The DDA in school

[BuntyB]

i've been getting worked up about what was said in school. Part of me thinks I am justified in being really mad about this, but a couple of people think I am being unreasonable. I'd appreciate a second (or 3rd and 4th! opinion)

 

DD is 14. She moved to a new school in September. She likes the school, the teachers etc but is having a really horrible time being bullied, or being percieved of being bullied. DD reports people making unkind comments about her appearance, name calling, tripping her in corridors and being hit on the head witha water bottle. SENCO says this sort of thing happens a lot and is part of 'normal' school.

 

I don't have a complaint about the SENCO; she's acted very caring and has offered DD a number of options which involve DD showing a card to leave the class to sit in her room, working in her room and/ or leaving 5 minutes early to avoid the chaotic corridor. DD declined all of these. She says using a card emphasises her difference and would make things worse. When she sits in the SENCO's room, she feels she is being excluded and punished for something which isn't her fault- it's like a detention.

 

The SENCOs opinion is that DD will have to get used to the school environment. Lots of kids use the card (1 in 4 has SEN) because the corridors are noisy and chaotic, but she will have to deal with this sort of thing in supermarkets etc and it's up to them to teach her the skills to be able to cope. Actually DD has developed skills to cope with supermarkets. It isn't the noise or the chaos, it's the fact that she is bullied, or feel she is bullied, when teachers aren't there or don't notice because of the chaos.

 

When I was at school, we were expected to walk sensibly on the left of the corriordor in an orderly fashion. We were taught that you don't torment people because they differ from you. She says that it isn't possible to change the culture in the school and DD must develop coping mechanisms.

 

Is it just me, or are they expected the child to make the adjustments, not the school?!

I think if so many children have a problem with the corridors, why can't children be asked to respect that to make it easier for them? If she was being called names because she was black, would they say we can't change the culture and she ought to get used to it?

DD is despairing that nobody can do anything just to let her get on with her work in peace, like everyone else.

 

Any comments anyone?

[Karen A]

Hi.

 

I think the things you describe cross the line as regards what is acceptable as part of normal school life.As a parent with an NT son who is 14 I would consider name calling,tripping and being hit on the head with water bottles to be bullying.If the SENCO thinks this is part of normal school life perhaps the BOG need to think about whether low level bullying,disorganization and a general tolerance of disruptive behaviour is how they would like their ''normal school'' to be portrayed.

 

As I see it there are two options.Such low level anti-social behaviour is seen as normal for everyone which is not acceptable but is a whole school issue.Alternatively low level anti-social behaviour is being directed at pupils who are vulnerable which is also a whole school issue but worse than the first.

 

Perhaps name calling could be perceived as bullying by a person with AS and not be.However in our case the name calling has ben ''nerd,geek,spaz and questions about whether '' I have one of those blue badges ..the ones for [insert plain abusive term for disabled people] on my car when I pick Ben up.'' It is difficult to see how Ben could view these as anything other than verbal abuse.

In any case being tripped and having water bottles thrown at one are difficult to interpret as anything other than bullying.Unless perhaps your daughter trips over every-one's feet.

 

I would personally not regard this as DDA issue which invites the school to suggest that your daughter needs to change.

ACE have some excellent information on bullying.If you follow the advice given it is more thorough than anything I can outline.

The LA may also have information on bullying and bullying of people with SEN it may well be worth obtaining both.

Also request a copy of the school behaviour policy and anti-bullying policy.

I have posted on a different thread this morning about whole school issues which might impact pupils with SEN..The reality is that whole school issues may impact pupils with SEN disproportionaltely.However where the whole school issues are at a level where any parent might reasonably be expected to be concerned the answer is not in my opinion to expect pupils with SEN to work even harder to cope than the majority.

 

Would the school really want prospective parents to visit on prospective year 7/transition open day and see chaotic corridoors,verbal abuse etc and expect them to send their children there ?

Why are loads of pupils having to leave lessons early because corridors are chaotic ?

What reasonable adjustments would school make to enable your daughter to cope with being hit on the head by water bottles....a crash helmet perhaps.

 

http://www.ace-ed.org.uk/advice-about-education-for-parents/advice-booklets-and-briefings/tackling-bullying

See download on this page.

 

An 11 year old pupil died following an incident at my boys school recently.While the Health and Safety executive have said that there is no case to answer the case might well act as a wake up call for any school that thinks that health and safety in corridoors is an issue to be taken as a trivial matter.

 

 

Karen.

Edited November 7, 2010 by Karen A

[coolblue]

 

 

.... but she will have to deal with this sort of thing in supermarkets etc and it's up to them to teach her the skills to be able to cope.

 

 

 

Yeah, right, whenever I go to the supermarket, I get called names, tripped up and hit on the head. Quite normal. Don't know what the problem is.

 

When I was at school there was hardly ever a time when we weren't supervised. At primary school it by was teachers and at secondary school it was by prefects until we were 16 and then we became prefects ourselves. There was no vandalism, no smoking in the toilets and no bullying. Wonder why.

 

I've lost count of the number of times I've been told school is to prepare my children for 'real life'. I'm still at a loss to work out where schools expect children to end up. At the risk of making a sweeping generalisation, I suspect that for many teachers school, however it manifests itself is 'real life'.

 

In a large group of kids, you are going to get the odd incident, but any more than that and it looks to me that the school has some expectations of normal behaviour that I suspect they would find difficult to justify in an adult workplace.

