Nats mum
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Posts posted by Nats mum
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I think firstly it might be better to know what your rights are as a person classed as having a 'disability' and how that impacts on you in unfamiliar circumstances or environments.If someone is vulnerable, there surely are procedures to ensure they have an advocate with them.
I would suggest contacting the NAS to talk about that ie. in the past situation how would you have been able to contact someone who is your 'advocate' for them to assist and support you in the claims made against you (which the police arrested you for), and to help you afterwards ie. to get home, get your child picked up etc.
Many of your difficulties in that situation are typical of your diagnosis.
After speaking with the NAS for their ideas and input. I would contact someone to do with Disability Discrimination as 'reasonable adjustments' include for 'future' events as well as things happening now. So, it might be that you have a plan whereby if something like this happens, you - and everyone involved - knows what the plan is.
If anyone has something similar ie. a 'plan' it would be useful if they could post who helped them put it together and who they can contact as part of that plan.
Once you have a better understanding of that. I think you can complain. Regardless of the time limit, it would be interesting and useful for you to get a response on this and for the police to tell you who you have a right to contact in such circumstances.
Thank you so much, you have clarified in writing far better than me what i am tryng to achieve.
I was sure I should have been able to have a mediator with me or someone to try and help translate what was going on.
I KNOW it was 2 years ago. As I have said I have been very deeply traumatised. I am only just coming out and speaking on internet (this forum to be exact) since 6th Nov when I spoke to a specialist and got my Autism diagnosis officially updated from the original 1967 diagnosis where aspergers and ASD was unheard of. So i am "downgraded" from Mildly autistic to "Aspergers"
it is through that update I now feel able to go forward and get my life back on track.
In answer to peoples questions what do I hope to achieve?
it is simply an apology from the police. and an assurity it will not happen again to me or any other sufferer. The law as it stands says they can take you toa court hosue or police station and after that its up to US despite our condition to get home. they do not have to take us back to our homes even if found not guilty, and not charged.
the police need to have recognition of aspergers, ASD etc and, as you said.. but i couldnt word it right , some form of plan being put into place in future by police so that this dreadful thing never happens again.
it should never have happened in the first place.
I just want to make sure that things like this cannot happen in the future.
yes I cannot turn back the clock. the damage is done, but now I feel I HAVE to do somethig to stop this happening again. SO.. I need a solicitor
there must be so many of us who because of the communication problems, when faced with a problem we meltdown and as such without our cards, or a plan of action, or the simple fact the police and other authorities NEED to recognise us and have a plan themselves and do not. We end up arrested, charged.. much later in teh cold light of daya nd once we are calm again things are too late. a very simple plan could help us all and save us from far worse things, court cases etc. All it takes is a plan, some form of communication adn a simle bit of common sense from the police and other authorities.
We are NOT criminals.
We are NOT stalkers or harrassers.
I do not drink, smoke, do drugs, steal.
I sit at home, try to relax and meditate A LOT.
I am not a danger to anyone.
all i did was have a partner who i lived with me for 8 years until the money ran out and who repeatedly said he wanted to be my freind and so I kept in touch via email. then when it suited him he or his girlfriend started this hate campaign and set me up as a harrasser/stalker.
OK I was found NOT guilty.. but as I said the damage is done.
I am now too terrified to meet people or socialise for fear it will all happen again. If I see the police in town, or anywhere even if out driving I run and hide, or avoid them (sounds silly doesnt it) Because I am fearful they may see me and think I am doing something wrong, all because I do not know how to communicate, or give out the wrong signals.
so it is easier for me to not go out.
and this has all come about from that one event in 2007.
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I'm definitely a WoW addict! I would be interested in this. What server you thinking of doing it on? I'm on Emerald Dream Ally, Blade's Edge Horde. I'd be willing to transfer a toon to any server as long as it was normal one not a pvp one (I suck big time at pvp and hate pvp realms).Currently I am on Turalyon. I too suck big time at PVP and avoid it like the plague
Tried Horde, couldnt get on with it so went back to alliance
I could meet you on Emarald dream
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WoW geek here!
