childcare issues!

[westie]

Hi.

Firstly some brief info on my situation:

 

my hubby now works full time, and when he started I moved to part time work (20hrs). The childminder who looked after my youngest from him being a baby then offered to have my other son too (before have managed with the very few family who can cope with him helping out now and again). I have worked since leaving school (more than 10yrs shall we say - a lady should never tell you her age!!) except when on maternity leave and although I have my off days the people who I work with are nice, and I enjoy getting out and talking to other adults.

 

Anyway my childminder has just given me 2wks notice as she got another job (not childminding). I handed in my notice at work and my boss said not to be so hasty and basically talked to HR and they have offered to give me a month off to try and sort things out and if at the end I can't then I can tell them I am leaving or they may offer me a career break for up to a year. I am well impressed with them (indeed they have been really good before about things relating to my family). Even since I started part time there have been a few times I have had to take unpaid leave as childminder been ill, kids been ill, or to go and sort out stuff at school and I feel quite guilty about this even though no one has said anything to me I am fed up of feeling like this.

 

Now I wondered if anyone has been in similar situation. How would you find a suitable minder (bearing in mind eldest with PDA can be difficult and has a history of being aggressive to other children, although less so nowadays he is still difficult to handle especially after a bad day at school)

Alternatively, I have recognised for a long time that I may be better off at home, especially as 2 of them now need a lot of support, but I fear for my sanity and am scared about being at home all the time as I get quite isolated......

 

Think financially we can manage as long as my hubby does not decide on another career change... I think I am a bit reluctant as well to give up my stable job and financial independence (I do not mean I keep all money to myself, but just that I am also contributing too and not reliant on someone else)

 

And as youngest will start school in Sept, then will be full time next year perhaps I should be at home and then look at options at that point when I will have free time at least in the school term time?? I could think about renegotiating hours to fit in with school at my current employers or look at something that fits better in school time like lab technician in a school or TA?)

 

Any advice or opinions will be appreciated!

Thanks

Westie

[mossgrove]

We have four children, two with ASD's and we took the expensive option and employ a nanny three days a week. It negates the financial advantage of my wife working but helps us all to maintain sanity. We 'poached' our Nanny from the after school club at a local mainstream school when we heard she was looking for a change.

 

I would definitely consider the career break rather than resigning, as you don't really lose anything by doing it and it will give you more options in the future.

 

If you get DLA for your son you can also apply for carers allowance (around �200 a month) and you will almost certainly get more tax credits unless your husband earns over 60k a a year , add that to the fact you will no longer be paying childcare and you may find the cost implication of giving up work is minimal. We would be �200 a month BETTER off if my wife gave up work.

 

I think you need to coinsider what will work for you and your children. If Isolation is a worry for you then you may find you do not cope well with giving up work completely. I know several mothers of Autistic children who have gone back to some form of work for this reason. Given finance is unlikely to be the deciding factor you could also consider doing a course such as a degree as that will have the advantage of being term time only. For similar reasons you might consider acting as a 1:1 for a child with special needs in a school.

 

Apologies if this has truned into a bit of a ramble, but it is important to decide what will work for you, and then find a way to make it happen.

 

 

Simon

[westie]

Simon

 

Thanks for your advice, you have made some good points and given me some things to think about. I am glad my employer has given me some breathing space, and some further options other than resigning too so that I can think about it properly and explore all the options.

 

I suppose knowing your nanny from the after school club was reassuring for you. My childminder had looked after the youngest from about 6mths so she knew my eldest son for a while before she started looking after him (and vice versa).

 

Last night I was speaking to another mum of a PDA child (we meet up once a month for a curry, along with other parents of PDA/ASD children) and she gave me some useful info. about after school clubs and extra funding they can apply for with special needs kids. Her son has gone to these some days in holidays and because they are not being told what to all the time and there are lots of activities he has done really well and enjoyed it, so this is something I am going to look at.

[shamu]

I don't have any answers, I'm afraid, but I'm totally sympathetic to your situation. I have been signed off sick for a year now, and in that time have moved house and so lost the childminder who had looked after DS since he was 9 months. I have tried to find alternative childcare with little luck but there are options out there. You may want to try asking your current childminder if she knows of anyone in the local childminding network who would be interested in working with your family or you could go down the nanny route. There are a lot of good nannies and childminders out there, both special needs and otherwise, and if your current employers are being sympathetic now that's going to really help.

 

Re:the isolation, I would be even more inclined to try and keep working, even if you reduce your hours. Whilst I didn't love every minute of my work, or a lot of aspects of it, I really miss the adult company and the chance to do what I've spent 15 years of my life training to do. As the months go by, my confidence is disappearing and I can't even imagine how I'd fare in an interview now, having been out of work for nearly 2 years. So even if it's one morning a week, think about discussing things with your employers and keeping an open mind.

 

Sorry I can't be of a lot more help

 

Shamu

Edited April 18, 2008 by shamu

[westie]

Hi Shamu and thanks for your reply, its much appreciated. I can relate to your comments and I have a real fear about how I would be all day at home (although not having to stress about hospital appointments etc, getting time off to do the earlybird course in Sept. will be welcome!) I think I am going to speak to my boss again to ask more about the career break. Then at least I could go back if it is getting too much !

 

Getting back to work after a break (whether chosen or a necessity because of illness/carig for someone or other) can be a big issue and the childcare issues must make it even more complicated.My friend left work for health reasons a couple of years ago and she is now looking round and its not easy. Another thing for me to think about when I am considering what to do.

 

Thanks again!

[westie]

I have made my decision and am not going back to work (yesterday was childminders last day as she starts her new job next week). I was at work for last day after being off with eldest having shingles and school sending him home.

 

I have been thinking about it all the time -what should I do? what will be best? and its making me even more stressed than I was before childminder handed her notice in the other week!!! I can't live with thinking about choices for another month, although they said I could take the time to sort something out. I am pretty sure I am making the best choice right now and at least if I have made a choice I can start planning finances, how to stop myself going insane and not wanting to go out or speak to anyone (I am having days where I feel like that which is not good)

 

Although I will miss the people I work with my kids need me at home and this way I do not have to stress about trying to split myself in two when work/childcare/medical appointments/illness all clash.....

 

In my contract I have to give 3 months notice, but actually gave a bit less than 2 weeks but what can I do? Its not like I am moving to another job, I have no one to look after the kids. I am sure they will be understanding though. My boss seemed to be when I gave her the letter saying I was leaving to look after them.... waiting for them to contact me as not had chance to see my dept. manager with being off with eldest, and boss was busy most of yesterday. Plus I was on verge of tears all day and could hardly speak to anyone. Most of people did not know I was going as it all happened so quick, and I could not talk about it without getting over emotional..

 

Anyway if I am posting loads on here now you know why!!!!!!

 

Thanks to everyone who posted a reply, I really appreciate it

[pearl]

I'm past the stage of needing a childminder thankfully, but work kept me sane, I'd take the break & try & sort something out. You have to think long term as well as short but I know it isnt easy. We never found a childminder willing to take JP on, mum grudgingly helped for a bit, then when she was only 12, S took on the job, I paid her, it was probs illegal but she was 12 going on 30 & it was only after school. We all muddle through the best way we can, hope you sort something out <'>