Help required for my 20 year old son

[AmandaA]

hi there

my son is 20 years old. he has always been problematic from a very early age and has has seen many doctors, pyschiatrists and god knows what else over the years. They have always said he sits on the autistic spectrum range, some say he has symptoms of bipolar, others say he has aspergers. we have never had a formal diagnosis. he was intelligent, creative and very sporty although hypermobile. we always managed to push him through but by the age of 15 he had turned to drugs. the doctors said he was self medicating. since then we have had a horrendous 5 years. very hooked on drugs to the worst extreme, aggressive, kicked out of home. all sorts of problems. living in hostels. trouble with the police. he now is in a support housing environment and trying very hard to get his life back together. nobody really knows what help he needs and where to get it. i know he has some kind of autism and i think probably high functioning/aspergers. but on top of this he has taken huge amounts of drugs over the last few years. is crippled with loneliness as he has no friends after being ostracised from everybody and everything due to his appalling behaviour. it seems hard to move forward as he is depressed through loneliness, battered by drugs and unable to raise the confidence he needs. but cant make friends without being more confident. its a vicious circle. does anybody know of any good organisations either near Staines/Ashford where he lives or in Maidenhead/Marlow areas near where i live. Or indeed if anybody has any similar situations or children of a similar age that have been through the same and might be able to help him. Any help or advice would be appreciated!. Thanks Amanda

[Sally44]

I'm so sorry to hear about this.

 

I don't have any experience of adult services. But some things I can think of are:

 

Contact the National Autistic Society to see if there is a local group near you and ask if they have anyway in which they could befriend or support your son. Also ask them about him getting diagnosed for all his difficulties because once diagnosed that might give him access to other support eg. if he were to get disability living allowance that might help support SS being involved.

 

Get in touch with the centre for independent living, which is for disabled adults and see if they can suggest any help. If he needs SS involved he can be assessed and he could get Direct Payments for him to buy in the care and support he needs. That could include an adult to go with him shopping, or out socialising etc. But I suppose your main worry would be that he could use that money for drugs etc?

 

Has he had any contact with social services as he is a vulnerable adult.

 

Your main hurdle may well be that he has never been diagnosed. If he had had the diagnoses then he may have already been on the radar.

 

If he is lonely, does he have any social skills?

 

If the doctors current opinion is that he has been self medicating, then what does the doctor say he has he been doing it for. And those areas need to be supported. Can that doctor refer him to any professional or unit that works with adults with Aspergers?

 

Has he ever worked. Is he capable of working. Does he have any qualifications?

 

If he is depressed is that being addressed and is he on medication for it.

[Sally44]

It might also be useful to speak to someone at MIND and see if they have any suggestions on what you could do, or what services are available locally.

[AmandaA]

hi there

before he took drugs he was 'normal' although challenging. now he isnt 'normal' because the drugs have impacted him so much. The GP has written letters saying he has Aspergers and is High Functioning. Crazy that a GP can see this but isnt recognised. He moved to a new supported house just before xmas after being kicked out of the previous one and because of the break there was no access to any of the outreach services that you mention. So he is currently in the system but it is like pulling teeth trying to get anywhere. He sees a care/social worker about once a month which just isnt enough. He can go out on his own and can look after himself to a degree. The main issue is the lack of social skills and loneliness because he has no friends. So he takes drugs to escape and to make himself feel better but doesnt see that actually this is making him 'less normal' to the outside world. he starts a new college course today but has been thrown off every other one he has been on so we will see what this brings. he has started going to the gym in the last week and this has helped but willl have to see if he keeps it up. the problem is that we need the help now but it takes so long to get. i have a meeting with his house manager who isnt supposed to talk to me because my son wont give permission so im going to bang my hand on the table until stuff gets sorted.

[Sally44]

I would still advise you get in touch with MIND and the National Autistic Society.

 

They may have advice on how he could be supported in college and they may have information about meetings or social events.