work, i'd really start requesting a new driver. it might take a while because of the tender bids and the fact that SEN drivers have to have higher checks than regular taxi drivers. the company that won the contract might not have another driver with the enhancements free so it might get a bit complicated
oh and if the bag was plastic then the driver was putting Bill at risk of suffocation by telling him to put a bag near his face... just a bit more ammo!
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i'll ask my father tomorrow (hes a taxi driver who takes three AS boys to school) what he does when his kids go AWOL but from what i remember of conversations he goes and asks a member of staff where they are. the driver shouldn't be losing his job no matter how late the kids are.
is Bill the only kid in the taxi? my father has to fit to a schedule to a certain degree because the parents need to know when their kids are coming home but he wouldn't yell at a kid for being late or anything else (one of the boys regularly waves his hands in front of my father while hes trying to drive because he's so excited about what hes talking about).
shouting at Bill and in effect forcing him to keep his head in a bag of sick is abuse, and the driver really needs to be reported because he might have even more vulnerable children in the future. perhaps this driver has another job in the evening he's worried about getting to on time, in which case he needs to accept friday traffic is bad and he cant rely on getting anywhere at a particular time. complain to whoever is responsible for providing the taxi service, and also make sure you find out what company the driver works for, they should know incase there are any problems with anything else.
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you should definitely complain! that is completely out of order. i can almost understand the driver getting cross to start with as it is a stress when the place you earn your living is messed up but he should never have taken it out on Bill even if he saved it and ranted at you. ask for another driver. it wont happen instantly because as you probably know not all taxi drivers are allowed to do SEN transport. say you feel that his feelings towards Bill mean that you are concerned for your sons mental wellbeing. did you check the details on the travel sickness meds, as often they do need to be taken quite a time before travel. if bill was sick in a bag and didn't mess the car then there shouldn't be a problem taxi-wise, if in doubt see if you can get hold of proper travel sickness bags, plus a large zip-loc bag to put the used ones in so the driver doesn't have to pull over for fear of leaks.
hope something in there helps
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i have asthma which is usually triggered by dust, stress or certain foods such as coconut and that fake seaweed they put in chinese food. i also throw up if i eat fatty dairy - i can only tolerate small amounts of skimmed milk. i cant eat cream at all but hard yellow cheese is ok. white and soft cheese give me the same problems as cream. i get migraines if i eat mozarella... you get the idea. i also have massive skin allergies, my skin literally blisters and peels off when i touch things - very random things like artificial christmas trees- half the time i dont even know whats caused it, my skin just starts falling off! i'm banned from all vaccines unless i'm in hospital because i had an allergic reaction to a hepatitis B shot am allergic the some antibiotics... and the list keeps growing
does this collection of symptoms ring a bell for anyone? apart from the obvious dairy issue i cant see any proper link to anything, but it seems to big to just be not a real problem.
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i have multiple issues that have been 'quirks' until i got my AS diagnosis, and now i feel they ought to be looked into (probably should have before but i didn't have the confidence). however, i feel like i'm constantly pestering the doctors with yet more things that aren't a matter of life and death - in the last couple of weeks ive been to the doctor for AS, asthma, hypermobility, sleep problems, allergies and an eye infection. the last appointment i went in with a list with 6 different things i needed to get sorted! the problem is theres more waiting, and i'm starting to feel bad and that the doctors are going to think i'm making things up. everything ive been with has wound up in a diagnosis or treatment needed, so its not my imagination but still... how many times can you see a doctor before they label you a time waster!
did anyone else with a late diagnosis find this?
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i'll be 23... for the second time. for some reason we all got confused and for most of being 22 everyone thought i was 23 so its like a re-run
not going to be a good day. my moms 'completely gone' mouth cancer appears to be back only 2 weeks after she was given the all-clear, so shes off to the hospital leaving me alone, possibly to try and feed birthday cake to the chickens. my mom wont be able to eat it, my dad cant cos hes diabetic so ive got an entire cake to myself 
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i know, i was more relying on the parents who post to give it a little balance. i think theres no true way to know how many autistic/AS people of each gender since theres a lot of us running around undiagnosed, i was just curious about the little sample here
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After reading several articles stating that the 1-4 girl/boy ratio in autism may only be because of missed diagnosis in girls, i started to wonder how many girls there are with a diagnosis within (or in the family of) the posters here. not scientific, but i noticed there are more female AS people than i would have expected so now i'm curious.