 

cb

[Karen A]

Yeah, right, whenever I go to the supermarket, I get called names, tripped up and hit on the head. Quite normal. Don't know what the problem is

 

You must live in East London with us then.......

[Tally]

I think the difficulty you will have is that the school have offered solutions, but your daughter has declined the option to try them out. Unless you can demonstrate that they are inappropriate by trying them out, I think you will have a hard time claiming that the school are not attempting to make adjustments.

 

Name calling, tripping, etc in the corridor is obviously completely unreasonable, but it's unlikely that other pupils in the school are singling out your daughter for this treatment as most pupils in the school won't even know who she is. It's certainly an issue the school should address and I can understand why your daughter perceives it as bullying, but it does seem unlikely that your daughter is singled out as a target for this kind of behaviour.

[Karen A]

I think the difficulty you will have is that the school have offered solutions, but your daughter has declined the option to try them out. Unless you can demonstrate that they are inappropriate by trying them out, I think you will have a hard time claiming that the school are not attempting to make adjustments.

 

Name calling, tripping, etc in the corridor is obviously completely unreasonable, but it's unlikely that other pupils in the school are singling out your daughter for this treatment as most pupils in the school won't even know who she is. It's certainly an issue the school should address and I can understand why your daughter perceives it as bullying, but it does seem unlikely that your daughter is singled out as a target for this kind of behaviour.

 

Hi.You could be right.However both of my lads have been subjected to bullying in the past.I would say it does not need to be most pupils in the school to create a problem.Last time [the incident of severe verabal abuse described earlier]

 

Perhaps name calling could be perceived as bullying by a person with AS and not be.However in our case the name calling has ben ''nerd,geek,spaz and questions about whether '' I have one of those blue badges ..the ones for [insert plain abusive term for disabled people] on my car when I pick Ben up.'' It is difficult to see how Ben could view these as anything other than verbal abuse.

 

the individual in question was one pupil who had been transfered into the school and been there one day,furthermore some of the things he said are not even included here because they would be moderated by yourself.

 

 

Karen.

Edited November 7, 2010 by Karen A

[Tally]

Karen, the incident you have described was quite clearly directed at Ben by someone who knew him - enough to single him out at least. So I would agree that this is bullying.

 

However, what is happening with Shona's daughter seems to be general poor behaviour rather her being deliberately targeted by a particular person. My argument was that it was something other than bullying. I'm certainly not saying it's OK or that Shona's daughter should not be upset by it - it clearly is unreasonable behaviour and very upsetting.

[Kathryn]

Name calling and unkind comments directed at your daughter etc. are bullying and need to be dealt with, it's not acceptable to say they are just part of the culture and leave it at that.

 

Other issues may be the result of the environment, e.g crowded corridors and the pushing, tripping which may result from that and may not be deliberate. The school has a duty to make reasonable adjustments, as Tally says, they have offered these, and it's difficult to see what more they can do about that situation. I agree about walking sensibly in an orderly fashion - gone are those days I fear.

 

I did do teaching practice in one excellent girls school which had 10 minutes between each lesson. It was a compact school and this gave everyone a leisurely amount of time to get from one place to another and pupil traffic was very civilised.

 

 

K x

[coolblue]

Karen, the incident you have described was quite clearly directed at Ben by someone who knew him - enough to single him out at least. So I would agree that this is bullying.

 

However, what is happening with Shona's daughter seems to be general poor behaviour rather her being deliberately targeted by a particular person. My argument was that it was something other than bullying. I'm certainly not saying it's OK or that Shona's daughter should not be upset by it - it clearly is unreasonable behaviour and very upsetting.

 

 

I see the distinction you are trying to make, Tally, and you might be right, that Shona's daughter might not be being 'bullied'. But surely we don't have an education system that thinks it's OK for people to be called names, tripped up and hit on the head as long as it's nothing personal - do we?

 

cb

[Karen A]

Karen, the incident you have described was quite clearly directed at Ben by someone who knew him - enough to single him out at least. So I would agree that this is bullying.

 

However, what is happening with Shona's daughter seems to be general poor behaviour rather her being deliberately targeted by a particular person. My argument was that it was something other than bullying. I'm certainly not saying it's OK or that Shona's daughter should not be upset by it - it clearly is unreasonable behaviour and very upsetting.

 

 

It is easier to cut and paste a response I have already posted on another thread today following up a post I also made yesterday.

 

.

I made a complaint to a teacher about an issue to do with homework on Friday and was very unhappy at the time.

She talked to Ben today and was apparently very worried....only for Ben to reasure her that she really should not worry because mam was just overreacting.So perhaps take a leaf out of Ben's book and don't take me too seriously.

 

Off topic but as way of explanation. Due to events in the last few weeks and having spent significant time in the last week explaining to various people that we are happy with our own children's school I am perhaps overreacting a bit.

I hope that a more level headed Karen will make an appearance very soon.

 

Karen.

[Karen A]

Hi.

 

As there appears to be some confusion here about what might be bullying and what might be difficulties with perhaps too many people using a building that is not ideal...[.which the school can probably do little about.]it may be worth keeping a detailed record for a few days or a week or two using the ideas ACE suggest.

 

This should give you some idea of whether the incidents described are part of coping with a busy school or whether there is a pattern involving specific people or times of day.

We used this approach in the past.The incidents individually were not being picked up because the individuals were clever and each incident was minor.However when the same names cropped up day after day school could see that there was a clear pattern.

 

Karen.