Think I May Have Mild Aspergers

[Confused Traveller]

I've had depression for the last 40 years, but couldn't talk about it and didn't know what to do, so just got on with life the best I could. 5 years ago I suddenly started talking about it, had a mid life crisis, and have done various counselling and reading up on it. The main issues seem to be around my boundaries not functioning properly, and I've put up walls to protect myself from things I've never learned to cope with. I've missed out on relationships, find it hard to make close friends, and avoid or am very quiet in social situations. I put this down to the way I was brought up, in a nice family, but it seemed like I was brought up to live in a type of world that didn't exist.

 

A couple of years ago, someone who I told a lot of my personal stuff to, and who has a friend with Aspergers, asked if I had Aspergers. I said that I didn't, and was just depressed. A week or so ago, I heard a trailer on Radio 4 for the programme on Aspergers, and some of the way they described it sounded familiar. So I started reading up on it on the internet, and did several online tests. The tests gave fairly low scores, but suggested that I have it. I talked to the friend who knows me best, and she said that I have some similarities to her father, who thinks he has it. She also said that a mutual friend, who knows people with Aspergers, thought I might have it. I had my last appointment with my NHS counsellor last week, and talked to him about it. He doesn't have much knowledge of Aspergers, but has worked with clients who have it, and he agreed. The more I think about things I've done in the past, the more it makes sense. It explains so much. I can see some signs of Aspergers in my late father, and in one of my two half brothers.

 

I'm currently in a situation over a big project that has taken over my life, is causing a lot of stress, and has cost me a lot of money. It was something I was aware could go wrong, and I put provisions in place to deal with it. It has gone wrong, and the provisions I made haven't worked so far, resulting in many months of hassle with solicitors etc. I thought it out very carefully before starting on the project, and am sure I made the right decision based on the information I had available at the time. I'm now questioning whether the way I think had a major effect on getting into this situation, and whether most people would have decided against going ahead. I can see this in various other personal and business decisions I've made over the year, where I've done things that make sense to me, but seem unusual to other people. It seems like I can do things that other people think are brave, but I find things that other people think are normal too scary for me to do!

 

It seems like I've found an answer to my problem. If I'm right, it makes a huge difference. I've been working on the assumption that I have depression that is curable, so have kept going thinking that one day everything will turn out ok, and I'll become "normal". If I've got Aspergers, that I understand isn't curable, I need to be adapting to deal with it (a lot of which I've done without realising it). So I could have wasted a lot of time and effort on going in the wrong direction. It's actually making me feel better about things at the moment!

 

I asked my counsellor about seeing a GP to get a diagnosis, and he suggested it probably isn't worthwhile, as the doctor would probably be reluctant to refer me because of the cost. I think it would also take a long time, and if I'm going to do it I need to know quickly, because of what is going on in my life at the moment.

 

I'd appreciate some views on if I should try to get a diagnosis, or what other actions I could take.

[Tally]

Hello, and welcome to the forum.

 

It is possible that you have both Asperger's and depression. Asperger's by itself does not make you feel down. If you think you have depression then it is likely you do indeed have depression.

 

Even though Asperger's isn't curable, understanding the root causes of your difficulties can give you a good starting point for working out coping skills.

 

It is difficult to get an assessment on the NHS, and it certainly would not happen quickly. You could look into seeing someone privately.

[Confused Traveller]

Thanks Tally. I've got no doubts about the depression. If Aspergers is the root cause though, it does make a big difference. I think I've adapted to cope with a lot of it over the years without realising it, but I've never understood why whatever is wrong hasn't gone away.

 

How do you find someone private to do a diagnosis? I found a link to web site listing places, but they all seemed to be for children. Is there anything suitable in West Wales, or not too far away?

 

I'm not sure if a diagnosis is really necessary, but it would be good to know the options. I'm self employed, so don't need to convince an employer, and don't imagine I'd get any benefits. It's really so I understand myself better, and can recognise behaviour that I need to deal with. If I could get a diagnosis tomorrow, it would help me to deal with the stuff I'm bogged down with at the moment, but I imagine anything will take some time, and I may have to take some big decisions very soon.