Hello to Everyone - Newbie

[Seebazz]

Hi to everyone, I am a 37 year old male down in the SW, self Dx, and currently seeking a formal diagnosis, I happened across Aspergers if you like after my 12 yr old son was diagnosed with ADHD and after one or two issues with behaviour, medication etc, it was suggested he may have Aspergers as well, obviously that led me to research this and started to notice things in symptoms quoted and from things people were saying that touched a chord with me, I have always felt a little out of place as far as people are concerned, I am not a great social talker, will avoid parties etc at virtually any cost, find it so hard to make eye contact with people that when I do I find i am concentrating so hard on making eye contact I start to miss what the conversation about.

As a result of my social awkwardness I dont really have any actual friends of my own, if you like Ihave kind of latched onto my wife friends.

I work full time, and can focus for hours doing what I do without a break or talking to anyone, no doubt I am considered aloof or rude and notice that after being at my place of work for over 9 years I can count the number of people who will talk to me with one hand, but I cant bring myself no matter how hard i try to be any different, oftem left with a feeling of real loneliness, despite being surrounded by people.

Anyway after much research into Aspergers I contacted NAS and others and spoke at length about how I was feeling etc, I have done the AQ test (a few times) and always got a score of 42.

I think the best part of Aspergers for me, is finally making sense of why i am the person I am, why I always felt like I did not fit in, why I feel like my head is spinning if i go to a shopping centre or anywhere too busy and how it may help with my son and my other children should they start to show signs, the hard part is getting people to understand me a little without thinking I am a freak or anything, as it is I also have developed bone disease in the last couple of years which is affecting my lower limb joint mobility problem, and have been on anti-depressants but am coping without them at the moment, as I am focussing on things like rowing and history.....as well as my family.

I would be interested in how people have got on in South Devon in getting a diagnosis.

Well I wont ramble on too long, and wish you all a great rest of the weekend.

 

Matt

[Tally]

Hi Matt, and welcome to the forum,

 

I am 28, recently diagnosed with Asperger's. I was living in (Mid) Devon at the time and when I looked for people qualified to diagnose AS in adults, the NAS were able to tell me of only three in the entire south west. The nearest NHS diagnostician was in Croydon! In the end I was not allowed an assessment on the NHS anyway and had to pay to go private.

 

When I first came to understand Asperger's, I felt much the way you do - it brought a great sense of relief as I came to understand the cause of my difficulties.

 

It can be difficult getting a formal diagnosis as an adult. You need to consider whether it would be worthwhile. There is very little formal support available for adults diagnosed with AS anyway.

 

WHat you can do is learn as much about Asperger's as possible and come to understand yourself better, speak with other adults with AS and get ideas for coping mechanisms. Knowing about AS might also help those around you understand you better, which could be important if there are issues which need to be overcome. However, you do not need a formal diagnosis to do these things.

 

I have very few friends of my own either. I also latched onto my ex's friends, but lost them all when the relationship ended. I really struggle with eye contact, but have always watched people's mouths when they are speaking. People have often commented that I make really good eye contact, yet I do not. If you can at least look at people's faces, they often feel you are making eye contact. I have found that first impressions are really important, so if you can make a really big effort to make a good first impression when you meet a new person, they often cut you a bit more slack later on in the relationship.

 

Is your work situation a problem to you, or are you happy with not having any friends there?

[Seebazz]

Hi Tally,

Thank you for replying to my post, its funny you saying about looking at peoples mouths when they talk, as that is usually what I do....... i know a lot about teeth as a result.

 

I dont usually find work a problem...i think!!, i do often feel as though I am left out of conversations or my opinion is not sought or thought relevant, I feel awkward as it is as my mobility problem means I am currently using a crutch, so i feel like I stick out like a sore thumb in general.

 

Often i can be in a world of my own, doing what i need to do, in my usual routine way, I like to ensure I plan things carefully, shopping, finances that sort of thing.

 

I am learning as much as I can about aspergers for my whole families benefit, I am currently studying the link between ASD's and auto=immune conditions and arthritis etc

 

Do you ever find you get really anxious about things others may consider trivial, for instance arriving at places with plenty of time to spare, but get really uptight if i think i will be late.

My car especially is an endless source of anxiety.......and dont ask about locking the front door.

 

Anyway i realise its probably going to be hard to get a formal diagnosis, though my GP says she will do all she can.

 

Once again thanks for welcoming me to the forum

 

Matt

[dee23]

Hi Matt

 

My partner is 34 and currently seeking assessment for AS. Like you, he has been learning about AS, throughout this year, and is now beginning to come to terms with the possibility. He too saw so much of himself, when reading lists of traits and reading peoples stories etc. He described it as a chink of light in his life for the first time. There is a real change starting to show in him now; he struggled at first, and felt like a "fraud" for not having a dx, but now he is starting to accept it, and learning coping strategies and recognising his behaviour.

 

He is lucky enough to have a sympathetic GP, as you also seem to, who is currently trying to arrange a refferal for him. Diagnosis has always been very important to him. He feels his behaviour has damaged relationships in the past, both personal and professional, and i think he would feel able to forgive himself some of this if he had a diagnosis. Also, to perhaps explain himself better to some people. He doesn't feel able to do that very much without a formal dx, although i don't know whether that will change with time. He has also been on and off anti-depressants for some years, also other meds such as mood stabilisers, although is coping without at present. Anxiety has always been one of the biggest difficulties he has faced in life, he has a book, called Aspergers and Anxiety by Nick Dubin, that i think has helped him (from Amazon). Tony Attwoods Complete Guide to Aspergers has also been an enormous help, for both of us.

 

We are in the south west too, although further north than you, in North Somerset. If i come across anything local to you that might be of interest/help i will let you know.

 

It is nice to "meet" you on the forum, and wonderful to hear you are finally finding some understanding of yourself. Best of luck to you and your family.

 

D

[Seebazz]

Hi Dee,

 

Thank you for your reply and nice to "meet" you too, reading about your almost seems like a mirror image of myself, and now I have discovered Aspergers I am kind of reassesing how I dealt with events and situations in the past, especially when I was at school and how I perhaps could have dealt with them better, I found secondary school especially a particularly lonely experience and I think it was only reaslly the fact iwas quite good at football that stopped me being picked on more than I did.

 

I must admit it does feel uncanny when you read bout other people with Aspergers and note the similarities with yourself and finally realise that you were not so different after all, as to me I have always felt a bit of a freak, not able to mix with people, forget things if someone asks me to perform something whilst they are there, but will do it in an instant as soon as they have gone, struggle to keep up a conversation and then finding out later that i have said something that may have appeared impolite, not rude or anything like that but could be taken the wrong way.

I often feel sorry for my wife as I feel my social ineptitude means I am a bit of an embarassment to her and she then has to explain why.

 

I have tried to stay off anti depressants for the last year or so, partly because I was not sure if they were working, but reading about Endorphins released in exercise and the positive effect they have on stress and depression, i focus on my rowing machine and walking, I have to try and stay positive and active in any case because of my leg mobility problems.

 

I will look out for the books you quoted, i will give Amazon a look.

 

All the very best

 

Matt