Introduction - Hello

[girlracer76]

Hello

 

I am a mum of a 6yr old child who has just been diagnosed with Aspergers and is being assessed for ADHD presently - we are going through a pretty rough time at the moment as he does not appear to have settled back into school at all well since Christmas and has been excluded 3 times in the past 3 weeks - this is all a bit new to us as diagnosis was only September. It has been a bit of an emotional roller-coaster especially recently and we are having difficulty knowing how best to handle him at times - tell off or not tell off, is it naughty or is the aspergers/ADHD ????? Help required from all welcome. I am glad to see such an active forum and it certainly makes me feel better that you are all out there willing to help and listen

 

That's all from me for the moment

 

Sue x

[Lyndalou]

Hi Sue

 

Welcome to the forum. It can be a difficult time around the time of diagnosis with all the uncertainties and unknowns. There is no 'right' or 'wrong way as such to raising a child with ASD but if you can provide as much structure and routine as you can and find ways to lessen anxiety caused by stressful situations then your little boy will feel more able to cope.

 

Now that you have a diagnosis for your little boy have there been any discussions with the school regarding additional support for him? If you have been going through the process for a while then the question of a support plan might have come up before now and as it was last September he received his diagnosis did anything come into play in the new school year? It's likely your lad has difficulties concentrating and taking part in lessons - does anyone work alongside him to help him with the lessons? He probably has some difficulty relating to his peers and in the playground this might be especially difficult - does anyone give him guidance or support at all during this time? Being excluded so often will really disrupt his ability to learn and establish relationships with his teachers or the other kids and it must be very hard for you and him to cope with this!

 

It does sound like you need an urgent meeting with the school to discuss the situation. Does your little boy have an Educational Psychologist? Does he have a Social Worker? These professionals could work alongside you and support you.

 

With regards to discipline...come back to the fact that your little boy needs structure and boundaries and this includes what is acceptable or unacceptable behaviour. It can be difficult to know what is the Aspergers and what is just 'normal' naughtiness but children with ASD's can learn these things although it can take quite a lot of reinforcement and repetition for it to sink in!

 

Lynda

[girlracer76]

Hi Lynda

 

Sorry i wrote incorrect information above (that's what you get from trying to type messages when you have a 2yr old to contend with). Our son has not yet been diagnosed with Aspergers but we were told in September that this is 'likely' with definitive diagnosis of Aspergers and ADHD due on the 12th March - Consultant was quite insistent that she couldn't diagnose our son before he was 7 (b'day due in May) because of possible phased behaviours children go through, although she informed the school that this was very likely and that she would put a 'stamp on it' at this up and coming appointment.

 

Our son has not settled at all since returning from the christmas holidays with constant outbursts and complete lack of control of his emotions throwing chairs and lashing out at the adults/teachers. He runs out of the school and hides under tables refusing to come out - if pressured emotions goes to extremes - he lacks self esteem/confidence in his work which often means he refuses to comply. Concentration is also a problem he is contending with - it appears that unless he has his DS or a book in front on him, he cant concentrate on activities for more than 10minutes without getting fidgety. He also struggles to cope with class group work. He is above average in literacy and reading, now being a free reader and completing Year 4 literacy without much effort although writing is often messy (can be neat like others but doesn't 'see the point') - numeracy is average although due him starting to miss work/lessons due to behavioral mentioned is starting to fall behind meaning that we are completing that work at home.

 

The school have provided him with the access to a child psychologist that he meets for 1hr every monday, but we don't have a social worker (how would you go about getting one of them?) He has had an IEP since the September and he also has of two weeks ago and his second exclusion, a 1:1 TA within the classroom setting - however at the moment there is obviously a trigger at school that is really unsettling him as he is a complete mess at school - very stressed as soon as we reach the school gates - nothing has changed although we have a massive up and coming change with his teacher leaving at Easter (son is not aware of this yet as he appears so unhappy and unsettled at the moment)

He is also beginning to isolate himself - not wanting to go out to play and we found out the other week that he eats his lunch outside the headmistresses office on his own - his choice! - he says that the hall is too noisy and confusing - it makes his ears and head hurt and he just wants to be quiet! Because of this ability to isolate he has started to loose friendships which were already slightly strained at times due to his lack of personal space and need to be in control. Kids are starting to call him names as they are starting to realize that if they do this he will get angry and have an 'outburst'

 

We really don't quite know what to next other than wait for the appointment date to come up - we meet regularly with the school but at the moment its all getting a bit too emotional for us and son is constantly worn out due to his outbursts which take so much out of him.

 

Sue x

[Lyndalou]

Hi again Sue

 

I don't have much time just now to write a long response but from what you are describing, it sounds like anxiety is a key factor in your son's school day. Meltdowns are simply an outward expression of the person with ASD's inability to cope with sensory or emotional overload. Anxiety can increase all the difficulties and increase the likelihood that the person will reach 'overload' more rapidly than if they were not in that anxious state.

 

I would suggest that your son anticipates that he is going to have a hard time at school from the moment he gets up in the morning and I wouldn't be surprised if he's even having anxiety-induced dreams through the night. By the time he gets to the school gates all sorts of scenarios might be running through his head. He is starting the school day with his anxiety levels already sitting at 'fight or flight' and all he is wanting to do is protect himself in whatever way he can. This might mean that if he feels 'threatened' by other people that he will lash out or hide. It sounds like he doesn't recognise the fact that he is so stressed at all but it can be very difficult for people with ASD to recognise their own emotions.

 

It's great that you have more people involved in supporting your son now. Things would appear to have got into a vicious cycle now so it needs to be broken somehow! Do you know for instance that there are special 'fidget' seats and 'fidget' toys that might help your son to cope a bit better during lessons? Is there a quiet place that your son can go if the stress is obviously starting to build? Someone else might have to recognise this for him. Does he have certain 'rituals' which calm him down and keep him focused he could do away from the classroom or even in the classroom?

 

Lynda