This is a ‘Do I have...?’ post, the sort of posts that you must get often and that must be annoying on forums like these, I am going to have to post one as a first point in looking into this, and to ease myself about the possibility of bringing this up with my GP.
I had a very difficult childhood and adolescence, I’m 27 now and have made a lot of progress, but I still feel that there is something major in play, I don’t think my childhood experiences explain how things are for me. Normally I explain myself as having ‘social anxiety’ to others, but really don’t think this fits, and not having a formal diagnosis causes serious problems (although I suspect having a diagnosis won’t exactly be a breeze either).
My theory is that I have Asperger’s, but I’m worried about going to my GP about this, in case I’m way off in my theory that my problem is Asperger’s, or worried in case my GP won’t refer me because of my age. If I do see my GP about this I will have difficulty talking to her to begin with, but I’d then also not know where to start with all the possible evidence – I have so many things that may be evidence, don’t know what key points to highlight.
I wouldn’t know how to handle things if my GP was to object to or question the idea of sending me for testing, if I should stand up to her or go about it some other way...I’m also scared that if I do go for testing that it’ll turn out I don’t have Asperger’s and so be back at square one.
While here; can anyone give me information on what is done to test for Asperger’s in adults?
Below are a list of some characteristics of Asperger’s and how they match up with my own ‘symptoms’, this doesn’t cover everything (we’d be here all night), but I’d like to know if these sound like POSSIBLE characteristics I could take to my doctor without sounding like a raving loon. I am aware that it differs from one person to another and that no one here can say for certain if I do have Asperger’s, this is purely my asking if I am crazy in thinking it’s a possibility.
Difficulty making friends.
Something lacking so there is no jump from acquaintance to friend, say for example in a new job people in the training group will become friendly or go out for drinks, and you get left behind. I seem to have particular issues with other women. I just generally don't seem to 'get' friendship, can't just hang out or go shopping with friends like other people, and find it hard to relax and just talk even when with people I've considered friends for years. I don’t seem to get ‘fun’ either, I can have fun, but fun activities with other people I can’t seem to understand.
Difficulty making eye contact.
Eye contact feels uncomfortable, creepy, and sometimes even very distressing, as a child I remember it used to make me cry a lot in school when someone made eye contact or tried talking to me. I find it difficult to know the appropriate time to hold eye contact, am always uncomfortably aware of trying to get correct eye contact when talking to people.
Anxiety in social situations.
Any possibility of social interaction, even walking past people in the street or talking to shop assistants can make me nervous, can become very upset with new people and new surroundings, there are even times now where I sometimes cry. I’m often completely unable to go into new places, where I’m not sure of exactly what to do, how to dress, how to act, where to stand, etc. I need things spelled out to me exactly so I know exactly what to do and how to act, some places just don’t feel right and I have to leave, or I’ll have to sit in a certain place. Up until my mid-twenties I was incapable of doing anything like going into a shop or doctors alone.
Find talking difficult.
It feels like I’m physically unable to talk. As a child and into my teens I was practically mute, my mother talked for me, and now when talking to friends I don’t know what to say, I’ll talk with a childish voice or monotone voice, sometimes my voice gets louder or jerky. I remember as a child barking and acting strange rather than talking. I tend to babble, often about things of no interest or whatever I’m thinking at the time, I replete myself and say things that only seem to make sense to me – or I’ll say something that hurts someone or is offensive without even realising. I try to approach others or start small talk, but it’s awkward and never goes well.
OCD.
Mostly comes down to body dysmorphic disorder, which comes from my social anxiety, so lots and lots of mirror checking, compulsive grooming, but on bad days OCD seems to spread into things like flicking light switches a certain way or getting hands around banisters a certain way. I itch the top of my left knee, I have to touch the right knee, and maybe have to then do it at the bottom of each knee too, and often have to stop to do this while walking every few seconds. Day-to-day I have to follow very specific ways of doing things, have to have people walk on a certain side of me, etc. boyfriend gets an earful if he doesn’t do things or touch an item in a particular way. Preparing to go out the house is something that can take hours, having to give myself specific allotted hours to do things. My friends found great amusement in changing an object or moving it slightly and seeing how long it’d take me to notice, usually not long.
Obsessive interests.
I can tell you everything and anything about tampon regulations and menstrual health, in depth and at great length, and at this point so could my boyfriend and half my friends, I collect everything to do with menstruation and menstrual products. In the past I’ve also had obsessions with geology, biology and religion, I also have a tendency to want to surround myself with certain items. I like to show things to others, share them with others, everyone must know whether they like it or not.
Maybe I do just have social anxiety, or maybe I’m just a little bit strange – THIS is what worries me, the way I acted as a child is embarrassing, how I act now is unusual – having a reason for this would make it a bit more acceptable, at least put my mind at ease anyway. There are so many little things that perhaps suggest Asperger’s, I could really go on forever...I’ve made a hell of a lot of progress since I was a child, I can function (just about) even if with little social interaction, I am confident, and there are a some things in descriptions of Asperger’s that I don’t have or don’t have as bad as in the description.
Maybe I’m too much like other people to be classed as having Asperger’s, maybe there’s no reason for my being the way I am and I’m just a freak, but to me there is too much there not to rule Asperger’s out...too much I’ve heard from others that seems to describe how I feel exactly. I’m just really uncomfortable about bringing this up with a doctor or trying to talk to someone about this.
