frogslegs
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Posts posted by frogslegs
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hello everyone
my son has asd and is 15 going on 16, and as we all know life with them and for them is not easy, but when he feel cross frustrated or simply dont understand, how can i help him feel better, and deal with his feelings, we have very little comuncation with his school and so i just wondering if anything has gone apart from if someone is off sick and him worrying whats going on, as we all know our kids do like there routine and dont take kindly to change anyone got any ideas how i can help.
I have had to learn how to help my son who was bottling up all his feelings which then left him explosive. He tells me what happened at school for example and I can see he is angry and my best question is 'how does it makes you feel?'. The first time I asked that, I was shocked by the response which was basically a vomit of emotions, tears, screams but he emptied his bag and things got better. He likes walking so we sometimes go out and he will talk to me then, away from home, sibling, TV....I try to make one to one time for him and not judge what he says even though sometimes I hear things that are very unreasonable. I always emphasize that I am on his side, that whatever he says to me is confidential but that I have the right not to agree and to give advice.
All the best.
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My son was born 6 days late. I had pre-eclampsia. I had no contraction so he was induced, then went in labour two hours later. When they gave epidural his heart beat dived so he was out by c-section in 20 mn. Very poor score and good after 5 mn. The midwife said there was a pb with the placenta and that it needed to be sent for tests but I never got the results. He weighed 9pounds 7. He had a form of hare lip (lip completely lifted, no hole in palate). He was always a very content baby.
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So it was you who put the fish under Frogslegs bed then?
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Have you ever seen this program about the NHS presented by this entrepreneur called Jeremy something where he spent a few weeks in a hospital and was shocked at the poor management despite the huge amount of money given by the government. Too many chiefs and not enough indians as they say. They need more cleaners, more carers to make beds and keep wards tidy, not always the top professor who makes the biggest difference!
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My son is lovely and clever...that is what everybody says because they don't live at home with us. So to get him diagnosed has been an absolute challenge. He is younger than yours but I had been raising concerns from nearly the word go and he was finally diagnosed at 10 when I lost my rag at the GP and refused to leave unless he woud refer us to the paediatrician. I have asked to be referred to CAMHS and got a very long polite letter back saying it was very difficult to parent an ASD child and that I should keep going with the antidepressant and get access to counselling for me. I don't want counselling thank you very much, I want help for my son !!!!! It is not having an ASD child which is making me unwell, it is the lack of support! Fight for it, that's all I can say!
Good luck,
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So sorry to hear that you have not been well. I hate hospitals in this country and had such a traumatic experience when my son was born that I still have nightmares about it. Shall I tell you the gross details? Ok...This was Mayday Hospital (Croydon). Fish and chips under the bed and in time spent there not one single cleaner around. Toilets full of blood, dirty, dirty dirty. Because my son was late, delivery was started with a pessary and was told that it would take hours and to take a sleeping tablet, except I went in full labour two hours later and was so drowsy I could not keep my eyes open. I got up fainted in the toilets and when I rang alarm no one had a key to get me out!
Eventually I had to have an emergency C section and went home three days later after being absolutely bullied constantly on the ward. Finished? no no no....
Home on the Sunday, Monday comes and I am not feeling well and scar all red, two days later and I can't get out of bed anymore. Midwives looking more and more worried, doctors called but I am still at home in awful pain. Fifth day and I wake up soaked because scar opened and infection fluid everywhere. Absolute panic, rushed to ER and put on antibiotic IV and sent back on ward. Again more bullying, medicine never given on time, staff not washing hands before touching me. Second operation to stitch everything back together. Alltogether three weeks in hospital and the worst pain ever. Three years later I had my daughter by C section as I could not feel contractions. Had to have a blood transfusion because I bled and bled and bled during the operation. Staff there (Kings Hospital) were fantastic so that was a relief. I hate hospitals, I dread taking my son there. He had to have an MRI scan when he was a baby and be sedated and I cried terribly even though it only lasted 10 minutes! Because of all this trouble I have to have a hysterectomy and I keep postponing it because I am convinced something is going to happen to me, so I prefer the current discomfort. Mad isn't i? People say I should have sued but then it is public money that pays compensations and when you are in the middle of a crisis it is the last thing on your mind. I did get an apology though and I must say that helped.
I hope that you get better soon and that you can put your nightmare behind you. I wish I could do something to get over the trauma because no doubt one day I will have to go to hospital to deal with this problem but I seriously hyperventilate at the idea!
In the meantime I send you a bag of virtual oranges and a hug
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I went today with another car load. I have taken the spare bed so I can stay there overnight even though I am not actually moving in properly yet. As it is a half an hour drive from my parents' house, it means I can be there early in the morning if workmen are coming without having to get up too early. The spare bedroom is looking quite homely now and I have put up some pictures and a make-shift curtain.My dad brought a few boxes in his car and I unpacked them as well. One of them was all blankets, so I just took them out of the box and put them in a pile in the corner - that was an easy one!
