Hello - and help!

[castlering]

Hi all,

 

Firstly, an introduction:

 

My name is Colin, I'm 38 and live in Walsall in the UK. I am married, and have a 5 year old son. Currently my wife and I are having some time apart whilst we work through individual issues and then we'll get together for counselling to discuss our mutual issues. We both want to and intend to live under the same roof in the near future.

 

*I've just realised I've started sharing my life story at the beginning.... Nothing new there*

 

It is during my counselling that the issue of Asperger's raised its head. A friend who has been counselling me had an impromptu visit from her sister who is a consultant psychologist, and we started talking. After what was in essence a 3 hour consultation, she concluded that she thinks I may well have Asperger's. Further investigations and research, along with a chat with my GP (and referral to a psychologist) leaves me convinced that it is the case.

 

This has by no means come as a surprise - my wife and I have half-joked about my possibly having a form of autism, and I believe that everyone is somewhere on the spectrum. However, I've never fully investigated the possibility until now, and now I'm delving in to the information available online, I am now, as I said above convinced of this diagnosis.

 

Part of the problems my wife is having with me is that I, to quote her, fixate on something, and it's as if nothing else exists'. She also feels that she was unable to speak with me about certain big issues because I would emotionally collapse, and totally internalise blame upon myself. I have long had problems with social situations, struggling with what to say, and also I might as well be deaf with in situations with background noise as I quite simply cannot hear a thing. Both my wife and I are users of British Sign Language, working in the Deaf community so in these loud environments at least my wife can sign at me, but if it reaches a certain point I cannot even take in visual languages - it's all so overwhelming - I'd be far happier out of the place to get some peace and quite, allowing me to think and clear my head. I have also had episodes of severe anxiety in supermarkets and shopping centres when I just feel so uncomfortable and want to/need to get out of there. My worst nightmare is a party - hate, hate hate them, unless that it I have an element of control and it's with people I know, but even then I have moments of feeling really out of it. I remember when I was first exposed to the adult world proper when at college, and not having a clue about social conventions - a good friend had to show me what to do as I'd cause so many problems without realising. I was also the odd one out at school, always feeling different and not part of any group - I was me. I also realise I constantly avoid eye contact with people when I am talking to someone, but when they are talking to me I look them in the face, which may well come from my BSL training.

 

With regard to facial expressions, because of my BSL training, I can read expressions, and on a 1-2-1 basis in a quiet environment I can empathise with people. I do often misunderstand intentions and yes, do take some things literally. I do however have a sharp sense of humour and I am very quick with puns and so forth.

 

I am an avid researcher, and can spend a happy hour or 10 online just reading up about all sorts of things, but my fascinations are flags, capital cities, countries, languages (spoken and signed - I can read quite a few languages - I see patterns in how they work), numbers, electricity pylons, astronomy, astro-physics, meteorology, plate techtonics and theology - that's enough to go on! What I learn about I try to learn everything there is about it - I know practically every capital city in the world, flag and so on, and love assimilating new information about these. I adore politics and current affairs and I am a bit of a news junkie.

 

I have an extremely visual mind, and think visually all the time, and I find myself much more able to express myself in BSL. being a visual language, than English because it is along the lines of how I think.

 

I also obsess about things, and things have to be just 'right' - this comes out at Christmas time when streamers have to be exactly spaced apart and the right colour theme or it will do my head in. I despise clutter, hate chaos and need to know what's happening.

 

What I have also realised, which really shocked me, is how some people walk on tip toes/balls on their feet. I remember when I was around 7-8 years old my parents constantly going on at me about my walking around on tip toes, forcing me to correct my gait. Unfortunately I cannot ask them as they've both passed away years ago.

 

That's enough to go on for now, I could literally go on and on.

 

I have spoken with my wife about this and she agrees that it's very likely that I may well have aspergers. At first I was devastated about it, thinking that all these things have caused so many problems. However, I am learning that there are coping strategies and techniques which I am keen to learn about.

 

I have spoke with my GP and I am to be referred to a psychologist for a formal assessment. I have done numerous online tests and always come out scoring very highly as being likely to have AS.

 

So there we go - I really think I have hit on to the very thing that has marked me out as different, individual and explains so, so, so much - I would be grateful for anyone else's views and thoughts on this. I am in the undiscovered country, but at the same time for the first time I am starting to see me for who I really am - it is exciting and scary, but also relieving. I understand me for the first time.

 

Thanks

 

Colin

[Kathryn]

Hi Colin,

 

Welcome to the forum.

 

You'll find that there are lots of people here who have been diagnosed later in life or who are at various points on the journey towards that. They can probably give you better insights than I can - I'm here as a parent of someone with AS (possibly with one or two spectrummy traits but not enough to be significant).

 

I wish you well in your exploration and I hope that however your quest for a diagnosis turns out, you'll be able to resolve the problems with your wife. I think a mutual willingness to work things out is half the battle, isn't it!

 

K x