Anyone help?

[BuntyB]

Hi,

My 11 year old has just started secondary school and has a number of things to take each day to school now(PE kit, planner, books, homework etc) and this is causing a lot of stress.

 

I believe she has dyspraxia, but hasn't a dx, she also has some similar traits on the autism spectrum.

 

The problem with losing things is beyond a joke. I must have provided a coat for every child at her last school. Her paed says she has a sequential memory problem and she puts things down and forgets them.

 

At her primary school she gave the impression she wasn't really bothered. After all, we wouldn't send her to school with no coat, so she always got another. Now she is at secondary school, she goes on the bus with her brother, so timing is more important. And she has no concept of time.

 

The mornings are a nightmare, because she constantly loses everything and has begun flapping, running about, and screaming hysterically. She panics about missing the bus or getting detention for not having the right stuff.

 

She does have a planner to tell her what to take, but she loses that too

 

I mentioned this to someone this morning who suggested that I take responsibility for her things, but when she is one of 4 children to organise on a morning, 3 with ASDs, I cannot do everything for her. I also think it doesn't help her become more independent.

 

I spoke to the school this morning as she was hyperventilating, but as I have been phoning the school re her brother's problems too, I am beginning to think they are getting sick of this neurotic mother!

 

I have tried to help her be better organised, but she doesn't respond to instructions about putting things in sensible places. This causes meltdown.

 

Anyone got any tips to try that can be juggled with everything else I have to do?

[Flora]

Best thing I think think of is do her a 'to do' list. Some sort of plan or list that she can work through in the morning/evening to help her be organised. I've just started using one with my son (also 11 with AS and dyspraxia) and it is amazing how much calmer he is. You write the list (therefor taking SOME responsiblity) but they are responsible for seeing the list is completed.

 

Lauren

[BuntyB]

Thanks for the response, but any ideas how not to lose the list? I got her a white board, but she took it off the wall to draw on, and as I say, she manages to lose her planner several times a week which causes her more stress?

[Zemanski]

we do bag packing and clothes readying as part of the bedtime routine. The to do list is stuck on the wall, so it's always in the same place and I check later and fill in the bits he hasn't managed, then the next evening I will remind him not to forget that bit rather than tackling it at the time and making the packing stressful for him.

 

Com carries a mini timetable, a list of anything important and all his passes (used to have a map too but doesn't need that now) in his bus pass holder so it atays in his pocket. This means that he doesn't have to keep getting things out of his bag so his bag, with everything he needs stays on his back more often.

 

The coat problem is a bit difficult but we solved it partly because Com is sensitive to heat - he puts his coat straight in his locker and keeps a Kagool in his bag in case it is cold in the play ground so it only comes out if he actually wants to put it on (Com is happier with a Kag than a coat and even in snow prefers to be in a short sleeved shirt). It has it's own pocket in the bag where he knows to put it when he gets inside.

 

we don't lose so much now but still have difficulty getting the right shoes on - his bright red trainers do stand out a bit with the green uniform

 

Zemanski

[Kathryn]

Hi Shona,

 

I really sympathise as your daughter sounds so like mine all through her secondary school career. How well I remember those fraught mornings! She lost 3 pairs of trainers in a year, so in the end I bought cheap ones. I bought coats from charity shops too, as I'd only spent a fiver I felt less stressed when she lost them! I think her PE kit spent more time in the lost property department than at home. I don't think we ever really cracked the problem and I must confess it was the blind leading the blind as I am only marginally more organised myself.

 

Does your daughter have a school locker? My daughter found this useful for storing PE kit and many of her books so she didn't have to bring them home. Until she lost the key that is... Her lovely form tutor kept a duplicate pencil case in her drawer for L to use if she forgot hers. I tried to help her organise her notes and handouts by buying a cardboard filing cabinet from IKEA with pigeonholes which I labeled for each subject. I got her a large cork pinboard for her room to stick her timetable on, important reminders, and homework instructions.

 

I think I probably did more for her than I should, but I admit had the luxury of only one other much younger child who was born organised and neat.

 

I'm sure you'll get lots of good advice from others to whom this kind of organisation comes easily. I hope you together with the school find some way of reducing her stress so that she can concentrate on learning.

[mossgrove]

Shona

 

Sequencing issues are very common with children with ASD's.

 

My first instinct is that the school have to play their part in this. Keeping your daughter focussed and checking she has all the relevant lists etc, would, IMHO be a very good use for LSA time if you can negotiate any. Failing that some sort of communication book with the school where you can comminicate required taks might be useful.

 

Simon

[BuntyB]

Keeping your daughter focussed and checking she has all the relevant lists etc, would, IMHO be a very good use for LSA time if you can negotiate any.

 

Excuse my ignorance, but what is this?

[BuntyB]

Ah..

I have just looked this up on the jargon buster. She doesn't get any individual help as she hasn't got a diagnosis. In schools opinion, she has to learn to take responsibility for herself.

[Suze]

Hi Shona , bit late to this LSA is a learning support assistant. My son has a dx of dyspraxia and never remembers anything so I know how frustrating this must be.Sometimes visual prompts can help, don,t know if your under an OT but they may be able to advise. You could try a more specialised book from the library I,ve found some good ones from the library that have had some good suggestions. Best of look Suze.