Depression question/s

[dekaspace]

Basically have always been low but just assumed it was due to terrible bullying as a kid where I had my arm broken twice and was physically choked quite a few times.

 

I never fully recoverd but went from being so quiet I wouldnt respond to anything as a teenager to in my late teens and up till 22 being confident enough to start getting female attention and enjoying things to the pount I finally started going clubbing and feeling as if I fit in at least a little.

 

Then a family member was killed and my life changed from diet and sleep patterns but I dont know if also it was due to the fact that when I was 24 I moved away and got my first flat and internet connection so pc and internet dominated my life as it affected my sleep pattern.

 

I generally get some of my energy and spark back after a holiday but within a few days I get back to "normal" which is low similar I get a new type of energy whenever I move though at same time I feel sick as not used to place yet.

 

For the few days after I go on holiday I can wake up early, walk up town, play videos etc and all feel good and even my sleep pattern is fine but then something happens within or out of my control that changes it.

 

The reason why I talk about depression in this sense as came back from a weeks holiday Saturday, felt amazing till Wednesday when my student housemate got drunk and was taking powerful illegal drugs that affected my concentration since all I could hear was banging about, slammed doors, yelling, and music so loud that my floor and door and windows were rattling and he has done it every night since so it cuts into my personal time as I cant just go to bathroom as theres someone in there, the fridge is full of cans of alcohol, loads of pizza boxes spread out and I cant relax or sleep or anything.

 

I dont know how to control myself to handle the good and bad feelings because like anything right now I cant mix feelings and go one way or another, i.e I can eat healthily for a week or 10 days then one night slip up then thats me slipped up for ages and I eat take aways most nights for 10 days, then I go to supermarket one day and get loads of reduced stuff so live off that for a few days.

 

Same for movies, tv, gaming, gym etc I can watch a movie and love it, then put another on then stop for 5-10 minutes say to go to bathroom or cook dinner and I lose interest, same for games, I used to be a major games player till 2-3 years ago, offline games till 4 years ago then online games till 2 years ago where I played them all the time but these days I can go months without playing any of them then one night play a game for hours, then hours next night, hours next then it takes just one day to have a different routine that I stop playing as if I try to I find them boring.

 

I dont think its that I find the actions boring its just I have a thing about routine due to depression I think

 

Any thoughts?

[Tally]

I think that you are under a lot of stress at the moment due to your living situation. It's going to be really hard to tell how that is affecting you, and how much is other things. Maybe you need to see how you get on once you move and settle into your new place.

[Suze]

Jeez....I could,nt live with someone like that either...no wonder its doing you in .I would set up a workable routine for yourself that you can follow all the time and not deviate from.For example I get up at the same time every day and go to bed at the same time (unless I have been out for an evening somewhere which does,nt happen often)I always get up at 7.00 every day and am in bed at 10.00, and then I,ll read for a bit maybe.Maybe something similar would help you.Pick something workable that you can slot your life into.I also do my shopping on the same day every week , and go to the gym at set times aswell.Infact I love a proper set -up routine as I otherwise I,m running around trying to fit every thing in.When stressed I get very anxious and suffer OCD so a routine helps me lots .