I just had an idea, I was wondering if there were any other WoW addicts out there who would consider joining me in creating the "alternate" guild
You must be a normal person IE ASPY, ASD, ADHD, Whatever.
no mundanes allowed.... (or if you really want to join in we can elect you as honorary normal person.)
anyway on a serious note.
I am bored with the current guilds, and their small minded oppinions and wondered if any other people on this group played WoW and felt the same as me and would like to create a guild, or just go out and quest and have a great time with no pressures.
WoW to me is great. Mo facial contact, no pressure to say the right thing in the right time. we can quest, be social, roleplay or be ourselves and not have to apologise for it..
anyway thats the idea?
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Congratulations great news
I can imagine how pleased you are,I hope my Sam can achieve this,after his exclusion he did have a great day yesterday which is good A whole week would be amazing 
So pleased for both of you 
Oh that is so like the life we have here.
I dread his return from school and find yet another "report of restraint" incident form in his bag or that once again he cannot go on a school trip or do an activity because it is too dangerous for him and the school (and public). These are almost daily and the school and I are working so hard to try and help him avoid the meltdowns.
yes there are good days but next day there is a bad un, so we take things day to day. This week has been amazing.
I just wish I could bottle the formula so we could do it all again next week.
But there you go..
IT CAN BE DONE!
these little uns can do this and when they do
MY GOD DOES IT FEEL GOOD !!!
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I would like to proudly announce that my son got a star of the week award at school.
He made helpfull choices all week, for the first time ever he controlled himself and used self calming !
and for the first week ever we have had a complete week of no problems at his school.
Thought I would like to share as for one I am a very proud mum tonight and for two. I think it may help other parents/carers to see something nice in a kid for once as we can get so bogged down in the negative of ASD.
anyway
CHEERS NATHANIEL
big hugs from mummy!
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This is wrong!I dont know your whole situation,if your ex had a restraining order hence why your were barred from contacting him there must have been very good evidence to do this as harressment is not taken lightly.I do understand that the child sent the text etc. Here is the problem,I have had dealings with the police and unless you were at your ex's home(which you werent),then they could have just explained why you were being arrested giving you time to explain,again from the police point of view harrassment is serious,I am sure you have heard in the news how poilce dont take it seriously and women end up murderd.The one thing I can say is I think if you had commited the act which is what the police thought at the time then regardless of a disability they have a duty to arrest you to protect your ex,sorry I know that seems harsh given the outcome of your situation but thats reality.There are two things you can speak to a solicitor about:one is if you felt mistreated in any way when in police custody,after you were able to explain you have aspergers were you asked if you needed help. The second thing would be the fact that you were left to get home alone,they should have driven you back home,called someone to fetch you or called a cab(I dont know about the money side of the last one though ie who exactly would pay.)Sorry I cant recommend a solicitor.Also not sure as you mentioned2007,if that is when this happened I dont really think you will have a case.I wanted to take an employer to a tribunal as I was pregnant at the time wanted to wait till after baby came but told these things have to be done in 6 months,and most courts work the same,maybe 6-12 mths,but I do think you should speak to a lawyer,you may need proof about what you are claiming so you have to think if that will be possible.hi the only harrsssing i did was send him emails. as was pointed out in court. IF HE DID NOT WANT TO HEAR FROM ME WHY DID HE NOT SIMPLY DELETE THEM?
we were trying to sort out the maintainance at the time. and in between that I got emails saying how he would still be my friend and then he was going tos rot out a birthday oresent and card for me and bring it over when he came to visit. things like that.
i told the police a dozen times. I am NOT a bad person. I have never harrassd anyone in my life and given it was so many hundreds of miles away and it was only emails. "rows via email" it did go both ways! i was absolutely taken aback when they said they would go ahead and charge me!..
well it came back as not guilty, but their treatment of me on that one occasion over the mobile phone was.. well the pits! and once again a NOT guilty verdict.
i KNOW it was 2 years ago. I had a breakdown. I am jus trying to get my life together. I want to move on, but cannot without putting this and my x to rest that doesnt mean I am gonna kill him ok!) and get some ending to the whole thing, and some guidance frm people such as your good selves so i do not end up doing this again.
