Louie

I've had another situation tonight.....and I'm at a loss about how to react....I work away during the week, something that is very fulfilling and extremely lucrative. I normally speak with my wife before and after work, tonight I did something else. She contacted me I text her what I was doing and I would contact her in 20 minutes. A single word text told me there was an issue - "Great" So I call, phone appears to be turned off. No response. Eventually, I'm told I'm rude because I hadnt rung and inconsiderate because I'm doing something that is more important. I'm totally confused again. I know she is tired as she was up early for a course, but I'm just not getting this and despite asking, I'm given answers that I don't understand and challenge because they don't make sense to me, which creates more contempt....the last thing I want to do is emotionally hurt my wife, but don't understand how I have. A number of terse and cold phone calls later, I'm left feeling again and very sad. I don't know what to do and when I suggested that I find something close to home I was told that was a stupid idea....I don't seem to be able to find the right answer.....I don't know if there is a right answer....my head hurts and wants to explode......if she read this message the comment coming back would - "it's all about you...."

I've been diagnosed with Aspergers and ever since its been like my wife wants to point it out, it's me that's got a problem, it's me that's difficult to live with.....today, perfectly normal day, no issues (that I am or was aware of), then bang just because I mention one thing, about not wanting to watch a particular to show - literally grounds for divorce......isolated again - I'm not sure I can cope with this...

I find my problems are because I can't read what's happening or why something is happening. So in many cases, I can fuel a situation by trying to explain why I done something and why the way I've done it is the right way etc etc. I'm starting to understand that people don't care about that - they are only bothered about how it affects them or what has happened not why. The recent case was me trying to help, but really because the action the other person would take wasn't the right action (as far as I was concerned) it perhaps comes across as a bit controlling, perhaps it is, but it's guiding an outcome down a route that makes me comfortable. I'm not sure this explains it well, but I have a comfort zone and somethings are outside that and those cause me more stress. I also get stressed with too much going on. That can be noise or thoughts. On the noise front, higher pitched noises are the worst. Thoughts, nobody knows what I'm thinking about - that's the problem, I can be happily considering "things" in my head and something else becomes too much so gets dismissed. My wife recognises that but doesn't always accept that. It's hard sometimes.....and I wish I had answer or or could make it easier.....but I don't think I can.

My Aspergers doesn't affect my work, I'm currently on a 12 month contract but am living away from home. I think it's having an impact on my relationship - I return at weekends but seem to find it hard to adjust back to being a couple, it feels like 2 halves of a couple. I blame myself as I know it's me as I am finding adjustment very difficult. Not really sure what to do.....I'm one of the best "problem solvers" but have no idea what to about relationships and feel that my condition is having a major impact now.

I'm similar, I don't understand why a situation has happened. Tonight has been an example, not triggered by me, but someone else, they stormed off threatening to leave me and calling me a weirdo. I don't feel hurt about that but just want to speak to them, but they have closed me out. Makes me very sad.

Hi...yes early 20's. Problem is I am so picky over the things that get left out, moved, not tidied up or the times that I know what is happening and then suddenly it changes because of his plans....makes me really uncomfortable and I just say it as it is - I read bits of the secret guide to aspergers - you don't need to tell people their wrong even if they are...etc, but it just seems natural to me and if I see something is a problem I should raise it..... However I might ask him not to do something, yet he still does it so I ask again and again and then I get pissed off and he reacts....I then find myself observing every little thing and if I see something that I would do differently I will point it out..... Although I had the revelation of Aspergers about 12-18 months ago, I don't think he has bothered to look at what that means to me/how I am etc - I guess I'm the odd one out and I should adjust - but as you say - its a compromise......anyway I've bought 3 books on AS yesterday on amazon to hopefully help everyone to understand a little better albeit I'm sure his view will be I have to change.....so matters are fraught and there is regular tension.....which makes everything difficult and everyone treading on eggshells.... I have other examples of "problems" some of his doing, some of his mother's doing and probably some of this down to how I have made them feel...

Hi - over time I have realised that I don't see things in the same way as others (who I consider normal). I am very emotionally detached but massively logical and see arguments as black or white. My logical reasoning skill were "tested" in a psychometric test and are extremely high. I'm mid forties and have a very well paid job etc so am able to apply myself in a work environment, I think I sort of hold back a bit....however non work relationships are difficult. I have 2 kids but the relationship broke down after 8 years....didn't evene think there were any issues and was surprised - totally out of the blue. My current relationship is nearly 15 years - she seems to understand me and has pointed me in the direction of Aspergers. I approach a previous GP and was referred to a psychologist and had a 30 min session who suggested OCD - I don't agree I think I am AS. However, my behaviour / approach to life is now putting strain on my relationship, this exaggerated by the return of our step son home......which has really disrupted my routine and is a constant source for me to point out what should or shouldn't be done (I know I do it but don't seem to be able to help myself) Again I'm oblivious and now surprised!! A couple of questions: - would diagnosis help - ie will i be given coping techniques? - would counselling help for me and my wife - to help her understanding - anyone have any experience of private diagnosis - I am lucky enough to have private medical cover with mental health cover. I understand a psychologist and a psychiatrist need to be involved along with mother/father or sibling to give full insight in to childhood. Appreciate any thoughts, help or suggestions