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wow... when i was in primary school i had to invite everyone in my class to my birthday party, or noone. this offer even extended to the girl who'd tried to chop my thumb off in art class and the boy who punched me in the face for touching his chair!
the only thing i can suggest is rewarding him for not going by giving him a special activity to do instead. or speak to the parent, explain that you can't have one kid go and not the other because thats just cruel and was there any way he could be invited, even if he only came for the last 30 minutes or something and you supervised
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i have been referred to the mental health team for assessment for AS. not really sure what i get from that since i already have a diagnosis the doctors are all willing to accept but until its officially in writing in black and white i wont fully believe it i think (plus i feel bad that the university is bending over backwards for me now and hope the paper will help) so now i just have to wait 8-10 months for my initial appointment and i'm all set
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I've now had 6 months out of work, albeit split either side of a 2 week temporary job in June, so am now eligible for a Jobcentre programme called "WorkStep". I arranged to see my disability adviser, he spoke of 3 local organisations who run this, one was recommended by Asperger East Anglia at a drop in session back in May, and I now have my appointment to see them on Monday.i'm signed up for workstep... but the woman still said they'd probably only find me volunteer work!! she seems to think its fine for me to sit on benefit but �47 a week is just not viable when my mother is off work with cancer! i'm letting them pay my bills and that's just not fair. so i keep applying, they keep not even saying i didn't get it
i'd be happy to do volunteer work if i was getting enough money (i feel that i'd still be contributing to society that way). it just seems backwards that i am very intelligent, learn very quickly, am precise, polite and cooperative, but i never seem to have the skills the jobs want.i tried some governement jobs, they didn't want me either, so that doesn't seem to be working out. i apply for at least 5 jobs a week so hopefully something will come up soon
and i dont think i can do night shifts because i cant drive. it would suit me as i'm a bit of a night owl anyway but i cant see how i can get there, the last bus is at 11 and the earliest at 7, so i dont know if that would work out
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as someone who is currently trying to get DLA because i can't access any of the support i need until i do i say you need to keep up the DLA. university support isn't linked to it, but he'll certainly need it. university is so chaotic and unstructured its a nightmare for people with AS. most adult services need 'proof' and usually want DLA for this so as he gets older if he needs any sort of support he's going to need it.
can't help with how to get it though, except to maybe explain the importance to him, and perhaps offer to put the money into savings so he can choose when to use it or not to at all (he'll probably change his mind when hes older and wants to buy something!)
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we used over the counter travel sickness tablets for myself as a child, and for a foster child who would spontaneously throw up with no warning in the car. they worked a treat, but the key is taking them at least 2 hours before you get in the car, otherwise they make you feel worse. we survived a ferry trip, and 3 hours in the car with the sick child with no upsets, and i went on the train and ferry all the way to scotland with no problems (i get very seasick). my advice is to give them a go. if they dont work then you've not really lost anything. another option is to ask your son some detailed questions about the sickness. if he gets a headache before he feels sick it may well be a combination of stress from travelling and stuffy air thats causing the problem. in that case something like the herbal relaxation stuff might help. if he just feels sicky with no other symptoms than looking out of the front window at the horizon is meant to help (although it never did much for me) if he can't sit in the front because its a taxi perhaps theres a middle seatbelt he can use so he can see straight through.
as for worrying about the taxi driver, my father is one, and takes two AS boys to school monday and brings them back friday, and although its not an ideal situation i know he's never got particularly upset over wet/sicky seats. as long as its cleanable and not deliberate the driver should be understanding (a big box of chocolates at christmas helps
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DLA yet again...
in Help and Advice
Posted · Edited by NobbyNobbs · Report reply
i phoned the helpline today for the third time since getting my second decision back as a no. still using that GPs letter thats not from my GP. when i phoned them when i got the letter (12/09) they said theyd send me an appeal form, a copy of this GP letter so i can point out whats wrong with it and a full written explanation of the decision and that i had an extra 14 days to get the appeal form back because it would take up to 10 days for them to get the GP letter and explanation from the files to me.
i called 8 days later because the letter hadn't arrived, they said to send in my appeal form saying that i hadn't recieved the stuff i'd requested and i'd send on my information when i got it. and that i DIDNT have the extra time to get it in so if i didn't hurry my claim would be lost.
i then phoned again today as still no letters. they are now 'having trouble finding the file' and say they'll send it on when they find it, but dont know when that will be. they dont know why they are still using the GP letter as it doesn't have to be used, and i cant have my appeal looked at until ive got the info from the file they cant find so it might now take up to 6 months more
my initial claim was reciveved 30/05, so its already been 4 months!! its starting to drive me mad and they're clearly just messing around now. they said i can complain to customer services but i get upset when i talk to people and wont be able to say what i want to so theres not much point there. i dont know what to do but i need this money! if when they eventually put it through i get middle care lower mobility they already owe me nearly �700!
when i spoke to the CAB outreach person at our drs surgery he said i didn't seem like i had any problems to him and that his caseload was full with people with real problems so he wouldn't do anything to help.
do i have to sit and wait or is there anything else i can do? i just think its unfair that they're messing me around, the form states the problems i have and they're making them worse by not doing their jobs properly! the woman on the phone said that they had followed their policy perfectly. i then read her what i'd put in my appeal letter... cue big silence followed by "well i dont know why the decision maker did that then" not only do i keep having to deal with the phone which stresses me i also have to keep writing details about self harm with specific examples (suggested during one of the phone calls) which does nothing but make it all the harder to stay on the straight and sane side of life! do they really not know/care what they do to people by making them write over and over about things like that?