I got four enormous calendar thingies. Each one has one week on it and there is plenty of space to write tasks for each day on it. I have put them up in the hallway because that was the only wall long enough for them all. I think they're good there anyway because I will see them every time I come in the door and know what I have to do. Also, if I have been given jobs/appointments, etc while I was out, I can write them down as soon as I come in the door before I forget them! Being organised might make me less tired.
I had a bit of a lie-in this morning and only did the journey once even though I had two car-loads to unpack. I think this might be why I am not feeling so tired today. Still got loads to do, but my dad is going to help.
I think it is great that you are getting so organised. You'll find things settle quickly into a routine and then you'll be fine. I think you have done so well: a job (or is it two) a house! You should really feel proud Tally as not many people, ASD or not, manage this much. No wonder you are tired!
Be kind to yourself!
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I am sorry that you are having such difficulties settling down this year at uni and I do feel for you. When I was younger I used to live in a shared house and found it incredibly difficult and felt under pressure. However, remember it is just an accommodation, you do not have to be best friends with them. But you have to be courteous.
Do they realise what a difficult time you are having at the moment? If they really like you they will understand and maybe they are trying to include you in their friendship. Can I suggest that you try to be honest with them. If you feel you can't talk to them all at the same time (that is hard), choose a moment when you are with just one or two of them and tell them that although you like them, you prefer spending time studying in your room. Maybe you could agree to go out with them once a week or something so that you can keep the connection open whilst having your peace.
Do you have a tutor with whom you can 'connect' so that at least you have someone who can support you through your studies? I think you need to speak to someone about your worries so that you can keep studying happily this year.
Best of luck,
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That is a difficult one. I think I would need to know a person really well to feel confident to suggest that. On the other hand this is how I realised my son had Asperger, when i shared my concerns with a person I vaguely knew and she said, he is like my son and he has Asperger, then it clicked. She then printed something from a website for me to have a look at and then I had no doubt as he met most of the criteria. So that might also be an avenue, leave some sort of brochure around and if he says something, discuss it with him, rather than be too blunt.
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How about talking to him when he is calm and not watching tv to try to suss things out? My husband who as far as I know is not Aspie, has obsession, they include the Beatles, the Prisonner and old trains. But then I have habits that get on everyone's nerves at home so we sort of negotiate!
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I'm wondering if giving him a stress ball or some sort of fiddley toy to play with in bed , will give his fingers something to do other than pick at his nails. I looked on ebay for sensory, fiddley toys. They were charging a fortune for squeezy things that you could get in the pound shop for pennies.My son has got loads of funny soft balls, listens to soft tapes, has vanilla scent in his room.... Does it make a difference? NOOOOOO!!!!
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We have two cats. My son loves them talks to them for hours (what the cats make of that I don't know!), cuddles them... We like dogs but don't like the commitment they need. The cats are not very needy and they come and go as they please with a cat flap. Only drawback is that they keep bringing presents on my bed : mice and frogs... lovely!
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Can you try to take it in turns to rest, maybe at week-ends you sleep in the bedroom and hubby sleeps on settee and deals with the situation so that you can get a break. Also, what do you do when he is at school. Not ideal but can you go for a swim (that really works for me) and have a nap before you collect your children. Last year I had to have power naps 10/15mn otherwise by the end of the day I could not think straight anymore. It may take time to find a solution for your son and in the meantime you need to take care of yourself.
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My son bites his nails and picks the skin around and picks his toe nails constantly. My daughter used to suck her thumb so badly (with her baby blanket stuffed in her mouth as well) that her front teeth were not growing straight but with the support of the dentist we told her it was time to stop and got the varnish and within about 10 days it stopped but she had two or three sleepless nights and tears but it is completely finished now. We had an official throwing of the blanket and gone! My son's habits in some ways are a lot more sneaky. When he is in the car, I can hear tick tick of picking. It drives me MAAAD!!
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I think he needs something really practical to do when he is faced with the situation. Some little sentence, or something. I have discussed this with other parents of aspies and they all seem to have similar problems. Noone came up with a good plan.
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Our asperger son is nearly 11 so year 6 now. Next year he may have to walk a fair way to get to school but I can't get him to cross the road safely. He always looks the wrong way, i.e. he looks on his left and then says I can go now! Everytime I need to grap his sleeve to stop him. We are always walking to town so I get him to tell me when we can cross but time and time again he gets it wrong. We tried to get him to learn it as a sequence RLR (right left right) but I don't think that's gone in either.
Any tricks, tips that you could recommend?
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Same here. My son is nearly 11 and still no solution. His nails don't even really grow anymore and it is really disgusting with numerous infections. Even when he is calm he does it, it is a habit. he does it when he watches tv as well, in the car... I keep telling him as to me it is self-harming but nothing has changed.
