I forced him to eat an orange - I'm such a bad mummy

[Dummie]

Just come on to vent. And to hopefully receive some words of wisdom and advice at the same time.

 

I had the most stressfull day today. Started at 8am and by 11am I was already wishing it was bedtime.

 

It all started when I gave A his orange. I usually buy small mandarins because 1) he doesn't like using his front teeth to bite into things 2) doesn't like me cutting them in half and 3) likes to put orange segments whole into his mouth. Anyway, the supermarket didn't have any mandarins so I brought the smallest orange I could find. Turns out the segments were quite 'fat' so the only way was to cut them in half really. He had a fit. Screamed and screamed and screamed. I tried everything I could to get him to eat it but he wouldn't. In my mind he was just being naughty and fussy. I just didn't step back to consider his feelings. In the end I forced one into his mouth. I'm so so so sorry.

 

I did give up but he continued to be whingy and upset most of the day.

 

I've been so stressed. He's been waking up lots and lots during the night just screaming. His reaction to everything is to scream. Whether he's happy, fraustrated, angry, sad, excited......he's always scream and it just goes right through me. I really am feeling so tired.

 

How do you cope? I mean, how do you mange to cook tea when he can't be left alone? He's taken to coming into the kitchen and pulling everything out and banging the cupboard doors. I know I could put locks on the doors but if it's not one thing he's going to find something else isn't he? What do you do when he has a melt down because the books he's lined up is not completely straight?

 

I feel so torn. Where do you draw the line on what's being naughty and needing discipline or what's something that is due to his ASD?

 

I hope you're able to make sense of this post. I'm not good at expressing myself.

 

Thank you for reading.

[bluefish]

I have no words of wisdom and wish I knew what was naughty or difficult behaviour with my ds! All I know is I totally understand your frustrations! So many rules are children seem to have about so many things! I wish my ds would eat an orange hasnt had any fruit since he was 2! good luck x

[sesley]

what can i say,food fights very upsetting mine won't try anything new i took him into the supermarket to show him the big pots of yopliat were the same as the smaller pots but more in them ,because he wouldn't eat them went i thought he could do with more amounts, does he have any language skills? at night time he might be having bad dreams,and if he is not getting a good night sleep he and you,must be getting tired and short tempered.also would he respond if you drew big crosses on paper and attached them to the places you don't want him to go?

[krystaltps]

Please don't beat yourself up about this...

I once threw jelly at C!!! - he was only about 3, and we'd had a day (and a night) of it, hubby was offshore and the twinkles had had almost no attention all day. I felt awful afterwards... but C just laughed, thinking it was a great game.

I know how frustrating it is when they fuss over food - C has put us through the mill in that respect. But, like Bluefish said, at least he's willing to eat a mandarin - C never has.

 

As for the kitchen thing - that sounds so like C when he was younger. If he likes lining things up give him some kitchen things to line up. C loved tins. He'd follow me into the kitchen and get all the tins out of the cupboard... and voila - hours of fun! Remember to write on the lids with permanent marker what the contents are, though - hours of rolling along the floor and lining up along the skirting board means the labels tend to come off.

[sueeltringham]

I think we've all done 'bad mummy' things. I refuse food fights/arguments at the table now, but I've been there -honest! One incident springs to mind when I put dried fruit on his weetabix -he screamed as if he was being murdered for hours because you can't have fruit on weetabix!

 

Maybe your son is having teething pain? Ds would have reacted similar to yours at one time. Difficult to provide helpful suggestions, but I allow some ASD behaviours and challenge /channel others, but only if I know I'm likely to win. I try to not let him have his own way all the time and offer rewards and positive encouragement for even little steps forward. If I need to get on with cooking tea, I either let ds have his computer time, or read a book, or limited TV, OR I get him involved in the activity -he's obsessed with chopping mushrooms (not sure why but he has to buy them too) and playing with water, so there's usually something he can do. This activity might only last a few minutes, but I reward the involvement by offering a reward activity. It's a case of thinking what your son likes and building it up step by step, rewarding positive behaviours.

 

Food tasting I find is best challenged away from the table, by trying to get him involved in cooking and buying. We have 'games' of tasting each step of the recipe and this usually goes down well. I'm afraid this sounds like I'm trying to say it's all easy and it's not, I've built some of this up over the last few years. Hope some of this helps,

 

Sue

[Clare63]

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Clare x x x