Sabrina

[sf-313]

I'd like to tell a little story...

 

When I was younger, say 8, my peers would always say immature (I mean that!) lines such as "I love myself!". ...For some reason, I didn't. Even in Junior School, I would have received an A* grade in GCSE Pessimism. Slowly, things got worse. There were times in which no-one liked me.

 

Such days may be over, but some of the effects remain, including the excess pessimistic attitude I have. But one area I've only recently started exploring (besides when studying Jekyll and Hyde at GCSE) is that I always used to believe that I had at least two further presences in my head, along the lines of schizophenia (or Multiple Personality Disorder, given the multiple personalities[!]). One of these 'personalities' seems to reflect my emotions and my morals. I am extremely sensitive and my morals are said to be more acute that those of your average Jehovah's Witness (honestly); for instance I have never sworn or used any substance of any kind, even legal ones. This personality is like an imaginary friend to me; a young female friend aged about 10 whom I've 'affectionately' called Sabrina (after a character in the Pokémon series).

 

I know not why my emotions are so different, or why I dislike so many common attitudes and behaviours (especially those common around my age).

 

[End of Story]

 

Does anyone else ever feel like this, and - regardless of that answer - what should I do? I feel comfortable in this position, but I can't guarantee that said comfort will remain the same for the rest of my life.

[Mandapanda]

I'd like to tell a little story...

 

When I was younger, say 8, my peers would always say immature (I mean that!) lines such as "I love myself!". ...For some reason, I didn't. Even in Junior School, I would have received an A* grade in GCSE Pessimism. Slowly, things got worse. There were times in which no-one liked me.

 

Such days may be over, but some of the effects remain, including the excess pessimistic attitude I have. But one area I've only recently started exploring (besides when studying Jekyll and Hyde at GCSE) is that I always used to believe that I had at least two further presences in my head, along the lines of schizophenia (or Multiple Personality Disorder, given the multiple personalities[!]). One of these 'personalities' seems to reflect my emotions and my morals. I am extremely sensitive and my morals are said to be more acute that those of your average Jehovah's Witness (honestly); for instance I have never sworn or used any substance of any kind, even legal ones. This personality is like an imaginary friend to me; a young female friend aged about 10 whom I've 'affectionately' called Sabrina (after a character in the Pokémon series).

 

I know not why my emotions are so different, or why I dislike so many common attitudes and behaviours (especially those common around my age).

 

[End of Story]

 

Does anyone else ever feel like this, and - regardless of that answer - what should I do? I feel comfortable in this position, but I can't guarantee that said comfort will remain the same for the rest of my life.

 

Hi

 

Are you diagnosed with anything (?AS?). My eldest son who has Asperger's has things in 'boxes' in his mind. To me, what you're describing could be a version of these 'boxes'. I was very 'moralistic' when younger, although this has relaxed considerably over the years due to constant exposure to less moral people! There is nothing wrong with this, but if you are very pedantic and cannot keep your thoughts/opinions to yourself you are likely to upset someone and get a negative response. I think it may be quite common for people to feel younger inside. Older people often say "I feel like I'm still 21", or something similar.

 

Why is "loving yourself" immature? Did no-one really like you or could that have been your perception?

 

As for what to do, have you spoken to your doctor about your feelings? They could refer you for an assessment of your mental health.

 

Best wishes

[sf-313]

These "boxes" are an interesting concept. I can honestly say that I had not thought of such an idea, but it would seem to fit. The problem is that, this emotional side of me aside, I actually feel older than my real age (20; feels closer to 40). I do have AS, or possibly something "stronger" (I do hope not, because that's too much work given how hard geting an AS dx was!).

 

Back home, in Southend, I saw an early-invervention psychiatrist between mid-2007 and shortly before I came to Bath (which was two months ago). Sabrina is like a hidden side to me, one that I revealed to only him before leaving home (I have revealed it several times since). I do have a tendency to be pedantic, but thus far it as not been an issue. The key in my opinion is to not allow her to "run around" in the wrong situation, such as visiting home (not that I've actually done that or plan to any time soon).

 

I guess that because so many outside of the ASD world do not understand the workings of an ASD person, we can sometimes feel that our best friend is an imaginary one. But that does not mean that we must love ourselves. It may not be immature, but my experience suggests that once puberty kicks in this belief is lost. I do not know wy I have never felt that way. Sometimes I am my own greatest enemy. I can have arguments (silent ones, fortunately!) with myself. These can sometimes be as much as five-way debates.

 

Anyway, I've gone on for long enough. Thank you for your kind support; similarly, I would appreciate any other advice or experience others are willing to share.

 

Scott

[carly]

I understand where you are coming from. When i was a child i used to pretend to be different people, I would make them up and write storys about them, then be them. One was a girl called natasha, i think i did this because she had no worrys like i thought i had. I always wished i had an older sister, and natasha had an older sister.

I also had an obsession with cats and used to be our family cat i would pretend to be a cat for hours. I think back then most people thought i had an active imagination.

 

Now i am older, i dont pretend to be different people but i do seem to act differently in different situations and around different people. Sometimes i am someone who is strong and mature, other times i find it comfortable to be almost childlike. The main thing is i am still me, just expressing different parts of my personality.

I do still daydream and become differnt people within my daydreams though. This i find comforting.

 

I dont have multiple personality disorder, apparently this is one trait of aspergers which i have got. it sounds to me like you could just have aspergers, no personality disorder, you will find sabrina a comfort for as long as you need to, when you feel you dont need her she wont be there anymore.

That is just my opinion based on my own experiences i hope it helps.