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Hiya
Seems very common. Mine does it all the time when upset, frustrated, not getting his own way. when HAPPy he puts his hands to his face and makes claws and screws his face up. It has takena long time to get to a point where he at least shows the two emotions seperately with different things.
If anyone can get a chance to see Tarrent let's the kids loose, then you can see him doing the claw thing a lot there.
It is upsetting to watch him hitting his head and I trya dn use diversion tactics to stop him, then clamers. once clam we can go back to the objecxt of frustration and look at it clearly from hopefullya different angle.
hope that helps?
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Ok for all you aspy sufferers like me you should understand the stress caused to me by this one.
it is 2007 and my X who sais he wants to stay my friend suddenly decided I am ahrrassing and stalking him.. ok he is in glastonbury I am in Lincs, bit hardot stalk someone from 250 miles away but hey.
Anyway the police come around and CHARGE me with harrassment despite everything!. I explain to them I have aspergers.. deaf ears they do not want to know.
next thing i know is I am arrested again, they refuse to tell me why or what for. I am hauled 30 miles away to a court where it emerges eventually like 5 minutes before I get to see the judge, that my 5 yr old had my mobile phone and re sent all my texts stored in it, including ONE to my X... so breaching the rules not to talk to him..
I was found NOT GUILTY.
I was then turfed out on the street, no money, no coat, no bag, no mobile phone obviously! no idea were I was or how to get home.
On top of that I knew I had a child to collect from school at 3pm and no idea how to sort that mess out. It was in my schedule I had to be there it is in my timetable.. I had a meltdown (does anyone relate to this?)
This has traumatised me to this day and I am still reeling from it.
the upshot is I do not talk to people. I do not go out, I do not socialise. I have given up all my hobibies and pasttimes and inerests.
anyway apart from that bit....
My question is..
Under human rights I am sure I should have been treated with more respect. surely I am entitled to at least an apology?
does anyone know a good solicitr or think I am in my right to try and get an apology?
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I have recently been diagnosed and to say it was a battle is an understatement. BE PREPARED but it is well worth it. It is like a huge weight off my shoulders and now I can build a life.. anyway I digress..
FIRST contact yoru GP and ask him to refer you to a mental health unit. IF he refuses then write a letter of complaint officially sayng you will take this matter to a tribunal against doctors.
Once you see the mental health people, then ge tthem to rule out your not nuts (no offence to those who are but I am not sure how to put that diplomatically)
Then go back to doctor adn have him refer you to the enarest mental health unit that specialises in autism. you should get your diagnosis from there.
you can have it done privately but it is around £700- £1000
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Welcome Nats mumIm an asperger with other stuff and have to force myself to go out sometimes. im relieved i have home support as it makes it easier to stay in contact with the outside world. Also i meet my mentor in a RL situation a pub that's busy and sometimes noisy but we move tables when the background overload gets too much.
Im going to the Bath big care debate tomorrow. It's a roadshow run by the government, im going to demand answers for those without home support who still struggle at home due to being "ignored or ineligible" (NAS report 2001). http://careandsupport.direct.gov.uk/bath/ for the website to find out more.
Im single and live in my housing association flat under a shared ownership scheme. i like it here but im trying to cope with getting used to the fact that my neighbour is going to die soon and be replaced by a new neighbour. Im hoping this new person isnt a bully like the last one.
