A quickie what you you have done?

[jlp]

We went to soft play after school today so G had less PC time (only 1/2 hr) as we were home late. He's got a new Star Wars (his obsession) game and it's taken over his every thought.

 

He was warned he had less time (but only as we got home from soft play, in retrospect I'd have empathised that this morning) and had a 10 then 5 minute warning. He continued playing, 'just let me finish this level' / 'wait till I get killed' etc so I went upstairs with ds#2 knowing G would follow as he's terrified to be alone in a room.

 

He was very cross and threatened to punch me in the head if he couldn't go back on the PC, of course I said 'no' so he did.

 

I've said no PC tomorrow because of this (but wish I'd picked a different sanction as this is his big obsession of the moment). I was wavering whether to stick to this (all Hell will break loose tomorrow!) but feel I should. When dp came home he feels that we should go further and say no PC anymore at all?

 

Help me please?! My gut feeling is that I should stick to no PC tomorrow as that's what I said and bear the consequences but that no PC for a very long time is too much and not the punishment I said at the time?

 

Janice (why is everyone cross with me lol - I'm the one who got punched!)

[Cat]

I'm a firm believer in the punishment being in the here and now because by tomorrow your son will feel that he is being punished for something that he did not do. However he hit you and you can not allow him to think that this is acceptable or will go un-punished, and so I think that you must stick to your guns tomorrow and not give in. If this results in more violence then I would extend the ban. Taking the playstation away altogether now that he has it is going to be difficult and you could expect some serious fall out. It's so difficult and I really do know this. My 19 year old son used to eat, drink and sleep games when he was much younger until I had no choice but to make him go cold turkey. However as he got older he began to realise himself that he could become totally obsessed and he started to self regulate and he still does this. It has worked far better than any sanction that I ever tried.

 

I have no idea how old you son is but I wonder if a verbal reminder is enough for him. We used to use a stop watch and alarm clock for our youngest. The stop watch was the first reminder followed by the much louder clock. He would still make a fuss but nearly so much as he did when we just told him.

 

 

Cat (who still get's it wrong and still finds that others who live with her always expect her to get it right)

Edited March 21, 2007 by Cat

[jlp]

Thank you - it's a good point about the punishment being too far away, maybe I should have said no story (it was bedtime so not much to take away)

 

He's 7 and we usually use a 'traffic light' (photo of G - goes from green to amber then red when it's time to come off) - I didn't last night as he was playing on the PC and the traffic light's on the wall next to the PS2, must switch it over now he's PC obsessed!

 

He's woke up quite happy this morning so I'm dreading telling him (it'll be even worse if I remind him after school)! Hopefully this won't continue into a bad day at school.

 

It's not easy is it?!

[Karen A]

Hi We have similar problems with pc with Ben.I think if you have said no pc today then stick to it and try to cope as best you can with the agro.However I would not ban it all together.Your child will only be more angry and will have no reason to try to manage their frustration.

The other thing we think about with regard to sanctions is the impact they have on stress within the family.Hence we would not remove computer/PS2 time all together because that would create more stress and would punish us more than Ben.

I hope you can get through tonight ok.Karen.

[jlp]

Thanks for reassuring me! I feel terribly cruel and wouldn't usually have said no PC, it was just very deliberate the way he punched me and I didn't think, 'no computer tomorrow' just popped out of my mouth!

 

I reminded him this morning and oh we had tears and tantrums and why are we so horrible to him. He really genuinely thinks we are the worst parents in the world.

 

Learning experience from this is - even if we are doing something nice, I must make it crystal clear that he will not be able to spend as long on the computer (although that's likely to make him not want to do anything at all!)

[Cat]

Yep it's a no win situation I am afraid. At the risk of being shot I have to say that one way round the game issue is to make sure that you do other things as well - which clearly you are. If our children are doing other things as well as playing games, then I think that we are doing out best to provide them with other interests. And so what if they still have the same amount of time on their PC? Any other way makes them feel like they are being punished for something they did not do. Does that make sense? I would even maybe be thinking of doing something this evening that he likes to take the edge off the problem. Yes he will probably still kick off but will it last as long? There is making a point and then there is beating yourself with a big stick.

 

Autism means (well in my dictionary) of self and at 7 he has not matured enough to understand that what he wants to do is not always best for him. The issue at the moment is the hitting his Mum bit and that is something that he does need to realise will end in tears for him asap. It's all about shared meanings and understandings and this can be a long time coming with autism. I also look at the fall out for the family before I set the punishment.

 

Good Luck

 

Cat