It is what it is...

[szxmum]

Over the last week, it feels as if we have made some big steps to accepting ds Asperger's dx.

 

We have a healthy, happy, "different" 17 year old who is still the same loving, funny, wonderful person that he has always been . He is now happy as well because he is no longer anxious all the time :thumbs:

 

It is sad though because our acceptance of our now "different" lives is not shared with family and friends and this has led to a combination of us withdrawing from them and them avoiding us.

 

Our acceptance is so new and fragile that I do not want to discuss or defend our "new" lives or our son being "different". Our decisions are not up for discussion and it is what it is.

 

Just wanted to share .

[Kathryn]

I know what you mean. <'>

 

I hope your family/friends catch up sooner or later and start to see things the same way. Some of them probably will, eventually.

 

Thanks for sharing.

 

K x

[Sally44]

When I got the diagnosis for my son I did spend alot of time (probably up to around a year) just grieving for the child I thought I had. I had to give up all the expected things that I had so automatically assumed with my first child and realise that child number two was different. There was no manual for how the future would be. I just felt a huge sense of loss. However throughout the whole process my son had remained the same. The only thing that had had to change was my perception. He wasn't ill or going to die. He was just different. But although I knew that in my head I still had to grieve for the future I thought he would have. He is absolutely brilliant how he is. But it is painful to have to deal with it as a parent. I'm sure we would all sacrifice anything for our children's lives to be happy and 'easy'. And it is the 'not knowing' with a SEN child that I find so hard to deal with. Eventhough there are no guarantees with an NT child of a happy and successful future - you only have to deal with any problems as they arise. With an SEN child you are always thinking of the future.

Anyway, I just know what you mean. It is a kind of surrender to the situation. But once you've surrendered the 'expected', the truth of the matter is that your child is still just as capable of amazing you, and surely will do.

Sorry to hear family are trailing behind. But it takes time. My mum used to give me lectures about consistent discipline - until it finally dawned on her that even with the consistent discipline he was still capable of some horrendous tantrums. My mum just assumed that I had always given in to him. When that was never the case. But they have to experience it for themselves to really begin to understand it.

[BillyX]

Wow, I am very happy and so sad for you at the same time szxmum. Your family will come back I am sure, maybe one at a time, when one them copes with the idea then another might learn to accept. I like to hear mum`s celebrating thier own achievment of coming to terms with mental illness .........(or whichever term you wish to use its all words to me) Thats REAL progress, well done, give yourself a pat on the back from me!

 

We would not ALL sacrifice anything for our children to be NT. I am having real problems about parents grieving for "a child`s life that is not!?"" or something like that. True acceptance that a tree is a tree and a mouse is a mouse, EVERY child is different, look forward to the "special gift" of closeness that your child will give you. Not all parents get to experience this, I would grieve for them.

 

Adult Autistic ( me, not you )

Edited July 24, 2009 by BillyX