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School started today and already stress for my son and myself. Had a great break, no hand flapping, no sleepless nights... I could live like that for ever!
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Sorry to hear about your daughter... It looks like there is light at the end of the tunnel though.
Good luck with it all,
Mel
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MellowMeldrew, I did not mean to offend you believe me and I feel grateful that my son is only mildly affected. I am not in anyway judging you. Every child is different and I am quite lucky that I have been able to go away with my children (on my own as my husband cannot face all this). I drove over 2000 miles on my own with my kids and went to visit my mother (did not stay with her as she is elderly).
I can motivate ds to go out as, as I say, he loves the peace of nature, so we often walk 7 or 8 miles and take a pack lunch. At home it is difficult to steer him from computer/playstation/tv which if he uses too much (beyond one hour) makes him agressive. He cannot go in the street because he gets bullied by the other children. He finds it very difficult to use his hands and gets frustrated so gets angry and slams door and traches bedroom. I don't tend to go to the park because he is very scared of teenagers who he feels are always talking about him. He swims a lot as it considerably reduces his stress level and he plays a musical instrument because he can concentrate on that and does reasonably well. We have two cats that he loves so he cuddles them a lot. He needs a lot of sleep (at least 12 hours) otherwise he is really unpleasant all day and things get really stressful. Often when I don't do anything with him he starts whining about boredom, life is worth nothing... and wants me to amuse him but I don't want to give in so I am afraid he has to get on with it. More often than not I then find him lying on his bedroom floor listening to a story on a tape or his relaxation CDs, playing with his cars, reading. It is better than nothing I completely agree, but it is still at times difficult.
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Well we are just back from two weeks of sea side holiday which my DS (nearly 11) enjoyed because of the freedom he gets. He loves swimming and playing in the sea and where we go it is so quiet that noone pays any attention to him. He enjoys the nature and the peacefulness of the area and indeed all the hand flapping disappears. We did not do many cultural things and I have noticed that he feels really unconfortable in very busy places and keeps noticing people who don't follow the rules and then making loud remarks about them.
Now we are back home and within 2 days literaly of being back trouble... He is back to being bored, arrogant, moany.. a totally different boy and I ended up really shouting at him today as at one point I could not longer take the attitude! I have no money left to do expensive stuff now so we have to content ourselves with trips to the library, swimming... We have a couple of outings with support groups organised. But to motivate him is a bit of a lost cause and the word 'stupid' is used to qualify everything. I ended up spending most of my afternoon building a model car because at each step he was losing his rag and at the same time helping my daughter making a bead thing that is three times too complicated for my little brain. I have not had a single minute on my own for the past 4 weeks and I am beginning to feel the pressure!
I have spoken to a number of people who say that their children are bored but when you suggest going out they don't reply...
But up to a point my view is that my children have had their organised holiday and now it is up to them to make their own entertainment. Sometimes one needs to be bored to be creative. DS is very 'encouraged' to spend a lot of time in the garden with his remote control car so I can enjoy a cup of tea in peace for 10 minutes!
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Well I don't have a dog but two cats. My son loves them and they give him lots of unconditonnal love. One of them is completely loopy and climbs in the bunk bed to my son's absolute delight. He feeds them every morning and comes with me to the vet but they are independant and when they have enough of being fussed they just walk away. My son has always been very nice to them and incredibly gentle.
Today we have made a wind chime, played with Lego, tidied downstairs (they love sweeping and emptying the dishwasher), practised our music, had our hair cut, gone to the supermarket to buy uniforms (used my double points vouchers to buy new toys), etc.... A busy day!
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Good afternoon peasants.No need to stand on ceremony, we who hobnob with royalty are quite at ease talking to the "little people"
One will post a full report when one has a moment
What a cheek!!!!
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Kinder are having a competition for children aged between 4 and 11 to become the face of Kinder. My son wanted to enter
I am hoping to get support on this so we can show people that kids with special needs can be just as worthy to be the face of a product just as much as any other child.
I am sure there are other people kids on here that would like to enter.
If you feel this post is in appropriate I will be happy for it to be removed.
Would love to see more kids on there though with specific needs to see how the company deals with that if they get in the top 100.
Done!
Hello again
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I have not been on the forum for 18 months and a lot has happened since. My son (aged 12 3/4) has transferred successfully to secondary (main stream 4 hours of weekly support). We have chosen to move him away from the town where we live and he goes to a secondary located 10 miles away. The advantage is that if he has a bust up with someone, it stays at school whereas until last year, problems at school ended up in our street with messages put through our door and bullies coming here to call him names over the garden fence. So I think this is the best decision ever. We are now moving very very rapidly towards adolescence and the problems are big and getting bigger. I am getting worried that I am nagging him all the time and our relationship is getting damaged. So any tips to keep smooth are welcome.
Glad to be back.