How do I explain to ds that he needs help?

[dana]

Hi,

he keeps asking me why he needs to see SALT for comunication and social skills development. He says that he knows how to make friends (and hasnt got any) .He is in denial. I got vouchers from CEREBRA and found the SALT who deals with comunication and social skills difficulties in ASD . She will assess my son and help him with a few secions (as long as £500 vouchers last). However, my son asked me why? and I have to convince him to accept her help

He has been recently refered to the paediatritian . How on earth I would manage to take him to all these assesments without haveing constantly to explain to him over and over again why he needs help? It is annoying because I dont want to sound too negative and distroy his confidance and self esteem by telling him how bad skills he has.. I went along these lines "to be even better in socialising" but it doesn seem to be workin. The same is with Sensory Circuits he attends at school and each day I have to convince him that he needs it because of his coordination problems. I am so happy that he has those circuits and that I found SALT (using vouchers,for free!thanks to you, nice people from this forum!) and my son is becoming more and more relactant to get help

 

Danaxxx

Edited July 3, 2009 by dana

[Mandapanda]

Hi Dana

 

I have similar problem with my youngest son. He is determined to sort out his anxieties by himself. He is making progress but it is very erratic and slow. If only he would come to CAMHS with me and get the help they are offering but are about to withdraw because he won't go there.

 

It is very frustrating, and I agree about not wanting to be negative and destroy his confidence/self-esteem. My son's self-esteem dwindled to nothing and it is hard building it up again.

 

Sorry I can't offer any suggestions, but wish you well.

 

[dana]

Thank you, Mandapanda. We really need a lot of luck since we are just in the beginning of dx and statementing.

I wish you well too.

Danaxxx

Edited July 9, 2009 by dana

[Diane]

If your child will not go to CAMHS try asking for them to do a home visit.

Edited July 9, 2009 by Diane

[Sally44]

Have you tried a Social Story explaining that everybody needs help sometimes. And that when we accept help it can teach us to do things better.

I must admit that my son also doesn't want to accept any kind of help. He usually says he is okay and can do it and doesn't need help. Then he tries it, fails, and throws a tantrum. I think that in his head when he thinks about it it seems quite simple and straightforward. Then when he actually has to attempt it he finds that it isn't so straightforward, or it is slightly different this time. Then he can be very judgemental on himself.

Some things I just don't tell them what they are. For example he went to Play Therapy for 18 months and was told it was a play club. I know that becomes harder when they get older and have something like Social Skills Club on their timetable!

My son also would not ask for help at school etc for a long time. But we found out that it was because he did not know how to ask for help and he was anxious about what asking for help would involve. Now that he is very clear about how to ask for help and what asking for help will mean, he is happier to do it. So it might be the 'unpredictable outcome' that is worrying him and if the whole process was explained from start to finish then he might be more willing to give it a go. In most situations, I have found that when things are fully explained to my son from the start to finish and he knows how long it will take and how much he will have to do, then he will comply. We automatically know what CAHMS, or SALT or a Social Skills Club might involve. For those with language/social communication problems along with lack of flexibility of thought or difficulties predicting what might happen - all those things are really a step into the dark for them and would cause any of us (if we had the same type of difficulties) to automatically try to avoid them.

Consistency of staff is always important. So just getting the child to meet the person (CAHMS/SALT etc) is a big step and most are willing to do that in the child's own home initially and to do some things together to build trust and confidence. And it is worth asking for because these are typically difficult areas for those on the spectrum.

[dana]

Thank you all for your replies.

 

Danaxxx

Edited July 11, 2009 by dana

[call me jaded]

"I'm trying to be a better parent and want to see if they can help me"?

 

Not untrue, really.

[dana]

Thanks ,Jaded.

I told my ds that the SALT will help him how to deal with those difficult children and how to befriend the girls ( he is still talking about the same girl who he has been obsesed with ). It seems to me that this tactic is working at the moment. We'll see.

 

Danaxxx