Alexis
I know where you are coming from re help. It seems if my son sneezes someone reports me to childrens services. it stresses me out, totally ruins my and my sons routines and causes so much stress to me I get physically sick. Each time I am cleared and no one has ever said I do anything bad t my son. BUT no one can get any serives to HELP ME. seems it doesnt exist! or feels that way.
Good luck at the conferance.
As for going out. It really is hard. Thank goodness for tesco delivery! Even him arriving makes me worry as I have to MEET him at the door. I plan my trips out very carefully. it is not so bad for familiar places but soemthig strange well.. thats different. I cope as I have no choice, but it isnt easy.
Oh "hands up" trekkie here! love star trek, classic more than anything. I also play WoW its the only real "social" thing I do.
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hi and welcome. I have found this site warm and careing i hope you enjoy it as well. You live in my idea of paridise. my children often ask if we could live ina house, in a field with no neighbours. shame we cannot afford that, but i did offer them a tent. Anyway welcomeHmm theres a thought? I wonder how many people would like to have aholiday but need familiar surroundings like I do so ar eafraid of going on holiday. I could let people stay in the 2 acre paddock and camp, they would be safe and secure and as we are all in the same boat (farm) we could understand what was needed.
For those coming by train or bus I am happy to meet them at the local station to ensure safe passage to the farm
This is a big house with just me and my son and the farm worker in his caravan, so meet and greets woud be welcome
Oh and for those of you who play WoW, i am a big fan so a WoW party would be great and we can all hitch up our pc's and laptops and go play WoW !
I might post this on one of the other forums?
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Hi thereI have just read your post and surprised to see how similar your story is to my own.I also never had friends and even today,I always seem to link on to one person assume they are my best friend and dont bother talking much to anyone else,I have also been taken advantage of.I left my husband last year he to was phscologically abusive.I have four boys my 6 yr old Sam has AS and suspect my three yr old has.I really believe I have it after reading so much but I am reluctant for personal reasons to seek advice.Anyway the GPs all believe my ex has AS because of his controlling behaviour,living in his own world and he refuses to accept the boys have problems,he thinks people want to ruin his kids.Welcome to the group I know exactly how you feel and think you are great mum for getting help for you and your son.
<'>Thanks so much for replying. yes I see so many similarities. Its all these similarities which one way scared me and another way made me go down the route to get my diagni=osis brought up to date.
Like you I was so scared. I was so sure my X was right and I was just mad. Taking the bit between my teeth I began the battle and yes is was a battle to get my diagnosis. From them saying i was too old, or there was no one who could tell them what i was like or there were no records froms chool, to going to see mental specialists and being told there is nothing mentally wrong with me, but that they do not cover autism so they could not comment.
In the end I contact edautistic society who gave me instructuions how to approach my gp and what to do if he will not listen and to get a second oppinion. So I practically had to take my GP toa tribunal.
The end result was to finally get to speak to a professional who gave me my diagnosis there and then.
From then it was like a huge rock had lifted, my eyes wereopened and I felt I could NOW start to live my life.
So please do not be put off, there are no bad repercussions. Youc an keep the diagnosis to yourself if youw anted to but trust me you will feel much the better for knowing
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Disney will give you fast track passes but try getting the disability discount when you go to stay and your reg disabled child is not classed as disabled unless they are in a wheelchair or cant walk 50 yds. And they havent replied to my e-mail telling them I consider this dicrimination.I just got back from disneyworld florida.
I was there 14 days and on day 1 I went to the main office at the ticket and transportation centre Basically where you get busses, monorails etc to all the parks. I told them my sons problem and they didnt even query it. I had a letter from my doctor inc ase of questions. I was givena red special assistance guest card whichwas dated to expire in 14 days. With this I got to go to all the rides and all teh shows and no queing at all. In the case of the shows, they out his name as VIP ona list so when the show started we went to front of queuea nd was allowed in to be seated.
I couldnt praise them enough. They took time to speak to me and my son and spoke clearly calmly and gave us both time to answer.
We had similar in Universal studios and seaworld. The latter if you speak to a dolphin trainer willl take you to a quiet place to stroke the dolphins
hope that helps
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Hello Nats mum,Welcome, and well done for taking the courage to take your first steps here, its not that bad is it, I am sure there will be other parents who have gone throw similair journey to yourself, and the reliefe and upset that a dx of AS brings, but hopefully with a positive future ahead now you have an understanding of AS.
My son is 12 and has co morbids and ASD.
Nice to meet you.
JsMumxxxxx
Thank you s much. It is quite scary. and it took a bit of worry, but then I never do anything new and/or different very easily.
All these replies. I do not know what to do? Thanks everyone for thinking of me and taking the time to post
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heyayou say you don't have any friends is this due to anxiety related situation??? at least you can personally understand where your son is 'our world' you have an 'advantage' ( if you can call it that!) maybe not the right word but gives you both ASD foundation to base things on to begin with bet your glad to recieve your official diagnosis bet stuff adds up now and makes sense builds a bigger picture that hidden in background before! have you always felt somewhat different to others growing up? and couldn't explain into words exactly why it happened and you got into situations? you can support and help eachother through ASD problems you face!
i'd get support and help for you and him through NAS :
http://www.autism.org.uk/contact/email
http://www.autism.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=2150
take care
good luck
XKLX
Thank so much for taking teh time to reply.
The friends thing is long and drawn out, a combination of me being taken advantage of a LOT and feeling that I was so stupid not to notice what was happening. I have always felt like I must be an alien living on a weird planet as no one could speak MY language, or was it I couldnt speak theirs?
It wasnt until i went on Earlybird + course, that I realised everything they were saying made sense to me, comlete sense. I honestly could not see things from the outside world perspective. My son and I are very close and people often comment how do I have such a close working rappor with him, well now I know, because we both think and act the same. So it is uch easier for me to identify why he is upset and put it right.
his father is the one that hurts us the most. We are both "FREAKS". he always said that there was something wrong with me, that I needed help, i was mentaly unstable and needed locking up. He constantly ran me down adn made me feel like I reallyw as mad, or crazy, certainly no good to be seen in society. I trusted him, he betrayed and used me. They call it psychologically abused.
It has left me untrusting of the world.
I just hope that now I can start to live.
It has been a 5 year battle with doctors. Visiting mental health clinics and to be told consistantly I was NOT mad and quite stable. That helped but it didnt answer my question what WAS wrong with me. For anyone out tehre looking to get your diagnosis, it is NOT easy but dig in and stand your ground and you will be heard..eventually.
I am just now reeling in a way, a part of me is breathing a sigh of relief I know what is wrng with me, and a part of me is devastated that i am not normal and now it is official.
I guess its just down to one day at a time at the moment and let things sink in. At least right now my entire life does make sense. the way i am, the way I think, my quirky habits and strange routines. Yes it is lovely that I can see the pattern is right and why it is.. I hope you can understand what I mean by pattern? Its something like a lot of things, I have no words for
But at least now, I understand why.Thanks for the links BTW, I joined and have the cards for my son, Essential in many situations!
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Hi
Well um, I am nathaniels mum. He is 7 and has ASD + Pragmatic semantic speech disorder and was diagnosed age 3 statemented at 5 and he dgoes to a special needs school.
I am no spring chicken at the grand old age of 47 but I was recently diagnosed Aspergers.
Am hoping that now I know what I am and why I am the way I am, I can find help on the forum, and make myself a life.
I have pretty much shut myself off from the world and live on a remote farm. I just could not cope with the human race. Now I know why! Hopeing to find a friend or someone to chat to who can hopefully understand what i am saying and not take things the wrong way?
Friends is something I do not have, am scared to have and well.. this is a first and very nervous step.
Thanks for reading
I am also happy to answer any questions If I can.
Spammer alert
in Forum matters
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yep i got spam from him too, ,sad considering the forum we are on and the people on it, we have a hard enough time as it is without stuff like this